Lornefest 3: Leaving, Lorne/Mitchell, Slash/Whump, PG
Title: Leaving
Series: SGA/SG-1 AU/ Fusion
Characters/Pairing: Evan Lorne/Cameron Mitchell
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,188
Warning: Mostly!Dead!Evan, Angst
Notes: For slashing_lorne Lornefest.
Prompts: Lorne/Mitchell -- song lyrics of author's choice
Full list at the bottom
Evan pressed his palms to the Plexiglas of the isolation chamber, and then bent his forehead until it too touched the barrier. On the other side, out in the world, Cam mirrored the pose, as he had done every time he came to check on Evan. Since Cam was far from the microphone pickup, Evan couldn’t hear what he was saying. He could see Mitchell’s lips moving, and he knew just by watching what the mumbling litany his lover was repeating was, as it had been so often in the past few days: expressions of disbelief, rage and frustration at the situation and grief. Always that.
Cam’s grief was the hardest thing Evan had to deal with in this whole disastrous mess. Seeing the pain there in his eyes as Cam was forced to watch him die. The early days of denial and disbelief were gone, Evan knew he was dying, he felt his body growing weaker as the Shintock virus slowly worked through him, killing him.
As a soldier he had always thought he’d go out quickly, a bullet, a bomb, an explosion, a bird going down and crashing in a fiery send off. He had never anticipated being bitten by a crazed alien woman and infected with a virus that would kill him slowly, over the course of a few weeks.
He pulled back from the window and gestured to the microphone. Cam nodded and moved down, toggling the switch. “How are you feeling?”
“The same as yesterday. No worse,” Lorne shrugged and gave Cam a wavering smile.
“How’s the pain?”
“Tolerable, about a five.” He sank carefully onto the chair that was situated near the intercom, his legs too weak to hold him up for too long.
“Sheppard took a team to M65-765 last night to investigate a rumor of a cure for Shintock. They’re due to check in soon.”
“There’s no cure, Cameron.”
“Don’t give up on me, Ev, please.” The desperation in his lover’s eyes made Evan wince and look away. Cam tapped the glass, but Evan didn’t look up. “Evan, do not give up.”
“I miss you. I miss being able to touch you, I miss being touched. The nurses don’t count, strangers with rubber gloves and masks don’t count,” Evan spoke down into his lap, unable to meet Cam’s eyes. “Carson said another nine or ten days. I wish it was over now. This isn’t living, Cam, counting the hours, waiting for the end.”
Cameron’s fist pounded on the Plexiglas and his voice was angry as he snarled into the microphone, “DON”T YOU DARE GIVE UP!”
“It hurts.” Evan felt the tears start and couldn’t look up, afraid of Cam’s fury and despising a show of weakness in the face of it. “What time is it?”
Mitchell was silent, though Lorne could hear his breathing as he worked to calm himself before he answered. Evan knew Cam wasn’t truly angry with him; it was the disease Mitchell hated. “About a quarter to six, it’s almost dawn.”
“I want to see the sun again, just once, before my sight goes. I want to feel warm again. I hate this, Cam.” He was always cold now, no matter how many layers of clothing he donned. He had Cam’s favorite sweatshirt on now, the warmth of the sentiment attached to it doing more to warm him than the fleece.
“So do I. You’re going to get out of here, Ev. Everyone is working on this. They even have the CDC back on Earth looking into it. The best people in two galaxies are trying to find the cure.”
“You’re going to have to give up soon, Cameron, and let me go. Not too much longer and I’ll be begging Carson to put me under.” He looked up and saw tears shimmering in Cam’s eyes. “I won’t hurt anymore, eventually. It will be peaceful then, no pain in the afterlife, right?”
Mitchell moved away from the window, he was probably angry again, and trying to hide it from Evan since Cam knew it upset Evan to see him like that, enraged and out of control. “Cam, are you listening? I know you’re there. You wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m letting you down. I’m so sorry I’m hurting you. If I could go back and do it all again, I would do so many things differently. I wouldn’t drag you into this.”
In an instant, Cam was back, slapping his hands on the glass to make Evan look up at him. “No. No, don’t talk like that. My life was empty without you in it. Loving you was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change it. Even if it meant all of this again, I wouldn’t change it.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Well then, there we are again.” Evan gave a little snort and wiped away the tears that had slipped out, despite his best intentions not to cry. The waterworks started every time he thought about leaving Cam. They stared at each other for a while; there wasn’t much to say that had not been said in the days since he’d been confined.
Mitchell tilted his head to one side and glanced at Evan as he listened to his com. He smiled; relief and hope replacing the despair on his face. “Sheppard’s back. Teyla found something. I’ll be back in a bit, I’m going to go see.”
Afraid to hope, Evan just nodded. He reached up and turned off the intercom and watched with blurry vision through the window as Cam ran away. He’d lied to Cam about the pain level today; it was more like an eight, bordering on nine. He hadn’t been lying about begging Carson to put him under. He was almost there now. Slowly, he rose from the chair, intending to stretch out on the bed for a while.
His legs wouldn’t hold him, he collapsed onto the floor. It was hard to breathe, he gasped for air, struggling to catch a decent breath. His vision blurred, then went black. Distraught and in agony, Evan let the darkness claim him.
~*~
The first thing he noticed when he woke was the warmth of skin moving against his wrist. He opened his eyes to see Cam sitting beside him, eyes closed, chin resting in one hand as he absently stroked his thumb over Evan’s wrist, which he held loosely in his hand.
Cam was touching him! As hope flared up, he realized that the constant pain that had plagued him for weeks was gone.
“I’m out of the tank?”
The smile that spread over Cam’s face as he jerked upright and looked happily at him was the most beautiful thing Evan had seen in days. “You’re in the clear. You might have relapses now and then, Carson said the virus has just gone dormant, but they know how to deal with it now.”
“I don’t have to leave you.”
“Thank God, no. Not yet.”
“Good. I really wasn’t ready, despite what I said.”
Prompts:
For Hurt Comfort Fill: "Major Illness" (and yeah, I made the Major ill)
This is the last Hurt Comfort fill on my card; I danced around it, then shied away from it and kept it at arm’s length for as long as I could. This one hurt as much as I feared it would. And if Evil Writer makes herself sniffle, I know a few other people will probably be all sad too. Sorry. Bring tissues. Luckily, it’s only a thousand words of whump.
Lornefest: Lorne/Mitchell -- song lyrics of author's choice
The mix that inspired this is here.
The lines that directly influenced this were:
Cancer (My Chemical Romance)
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living …
… 'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
Wasted Time - Eagles
You don't care much for a stranger's touch
But you can't hold your man
Hurt - Nine Inch Nails/Johnny Cash
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
Begging please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
Queen - The Show Must Go On
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free
Series: SGA/SG-1 AU/ Fusion
Characters/Pairing: Evan Lorne/Cameron Mitchell
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,188
Warning: Mostly!Dead!Evan, Angst
Notes: For slashing_lorne Lornefest.
Prompts: Lorne/Mitchell -- song lyrics of author's choice
Full list at the bottom
Evan pressed his palms to the Plexiglas of the isolation chamber, and then bent his forehead until it too touched the barrier. On the other side, out in the world, Cam mirrored the pose, as he had done every time he came to check on Evan. Since Cam was far from the microphone pickup, Evan couldn’t hear what he was saying. He could see Mitchell’s lips moving, and he knew just by watching what the mumbling litany his lover was repeating was, as it had been so often in the past few days: expressions of disbelief, rage and frustration at the situation and grief. Always that.
Cam’s grief was the hardest thing Evan had to deal with in this whole disastrous mess. Seeing the pain there in his eyes as Cam was forced to watch him die. The early days of denial and disbelief were gone, Evan knew he was dying, he felt his body growing weaker as the Shintock virus slowly worked through him, killing him.
As a soldier he had always thought he’d go out quickly, a bullet, a bomb, an explosion, a bird going down and crashing in a fiery send off. He had never anticipated being bitten by a crazed alien woman and infected with a virus that would kill him slowly, over the course of a few weeks.
He pulled back from the window and gestured to the microphone. Cam nodded and moved down, toggling the switch. “How are you feeling?”
“The same as yesterday. No worse,” Lorne shrugged and gave Cam a wavering smile.
“How’s the pain?”
“Tolerable, about a five.” He sank carefully onto the chair that was situated near the intercom, his legs too weak to hold him up for too long.
“Sheppard took a team to M65-765 last night to investigate a rumor of a cure for Shintock. They’re due to check in soon.”
“There’s no cure, Cameron.”
“Don’t give up on me, Ev, please.” The desperation in his lover’s eyes made Evan wince and look away. Cam tapped the glass, but Evan didn’t look up. “Evan, do not give up.”
“I miss you. I miss being able to touch you, I miss being touched. The nurses don’t count, strangers with rubber gloves and masks don’t count,” Evan spoke down into his lap, unable to meet Cam’s eyes. “Carson said another nine or ten days. I wish it was over now. This isn’t living, Cam, counting the hours, waiting for the end.”
Cameron’s fist pounded on the Plexiglas and his voice was angry as he snarled into the microphone, “DON”T YOU DARE GIVE UP!”
“It hurts.” Evan felt the tears start and couldn’t look up, afraid of Cam’s fury and despising a show of weakness in the face of it. “What time is it?”
Mitchell was silent, though Lorne could hear his breathing as he worked to calm himself before he answered. Evan knew Cam wasn’t truly angry with him; it was the disease Mitchell hated. “About a quarter to six, it’s almost dawn.”
“I want to see the sun again, just once, before my sight goes. I want to feel warm again. I hate this, Cam.” He was always cold now, no matter how many layers of clothing he donned. He had Cam’s favorite sweatshirt on now, the warmth of the sentiment attached to it doing more to warm him than the fleece.
“So do I. You’re going to get out of here, Ev. Everyone is working on this. They even have the CDC back on Earth looking into it. The best people in two galaxies are trying to find the cure.”
“You’re going to have to give up soon, Cameron, and let me go. Not too much longer and I’ll be begging Carson to put me under.” He looked up and saw tears shimmering in Cam’s eyes. “I won’t hurt anymore, eventually. It will be peaceful then, no pain in the afterlife, right?”
Mitchell moved away from the window, he was probably angry again, and trying to hide it from Evan since Cam knew it upset Evan to see him like that, enraged and out of control. “Cam, are you listening? I know you’re there. You wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m letting you down. I’m so sorry I’m hurting you. If I could go back and do it all again, I would do so many things differently. I wouldn’t drag you into this.”
In an instant, Cam was back, slapping his hands on the glass to make Evan look up at him. “No. No, don’t talk like that. My life was empty without you in it. Loving you was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change it. Even if it meant all of this again, I wouldn’t change it.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Well then, there we are again.” Evan gave a little snort and wiped away the tears that had slipped out, despite his best intentions not to cry. The waterworks started every time he thought about leaving Cam. They stared at each other for a while; there wasn’t much to say that had not been said in the days since he’d been confined.
Mitchell tilted his head to one side and glanced at Evan as he listened to his com. He smiled; relief and hope replacing the despair on his face. “Sheppard’s back. Teyla found something. I’ll be back in a bit, I’m going to go see.”
Afraid to hope, Evan just nodded. He reached up and turned off the intercom and watched with blurry vision through the window as Cam ran away. He’d lied to Cam about the pain level today; it was more like an eight, bordering on nine. He hadn’t been lying about begging Carson to put him under. He was almost there now. Slowly, he rose from the chair, intending to stretch out on the bed for a while.
His legs wouldn’t hold him, he collapsed onto the floor. It was hard to breathe, he gasped for air, struggling to catch a decent breath. His vision blurred, then went black. Distraught and in agony, Evan let the darkness claim him.
~*~
The first thing he noticed when he woke was the warmth of skin moving against his wrist. He opened his eyes to see Cam sitting beside him, eyes closed, chin resting in one hand as he absently stroked his thumb over Evan’s wrist, which he held loosely in his hand.
Cam was touching him! As hope flared up, he realized that the constant pain that had plagued him for weeks was gone.
“I’m out of the tank?”
The smile that spread over Cam’s face as he jerked upright and looked happily at him was the most beautiful thing Evan had seen in days. “You’re in the clear. You might have relapses now and then, Carson said the virus has just gone dormant, but they know how to deal with it now.”
“I don’t have to leave you.”
“Thank God, no. Not yet.”
“Good. I really wasn’t ready, despite what I said.”
Prompts:
For Hurt Comfort Fill: "Major Illness" (and yeah, I made the Major ill)
This is the last Hurt Comfort fill on my card; I danced around it, then shied away from it and kept it at arm’s length for as long as I could. This one hurt as much as I feared it would. And if Evil Writer makes herself sniffle, I know a few other people will probably be all sad too. Sorry. Bring tissues. Luckily, it’s only a thousand words of whump.
Lornefest: Lorne/Mitchell -- song lyrics of author's choice
The mix that inspired this is here.
The lines that directly influenced this were:
Cancer (My Chemical Romance)
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living …
… 'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
Wasted Time - Eagles
You don't care much for a stranger's touch
But you can't hold your man
Hurt - Nine Inch Nails/Johnny Cash
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton
Begging please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
Queen - The Show Must Go On
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free