[Milliways: By The lake]
It's a fine day, and Mel is out by the lake on her rocketboard, just chilling out, running through some practice maneuvres. Mike's up to his cute little human ears in paperwork, and Mel had become a little bored with helping him make paper airplanes out of every piece of paper he doesn't understand, and sneaked out to enjoy the outdoors. The last
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Sighing heavily, he took it upon himself this morning to explore his lair at the end of the universe, all the while wondering, don't I have minions for this sort of thing?An unfortunate turn in the kitchen saw him locked in the freezer for an hour. It almost felt like home. Still defrosting, he stumbled upon the elevator and arbitrarily pushed buttons, contemplating whether or not wanting to liquidate Scott made him a bad parent ( ... )
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But it is big and shiny. And that catches her eye. Or maybe it's the glint of the sunlight off his head. It's hard to tell.
So she zips over on her skaterug, head tilted curiously.
"Nice...um, pointy thing."
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Face pinched, Dr. Evil leaps forward and waves his arms around. Obviously, this hides the giant laser behind him.
"Pointy thing? Honestly. Don't you know it's not polite to comment on the shape of people's heads? It's very upsetting. Yeah. Like those little wheels of cheese covered in wax. That's so weird."
He scowls at her skaterug.
"Nice transportation device, Aladdin. Where's your talking monkey? Huh? Are you going to show me a whole new world?"
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"My monkey doesn't talk. Not inh actual words. Which is fine, 'cause neither did Abu. What's that?"
The last sentence is accompanied by a nod of her head to the giant thing behind him, that he's so cunningly trying to conceal.
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He looks over his shoulder and starts as if only just noticing the laser. Excuse me, the 'laser.'
"This? A slow moving melting device for easily escaped certain death situations, naturally. It was left by my minions."
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"Really? You probably shouldn't be having it around the bar then, yanno. We're not a fan of certain death. Evem if it is easily escaped."
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With that, he begins arbitrarily pushing buttons. The laser gun jerks suddenly and begins to spin as if seeking a target.
"No. No, no. Down, laser. Listen to Poppa. You aren't even mounted on some sort of marine life yet. What are you doing? Okay. Stop spinning. Going to vomit. Honestly. I wanted a rotating chair, you twits, not a rotating laser."
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"You know what you're doing with that thing, right?"
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The laser continues to spin and jerk spasmodically. A tiny red light appears, steadily blinking faster and faster. Dr. Evil straightens, lip wobbling, and lifts his pinky finger to his mouth.
"Riiiiiight."
He turns in a circle, drops into a crouch and rolls awkwardly to the side. The red light stays steady, and the gun emits a bright, white light as it continues to spin.
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Rutting hell, now she has to fight evil, and she's not even on duty. She rolls her eyes and lowers herself into a crouch, before launching herself at the gun. Maybe if she can knock it to the ground it won't fire randomly at anyone else out here.
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But why fire randomly at anyone else when there is such a lovely target near at hand?
The mechanical arm holding the laser gun rears back and resituates, focusing on the incoming threat.
Of course, this is probably completely random. After all, this particular laser was designed to shrink luggage. Humans never should have been a factor.
Dr. Evil is beginning to suspect this is not the laser he commissioned for the Alan Parsons Project. However, it is clearly 'evil,' and therefore 'good.'
"The ignition sequence needs work, but on the whole, it's quite breathtaking."
The light flashes even brighter as it hits its target, and he ducks and covers.
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Yeah, not the brightest thing Mel's ever done. The laser hits her head on while she's in mid air flying towards it, and she's just got enough time to brace herself mentally for the hit.
(She hates being hit by pulse blasts)
But this doesn't feel much like any blast that's hit her before, and the inevitable melting of flesh doesn't happen. There's a moment when the white light engulfs her body, then a feeling a bit like a violent coughing fit.
And then she falls to the ground.
"What, that's the best you've got?" she asks irritably, standing up and dusting herself down. Only to realise something's wrong.
Namely the fact that she's shorter than the grass blades.
"Jesu."
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Slowly and carefully, Dr. Evil stands and looks around for the impudent young woman. He nearly steps on her, hopping sideways with a pinched face as if he has just stepped in something unpleasant.
"Was I supposed to specify 1/8th size? People, you have to tell me these things."
He swivels his head from side to side.
"I know. I know, I know. Meant to. Part of the plan. One of the main components."
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Mel rolls her eyes up at6 him, folding her arms across her chest.
"OK, nice one. You wanna turn me back, now?"
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Hands on his hips, he glares down at her.
"Okay, we officially have a problem. You're mini-a-ture. Very small. It's a pity you're not evil. Think, think, think. I'm the alpha human."
He looks around again, finally reaching down and grasping Mini-Mel by the back of her tiny shirt. Holding her with a look of distaste, he shuffles to the back door and puts her down.
"Thank you for flying the miniature express. It's your fault you only bought a stupid one-way ticket. Yeah. We who are about to claim no knowledge of this event bid you adeiu."
He cackles, raps hard on the door and runs away. Not long thereafter, he wheels the laser into the woods.
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