Here With You
Anger. Revulsion that sank into his tongue and made him taste bile. That man telling Steve that he didn't know what he was doing; that he didn't care. Didn't care about the twelve hostages. Watches as Steve's eyes go blank, his shoulders slack before he breaks all eye contact and has to look away. Has to. Can't let anyone see the emotions in his face.
Steve is quiet on the way back to the station. Looks out the window a few times at the setting sun with an expression that Danny can't figure out. It was a mixture of defeat and longing.
"Steve-" he starts.
"No." His knuckles grip the steering wheel and he bites his lip. "Please, just no." And they're both quiet the rest of the way back.
Steve doesn't say anything when Danny rests his open palm on the inside of Steve's thigh as a silent comfort.
- - - - - - - - - -
The job is done, the teenagers are back safely with their parents. Danny watches Steve allow a smile to cross his lips when he sees parents rushing to their kids. Embracing them. Mothers running their fingers through their child's hair to make sure they're there. Fathers resting their hands on the side of their son's faces, nodding with tears in their eyes. Whispering words of apologies. Of I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Then, it's back.
The sadness. Steve's smile no longer reaches his eyes, and Danny watches as his eyes skim the crowd. His thumb is running small circles on the inside of his own wrist. Is he comforting himself? Steve looks up at the ceiling, eyes searching the tiled wall for something. His lips are moving, a silent prayer to the man who made him into the man he was.
Miss you.
- - - - - - - - - -
The Five-0 team goes out to celebrate. Danny watches Steve again. Has been all day. Steve is reckless- always reckless. Doing things without thinking, without worrying about himself. He's scared of what Steve is thinking. Of what he's going to do to get over this. And no matter how many times Steve yells it off and Chin and Kono that he's fine and he was just doing his job, Danny can see. See the way the light stops shining in his eyes when he thinks no one is looking, the way he forces himself to drink the alcohol that Chin keeps pouring for him.
When Kono and Chin call it a night, Danny stays behind; watches over Steve. Steve tells him 'M fine Danny and I was just doing my job and I'm a good cop. Danny just nods, keeping his arm around Steve's shoulders even when Steve tries to shrug them off. When it's clear that Danny's arm isn't going anywhere, Steve sighs into the mouth of his beer bottle, his eyes on his hands.
Steve can't hide.
Not forever.
- - - - - - - - - -
Steve is drunk by the time Danny's decided that his partner has had enough. Steve's words are slurred and don't make any sense. Keeps mumbling things like Leave me alone and Get the fuck off of me, but his hand never unclenched from Danny's shirt.
"Alright, Steve. Okay."
- - - - - - - - - -
He deposits Steve onto his bed, watches as the tears start rolling down his cheeks. They glisten in the moonlight coming through the window when Steve shifts his head on the pillows. Steve is whining, his arm slinging over his eyes when the tears don't stop.
And that's good enough for Danny. He takes off all of his clothes, crawls on the bed with Steve. When Danny places a hand on Steve's forearm, he feels him tense.
"Steve." And he waits. Steve's not stupid. He knows that Danny's naked. He understands what Danny's going to offer him, awknowledges that Danny's going to do it whether Steve wants to or not.
Danny sets his hand over Steve's heart, feels the heartbeat under his fingers.
"Being alive." The words were so sudden and random, loud in the quiet room.
"What?"
"Being alive," Steve repeats. "It hurts." And there it is. The vulnerability of this seemingly invulnerable man seeping through the cracks and Danny can see it. The walls that Steve had built around himself had opened a little. Enough for Danny to squeeze through.
"I'm going to help you." It wasn't a request. Steve opens his mouth, but Danny slides his own over it. He won't let Steve talk anymore. He'll use his words to manipulate Danny into thinking what he's about to do is wrong. Unneeded.
He quickly strips Steve, who is in a drunken haze and too slow to stop how fast Danny is moving. Soon he's sliding his body over Steve's own, the feel of heated skin on skin causing Danny to inhale sharply. Steve gasps out as well, and Danny claims his mouth once more, pushing his tongue inside Steve's mouth. Steve breaks away first for air, one of his hands coming to rest on the headboard of the bed.
Danny mouths down Steve neck, inhaling his scent. It clouds Danny's mind, thickens the air around them. Danny slips his fingers into Steve's mouth, and for a moment, Steve doesn't do anything. He just looks at Danny with apathetic eyes. Only when Danny lowers his mouth to one of Steve's nipples does Steve start to suck. Danny enjoys the way Steve's body does these little waves. First his head tilts back, then his chest rises, followed by his hips lifting off the mattress before he sets himself back down.
Danny takes his two fingers out, reaching between Steve's legs. Steve's eyes open then and he attempted to sit up. Danny can see the panic rising in Steve's eyes, can feel his body start to tense again. Danny doesn't stop. Doesn't think he can. Not with Steve already like this, naked and broken underneath him.
And so he presses a finger quick and deep inside Steve's body, watching his face as he starts thrusting. Steve looks confused a little bit, but Danny smiles when his body shakes from holding himself upright. Danny hums as he tilts his head down and laps at Steve's bellybutton. Steve's hip's jolt involuntarily at the contact.
Danny adds a second finger, and he knows it's too fast and too dry, but he needs to see Steve. Needs to hear more of him. Needs to know Steve is still here with him. Steve hisses a little, but his hips raise to the contact anyway. Danny's fingers search and search for the place he knows exists inside every man. The spot that Danny know will make Steve writhe and arch against him.
Steve lets him know when he finds it. As his fingers thrust over that spot, Steve's back arches like a bow and his head tilts back. A low moan escapes his throat, and he subconsciously spreads his legs a little more, a silent display of desire and pleasure.
Danny obliges. He can't take his eyes off of Steve. He knows he might never get to see Steve like this ever again. Lowered defenses for once is his god damned life and the way that right now, he's showing emotions. He either won't or simply can't hold it all in anymore. But Danny knows that tomorrow at work, Steve will he gone again. He'll lock his mind away, coming out once in a while to connect with a victim before withdrawing again.
Steve's hips are trembling now, and Steve is moaning uncontrollably now. When he tries to hold it in by biting his lip, Danny shallowly thrusts against that spot again and again and again, keeping the pleasure constant until Steve cries out again. Letting Steve know that he will not allow Steve to hold back. Not this time.
"Danny...touch me..." But Danny just shakes his head at Steve.
"Want you like this, want you to cum like this. With my fingers inside you. Nothing else." Steve's arm grips Danny's forearm as Danny starts to rub his thumb against the inside of Steve's wrist as he had seen him do earlier.
"Danny, I can't-" But his words trail off into a low shout as Danny's fingers speed up, hitting Steve's special spot as they slide in and out, hard and deep. Danny almost feels like he's pleasuring a woman, can't believe how wet and clenching Steve is around his fingers.
"Stay with me, Steve," he whispers when Steve's body starts to tense. Little by little, Danny watches Steve drown. He's gasping for air, fighting to stay afloat. But Danny won't let him breathe. He pushes him back down under.
When Steve's entire body freezes, Danny snakes his hand down and pumps his hand up and down the hard length of Steve's dick. Steve screams himself raw as Danny pulls, pushes and forces wave after wave of pleasure from Steve. And it's just want Danny had wanted. Wanted to hear Steve scream until no sound would come out, wanted him to loose the control he always had, even if it was just for a moment. And Steve's hips are jerking helplessly to the pulses of his orgasm, and Danny wonders how he can still move his fingers with Steve being so tight around him.
And then Steve is breathing again, head turned into the pillow, his fists clutching it tightly to his head. His body is shaking and there's a layer of sweat coating his skin. Danny slides his fingers free, running them up Steve's now wet stomach, trailing the semen up his chest.
"Steve." And Steve was looking at him with those eyes. Those damned eyes that Danny could never understand. Danny smiled and Steve's eyes fluttered closed. Danny kissed his face. His cheeks, his nose, his eyelids. Until Steve's breathing had evened out and Danny knew he was asleep.
Danny watched as the constant lines between Steve's brows disappear. Watched him sink into sleep. Steve was having a good dream. He wasn't speaking or mumbling.
Danny knew Steve's dreams would be be taking care of him tonight. And he trusted them to love him tenderly, the way only someone's own mind could. He trusted Steve to let himself be loved.
And bring himself back home again.
Steve is quiet on the way back to the station. Looks out the window a few times at the setting sun with an expression that Danny can't figure out. It was a mixture of defeat and longing.
"Steve-" he starts.
"No." His knuckles grip the steering wheel and he bites his lip. "Please, just no." And they're both quiet the rest of the way back.
Steve doesn't say anything when Danny rests his open palm on the inside of Steve's thigh as a silent comfort.
- - - - - - - - - -
The job is done, the teenagers are back safely with their parents. Danny watches Steve allow a smile to cross his lips when he sees parents rushing to their kids. Embracing them. Mothers running their fingers through their child's hair to make sure they're there. Fathers resting their hands on the side of their son's faces, nodding with tears in their eyes. Whispering words of apologies. Of I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Then, it's back.
The sadness. Steve's smile no longer reaches his eyes, and Danny watches as his eyes skim the crowd. His thumb is running small circles on the inside of his own wrist. Is he comforting himself? Steve looks up at the ceiling, eyes searching the tiled wall for something. His lips are moving, a silent prayer to the man who made him into the man he was.
Miss you.
- - - - - - - - - -
The Five-0 team goes out to celebrate. Danny watches Steve again. Has been all day. Steve is reckless- always reckless. Doing things without thinking, without worrying about himself. He's scared of what Steve is thinking. Of what he's going to do to get over this. And no matter how many times Steve yells it off and Chin and Kono that he's fine and he was just doing his job, Danny can see. See the way the light stops shining in his eyes when he thinks no one is looking, the way he forces himself to drink the alcohol that Chin keeps pouring for him.
When Kono and Chin call it a night, Danny stays behind; watches over Steve. Steve tells him 'M fine Danny and I was just doing my job and I'm a good cop. Danny just nods, keeping his arm around Steve's shoulders even when Steve tries to shrug them off. When it's clear that Danny's arm isn't going anywhere, Steve sighs into the mouth of his beer bottle, his eyes on his hands.
Steve can't hide.
Not forever.
- - - - - - - - - -
Steve is drunk by the time Danny's decided that his partner has had enough. Steve's words are slurred and don't make any sense. Keeps mumbling things like Leave me alone and Get the fuck off of me, but his hand never unclenched from Danny's shirt.
"Alright, Steve. Okay."
- - - - - - - - - -
He deposits Steve onto his bed, watches as the tears start rolling down his cheeks. They glisten in the moonlight coming through the window when Steve shifts his head on the pillows. Steve is whining, his arm slinging over his eyes when the tears don't stop.
And that's good enough for Danny. He takes off all of his clothes, crawls on the bed with Steve. When Danny places a hand on Steve's forearm, he feels him tense.
"Steve." And he waits. Steve's not stupid. He knows that Danny's naked. He understands what Danny's going to offer him, awknowledges that Danny's going to do it whether Steve wants to or not.
Danny sets his hand over Steve's heart, feels the heartbeat under his fingers.
"Being alive." The words were so sudden and random, loud in the quiet room.
"What?"
"Being alive," Steve repeats. "It hurts." And there it is. The vulnerability of this seemingly invulnerable man seeping through the cracks and Danny can see it. The walls that Steve had built around himself had opened a little. Enough for Danny to squeeze through.
"I'm going to help you." It wasn't a request. Steve opens his mouth, but Danny slides his own over it. He won't let Steve talk anymore. He'll use his words to manipulate Danny into thinking what he's about to do is wrong. Unneeded.
He quickly strips Steve, who is in a drunken haze and too slow to stop how fast Danny is moving. Soon he's sliding his body over Steve's own, the feel of heated skin on skin causing Danny to inhale sharply. Steve gasps out as well, and Danny claims his mouth once more, pushing his tongue inside Steve's mouth. Steve breaks away first for air, one of his hands coming to rest on the headboard of the bed.
Danny mouths down Steve neck, inhaling his scent. It clouds Danny's mind, thickens the air around them. Danny slips his fingers into Steve's mouth, and for a moment, Steve doesn't do anything. He just looks at Danny with apathetic eyes. Only when Danny lowers his mouth to one of Steve's nipples does Steve start to suck. Danny enjoys the way Steve's body does these little waves. First his head tilts back, then his chest rises, followed by his hips lifting off the mattress before he sets himself back down.
Danny takes his two fingers out, reaching between Steve's legs. Steve's eyes open then and he attempted to sit up. Danny can see the panic rising in Steve's eyes, can feel his body start to tense again. Danny doesn't stop. Doesn't think he can. Not with Steve already like this, naked and broken underneath him.
And so he presses a finger quick and deep inside Steve's body, watching his face as he starts thrusting. Steve looks confused a little bit, but Danny smiles when his body shakes from holding himself upright. Danny hums as he tilts his head down and laps at Steve's bellybutton. Steve's hip's jolt involuntarily at the contact.
Danny adds a second finger, and he knows it's too fast and too dry, but he needs to see Steve. Needs to hear more of him. Needs to know Steve is still here with him. Steve hisses a little, but his hips raise to the contact anyway. Danny's fingers search and search for the place he knows exists inside every man. The spot that Danny know will make Steve writhe and arch against him.
Steve lets him know when he finds it. As his fingers thrust over that spot, Steve's back arches like a bow and his head tilts back. A low moan escapes his throat, and he subconsciously spreads his legs a little more, a silent display of desire and pleasure.
Danny obliges. He can't take his eyes off of Steve. He knows he might never get to see Steve like this ever again. Lowered defenses for once is his god damned life and the way that right now, he's showing emotions. He either won't or simply can't hold it all in anymore. But Danny knows that tomorrow at work, Steve will he gone again. He'll lock his mind away, coming out once in a while to connect with a victim before withdrawing again.
Steve's hips are trembling now, and Steve is moaning uncontrollably now. When he tries to hold it in by biting his lip, Danny shallowly thrusts against that spot again and again and again, keeping the pleasure constant until Steve cries out again. Letting Steve know that he will not allow Steve to hold back. Not this time.
"Danny...touch me..." But Danny just shakes his head at Steve.
"Want you like this, want you to cum like this. With my fingers inside you. Nothing else." Steve's arm grips Danny's forearm as Danny starts to rub his thumb against the inside of Steve's wrist as he had seen him do earlier.
"Danny, I can't-" But his words trail off into a low shout as Danny's fingers speed up, hitting Steve's special spot as they slide in and out, hard and deep. Danny almost feels like he's pleasuring a woman, can't believe how wet and clenching Steve is around his fingers.
"Stay with me, Steve," he whispers when Steve's body starts to tense. Little by little, Danny watches Steve drown. He's gasping for air, fighting to stay afloat. But Danny won't let him breathe. He pushes him back down under.
When Steve's entire body freezes, Danny snakes his hand down and pumps his hand up and down the hard length of Steve's dick. Steve screams himself raw as Danny pulls, pushes and forces wave after wave of pleasure from Steve. And it's just want Danny had wanted. Wanted to hear Steve scream until no sound would come out, wanted him to loose the control he always had, even if it was just for a moment. And Steve's hips are jerking helplessly to the pulses of his orgasm, and Danny wonders how he can still move his fingers with Steve being so tight around him.
And then Steve is breathing again, head turned into the pillow, his fists clutching it tightly to his head. His body is shaking and there's a layer of sweat coating his skin. Danny slides his fingers free, running them up Steve's now wet stomach, trailing the semen up his chest.
"Steve." And Steve was looking at him with those eyes. Those damned eyes that Danny could never understand. Danny smiled and Steve's eyes fluttered closed. Danny kissed his face. His cheeks, his nose, his eyelids. Until Steve's breathing had evened out and Danny knew he was asleep.
Danny watched as the constant lines between Steve's brows disappear. Watched him sink into sleep. Steve was having a good dream. He wasn't speaking or mumbling.
Danny knew Steve's dreams would be be taking care of him tonight. And he trusted them to love him tenderly, the way only someone's own mind could. He trusted Steve to let himself be loved.
And bring himself back home again.