Changing
My time so far here in Ketchikan has been faced exactly what I thought was going to be brought to the surface. And I am learning so quickly how much my training has helped me.
As I look through this house, and the people who live in it, I realize so much potential, so much love that is laying dormant in each of us. And I am realizing more and more that, while I lived here, I really had no aspirations to live. I mean, I wasn't depressed or suicidal, merely apathetic to the whole reality of life. I would put food in my body that gave no real substenance, I would lay about all day with no real action to change the world around me (I had nothing to do and still I never aspired to suceed in school), and I surround myself with objects that gave me no real joy, only a passing affection. But that last part I learned as I cleansed my room right after DahnMuDo School.
There was so much anger in my heart. So much anger that never really got expressed externally, or transformed into brighter and more pure things.
Now, when someone around me is angry with me, I apologize truly, and if they are still angry with me, I do not follow where their emotions are trying to lead me. Now, when I am emotional, I don't follow where the negative emotions are trying to lead me. I transform the energy from those emotions into creative explosions.
The Awakenings I have had in Oregon are transforming into positive actions. Because even though I am not around the center, or near the energy of those wonderful people who support me, I am able to make change in several ways.
Artistically. Which is amazing to me, because although I have wanted to be able to express myself artistically for many years, I just wasn't able to summon the idea that would drive me to create. (Check out the Make Love Happen tribe on tribe.net or on facebook and you'll see what I mean.)
Cleansing: Instead of complaining about the current situation of food and house hold cleanliness, I am getting groceries that are more healthy. My dad is seeing this and changing his food habits. Although I am a little sad that I cannot find any black rice on the island, I do believe I can survive. And I am beginning to clean the rooms that have the most built up ... messiness without complaint. And my step sisters are seeing this, and consciously or not, are seeing how much a little elbow grease can change the energy of a room.. and guess what? They are cleaning. Without being told to. It's incredible. They never do this.
Educationally: That's right... I am studying. I am studying DahnMuDo, I am studying the great teachers of the past, I am studying nature. I am surrounding myself with positive music, readings, and inspirations. Attacking quotes, and feeling myself grow. I am so glad I came up here.. there was so much pain that I wasn't facing.
Physically: At work.. when the guys go on a smoke break, I go on a DahnMuDo break. I'll do the 18 joints, Uki.. and maybe even constant mind if I have the space. I have even gotten my step-sisters to practice a little stretching with me... and they enjoyed it! They thought I was a little crazy when I made them shake their hands, then their hands and a foot, and then close their eyes, and then sing Frarajaka (no idea how to spell that)! LOL, I love Master Han for doing that the last day I was there. It was AWESOME.
Awakening and action, man... awakening and action. It's incredible. There is so much passion in my soul... there is so much potential for possibility. Look at the difference that has been made in a couple of days!
I can't wait to see what the future has in store.
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love.
-Mother Teresa
Peace Forever, Love Always
Pine
As I look through this house, and the people who live in it, I realize so much potential, so much love that is laying dormant in each of us. And I am realizing more and more that, while I lived here, I really had no aspirations to live. I mean, I wasn't depressed or suicidal, merely apathetic to the whole reality of life. I would put food in my body that gave no real substenance, I would lay about all day with no real action to change the world around me (I had nothing to do and still I never aspired to suceed in school), and I surround myself with objects that gave me no real joy, only a passing affection. But that last part I learned as I cleansed my room right after DahnMuDo School.
There was so much anger in my heart. So much anger that never really got expressed externally, or transformed into brighter and more pure things.
Now, when someone around me is angry with me, I apologize truly, and if they are still angry with me, I do not follow where their emotions are trying to lead me. Now, when I am emotional, I don't follow where the negative emotions are trying to lead me. I transform the energy from those emotions into creative explosions.
The Awakenings I have had in Oregon are transforming into positive actions. Because even though I am not around the center, or near the energy of those wonderful people who support me, I am able to make change in several ways.
Artistically. Which is amazing to me, because although I have wanted to be able to express myself artistically for many years, I just wasn't able to summon the idea that would drive me to create. (Check out the Make Love Happen tribe on tribe.net or on facebook and you'll see what I mean.)
Cleansing: Instead of complaining about the current situation of food and house hold cleanliness, I am getting groceries that are more healthy. My dad is seeing this and changing his food habits. Although I am a little sad that I cannot find any black rice on the island, I do believe I can survive. And I am beginning to clean the rooms that have the most built up ... messiness without complaint. And my step sisters are seeing this, and consciously or not, are seeing how much a little elbow grease can change the energy of a room.. and guess what? They are cleaning. Without being told to. It's incredible. They never do this.
Educationally: That's right... I am studying. I am studying DahnMuDo, I am studying the great teachers of the past, I am studying nature. I am surrounding myself with positive music, readings, and inspirations. Attacking quotes, and feeling myself grow. I am so glad I came up here.. there was so much pain that I wasn't facing.
Physically: At work.. when the guys go on a smoke break, I go on a DahnMuDo break. I'll do the 18 joints, Uki.. and maybe even constant mind if I have the space. I have even gotten my step-sisters to practice a little stretching with me... and they enjoyed it! They thought I was a little crazy when I made them shake their hands, then their hands and a foot, and then close their eyes, and then sing Frarajaka (no idea how to spell that)! LOL, I love Master Han for doing that the last day I was there. It was AWESOME.
Awakening and action, man... awakening and action. It's incredible. There is so much passion in my soul... there is so much potential for possibility. Look at the difference that has been made in a couple of days!
I can't wait to see what the future has in store.
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only love.
-Mother Teresa
Peace Forever, Love Always
Pine