New Beginnings 8/?
Title: New Beginnings
Author: winginblood and zilldk
Pairing: Brian Haner/Zack Baker
Rating: Eventual NC-17
Summary: Their brother is gone, never to return. Now they have to carry on without him and record the new songs. It’s all too much for Brian.
Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction and does not reflect the personal or professional lives of any real person portrayed herein.
A/N: This is a joint venture between zilldk, writing Brian, and winginblood, writing Zack. Anyone else who appears along the way is shared between us. We started it back in May 2010 after the first pictures of the boys taken after Jimmy’s untimely death began appearing and we were both struck by how sad and tired they looked. They, Brian especially, simply did not look ready to be back in the public spotlight and the interviews we saw and read around the time the pictures started appearing only seemed to reinforce our feeling that it was too soon. While Jimmy doesn’t appear in this you should bear in mind that his passing and the effect it had on the other band members does form the basis of the idea for this story and will be referred to throughout.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7
With a glance at his watch Zack decided it was time to get back to his plan of getting Brian eating properly again. “Hey, I’m getting kinda hungry. You wanna get something to eat and then we can go hit the rides?”
“Yeah, sounds like a great idea”, Brian admitted, squeezing Zack’s hand slightly and smiling brighter. They walked towards the area with a wide selection of various food stands, offering practically everything the heart could desire, and they took the time to pick the perfect place.
Zack seemed determined to find the most juicy, carb infested dish around, and Brian laughed as he was dragged from booth to booth while Zack inspected the selections critically, dismissing one after another for being ‘too boring’ or ‘too healthy’.
“Seriously, are you trying to get me fat?” Brian asked grinning as they left yet another booth and was only rewarded with a short “you’re far too thin” reply as they aimed for yet another stall to see what they would have. Brian didn’t argue. He couldn’t deny that his appetite had been more or less non-existent for the past months, and he had noticed that his belt was a necessity now - not just decoration.
In the end Zacky found what he wanted and presented Brian with the most delicious fried chicken he had ever tasted, and for once Brian really did feel hungry. While they were eating it occurred to him just how much he’d missed going out for a meal with his friends, how long he’d had himself confined to that lonely, cold house, drowning in tears and despair.
As soon as he felt the mood start to creep up on him he bit it back, refusing to spoil this wonderful, happy moment, and luckily Zack was good at making conversation that eventually managed to drive the bad moods away again.
They talked about everything and nothing, just like in the old days. They watched the people milling around and whispered jokes and secretly made fun of the passersby. Most people here were so different from them that it was like going to a zoo, and just that thought made Brian giggle. It was so rude!
After the delicious meal they sat for a little while, smoking and enjoying the afternoon sun. They still drew attention from their mere appearances, but Brian could handle the curious stares they got from farmers and housewives that probably thought that they were escaped from some sort of mental institution. This place was the epitome of normal and it amused Brian for once to stick out a little bit. Okay a lot but it was worth it in exchange for the fun it provided.
The fun fair was situated just beside the dining area and to be honest Brian really wanted to go in there and indulge in the fun. They were both finishing their smokes when Brian’s attention was caught by the rides behind the trees that sheltered the dining area from the actual fairground.
“Hey, wanna go on the ferris wheel?” he asked and pointed eagerly. “It looks like fun, and it’s time to ride stuff!” He snickered and couldn’t help the laugh that followed. God he felt so good right now and he just wanted to forget the bad things and have fun for a change. Zack had totally made it happen, and Brian wished that there was a way he could pay him back for that.
When Brian agreed to the suggestion of food, Zack returned his grin and began pulling him over towards the market place. He hadn’t really paid much attention to what else was available when they’d got the pie earlier and he hoped there could be a decent choice. With the large number of people at the fair to cater for he didn’t think it would be an issue but he was surprised by the size and number of stalls and wagons selling a myriad of different foods when they reached them.
He only paused for a moment before starting to drag Brian from stall to stall, not sure what he was looking for exactly but he knew he’d recognise it when he found it. He ignored Brian’s occasional comments of ‘that looks good’ or ‘how about this’ that accompanied the little half hearted tugs on his hand. He did glance over when Brian made the light hearted comment about trying to fatten him up and he looked Brian up and down for a moment before replying with a grin and a shake of his head. He was thinking of going back to one of the burger wagons they’d seen earlier when his eyes lit up at the sign for the fried chicken stall. “Fucking perfect,” he said with a grin.
As they started eating Zack noticed that sad expression he’d seen all too often flicker into Brian’s eyes and he started talking about anything and everything he could think of to stop the dark mood overtaking Brian again, even poking fun at himself and how they might have fit in better if he’d worn one of his plaid shirts, laughing even harder when Brian reminded him that the eyeliner would still be an issue for most of those around them.
He glanced over at the funfair when Brian mentioned the ferris wheel, more than a little surprised that that ride would be his first choice to try out. It had always been a little too tame for Zack’s tastes, slow moving and not really doing much. And, while heights didn’t usually bother him much, the idea of sitting up there in an open carriage and swaying in the breeze that had picked up while they had been eating as people got on and off at the bottom was doing weird things to his stomach. Brian looked so keen on the idea though that there was no way he could refuse.
“Sure if that’s what you want,” he said, stubbing out his cigarette and starting to gather up the trash. He looked up at Brian and winked. “We can always try something a bit more exciting later.” Zack ignored Brian’s protests about not wanting to force him into anything and dragged him over to join the queue for the ride, digging in his heels and grinning when Brian tried to keep them moving. It didn’t take long for them to reach the front of the line. The guy that took their tickets gave them a strange look but didn’t say anything as they stepped into the carriage and he pulled the safety bar down and over their hips. By the time they’d got just over quarter of the way round, Zack was unconsciously shifting closer to Brian each time they lurched to a stop.
At first Brian didn’t really notice Zack’s reaction, but the higher they got up in the air the more obvious it became that he wasn’t okay, and that this had probably been a very bad idea.
“Hey, are you okay, man?” he asked, nudging Zack’s thigh with his hand. “You look a bit pale.” He frowned as they once more moved in order for the next cart to get filled up, and by then it was obvious that Zack practically flinched when the cart gave a small jump as it was once more stopped to let more passengers onboard at the bottom.
Zack nodded and smiled weakly. “I’m fine, it’s nothing.”
“Fuck, Zacky, why didn’t you say something? If you don’t like the ferris wheel you should just have told me, and we could have done something else! Stupid!” He smiled affectionately because he didn’t mean it like that, and he didn’t wait for Zack to protest before he reached out and squeezed Zack’s hand, once more lacing his fingers with Zack’s and smiling encouragingly as he held on.
“Take some deep breaths, okay? Are you going to be okay? If you want I’ll get the guy to let us down, alright? I don’t want you to have a panic attack or something.”
Zack squeezed Brian’s fingers tightly as they were linked with his own. “No don’t, you wanted to come on here. I’ll be okay once we get moving properly. It’s just the stopping and starting....I don’t even.” He broke off with a sharp gasp as the car gave a particularly large jerk as it moved again and he moved even closer to Brian. “I’m just being a fucking idiot. I’ve not been on one of these for years and I thought I’d be alright. I wanna stay on though.”
“Shh, shut up, you’re not an idiot!” Brian said, wrapping his arm protectively around Zack’s shoulders and pulling him close to his body without a second thought. “We’re almost all the way up, and I bet we can see the whole fair from up here. You might even get to see your precious ponies from up here, and I don’t have to get near them!” He chuckled and hoped that talking and making a little bit fun about himself would somewhat distract Zack from the fear.
It felt really nice to sit here with Zack like that, and Brian started to feel his heart beat just a little bit faster from their close proximity. Scared Zack was a little bit too fascinating, and Brian fought hard not to show it. God it would be disastrous if Zack got the wrong idea up here!
"Hey, maybe we can see some of the other rides we wanna try! You're definitely choosing the next one!" he said with a smile, hoping he had been at least somewhat successful in preventing Zack getting the wrong idea about his intentions for going on this ride in the first place!
Zack relaxed somewhat against Brian’s side, forgetting in his mild panic that he’d promised himself that he would stop doing this sort of thing, but his heart was still beating a little off rhythm with each movement of the car. It did help though and he leaned his head in towards Brian shoulder without realising he had done it. He managed a small laugh at Brian’s comment about the ponies. They were getting a stunning view of the surrounding countryside and it was taking his mind off the swaying of the car. “We’ll be lucky to see them from this height. It’s okay though, I wasn’t that bothered about them. Just being a dick ‘cause it was too good to resist. Your face, man. Fuckin’ priceless.”
He shifted a little and unconsciously curled in a little more as they reached the top. “Maybe we can go on something closer to the ground that doesn’t feel like it’s gonna fuckin’ tip me out if it gets too windy. Like the ghost train or tilt-a-whirl, something like that. Or the bumper cars. We can beat the shit out of each other in them ‘til they throw us off.”
Brian nodded eagerly, tightening his hold around Zack comfortingly and grinning at the thought of the bumper cars Zack had suggested. “We should totally do that! We can kick the little brats’ asses as well, just for good measure! Show ‘em we still got it!”
He laughed out loud and didn’t care one bit that he may be expected to act like an adult at the tender age of twenty eight. He was here to let loose and have fun, and if that meant acting silly and way beneath his age, he would do so.
“I’m all for the ghost train as well” he smiled and shrugged a little at the thought. “Although I can’t promise I won’t hurl in the tilt-a-whirl, but I guess we’ll just have to see about that, right? It’s never a good trip to the fun fair if nobody throws up at least once!” He grinned all over his face because surely, as true as the statement may be, it was a thing of the past and not exactly something he wanted anymore.
“And don’t you make fun of the face, man! I went all out this morning to look pretty for you!” He was glad to see the smile back on Zack’s face and only a moment later the last cart of the ferris wheel had been filled and the ride started to run. As they were slowly spun around in the comfortable speed that defined the ferris wheel, Brian didn’t even think to remove his arm around Zack’s shoulder or let go of his hand. This was too nice and Brian just closed his eyes for a second and took in the brush of the wind in his face, the feel of Zacky’s warmth beside him and the touch of his hand. Oh god, he was completely losing his mind!
Zack relaxed even further into Brian’s embrace as they moved round and let himself be distracted by their conversation, laughing with him as they talked about the next ride to go on. It didn’t occur to him that he shouldn’t be enjoying it this much and for once wasn’t worrying about how he was behaving or what Brian might think of his actions, simply taking pleasure in the closeness. “Alright then, bumper cars, ghost train and then something to make us puke. I can go for that,” he said with a grin.
Brian’s comment about just who exactly he was trying to look good for that day startled him a little and he hoped the jerk he gave would be put down to the larger lurch the ride made as it started up its run. He stayed silent as they were spun round, not really sure what to think. It just didn’t make any sense that Brian would have said that to him. Why on earth would he have been getting dressed up for me?, he thought but couldn’t come up with any answers.
He gave their linked fingers a squeeze, grateful that Brian hadn’t let him go, when the ride started to slow again then the stopping and starting while the passengers changed began. Thankfully it didn’t take too long before it was their turn and Zack reluctantly straightened up and released Brian’s hand as the car slid into place at the bottom and they were let out. He missed the warmth and comfort almost instantly but made himself step away, turning to face Brian and walking backwards for a moment, as he yelled, “Last one to the bumper cars is paying for dinner,” and then took off running.
The next couple of hours passed in a blur of queuing, laughter, bright lights and motion as they exhausted the available selection of rides. They had even gone on a few of the rides more than once but there thankfully hadn’t been any of the puking Brian had predicted and Zack was happily munching on the last of the pink cotton candy they’d shared.
“This changes nothing you know,” he said with a grin as he licked the remains of the spun sugar off his sticky fingers and waved the bare stick in the air. “You’re still taking me to dinner at the best restaurant we can find and I’m gonna order the most expensive dish on the menu.” It had been a pleasant surprise for Zack when he’d beaten Brian in their earlier foot race, the other man’s longer legs usually meaning he didn’t have much of a chance, and he was going to milk the victory for all it was worth.
Zack turned when Brian didn’t respond straight away and realised he’d stopped a few paces before, attention drawn by one of the shooting galleries. “Aw, c’mon Brian. You can’t be serious,” he complained as he stepped up beside his friend. “You know as well as I do those things are always rigged.”
“Yeah, but I’m fucking good at this!” Brian insisted with a grin. “C’mon man, I wanna try this.” He walked over to the booth and threw a couple of dollars on the counter before looking back at Zacky with a raised eyebrow and a cocky smile. “You just come over here and start picking your prize!” He pointed towards the prize rows of various kinds of stuffed animals and cuddly toys, varying from small colorful funny creatures to gigantic teddy bears and other animals.
“Go ahead man, which one do you want? Give me a challenge! And don’t give me that face, I know you have a secret craving for anything big, soft and cuddly.” In reality he knew absolutely no such thing, but now the game was on and then teasing was totally allowed. He laughed out loud when Zack put on his indignant face and defiantly pointed out the largest most ‘expensive’ teddy bear available, much to the booth holders contentment, judging by his large smile.
“Nobody has been able to win that one yet” the man said, grinning, usually knowing very well how to play his customers so his income would increase. “Everybody misses their mark at least once.”
Brian cocked an eyebrow and looked at the booth holder, not missing the slight challenge and attempt to intimidate so Brian would be nervous and miss his mark. “Is that so?” he asked in that tone that more or less was Synyster Gates’ trademark - confident, cocky and ‘I take absolutely no shit from anybody’. “Well, I don’t.”
He drew in a deep breath and hoped that he hadn’t been too cocky because now he really didn’t want to lose face, neither to the booth holder but especially not to Zack! Alright I’m fucking brilliant at this shit. I can do this! Just shoot the damned marks and get it done!
He raised the rifle to his shoulder and took aim, hitting the first round of five marks perfectly, not missing a single shot. He reloaded the rifle with the small round ‘bullets’ with practised ease, taking the opportunity to check the rifle out and make sure it wasn’t ‘rigged’ in any way, while the booth holder was occupied with exchanging the markers for the next round. Brian would have to shoot the maximum amount of points in each round in order to be able to claim the big prize, and he’d be damned if he was going to let some stupid carnival attraction get the better of him, but he found no foul play involved, and just let himself get sucked into the game.
It was as if the world around him didn’t exist, and he just concentrated on the task at hand, focusing on the marks that were practically calling out for him and challenging his skills. He knew it was silly to get so sucked into a stupid game, but this was something he was fucking good at, and for some reason it suddenly became so very, very important for him to do well and win that prize for Zack. It was stupid, he knew it, because what in the world would Zack want a giant teddy bear for? But that was beyond the point. The important part was that Brian wanted to win it for him, and that was that.
It had been a long while since Brian had been to the shooting range back home, and he knew perfectly well why. He had been afraid to go there, afraid of what it might have tempted him to do to himself when he was feeling so self-destructive and low. But now all his skill rushed back to him, and he enjoyed the feeling of holding the gun in his hands, knowing that this was something he was close to flawless at.
As the game progressed the booth holder became increasingly pale because no matter how he placed the marks, Brian hit them dead on every time, and after a while a whole small crowd of spectators had gathered around the booth, watching Brian’s unmatched skill on display. When he reached the fifth and final round, the crowd was cheering him on and patting Zack enthusiastically on the back just for being the buddy they could disturb while Brian had to concentrate.
Gone were all the odd looks and half hidden whispers about Brian’s and Zack’s appearances since this was something everybody could get involved in and, as Brian delivered the first four of the five final shots with perfect aim, even the booth holder had to give in and admit that this was beyond ordinary good luck.
Nothing fazed Brian and his concentration was perfect. He narrowed his vision, focusing on the final mark and pulled the trigger, placing the bullet perfectly in the middle of the target. The crowd broke out in a loud cheer as Brian put the rifle down on the counter with a more than satisfied smirk on his lips. Flawless victory!
“Twenty-five perfect bullseyes in a row. That is something I have never seen before in my life. You earned it” the booth holder said with a grin as he picked down the giant teddy bear from its shelf and handed it over to Brian. “Nothing fazed you, man. Impressive! And I guess I owe you guys thanks, too. It seems like you’ve opened up my shop for business.” He nodded towards all the people now standing in line to have a go, urged on by girlfriends and whatnot to prove that they could match Brian’s skills.
Brian lit up in a grin as he took the bear. “Anytime, man. You run a fair game - even if you place the marks crookedly.” He winked and the booth holder laughed, knowing he’d been called on his attempt to make it harder for Brian to win. He went back to his booth and Brian turned towards Zack and held the gigantic teddy bear out towards him. “For you, baby” he said with a big smile, eyes twinkling with excitement from his victory and probably something else, too, that he was more afraid of analyzing as he looked at Zack’s pretty face. “I told you I would get it for you!”
Zack followed slowly behind Brian towards the booth. This was going to be a complete waste of time. It wasn’t that he thought Brian was a bad shot. He knew he was really good and had seen it for himself many times. It was just that he knew the odds on these games were always stacked in the owners favour and were usually damn near impossible to beat. He’d be very surprised if this one was run fairly.
He glanced over at the prize shelves when Brian told him to pick one out before looking back to Brian with a straight face and raised eyebrows. Yeah, right, sure he was going to start picking out...
I know you have a secret craving for anything big, soft and cuddly.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Zack looked back to the prize shelves in the hope Brian wouldn’t notice the blush he could feel trying to rise in his cheeks as the words triggered a memory of how good it had felt to be held in Brian’s arms on the ferris wheel and he thought of how much he would love an excuse for a repeat performance. And now the man was teasing him about it and was probably dying to get back and tell everyone how he’d acted!
His eyes shifted to the top shelf of prizes and landed on the biggest one that needed the highest, probably a perfect, score. Fuck it! He’d give him a challenge alright. “That one,” he replied and pointed at the large bear. He stared at Brian. “That’s the one I want.”
He moved back a little and stood with his arms folded over his chest as Brian exchanged words with the stallholder and settled in for his first round of shots in his typical arrogant, cocky bastard fashion that had been missing for so long. Which Zack knew was kind of the whole point of the trip but he refused to smile and enjoy it. He was still mad at Brian and so Synyster Gates could go fuck himself.
As the time passed though, and shot after shot hit the bullseye, he couldn’t help but get caught up in the excitement that was building around the stall, returning smiles that came his way and feeling immensely proud as he confirmed that, yes, his friend was a pretty amazing shot. When it got to the last round of shots and Brian took his aim, Zack started up a little chant under his breath, come on, you can do it, repeating over and over as the first four pellets hit their intended targets. He held his breath for the last one, letting out a cheer and “Fuck yeah,” as the shot hit home.
He was so excited that he’d almost forgotten the point of the whole exercise until Brian turned towards him with the bear he’d picked out and held it towards him and called him baby. Grinning broadly he grabbed a hold of the toy and thoughtlessly pulled Brian into a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
It wasn’t until he stepped back and looked at the bear that he realised exactly what he’d done and that each thanks has been punctuated with a kiss to Brian’s cheek. At least he hoped it had been his cheek but he had a feeling that one of them might have hit his neck instead. He stared at the bear a moment longer, wanting nothing more than the ground to open up and swallow him whole, sure that he could heat a small town with the blush in his cheeks. He mumbled another thanks but didn’t dare to look back up to see Brian’s reaction as he turned and started walking again, the bear held under his arm and against his chest.
Author: winginblood and zilldk
Pairing: Brian Haner/Zack Baker
Rating: Eventual NC-17
Summary: Their brother is gone, never to return. Now they have to carry on without him and record the new songs. It’s all too much for Brian.
Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction and does not reflect the personal or professional lives of any real person portrayed herein.
A/N: This is a joint venture between zilldk, writing Brian, and winginblood, writing Zack. Anyone else who appears along the way is shared between us. We started it back in May 2010 after the first pictures of the boys taken after Jimmy’s untimely death began appearing and we were both struck by how sad and tired they looked. They, Brian especially, simply did not look ready to be back in the public spotlight and the interviews we saw and read around the time the pictures started appearing only seemed to reinforce our feeling that it was too soon. While Jimmy doesn’t appear in this you should bear in mind that his passing and the effect it had on the other band members does form the basis of the idea for this story and will be referred to throughout.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7
With a glance at his watch Zack decided it was time to get back to his plan of getting Brian eating properly again. “Hey, I’m getting kinda hungry. You wanna get something to eat and then we can go hit the rides?”
“Yeah, sounds like a great idea”, Brian admitted, squeezing Zack’s hand slightly and smiling brighter. They walked towards the area with a wide selection of various food stands, offering practically everything the heart could desire, and they took the time to pick the perfect place.
Zack seemed determined to find the most juicy, carb infested dish around, and Brian laughed as he was dragged from booth to booth while Zack inspected the selections critically, dismissing one after another for being ‘too boring’ or ‘too healthy’.
“Seriously, are you trying to get me fat?” Brian asked grinning as they left yet another booth and was only rewarded with a short “you’re far too thin” reply as they aimed for yet another stall to see what they would have. Brian didn’t argue. He couldn’t deny that his appetite had been more or less non-existent for the past months, and he had noticed that his belt was a necessity now - not just decoration.
In the end Zacky found what he wanted and presented Brian with the most delicious fried chicken he had ever tasted, and for once Brian really did feel hungry. While they were eating it occurred to him just how much he’d missed going out for a meal with his friends, how long he’d had himself confined to that lonely, cold house, drowning in tears and despair.
As soon as he felt the mood start to creep up on him he bit it back, refusing to spoil this wonderful, happy moment, and luckily Zack was good at making conversation that eventually managed to drive the bad moods away again.
They talked about everything and nothing, just like in the old days. They watched the people milling around and whispered jokes and secretly made fun of the passersby. Most people here were so different from them that it was like going to a zoo, and just that thought made Brian giggle. It was so rude!
After the delicious meal they sat for a little while, smoking and enjoying the afternoon sun. They still drew attention from their mere appearances, but Brian could handle the curious stares they got from farmers and housewives that probably thought that they were escaped from some sort of mental institution. This place was the epitome of normal and it amused Brian for once to stick out a little bit. Okay a lot but it was worth it in exchange for the fun it provided.
The fun fair was situated just beside the dining area and to be honest Brian really wanted to go in there and indulge in the fun. They were both finishing their smokes when Brian’s attention was caught by the rides behind the trees that sheltered the dining area from the actual fairground.
“Hey, wanna go on the ferris wheel?” he asked and pointed eagerly. “It looks like fun, and it’s time to ride stuff!” He snickered and couldn’t help the laugh that followed. God he felt so good right now and he just wanted to forget the bad things and have fun for a change. Zack had totally made it happen, and Brian wished that there was a way he could pay him back for that.
When Brian agreed to the suggestion of food, Zack returned his grin and began pulling him over towards the market place. He hadn’t really paid much attention to what else was available when they’d got the pie earlier and he hoped there could be a decent choice. With the large number of people at the fair to cater for he didn’t think it would be an issue but he was surprised by the size and number of stalls and wagons selling a myriad of different foods when they reached them.
He only paused for a moment before starting to drag Brian from stall to stall, not sure what he was looking for exactly but he knew he’d recognise it when he found it. He ignored Brian’s occasional comments of ‘that looks good’ or ‘how about this’ that accompanied the little half hearted tugs on his hand. He did glance over when Brian made the light hearted comment about trying to fatten him up and he looked Brian up and down for a moment before replying with a grin and a shake of his head. He was thinking of going back to one of the burger wagons they’d seen earlier when his eyes lit up at the sign for the fried chicken stall. “Fucking perfect,” he said with a grin.
As they started eating Zack noticed that sad expression he’d seen all too often flicker into Brian’s eyes and he started talking about anything and everything he could think of to stop the dark mood overtaking Brian again, even poking fun at himself and how they might have fit in better if he’d worn one of his plaid shirts, laughing even harder when Brian reminded him that the eyeliner would still be an issue for most of those around them.
He glanced over at the funfair when Brian mentioned the ferris wheel, more than a little surprised that that ride would be his first choice to try out. It had always been a little too tame for Zack’s tastes, slow moving and not really doing much. And, while heights didn’t usually bother him much, the idea of sitting up there in an open carriage and swaying in the breeze that had picked up while they had been eating as people got on and off at the bottom was doing weird things to his stomach. Brian looked so keen on the idea though that there was no way he could refuse.
“Sure if that’s what you want,” he said, stubbing out his cigarette and starting to gather up the trash. He looked up at Brian and winked. “We can always try something a bit more exciting later.” Zack ignored Brian’s protests about not wanting to force him into anything and dragged him over to join the queue for the ride, digging in his heels and grinning when Brian tried to keep them moving. It didn’t take long for them to reach the front of the line. The guy that took their tickets gave them a strange look but didn’t say anything as they stepped into the carriage and he pulled the safety bar down and over their hips. By the time they’d got just over quarter of the way round, Zack was unconsciously shifting closer to Brian each time they lurched to a stop.
At first Brian didn’t really notice Zack’s reaction, but the higher they got up in the air the more obvious it became that he wasn’t okay, and that this had probably been a very bad idea.
“Hey, are you okay, man?” he asked, nudging Zack’s thigh with his hand. “You look a bit pale.” He frowned as they once more moved in order for the next cart to get filled up, and by then it was obvious that Zack practically flinched when the cart gave a small jump as it was once more stopped to let more passengers onboard at the bottom.
Zack nodded and smiled weakly. “I’m fine, it’s nothing.”
“Fuck, Zacky, why didn’t you say something? If you don’t like the ferris wheel you should just have told me, and we could have done something else! Stupid!” He smiled affectionately because he didn’t mean it like that, and he didn’t wait for Zack to protest before he reached out and squeezed Zack’s hand, once more lacing his fingers with Zack’s and smiling encouragingly as he held on.
“Take some deep breaths, okay? Are you going to be okay? If you want I’ll get the guy to let us down, alright? I don’t want you to have a panic attack or something.”
Zack squeezed Brian’s fingers tightly as they were linked with his own. “No don’t, you wanted to come on here. I’ll be okay once we get moving properly. It’s just the stopping and starting....I don’t even.” He broke off with a sharp gasp as the car gave a particularly large jerk as it moved again and he moved even closer to Brian. “I’m just being a fucking idiot. I’ve not been on one of these for years and I thought I’d be alright. I wanna stay on though.”
“Shh, shut up, you’re not an idiot!” Brian said, wrapping his arm protectively around Zack’s shoulders and pulling him close to his body without a second thought. “We’re almost all the way up, and I bet we can see the whole fair from up here. You might even get to see your precious ponies from up here, and I don’t have to get near them!” He chuckled and hoped that talking and making a little bit fun about himself would somewhat distract Zack from the fear.
It felt really nice to sit here with Zack like that, and Brian started to feel his heart beat just a little bit faster from their close proximity. Scared Zack was a little bit too fascinating, and Brian fought hard not to show it. God it would be disastrous if Zack got the wrong idea up here!
"Hey, maybe we can see some of the other rides we wanna try! You're definitely choosing the next one!" he said with a smile, hoping he had been at least somewhat successful in preventing Zack getting the wrong idea about his intentions for going on this ride in the first place!
Zack relaxed somewhat against Brian’s side, forgetting in his mild panic that he’d promised himself that he would stop doing this sort of thing, but his heart was still beating a little off rhythm with each movement of the car. It did help though and he leaned his head in towards Brian shoulder without realising he had done it. He managed a small laugh at Brian’s comment about the ponies. They were getting a stunning view of the surrounding countryside and it was taking his mind off the swaying of the car. “We’ll be lucky to see them from this height. It’s okay though, I wasn’t that bothered about them. Just being a dick ‘cause it was too good to resist. Your face, man. Fuckin’ priceless.”
He shifted a little and unconsciously curled in a little more as they reached the top. “Maybe we can go on something closer to the ground that doesn’t feel like it’s gonna fuckin’ tip me out if it gets too windy. Like the ghost train or tilt-a-whirl, something like that. Or the bumper cars. We can beat the shit out of each other in them ‘til they throw us off.”
Brian nodded eagerly, tightening his hold around Zack comfortingly and grinning at the thought of the bumper cars Zack had suggested. “We should totally do that! We can kick the little brats’ asses as well, just for good measure! Show ‘em we still got it!”
He laughed out loud and didn’t care one bit that he may be expected to act like an adult at the tender age of twenty eight. He was here to let loose and have fun, and if that meant acting silly and way beneath his age, he would do so.
“I’m all for the ghost train as well” he smiled and shrugged a little at the thought. “Although I can’t promise I won’t hurl in the tilt-a-whirl, but I guess we’ll just have to see about that, right? It’s never a good trip to the fun fair if nobody throws up at least once!” He grinned all over his face because surely, as true as the statement may be, it was a thing of the past and not exactly something he wanted anymore.
“And don’t you make fun of the face, man! I went all out this morning to look pretty for you!” He was glad to see the smile back on Zack’s face and only a moment later the last cart of the ferris wheel had been filled and the ride started to run. As they were slowly spun around in the comfortable speed that defined the ferris wheel, Brian didn’t even think to remove his arm around Zack’s shoulder or let go of his hand. This was too nice and Brian just closed his eyes for a second and took in the brush of the wind in his face, the feel of Zacky’s warmth beside him and the touch of his hand. Oh god, he was completely losing his mind!
Zack relaxed even further into Brian’s embrace as they moved round and let himself be distracted by their conversation, laughing with him as they talked about the next ride to go on. It didn’t occur to him that he shouldn’t be enjoying it this much and for once wasn’t worrying about how he was behaving or what Brian might think of his actions, simply taking pleasure in the closeness. “Alright then, bumper cars, ghost train and then something to make us puke. I can go for that,” he said with a grin.
Brian’s comment about just who exactly he was trying to look good for that day startled him a little and he hoped the jerk he gave would be put down to the larger lurch the ride made as it started up its run. He stayed silent as they were spun round, not really sure what to think. It just didn’t make any sense that Brian would have said that to him. Why on earth would he have been getting dressed up for me?, he thought but couldn’t come up with any answers.
He gave their linked fingers a squeeze, grateful that Brian hadn’t let him go, when the ride started to slow again then the stopping and starting while the passengers changed began. Thankfully it didn’t take too long before it was their turn and Zack reluctantly straightened up and released Brian’s hand as the car slid into place at the bottom and they were let out. He missed the warmth and comfort almost instantly but made himself step away, turning to face Brian and walking backwards for a moment, as he yelled, “Last one to the bumper cars is paying for dinner,” and then took off running.
The next couple of hours passed in a blur of queuing, laughter, bright lights and motion as they exhausted the available selection of rides. They had even gone on a few of the rides more than once but there thankfully hadn’t been any of the puking Brian had predicted and Zack was happily munching on the last of the pink cotton candy they’d shared.
“This changes nothing you know,” he said with a grin as he licked the remains of the spun sugar off his sticky fingers and waved the bare stick in the air. “You’re still taking me to dinner at the best restaurant we can find and I’m gonna order the most expensive dish on the menu.” It had been a pleasant surprise for Zack when he’d beaten Brian in their earlier foot race, the other man’s longer legs usually meaning he didn’t have much of a chance, and he was going to milk the victory for all it was worth.
Zack turned when Brian didn’t respond straight away and realised he’d stopped a few paces before, attention drawn by one of the shooting galleries. “Aw, c’mon Brian. You can’t be serious,” he complained as he stepped up beside his friend. “You know as well as I do those things are always rigged.”
“Yeah, but I’m fucking good at this!” Brian insisted with a grin. “C’mon man, I wanna try this.” He walked over to the booth and threw a couple of dollars on the counter before looking back at Zacky with a raised eyebrow and a cocky smile. “You just come over here and start picking your prize!” He pointed towards the prize rows of various kinds of stuffed animals and cuddly toys, varying from small colorful funny creatures to gigantic teddy bears and other animals.
“Go ahead man, which one do you want? Give me a challenge! And don’t give me that face, I know you have a secret craving for anything big, soft and cuddly.” In reality he knew absolutely no such thing, but now the game was on and then teasing was totally allowed. He laughed out loud when Zack put on his indignant face and defiantly pointed out the largest most ‘expensive’ teddy bear available, much to the booth holders contentment, judging by his large smile.
“Nobody has been able to win that one yet” the man said, grinning, usually knowing very well how to play his customers so his income would increase. “Everybody misses their mark at least once.”
Brian cocked an eyebrow and looked at the booth holder, not missing the slight challenge and attempt to intimidate so Brian would be nervous and miss his mark. “Is that so?” he asked in that tone that more or less was Synyster Gates’ trademark - confident, cocky and ‘I take absolutely no shit from anybody’. “Well, I don’t.”
He drew in a deep breath and hoped that he hadn’t been too cocky because now he really didn’t want to lose face, neither to the booth holder but especially not to Zack! Alright I’m fucking brilliant at this shit. I can do this! Just shoot the damned marks and get it done!
He raised the rifle to his shoulder and took aim, hitting the first round of five marks perfectly, not missing a single shot. He reloaded the rifle with the small round ‘bullets’ with practised ease, taking the opportunity to check the rifle out and make sure it wasn’t ‘rigged’ in any way, while the booth holder was occupied with exchanging the markers for the next round. Brian would have to shoot the maximum amount of points in each round in order to be able to claim the big prize, and he’d be damned if he was going to let some stupid carnival attraction get the better of him, but he found no foul play involved, and just let himself get sucked into the game.
It was as if the world around him didn’t exist, and he just concentrated on the task at hand, focusing on the marks that were practically calling out for him and challenging his skills. He knew it was silly to get so sucked into a stupid game, but this was something he was fucking good at, and for some reason it suddenly became so very, very important for him to do well and win that prize for Zack. It was stupid, he knew it, because what in the world would Zack want a giant teddy bear for? But that was beyond the point. The important part was that Brian wanted to win it for him, and that was that.
It had been a long while since Brian had been to the shooting range back home, and he knew perfectly well why. He had been afraid to go there, afraid of what it might have tempted him to do to himself when he was feeling so self-destructive and low. But now all his skill rushed back to him, and he enjoyed the feeling of holding the gun in his hands, knowing that this was something he was close to flawless at.
As the game progressed the booth holder became increasingly pale because no matter how he placed the marks, Brian hit them dead on every time, and after a while a whole small crowd of spectators had gathered around the booth, watching Brian’s unmatched skill on display. When he reached the fifth and final round, the crowd was cheering him on and patting Zack enthusiastically on the back just for being the buddy they could disturb while Brian had to concentrate.
Gone were all the odd looks and half hidden whispers about Brian’s and Zack’s appearances since this was something everybody could get involved in and, as Brian delivered the first four of the five final shots with perfect aim, even the booth holder had to give in and admit that this was beyond ordinary good luck.
Nothing fazed Brian and his concentration was perfect. He narrowed his vision, focusing on the final mark and pulled the trigger, placing the bullet perfectly in the middle of the target. The crowd broke out in a loud cheer as Brian put the rifle down on the counter with a more than satisfied smirk on his lips. Flawless victory!
“Twenty-five perfect bullseyes in a row. That is something I have never seen before in my life. You earned it” the booth holder said with a grin as he picked down the giant teddy bear from its shelf and handed it over to Brian. “Nothing fazed you, man. Impressive! And I guess I owe you guys thanks, too. It seems like you’ve opened up my shop for business.” He nodded towards all the people now standing in line to have a go, urged on by girlfriends and whatnot to prove that they could match Brian’s skills.
Brian lit up in a grin as he took the bear. “Anytime, man. You run a fair game - even if you place the marks crookedly.” He winked and the booth holder laughed, knowing he’d been called on his attempt to make it harder for Brian to win. He went back to his booth and Brian turned towards Zack and held the gigantic teddy bear out towards him. “For you, baby” he said with a big smile, eyes twinkling with excitement from his victory and probably something else, too, that he was more afraid of analyzing as he looked at Zack’s pretty face. “I told you I would get it for you!”
Zack followed slowly behind Brian towards the booth. This was going to be a complete waste of time. It wasn’t that he thought Brian was a bad shot. He knew he was really good and had seen it for himself many times. It was just that he knew the odds on these games were always stacked in the owners favour and were usually damn near impossible to beat. He’d be very surprised if this one was run fairly.
He glanced over at the prize shelves when Brian told him to pick one out before looking back to Brian with a straight face and raised eyebrows. Yeah, right, sure he was going to start picking out...
I know you have a secret craving for anything big, soft and cuddly.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Zack looked back to the prize shelves in the hope Brian wouldn’t notice the blush he could feel trying to rise in his cheeks as the words triggered a memory of how good it had felt to be held in Brian’s arms on the ferris wheel and he thought of how much he would love an excuse for a repeat performance. And now the man was teasing him about it and was probably dying to get back and tell everyone how he’d acted!
His eyes shifted to the top shelf of prizes and landed on the biggest one that needed the highest, probably a perfect, score. Fuck it! He’d give him a challenge alright. “That one,” he replied and pointed at the large bear. He stared at Brian. “That’s the one I want.”
He moved back a little and stood with his arms folded over his chest as Brian exchanged words with the stallholder and settled in for his first round of shots in his typical arrogant, cocky bastard fashion that had been missing for so long. Which Zack knew was kind of the whole point of the trip but he refused to smile and enjoy it. He was still mad at Brian and so Synyster Gates could go fuck himself.
As the time passed though, and shot after shot hit the bullseye, he couldn’t help but get caught up in the excitement that was building around the stall, returning smiles that came his way and feeling immensely proud as he confirmed that, yes, his friend was a pretty amazing shot. When it got to the last round of shots and Brian took his aim, Zack started up a little chant under his breath, come on, you can do it, repeating over and over as the first four pellets hit their intended targets. He held his breath for the last one, letting out a cheer and “Fuck yeah,” as the shot hit home.
He was so excited that he’d almost forgotten the point of the whole exercise until Brian turned towards him with the bear he’d picked out and held it towards him and called him baby. Grinning broadly he grabbed a hold of the toy and thoughtlessly pulled Brian into a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
It wasn’t until he stepped back and looked at the bear that he realised exactly what he’d done and that each thanks has been punctuated with a kiss to Brian’s cheek. At least he hoped it had been his cheek but he had a feeling that one of them might have hit his neck instead. He stared at the bear a moment longer, wanting nothing more than the ground to open up and swallow him whole, sure that he could heat a small town with the blush in his cheeks. He mumbled another thanks but didn’t dare to look back up to see Brian’s reaction as he turned and started walking again, the bear held under his arm and against his chest.