The Weasleys of Oz, 7/?
The Weasleys of Oz
Chapter 7 The Palace Guard and the King of the Forest
Characters: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Lucius Malfoy, George Weasley, Fred Weasley
Rating: Teen
Summary: After trying one of Fred and George's new sweets, Harry finds himself in the land of Oz. A cross-dressing Albus Dumbledore, brainless Hermione, cowardly Gryffindor, and snarky Tin Man help him find his way out of the musical and back to the Burrow.
Back to Chapter 1
Back to Chapter 2
Back to Chapter 3
Back to Chapter 4
Back to Chapter 5
Back to Chapter 6
The group didn’t exactly move stealthily throughout the city. Despite his efforts to tread lightly, Tin Man Snape’s footsteps clanged against the cobblestone roads. And every time Cowardly Lion Ron thought someone might have spotted them, he let out a loud girlish scream.
Fortunately, the palace was large and easy to find, but it still took their group over an hour to journey through the city without being spotted. As they walked down a deserted alleyway to the front of the palace, they could hear the large crowd of people that was currently blocking their entrance. They remained hidden in the alley and peeked around the edge of a cottage to see what was going on.
People were crowded around the stairs leading to the entrance of the palace. Standing at the top of the stairs was Argus Filch attempting to placate the crowds. “Citizens of Oz,” he growled at the people. “Calm down and shut the hell up!”
Obviously, his tactics were not working.
Filch wore an outfit that was similar to that of a leader of a marching band. His getup included a helmet and combat boots, and his pants were too short. Each item of clothing was a different shade of green. The coat was emerald green with lime green tassels. The helmet strap was green leather that was pulled tightly under his chin, and his lank, greasy hair stuck out from under the helmet to hang limply on either side of his face.
To say the least, he looked ridiculous.
“If you people will go home, I will tell the Wizards all about the Witch, and they will take care of everything. But if you people don’t leave this bloody second, I will tell that Witch to come back here and curse each and every one of you straight to the depths of Hell!”
The people ignored him and continued shouting demands to see the Wizards. But when a bright green version of Mrs. Norris stepped out from behind Filch’s boots, the crowd immediately stopped talking. The feline hissed once at them, and the people silently turned around and left. Padfoot growled.
Filch crossed his arms and nodded at the retreating citizens. “That’s what I thought! I told you people last time not to come around here bitching at me. Yeah, you better leave!”
When the street was finally empty, Harry, Tin Man Snape, Scaregnome Hermione, Cowardly Lion Ron, and Padfoot crept out of their hiding place and walked up to the palace. They walked halfway up the steps and stopped. Harry cleared his throat.
Filch looked at them, and he rolled his eyes. “Don’t you people ever give up?”
Harry walked up one more step. “My friends and I need to see the Wizards immediately.”
“No! Nobody gets to enter the palace, and nobody gets to see the Wizards. I don’t know what I need to do to get that through your thick skulls!” He pulled a small hairbrush from his coat pocket. “Now, if you please, it’s time for Mrs. Norris’s daily brushing.”
“Oh, for the love of Oz,” Tin Man Snape grumbled while pushing Cowardly Lion Ron out of the way so he could step forward. He grabbed Harry roughly by the upper-arm, and the two walked up to the top step. “You see this boy here? He is Harry. We need to see the Wizards now.”
Filch scrutinized Harry. He poked one long finger under his helmet and scratched his head. “The boy doesn’t look very hairy to me.”
Tin Man Snape’s tin shoulders slouched, Harry ran a hand over his face exasperatedly, and their friends behind them groaned.
Harry pushed his hair off of his forehead and pointed at the ruby scar. “This is the ruby scar.” He then pointed to himself. “I am the one that the Witch is after.” Harry then grabbed Filch menacingly by the lapels of his coat with one hand and gestured to the rest of his group with the other. “And we need to see the goddamned Wizards!”
Filch pulled his coat from Harry’s iron grip and stepped away. He brushed out the wrinkles and attempted to regain some composure. “Well, why didn’t you point out the scar in the first place?” He cleared his throat and sniffed at them. “I’ll announce your presence to the Wizards at once.” He then turned on his heel and entered the palace.
They all sighed in relief and sat down upon the stairs. Tin Man Snape rubbed at his closed eyes with his tin fists. “This is getting to be tiring. If I don’t get out of this city soon, I’m going to strangle one of these dunderheads.”
“If I don’t get back to the Burrow soon... I... I’ll... I’ll figure out how to shoot lasers from this scar, and I’ll blast this entire city to smithereens.”
Tin Man Snape frowned, and Scaregnome Hermione gaped at him. Cowardly Lion Ron was staring off into space, as his mind seemed to have wandered elsewhere.
Harry shrugged at them. “I’m just saying, you know. I want to leave already.”
Suddenly, Cowardly Lion Ron stood up from his seat on the marble stairs. He looked into the distance with a determined look on his face and his chest was puffed out. “When I get my courage”-he turned to face them then-“I’m going to make myself King of the forest!”
He looked up at the towering palace and began to sing.
“If I were King of the forest-
not Queen, not Duke, not Prince-
my regal robes of the forest
would be satin and not cotton and not chintz.
I’d command each thing,
be it unicorn or owl,
with a woof and a woof, and a royal growl.
I’d click my heel;
all the bowtruckles would kneel.
And the trolls bow.
And the minotaurs kowtow.
And the phoenix would take wing,
if Weasley were their King!
“Each pixie would show respect to me;
the merpeople genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash,
I’d show compash to every underling.
If Weasley were their King.
Their King!”
Scaregnome Hermione and Harry decided to join in, and they bowed down before him. Tin Man Snape huffed and remained where he was seated.
Harry and Scaregnome Hermione began to sing in unison:
“Each pixie would show respect to him.
The merpeople genuflect to him.”
The two stood, and Scaregnome Hermione continued to sing,
“And his wife would be Queen of the May.”
Cowardly Lion Ron grinned cheekily at her and winked. The scaregnome before him blushed wildly and looked down at her feet.
Harry noticed Padfoot tugging on a long cloak that one of the people in the crowds had left behind. He grabbed it and draped it over the “King’s” shoulders. Earlier, Scaregnome Hermione had noticed a broken flower pot sitting forgotten in the alley they had been hiding in. She quickly ran across the street to collect it.
“I’d be monarch of all I survey...”
She placed the top half of the pot on Cowardly Lion Ron’s head, crowning him.
“Monarch of all I survey...”
Sucking in a deep breath, he finished his song.
“Mah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-ha-narch!
Of all I survey!”
The Cowardly Lion sat carefully upon the top step as if he were sitting down upon his throne. Harry bowed before him, and Scaregnome Hermione curtsied. Tin Man Snape rolled his eyes at them for humoring the lion and looked down the street to make sure nobody was watching their embarrassing display.
Harry asked the lion, “Your majesty, if you were King, you wouldn’t be afraid of anything?”
Cowardly Lion Ron looked down at him. “Not nobody, not no how!”
Scaregnome Hermione stood up from her curtsy. “Not even a Manticore?”
“I’d show them what my claws are for!” he replied, extending his sharp claws.
“How about a giantess?” Harry questioned.
“I’d rip her apart and make a mess!”
Scaregnome Hermione stepped forward. “Supposin’ you met a dementor?”
“I would make it cry a lamentor.”
“What if it were a Nagas?” asked Harry.
“I’d show him who was King of the foras’!”
“How?” asked Harry and Scaregnome Hermione in unison.
“How?” repeated Cowardly Lion Ron. “Courage! What makes a King out of an average guy?” He patted himself on the chest with his paw. “Courage! What makes the Hippogriff soar through the sky? Courage! What makes the vampire stalk his prey in the dark of night or despite the light of day? What pushes the goblin to protect his pay? Courage!”
His two-person audience kneeled before him and listened to his determined rhyming.
“What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage. What makes the star-gazing centaur unafraid of lightning and thunder? Courage. What makes the ashwinder’s eggs so hot? What makes the leprechauns not easily caught? What have they got that I ain’t got?”
The three of them stood up quickly and yelled, “Courage!”
Then Cowardly Lion Ron slumped back down onto his step. Looking down at his paws in his lap, he blushed. “Yeah... that.”
Their attention was redirected when the guard exited the palace, looking rather disgruntled. His face was covered in soot, and his eyebrows were singed off. Smoke was trailing behind him, coming from under his crooked helmet, the leather strap broken.
The five traveling companions walked towards him. “What happened to you?” Harry asked.
Filch glared at him. “Just let me give you this brief warning: if the Wizards offer you a sweet, refuse it. Immediately.”
Scaregnome Hermione covered her mouth with her gloved hand to stop the giggles from bubbling forth. Tin Man Snape huffed and tapped his tin foot impatiently. The sound of hallow tin against marble echoed down the empty street. “Can we get on with this?”
Filch grumbled. “Yes. The Wizards will see you now.”
TBC
On to Chapter 8
-SiS
Chapter 7 The Palace Guard and the King of the Forest
Characters: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, Lucius Malfoy, George Weasley, Fred Weasley
Rating: Teen
Summary: After trying one of Fred and George's new sweets, Harry finds himself in the land of Oz. A cross-dressing Albus Dumbledore, brainless Hermione, cowardly Gryffindor, and snarky Tin Man help him find his way out of the musical and back to the Burrow.
Back to Chapter 1
Back to Chapter 2
Back to Chapter 3
Back to Chapter 4
Back to Chapter 5
Back to Chapter 6
The group didn’t exactly move stealthily throughout the city. Despite his efforts to tread lightly, Tin Man Snape’s footsteps clanged against the cobblestone roads. And every time Cowardly Lion Ron thought someone might have spotted them, he let out a loud girlish scream.
Fortunately, the palace was large and easy to find, but it still took their group over an hour to journey through the city without being spotted. As they walked down a deserted alleyway to the front of the palace, they could hear the large crowd of people that was currently blocking their entrance. They remained hidden in the alley and peeked around the edge of a cottage to see what was going on.
People were crowded around the stairs leading to the entrance of the palace. Standing at the top of the stairs was Argus Filch attempting to placate the crowds. “Citizens of Oz,” he growled at the people. “Calm down and shut the hell up!”
Obviously, his tactics were not working.
Filch wore an outfit that was similar to that of a leader of a marching band. His getup included a helmet and combat boots, and his pants were too short. Each item of clothing was a different shade of green. The coat was emerald green with lime green tassels. The helmet strap was green leather that was pulled tightly under his chin, and his lank, greasy hair stuck out from under the helmet to hang limply on either side of his face.
To say the least, he looked ridiculous.
“If you people will go home, I will tell the Wizards all about the Witch, and they will take care of everything. But if you people don’t leave this bloody second, I will tell that Witch to come back here and curse each and every one of you straight to the depths of Hell!”
The people ignored him and continued shouting demands to see the Wizards. But when a bright green version of Mrs. Norris stepped out from behind Filch’s boots, the crowd immediately stopped talking. The feline hissed once at them, and the people silently turned around and left. Padfoot growled.
Filch crossed his arms and nodded at the retreating citizens. “That’s what I thought! I told you people last time not to come around here bitching at me. Yeah, you better leave!”
When the street was finally empty, Harry, Tin Man Snape, Scaregnome Hermione, Cowardly Lion Ron, and Padfoot crept out of their hiding place and walked up to the palace. They walked halfway up the steps and stopped. Harry cleared his throat.
Filch looked at them, and he rolled his eyes. “Don’t you people ever give up?”
Harry walked up one more step. “My friends and I need to see the Wizards immediately.”
“No! Nobody gets to enter the palace, and nobody gets to see the Wizards. I don’t know what I need to do to get that through your thick skulls!” He pulled a small hairbrush from his coat pocket. “Now, if you please, it’s time for Mrs. Norris’s daily brushing.”
“Oh, for the love of Oz,” Tin Man Snape grumbled while pushing Cowardly Lion Ron out of the way so he could step forward. He grabbed Harry roughly by the upper-arm, and the two walked up to the top step. “You see this boy here? He is Harry. We need to see the Wizards now.”
Filch scrutinized Harry. He poked one long finger under his helmet and scratched his head. “The boy doesn’t look very hairy to me.”
Tin Man Snape’s tin shoulders slouched, Harry ran a hand over his face exasperatedly, and their friends behind them groaned.
Harry pushed his hair off of his forehead and pointed at the ruby scar. “This is the ruby scar.” He then pointed to himself. “I am the one that the Witch is after.” Harry then grabbed Filch menacingly by the lapels of his coat with one hand and gestured to the rest of his group with the other. “And we need to see the goddamned Wizards!”
Filch pulled his coat from Harry’s iron grip and stepped away. He brushed out the wrinkles and attempted to regain some composure. “Well, why didn’t you point out the scar in the first place?” He cleared his throat and sniffed at them. “I’ll announce your presence to the Wizards at once.” He then turned on his heel and entered the palace.
They all sighed in relief and sat down upon the stairs. Tin Man Snape rubbed at his closed eyes with his tin fists. “This is getting to be tiring. If I don’t get out of this city soon, I’m going to strangle one of these dunderheads.”
“If I don’t get back to the Burrow soon... I... I’ll... I’ll figure out how to shoot lasers from this scar, and I’ll blast this entire city to smithereens.”
Tin Man Snape frowned, and Scaregnome Hermione gaped at him. Cowardly Lion Ron was staring off into space, as his mind seemed to have wandered elsewhere.
Harry shrugged at them. “I’m just saying, you know. I want to leave already.”
Suddenly, Cowardly Lion Ron stood up from his seat on the marble stairs. He looked into the distance with a determined look on his face and his chest was puffed out. “When I get my courage”-he turned to face them then-“I’m going to make myself King of the forest!”
He looked up at the towering palace and began to sing.
“If I were King of the forest-
not Queen, not Duke, not Prince-
my regal robes of the forest
would be satin and not cotton and not chintz.
I’d command each thing,
be it unicorn or owl,
with a woof and a woof, and a royal growl.
I’d click my heel;
all the bowtruckles would kneel.
And the trolls bow.
And the minotaurs kowtow.
And the phoenix would take wing,
if Weasley were their King!
“Each pixie would show respect to me;
the merpeople genuflect to me.
Though my tail would lash,
I’d show compash to every underling.
If Weasley were their King.
Their King!”
Scaregnome Hermione and Harry decided to join in, and they bowed down before him. Tin Man Snape huffed and remained where he was seated.
Harry and Scaregnome Hermione began to sing in unison:
“Each pixie would show respect to him.
The merpeople genuflect to him.”
The two stood, and Scaregnome Hermione continued to sing,
“And his wife would be Queen of the May.”
Cowardly Lion Ron grinned cheekily at her and winked. The scaregnome before him blushed wildly and looked down at her feet.
Harry noticed Padfoot tugging on a long cloak that one of the people in the crowds had left behind. He grabbed it and draped it over the “King’s” shoulders. Earlier, Scaregnome Hermione had noticed a broken flower pot sitting forgotten in the alley they had been hiding in. She quickly ran across the street to collect it.
“I’d be monarch of all I survey...”
She placed the top half of the pot on Cowardly Lion Ron’s head, crowning him.
“Monarch of all I survey...”
Sucking in a deep breath, he finished his song.
“Mah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-ha-narch!
Of all I survey!”
The Cowardly Lion sat carefully upon the top step as if he were sitting down upon his throne. Harry bowed before him, and Scaregnome Hermione curtsied. Tin Man Snape rolled his eyes at them for humoring the lion and looked down the street to make sure nobody was watching their embarrassing display.
Harry asked the lion, “Your majesty, if you were King, you wouldn’t be afraid of anything?”
Cowardly Lion Ron looked down at him. “Not nobody, not no how!”
Scaregnome Hermione stood up from her curtsy. “Not even a Manticore?”
“I’d show them what my claws are for!” he replied, extending his sharp claws.
“How about a giantess?” Harry questioned.
“I’d rip her apart and make a mess!”
Scaregnome Hermione stepped forward. “Supposin’ you met a dementor?”
“I would make it cry a lamentor.”
“What if it were a Nagas?” asked Harry.
“I’d show him who was King of the foras’!”
“How?” asked Harry and Scaregnome Hermione in unison.
“How?” repeated Cowardly Lion Ron. “Courage! What makes a King out of an average guy?” He patted himself on the chest with his paw. “Courage! What makes the Hippogriff soar through the sky? Courage! What makes the vampire stalk his prey in the dark of night or despite the light of day? What pushes the goblin to protect his pay? Courage!”
His two-person audience kneeled before him and listened to his determined rhyming.
“What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage. What makes the star-gazing centaur unafraid of lightning and thunder? Courage. What makes the ashwinder’s eggs so hot? What makes the leprechauns not easily caught? What have they got that I ain’t got?”
The three of them stood up quickly and yelled, “Courage!”
Then Cowardly Lion Ron slumped back down onto his step. Looking down at his paws in his lap, he blushed. “Yeah... that.”
Their attention was redirected when the guard exited the palace, looking rather disgruntled. His face was covered in soot, and his eyebrows were singed off. Smoke was trailing behind him, coming from under his crooked helmet, the leather strap broken.
The five traveling companions walked towards him. “What happened to you?” Harry asked.
Filch glared at him. “Just let me give you this brief warning: if the Wizards offer you a sweet, refuse it. Immediately.”
Scaregnome Hermione covered her mouth with her gloved hand to stop the giggles from bubbling forth. Tin Man Snape huffed and tapped his tin foot impatiently. The sound of hallow tin against marble echoed down the empty street. “Can we get on with this?”
Filch grumbled. “Yes. The Wizards will see you now.”
TBC
On to Chapter 8
-SiS