The Meaing of Life...or...At Least a Plan for Mine
A few years ago I discovered what the meaning of life is, and that was that there is no meaning of life. No meaning in the sense of some greater power that has established a universal meaning that everyone is supposed to follow. So that means that if we want our lives to have meaning we can make it mean whatever we want it to. Now that can be a liberating feeling, or it can be scary as hell. I also believe it's the reason so many people turn to religion: It's much easier to be told what the meaning of life is, and to do what you're told to do, than to be totally on your own, to give your own life its meaning. And ever since that day I've not been able to figure out what I want the meaning of my life to be. For me it's a very difficult thing to figure out. But I think I have at least come up with a pretty good plan of how I'd like to live the next phase of my life.
For the past three years I've either been planning on going somewhere other than New Orleans to live, or living somewhere else. I'm on Maui for three more weeks and when I get home I'm not going to plan on going anywhere specifically. I'm going to continue saving my money and I know that at some point, when the money and the time are right, I will go hang out somewhere else for a while. Possibly a foreign country.
When I came to Maui one of my goals was to write more and maybe even try to find ways to get paid for doing it. Well, with being sick and having a very erratic work schedule that plan kind of bit the dust. I was moving forward on that plan much better when I was in New Orleans, so when I get back and can reestablish my regular routine I will continue working on that goal again. But there is a goal that I set upon coming here that I think has gone very well.
That goal was to build more confidence in my ability to go to other places for an indefinite amount of time, find work, and be able to sustain myself there. Well, I think that has been a success for this journey. I bought a one way ticket out here in June. When I first got here I allowed myself to sit around for a month and do nothing. But during that month I also realized that I didn't bring quite enough money to sustain myself for the whole three months that I had committed to being here. So after that first month I really had to get a job. I was finally staring to get bored doing nothing, but anxiety over money also dictated that I go out and find some work.
It took me two days to find a job, which was very encouraging. Will it always be that easy everywhere I go? Probably not, but it being so easy this time really boosted my confidence. And then I also recalled that when I was training to teach English in Phnom Penh that I actually was hired for a job even before graduating the TESOL course. So that makes me two for two in finding jobs very quickly in far away places.
But there were anxieties about money in both Cambodia and Maui. In Cambodia almost a thousand dollars was siphoned from my bank account, which caused me to panic and ended my time there way way way prematurely. Eventually that money was returned to me after I got back to The States and was able to get on the phone and make some calls. When I got to Maui I did have a savings, but soon realized how expensive it is out here and even though I was having a good time doing nothing my first month here I was still very anxious about running out of cash. But I pulled through, I made it, and I now have more confidence in my ability to adapt and survive than I've had in a long time. So here's how the new plan for the next maybe decade or two of my life plays out:
I will head back to New Orleans and settle down into my nice new apartment in the Marigny that a very good friend of mine is renting me for a really really good price. I will continue saving money again and I will be thinking of places where I might want to go to live for a while. Cambodia is still in the front of my mind, because I feel my last time there was kind of a failure and I'd like to go back and try to do it better this time. Also Cambodia is a very beautiful country and it's right in the middle of so many other places in Asia that I would like to visit. But you know me, I can be kind of fickle, my mind changes a lot. But that's okay, I'm not going to stay locked into the idea of any specific place until I have more money saved and it comes time to leave again. I will most likely budget enough money into my plan to keep my apartment in New Orleans, using it as a back up plan to come back to anytime I feel that things are just not going right.
So for right now, let's just say that the plan is to go back to Cambodia. I'm looking at a year and a half to two years from now. I will purchase a one way plane ticket and pay up my rent for at least six months. But if things go wrong again and I start to panic I'll always have that life raft waiting for me. One thing I've decided for sure is that I don't like being in new places and being unsure about my financial situation. I don't like being financially insecure anywhere but if I am I'd rather it be in New Orleans where I feel at home and know that I'll always at least be able to drive a cab.
For years and years I've been telling myself that I'd like to get out of cab driving and that is still true. But the fact of the matter is that I've not yet found anything that pays me as well and gives me the kind of freedom I'm used to having. I can't say I love driving a cab, but I don't find it to be the kind of soul sucking job that so many other people go to and put up with. It's a job that I've never really minded doing, even though I don't love doing it. So I don't mind having to come back to it from time to time, if only in order to save up money for my next excursion. I was teaching English in Cambodia. And here on Maui I found a job driving in the tourist industry. Not driving a cab, but still driving. So it looks like I've now worked my way into being a part time cab driver. But who knows, if I play it by ear and not force myself to make a radical life change all at once, maybe I will gradually grow farther and farther away from driving a cab until maybe one day I'll be out of it for good. But until then it at least gives me the ability to come back home, in a city where I truly do feel at home, and regroup to head out into the world again. And maybe if I don't tell myself that this is my new permanent home every time I go somewhere else, maybe one day I'll find myself somewhere that I don't want to leave, or maybe I'll just keep going to new places and not go back to New Orleans at all. But for now New Orleans is my home and I will use it as my base to travel from.
So that's the plan. I'm sure my possible destinations may change frequently from now until whenever I decide to head out again, but I don't think the basic plan will change. I like having the ability to go anywhere in the world and find work. My time in Cambodia and my time spent here on Maui have convinced me that I can do it. All I need to do is to work on my safety cushion. Some people say, "Just do it, get out there, get out of your comfort zone and live life for the moment!" Yeah, well, I'm a little more conservative than that. I like going to new places and learning new things, exploring other cultures and learning new languages. But I also like to know that there is a safe place, a back up plan, if things don't go as well as planned.
Places I'd like to experience living in before I settle down, if I ever settle down, are:
Europe
South America
Tibet or Nepal
For the past three years I've either been planning on going somewhere other than New Orleans to live, or living somewhere else. I'm on Maui for three more weeks and when I get home I'm not going to plan on going anywhere specifically. I'm going to continue saving my money and I know that at some point, when the money and the time are right, I will go hang out somewhere else for a while. Possibly a foreign country.
When I came to Maui one of my goals was to write more and maybe even try to find ways to get paid for doing it. Well, with being sick and having a very erratic work schedule that plan kind of bit the dust. I was moving forward on that plan much better when I was in New Orleans, so when I get back and can reestablish my regular routine I will continue working on that goal again. But there is a goal that I set upon coming here that I think has gone very well.
That goal was to build more confidence in my ability to go to other places for an indefinite amount of time, find work, and be able to sustain myself there. Well, I think that has been a success for this journey. I bought a one way ticket out here in June. When I first got here I allowed myself to sit around for a month and do nothing. But during that month I also realized that I didn't bring quite enough money to sustain myself for the whole three months that I had committed to being here. So after that first month I really had to get a job. I was finally staring to get bored doing nothing, but anxiety over money also dictated that I go out and find some work.
It took me two days to find a job, which was very encouraging. Will it always be that easy everywhere I go? Probably not, but it being so easy this time really boosted my confidence. And then I also recalled that when I was training to teach English in Phnom Penh that I actually was hired for a job even before graduating the TESOL course. So that makes me two for two in finding jobs very quickly in far away places.
But there were anxieties about money in both Cambodia and Maui. In Cambodia almost a thousand dollars was siphoned from my bank account, which caused me to panic and ended my time there way way way prematurely. Eventually that money was returned to me after I got back to The States and was able to get on the phone and make some calls. When I got to Maui I did have a savings, but soon realized how expensive it is out here and even though I was having a good time doing nothing my first month here I was still very anxious about running out of cash. But I pulled through, I made it, and I now have more confidence in my ability to adapt and survive than I've had in a long time. So here's how the new plan for the next maybe decade or two of my life plays out:
I will head back to New Orleans and settle down into my nice new apartment in the Marigny that a very good friend of mine is renting me for a really really good price. I will continue saving money again and I will be thinking of places where I might want to go to live for a while. Cambodia is still in the front of my mind, because I feel my last time there was kind of a failure and I'd like to go back and try to do it better this time. Also Cambodia is a very beautiful country and it's right in the middle of so many other places in Asia that I would like to visit. But you know me, I can be kind of fickle, my mind changes a lot. But that's okay, I'm not going to stay locked into the idea of any specific place until I have more money saved and it comes time to leave again. I will most likely budget enough money into my plan to keep my apartment in New Orleans, using it as a back up plan to come back to anytime I feel that things are just not going right.
So for right now, let's just say that the plan is to go back to Cambodia. I'm looking at a year and a half to two years from now. I will purchase a one way plane ticket and pay up my rent for at least six months. But if things go wrong again and I start to panic I'll always have that life raft waiting for me. One thing I've decided for sure is that I don't like being in new places and being unsure about my financial situation. I don't like being financially insecure anywhere but if I am I'd rather it be in New Orleans where I feel at home and know that I'll always at least be able to drive a cab.
For years and years I've been telling myself that I'd like to get out of cab driving and that is still true. But the fact of the matter is that I've not yet found anything that pays me as well and gives me the kind of freedom I'm used to having. I can't say I love driving a cab, but I don't find it to be the kind of soul sucking job that so many other people go to and put up with. It's a job that I've never really minded doing, even though I don't love doing it. So I don't mind having to come back to it from time to time, if only in order to save up money for my next excursion. I was teaching English in Cambodia. And here on Maui I found a job driving in the tourist industry. Not driving a cab, but still driving. So it looks like I've now worked my way into being a part time cab driver. But who knows, if I play it by ear and not force myself to make a radical life change all at once, maybe I will gradually grow farther and farther away from driving a cab until maybe one day I'll be out of it for good. But until then it at least gives me the ability to come back home, in a city where I truly do feel at home, and regroup to head out into the world again. And maybe if I don't tell myself that this is my new permanent home every time I go somewhere else, maybe one day I'll find myself somewhere that I don't want to leave, or maybe I'll just keep going to new places and not go back to New Orleans at all. But for now New Orleans is my home and I will use it as my base to travel from.
So that's the plan. I'm sure my possible destinations may change frequently from now until whenever I decide to head out again, but I don't think the basic plan will change. I like having the ability to go anywhere in the world and find work. My time in Cambodia and my time spent here on Maui have convinced me that I can do it. All I need to do is to work on my safety cushion. Some people say, "Just do it, get out there, get out of your comfort zone and live life for the moment!" Yeah, well, I'm a little more conservative than that. I like going to new places and learning new things, exploring other cultures and learning new languages. But I also like to know that there is a safe place, a back up plan, if things don't go as well as planned.
Places I'd like to experience living in before I settle down, if I ever settle down, are:
Europe
South America
Tibet or Nepal