The Dinner!
The clothing decision was made with five minutes to spare, lol. Went with Chinos and a white long sleeved T. I think it looked pretty good :)
Ryan was obviously as nervous as I was when he arrived. He looked really good in a shirt and jeans. TJ was getting dressed after a quick shower and Mikey was cooking (recipe later lol). We sat in the living room and very awkwardly groped for something to talk about. I went and got us both a drink, then Mikey joined us briefly and lightened the atmosphere talking about work and stuff. I was starting to think it was all a bad idea though, more awkward than the coffee shop. Mikey went back to the kitchen and then TJ joined us, introduced himself properly to Ryan, but then headed off to see if Mikey needed help. Longest 15 minutes of my life lol.
Things picked up when we were eating, all four of us round the table finally conversation started to flow. The food was delicious, Ryan was cute and I started to relax. I was still kinda struggling with the dom vs sub thing, but I was just approaching it as us all being equal, which I think worked mostly. Conversation was light, families, hobbies, work etc.
After eating Ryan and I headed back to the living room. He quietly questioned how I wasn't wearing my collar so we had a conversation about that issue and about being equals. During that he noticed I was trying to massage my forearm. And asked if I was ok. I reluctantly admitted that I had muscle spasms going in there. He held out his hand in silent request to let him help ease it... I hesitated (I wasn't sure about whether I could handle him noticing those scars if he decided to push the sleeve up) but the rejected look on his face almost broke my heart so I moved that bit closer and held it out for him. So he was massaging as we were chatting.
He made a light-hearted joke about him being the bottom of the totem pole, which led to the discussion about the issues I have bothering me about whether he'd get enough attention. It was a useful thing, and quite a relaxed conversation. It was going fine until he raised the issue of sex. I have issues, what can I say? I thought I'd done a good job of excusing myself to go to the loo without it being obvious I was doing a runner.
Shut myself in the bathroom and had minor panic attack. For those who don't know, I might have two guys but I don't have sex or play with the both at the same time or watch them having sex. I have a lot of issues relating to abuse as a child and my brain fucks me over about it. Of course, it's assumed by everyone looking in that the three of us play together, it's a fair assumption for someone who doesn't know my history. But there lies the problem, how do I explain that we don't do that without explaining the cause?!
As it turned out, Mikey kinda solved that one, he had brought coffee into the living room while I was in the bathroom and I hadn't been as subtle as I thought so Ryan asked Mikey about it. *facepalms*. He gave him the basics that we don't all play together, but didn't go into the why, I dunno if it left him feeling even more confused. *sigh*. The conversation is gonna have to happen soon if we're gonna go forward.
After Mikey talked me out of the bathroom (I'm starting to see a habit forming). We had coffee and got the Wii set up. There was much giggling between Ryan and I when TJ suggested Mario Kart *giggles*. It was a lot less awkward when he had something else to focus on.
Ryan left just after 9ish, he's working an early shift today so had to get home to bed. He said he'd enjoyed it and looked like he was happy enough when he left. There was no goodnight kiss, too soon and also I still have the lurgy, but that's ok.
TJ likes him, thinks he's cute and cool and they got on pretty well, so that's good :) Doesn't fancy him though (least, not yet) so that's not so good but not unexpected, I guess.
Mikey and I headed to bed not long after Ryan left and he helped me resettle my headspace with my collar some cuffs and a spanking, not designed for arousal, just for grounding. It did what it was supposed to and we then curled up and I fell asleep on him while he read for a bit :)
So, over all I guess it scored and OK. I still don't know if it can work, but time will tell.
Not as detailed as our coffee shop trip but still, you get the main threads of the evening ;)
Nate
Ryan was obviously as nervous as I was when he arrived. He looked really good in a shirt and jeans. TJ was getting dressed after a quick shower and Mikey was cooking (recipe later lol). We sat in the living room and very awkwardly groped for something to talk about. I went and got us both a drink, then Mikey joined us briefly and lightened the atmosphere talking about work and stuff. I was starting to think it was all a bad idea though, more awkward than the coffee shop. Mikey went back to the kitchen and then TJ joined us, introduced himself properly to Ryan, but then headed off to see if Mikey needed help. Longest 15 minutes of my life lol.
Things picked up when we were eating, all four of us round the table finally conversation started to flow. The food was delicious, Ryan was cute and I started to relax. I was still kinda struggling with the dom vs sub thing, but I was just approaching it as us all being equal, which I think worked mostly. Conversation was light, families, hobbies, work etc.
After eating Ryan and I headed back to the living room. He quietly questioned how I wasn't wearing my collar so we had a conversation about that issue and about being equals. During that he noticed I was trying to massage my forearm. And asked if I was ok. I reluctantly admitted that I had muscle spasms going in there. He held out his hand in silent request to let him help ease it... I hesitated (I wasn't sure about whether I could handle him noticing those scars if he decided to push the sleeve up) but the rejected look on his face almost broke my heart so I moved that bit closer and held it out for him. So he was massaging as we were chatting.
He made a light-hearted joke about him being the bottom of the totem pole, which led to the discussion about the issues I have bothering me about whether he'd get enough attention. It was a useful thing, and quite a relaxed conversation. It was going fine until he raised the issue of sex. I have issues, what can I say? I thought I'd done a good job of excusing myself to go to the loo without it being obvious I was doing a runner.
Shut myself in the bathroom and had minor panic attack. For those who don't know, I might have two guys but I don't have sex or play with the both at the same time or watch them having sex. I have a lot of issues relating to abuse as a child and my brain fucks me over about it. Of course, it's assumed by everyone looking in that the three of us play together, it's a fair assumption for someone who doesn't know my history. But there lies the problem, how do I explain that we don't do that without explaining the cause?!
As it turned out, Mikey kinda solved that one, he had brought coffee into the living room while I was in the bathroom and I hadn't been as subtle as I thought so Ryan asked Mikey about it. *facepalms*. He gave him the basics that we don't all play together, but didn't go into the why, I dunno if it left him feeling even more confused. *sigh*. The conversation is gonna have to happen soon if we're gonna go forward.
After Mikey talked me out of the bathroom (I'm starting to see a habit forming). We had coffee and got the Wii set up. There was much giggling between Ryan and I when TJ suggested Mario Kart *giggles*. It was a lot less awkward when he had something else to focus on.
Ryan left just after 9ish, he's working an early shift today so had to get home to bed. He said he'd enjoyed it and looked like he was happy enough when he left. There was no goodnight kiss, too soon and also I still have the lurgy, but that's ok.
TJ likes him, thinks he's cute and cool and they got on pretty well, so that's good :) Doesn't fancy him though (least, not yet) so that's not so good but not unexpected, I guess.
Mikey and I headed to bed not long after Ryan left and he helped me resettle my headspace with my collar some cuffs and a spanking, not designed for arousal, just for grounding. It did what it was supposed to and we then curled up and I fell asleep on him while he read for a bit :)
So, over all I guess it scored and OK. I still don't know if it can work, but time will tell.
Not as detailed as our coffee shop trip but still, you get the main threads of the evening ;)
Nate