Breaking All the Rules (Marvelfic, Sentry/Void)
Title: Breaking All the Rules (of elementary biology)
Rating: G for General, humor
Fandom: Marvel Comics' The Sentry and New Avengers
Challenge: #34
Word Count: 500
For "Challenges Revisited" week. Also, STRONG CRACK.
The Sentry peered into the room, oddly hesitant for a superhero with the power of a thousand exploding suns. Peter, Tony, and Steve were sitting on a couch in the Avengers' Rec Room, watching a game and sharing a bowl of popcorn (which Peter was hogging). Clearing his throat, the Sentry said, "I need to speak with all of you. Do you have a minute?"
"Sure, Bob," said Cap, putting the television on mute. "You know you can talk to us anytime, about anything." Peter and Tony made vaguely encouraging noises as they stuffed their faces.
"Well,” the Sentry said, drawing himself up to his full height and squaring his shoulders, "you know that Lindy and I recently divorced."
"Yes," said Steve, gently patting the Sentry on the shoulder. "I know it was difficult for you, Bob."
"It was," agreed the Sentry. "But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. I’m in love - "
"That's wonderful!" said Steve, pleasantly surprised.
"-with the Void -"
Tony and Peter turned to stare.
"-and we’re having a baby."
All four men were silent for a moment. Peter's mouth gaped open, and all his popcorn fell out onto his lap. Brushing it away, he stammered, "Y-y-you're joking, right? Hahaha. This IS a joke, right? Please say it’s a joke."
The Sentry frowned. "It's no joke, Peter. The Void and I are going to be a family soon."
Steve's left eye twitched. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Bob, you’re a grown adult and you can make your own life decisions. But I have to ask you if you know what you’re doing here."
Peter flung his hands into the air. "Whoa! You have two bodies, but you and the Void are the same person. And you’re having a baby with yourself? That's not normal! You can't just break the laws of nature - okay, maybe you can, but that doesn't mean you should! Am I the only one who thinks this is completely bizarre?"
"Let’s not be so hasty," Tony said. "After all, this is an unusual biological achievement, offering an unprecedented opportunity for study..."
"Shut up, Tony," Peter told him.
Steve went on, putting his arm around the Sentry's shoulder. "You've just gone through a divorce, your mental state is very vulnerable, and all of a sudden you're in love with - yourself, and fathering a child with --- yourself. Don't you think this is a good time to stop and think about what you're doing?"
The Sentry crossed his arms. "I knew you wouldn’t understand," he said. "That’s why I didn't bring the Void with me today. We're so happy together, Steve, he understands me like no one else can..."
"I bet he does," mumbled Peter under his breath.
Tony had scrounged up some paper and a pen and was taking notes. "Bob, this is important for scientific research. You have to describe the conception in more detail."
"Shut up, Tony," Peter and Steve told him at the same time.
Rating: G for General, humor
Fandom: Marvel Comics' The Sentry and New Avengers
Challenge: #34
Word Count: 500
For "Challenges Revisited" week. Also, STRONG CRACK.
The Sentry peered into the room, oddly hesitant for a superhero with the power of a thousand exploding suns. Peter, Tony, and Steve were sitting on a couch in the Avengers' Rec Room, watching a game and sharing a bowl of popcorn (which Peter was hogging). Clearing his throat, the Sentry said, "I need to speak with all of you. Do you have a minute?"
"Sure, Bob," said Cap, putting the television on mute. "You know you can talk to us anytime, about anything." Peter and Tony made vaguely encouraging noises as they stuffed their faces.
"Well,” the Sentry said, drawing himself up to his full height and squaring his shoulders, "you know that Lindy and I recently divorced."
"Yes," said Steve, gently patting the Sentry on the shoulder. "I know it was difficult for you, Bob."
"It was," agreed the Sentry. "But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. I’m in love - "
"That's wonderful!" said Steve, pleasantly surprised.
"-with the Void -"
Tony and Peter turned to stare.
"-and we’re having a baby."
All four men were silent for a moment. Peter's mouth gaped open, and all his popcorn fell out onto his lap. Brushing it away, he stammered, "Y-y-you're joking, right? Hahaha. This IS a joke, right? Please say it’s a joke."
The Sentry frowned. "It's no joke, Peter. The Void and I are going to be a family soon."
Steve's left eye twitched. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Bob, you’re a grown adult and you can make your own life decisions. But I have to ask you if you know what you’re doing here."
Peter flung his hands into the air. "Whoa! You have two bodies, but you and the Void are the same person. And you’re having a baby with yourself? That's not normal! You can't just break the laws of nature - okay, maybe you can, but that doesn't mean you should! Am I the only one who thinks this is completely bizarre?"
"Let’s not be so hasty," Tony said. "After all, this is an unusual biological achievement, offering an unprecedented opportunity for study..."
"Shut up, Tony," Peter told him.
Steve went on, putting his arm around the Sentry's shoulder. "You've just gone through a divorce, your mental state is very vulnerable, and all of a sudden you're in love with - yourself, and fathering a child with --- yourself. Don't you think this is a good time to stop and think about what you're doing?"
The Sentry crossed his arms. "I knew you wouldn’t understand," he said. "That’s why I didn't bring the Void with me today. We're so happy together, Steve, he understands me like no one else can..."
"I bet he does," mumbled Peter under his breath.
Tony had scrounged up some paper and a pen and was taking notes. "Bob, this is important for scientific research. You have to describe the conception in more detail."
"Shut up, Tony," Peter and Steve told him at the same time.