"Death Does Not Become Him" Chapter 5 Orlibean
So here it is.
BTW, Griffon, Joe and I saw Rambo last weekend. It was okay. Only, I think there was more blood and gore than in Peter Jackson's Braindead.
Title: Death Does Not Become HimPairing: Orlibean ( Read more... )
BTW, Griffon, Joe and I saw Rambo last weekend. It was okay. Only, I think there was more blood and gore than in Peter Jackson's Braindead.
Title: Death Does Not Become HimPairing: Orlibean ( Read more... )
A bit off topic, but I wanted you to know how much I enjoyed our conversation earlier. I was so surprised, but also very happy to hear from you! I hope we can do it again sometime.
Anyway, getting back to the matter at hand, you already know how much I love this chapter! Just brilliantly done! These boys are too wonderful for words! I loved finally getting to hear Sean's thoughts and feeling about Orlando, and learning that he'd been watching him from afar for quite awhile was a nice surprise. It's also good to know that Sean is every bit as caught up in his feelings as Orlando is. In fics, Sean can sometimes be portrayed as a rather cool character, so I really appreciated the way that he was willing to lay his heart on the line here.
Their mutual nervousness and babbling was so cute! It really went a long way towards showing how important this night was to each of them! Great job on that! And I loved Sean petting Orli on the front stoop, and the mention of Womanizer!Viggo.
The seduction scene was beautifully played as well! You had me caught between laughter and sighs the whole way through. First there was the attempt at 'romantic' music. I really had to giggle at this! Then came the hot Popsicle action. Mmmmm, so many yummy, naughty images went through my mind! My favorite bit, however, had to be the 'graceful' removal of clothing. At that point, my giggling turned into hysterical laughter!
By turns, the actual love scene was both beautiful and comical, and very well done! Nothing I like better than humor mixed with romance! Loved the fumbling and bumbling before getting everything JUUUST right! *Ahhh, happy, happy sigh!* And for some reason this:
His attention was caught yet again by the man beneath him as Orlando stroked down one side of his cheek with quiet reverence. "I knew you would be this warm."
just got to me! I mean, *guh*, it made me melt! So lovely, hon!
I thought you handled the kitchen scene perfectly! To go right from seduction mode into panic mode could have seemed jarring, but you brought your readers along with Orlando, every step of the way, until we could literally feel the emotion overtake him as his horrible visions returned at a VERY awkward moment.
And Sean's reactions were very realistic as well. Worry, concern, confusion and finally, frustration over the too-quick change in Orlando's attitude. Their confrontation really rang true. Orlando's sense of helpless rage over what he could literally SEE happening and Sean's utter bafflement and anger that Orli either couldn't or wouldn't explain his bizarre behavior to him, it all made such perfect sense.
And once again, we have a bit of a cliffhanger. Orlando had only just worked up the courage to tell Sean the truth, when they get interrupted by Eric's arrival. It figures! I love the character of Eric, but at that moment, I wanted to strangle him! Not his fault though, I guess, and I did enjoy the banter between them and the weird dynamic between Eric and Orli. I don't know whether to laugh or wince when Orlando can't help but to react to Eric the way he does. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult and horrible it must be for the poor guy to see and smell such awful things!
But you left us on a semi-up note, at least. I loved the discussion about the dogs, and yay for Orlando succeeding in getting Sean to promise to call him before he gets home. That'll give him plenty of time to make sure the man doesn't come home to any nasty surprises. And finally, I loved dazed, goofy Sean, pondering on how "gone" he was over Orli! Thanks for this amazing update, sweetie, and bring on Chapter 6! I can hardly wait!
*Love and Hugs!*
Shanni
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And yes! I loved talking to you too! Sometimes its really nice to put a voice to the person. :)
And thank you again for the fantastic beta.
I really wanted to show Sean's POV here because I wanted to show that he'd been after Orli for awhile and that yes, he is a big sweetheart because I think for the most part, he is. He's so quiet and reserved but I get that he would be the kind of person you could relate to.
LOL! I was worried about making them too awkward at first, because they work so well together in the previous chapters, but the thing is, they are so nervous about being together at first because they both don't want to screw it up so yeah, clumsiness and hysterics abound. :)
I was glad their first time together would come off as it did, with a final happy with both of them. Made it all worth it and yeah, going from that to the vision - well, let's just say, I rewrote that one over and over again to get it just right and even then, with your help I finally nailed it.
Yes! One of the reasons for doing Sean's POV, was I wanted to show how Sean saw Orli's strangeness and what his feelings were toward it. Can't strangle Eric - it's not in the cards for him. :P
Chapter 6 will be come soon (obviously, you'll be the first to know) - it'll be...different. :)
*hugs and squishes you*
Thank you!!!!!
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