9:45 am...still asleep..or should be
ok so i went out this weekend and had a rocking fucking time. Heather and i decided a bit late in the evening to go out, so we got dressed up in our sluttyest gear, and hit 6th...nothing good goingon so headed overto 4th basically resigning ourselves to watching free strippers at the gay bars,when lo and behold. we decide to go to poly esthers...what a great decision. ~slow grin~ don't think i have the time to go into to much detail, but needless to say i had a great time....beyond great i think. ~chuckling~
but on a sad note...well kinda sad..though really i think about time, i told hunter it was time to break it off completely...he took it rather well so far. but asked for a little time to think about what i said before we talk further... i agreed. i think that is fair. i am a bit concerned about what he might say...will i feel guilty for breaking it off completely...but i am sure it was time.. i mean how long would it go on with neither of us really happy, but hanging on to the dream of something that was just not going to happen ...hard to say. for him i think it would have been forever. don't get me wrong, i don't like being the bitch...but what else can i do ?
i need more right? that is what i feel inside...so then why do i feel sodamn bad about it?? ~sighs~ it is definatly somethingi am going to have to think on a lot more, and maybe i never will feel good about it.
pondering visiting a "couselor" or something..someone to talk this all out, but then i think why... i know i am only looking for someone to validate my own feelings and decision....
ok so there it is. i feel bad. i do. but do i feel bad enough to do what he wants and go back to the way things were before??? i don't know ~shrugs~ and don't know if i ever will.
ok enough rambling....gonna go do something constructive for a while ~soft laugh, and gone~
but on a sad note...well kinda sad..though really i think about time, i told hunter it was time to break it off completely...he took it rather well so far. but asked for a little time to think about what i said before we talk further... i agreed. i think that is fair. i am a bit concerned about what he might say...will i feel guilty for breaking it off completely...but i am sure it was time.. i mean how long would it go on with neither of us really happy, but hanging on to the dream of something that was just not going to happen ...hard to say. for him i think it would have been forever. don't get me wrong, i don't like being the bitch...but what else can i do ?
i need more right? that is what i feel inside...so then why do i feel sodamn bad about it?? ~sighs~ it is definatly somethingi am going to have to think on a lot more, and maybe i never will feel good about it.
pondering visiting a "couselor" or something..someone to talk this all out, but then i think why... i know i am only looking for someone to validate my own feelings and decision....
ok so there it is. i feel bad. i do. but do i feel bad enough to do what he wants and go back to the way things were before??? i don't know ~shrugs~ and don't know if i ever will.
ok enough rambling....gonna go do something constructive for a while ~soft laugh, and gone~