Goodbye, my love
So, somehow, I managed to fuck up THE MOST IMPORTANT THING in my life, my relationship with Allie.
Fuck, I didn't even see this one coming. 2 weeks ago I thought we were still in a wonderful loving relationship, now, we're broken up, with pretty much no chance of ever going out again.
I've been good to her about it, but, truth be told, this is KILLING me inside. This is the most painful breakup ever, because, I actually think, for once in my life, I truly loved someone. The shit with Lori was nothing, Dannie was a walk in the park, but this. This...I don't know what I'm going to do.
My life, as I know it, is over. I'd give anything, ANYTHING, to have her give me another shot at this relationship, but, it's too far gone. I didn't see the signs, I didn't give her enough respect, and I took her for granted. Now, she's gone.
The fucked up part about it, is she isn't gone though. It wasn't a breakup filled with screaming, loud crying, or anything like that. It went out with a whimper, a soft sigh, and a few tears. We're still friends. Fuck, we still live together. I think it would've been better if we fought. Hell, I'd be over it already if we kicked and screamed and I kicked her out or something. But, the kindness she treated me with...it makes it sting so much more.
I've never felt numb before. I've always been able to look at the bright side of things, but, now, I truly have no feelings. I pretty much tore off my toe by accident the other day and kept walking, barely even flinching. Sick thing is it felt a bit good. I break down randomly, switching from crying to throwing things, but, always making myself presentable before I leave my room. This is beyond me...
I don't know what to do anymore. I only have 3 friends besides her, at least only 3 decent friends. Joe, Chia, and Kurt, but, they haven't exactly been helpful with this, except for Chia, I guess. I have a shitty ass job that makes we want to break down every day. I don't have a college education. Fuck, I still don't even have a car. All I had was Allie, whos arms I could crawl into at the end of the day, and everything was okay. She loved me, she was kind to me, she made my world a brighter place.
So, what did I do? I pretty much ignored her. I took her needs for granted, disrespected her wishes, and got pissy if she didnt do what I wanted. Fuck, I wouldn't even stick up for her in a fight. I never deserved her to begin with, I guess, but, I though she'd stick by my side. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could just have a bit longer with her, to show her how much she really means to me.
I doubt she'll ever give me another chance though, even after a year of our relationship. Things are just too far gone, I suppose. I'll get over it, someday. But, I don't want to. I want her back, more than anything. I would give anything, do anything, for one more chance. But, I'll never get it, because that's how my life always goes.
I love you Allie. I always will. Please never forget the times we had together, and, please, look into your heart, and think of me in the future. I swear, I won't let you down again if you give me another chance. If I do, you deserve to leave me, forever.
Fuck, I didn't even see this one coming. 2 weeks ago I thought we were still in a wonderful loving relationship, now, we're broken up, with pretty much no chance of ever going out again.
I've been good to her about it, but, truth be told, this is KILLING me inside. This is the most painful breakup ever, because, I actually think, for once in my life, I truly loved someone. The shit with Lori was nothing, Dannie was a walk in the park, but this. This...I don't know what I'm going to do.
My life, as I know it, is over. I'd give anything, ANYTHING, to have her give me another shot at this relationship, but, it's too far gone. I didn't see the signs, I didn't give her enough respect, and I took her for granted. Now, she's gone.
The fucked up part about it, is she isn't gone though. It wasn't a breakup filled with screaming, loud crying, or anything like that. It went out with a whimper, a soft sigh, and a few tears. We're still friends. Fuck, we still live together. I think it would've been better if we fought. Hell, I'd be over it already if we kicked and screamed and I kicked her out or something. But, the kindness she treated me with...it makes it sting so much more.
I've never felt numb before. I've always been able to look at the bright side of things, but, now, I truly have no feelings. I pretty much tore off my toe by accident the other day and kept walking, barely even flinching. Sick thing is it felt a bit good. I break down randomly, switching from crying to throwing things, but, always making myself presentable before I leave my room. This is beyond me...
I don't know what to do anymore. I only have 3 friends besides her, at least only 3 decent friends. Joe, Chia, and Kurt, but, they haven't exactly been helpful with this, except for Chia, I guess. I have a shitty ass job that makes we want to break down every day. I don't have a college education. Fuck, I still don't even have a car. All I had was Allie, whos arms I could crawl into at the end of the day, and everything was okay. She loved me, she was kind to me, she made my world a brighter place.
So, what did I do? I pretty much ignored her. I took her needs for granted, disrespected her wishes, and got pissy if she didnt do what I wanted. Fuck, I wouldn't even stick up for her in a fight. I never deserved her to begin with, I guess, but, I though she'd stick by my side. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could just have a bit longer with her, to show her how much she really means to me.
I doubt she'll ever give me another chance though, even after a year of our relationship. Things are just too far gone, I suppose. I'll get over it, someday. But, I don't want to. I want her back, more than anything. I would give anything, do anything, for one more chance. But, I'll never get it, because that's how my life always goes.
I love you Allie. I always will. Please never forget the times we had together, and, please, look into your heart, and think of me in the future. I swear, I won't let you down again if you give me another chance. If I do, you deserve to leave me, forever.