Fic, 12-days, Lorne/Parrish Part Two
Title: Misconceptions, or: Believe What You Want to Believe (2/2)
Author: calcitrix
Fandom: SGA
Characters: Lorne/Parrish, McKay/Sheppard
Word count: 12,800
Rating: NC-17
Contains: language, adult situations, also ridiculous ones
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis.
Author's Notes: Wow, it's late (early?), and this fic ate me, and honestly I didn't even re-read though the last few thousand words. But it's Christmas, and I hope everyone has a happy one.
Evan found Teyla again after lunch. She smiled when he walked into the gym through the crowd of departing marines. "Teyla--they were absolutely perfect," he said with a warm smile. "David loved the pot, and he had no idea how it got there."
"I'm pleased to help," she said, throwing a towel over her shoulder. "Dorlin was thrilled that you were interested in his wares."
"They're beautiful," Evan said. "I'll have to thank him when I fly you to the mainland next time." Evan handed her the plant he'd brought with him and continued, "Here you go. Doctor Parrish was glad to pick out a plant for Kate. This one has flowers that are supposed to have a calming effect on people."
Teyla took the small plant and smiled. "Thank you. It's perfect." Then she chuckled and added, "I suppose I should also find something to give to Doctor Parrish in return since this was traded for his own Winter Celebration and/or Holiday Gift Exchange present."
"Nah. I'm pretty sure he just likes seeing plants everywhere." The Secret Santa exchange was becoming a complicated web of trades and favors; Doctor McKay had cornered Evan at lunch and asked him to use his "contacts"--air quotes included--to procure some mistletoe, of all things. David had amicably provided that as well...after he had made sure it worked, of course. Evan had been happy to be his test subject.
Evan decided to stop by his quarters just to see if by chance David--or, he had to admit, someone else--had left anything while he'd been busy that morning. He was surprised to find that there were two things, in fact: a beautiful set of stationery, and a monstrous gingerbread house. He definitely had two Santas, then, because the paper was actually labeled "From your Winter Celebration and/or Holiday Secret Santa." The gingerbread house, on the other hand--it was almost eerie. It looked just like the ones his Aunt had delivered to him every year until the complexity of military POs made it impossible to get them to him in one piece. She still ran a popular bakery in San Francisco, and her gingerbread houses were legendary. Evan had looked forward to them every year.
He pulled off a Necco Wafer roof tile and popped it into his mouth. Then, curious, he broke off the exposed corner of the roof underneath and ate that, too. It wasn't stale at all, which meant that either David was hiding some serious baking skills--and a stash of candy as well--or...Or what? The feeling that something strange was happening intensified, but he had no idea what or how to investigate. He decided to ignore it for now. Sheppard was right; they'd find out soon enough who was behind all of the mysterious gift giving.
Breaking off another piece of gingerbread, Evan stopped with it partway to his mouth. It hit him that if David hadn't been the one to place the tree in his room, if there was some mysterious gift-giver...it meant that he'd invited David over under the misconception that he'd been sending Evan a message. But David had practically admitted it, hadn't he? Evan had to let that thought go as well. He was certainly gloriously happy with David, so even if their getting together had happened because of a mistaken assumption he wouldn't complain. But it was possible he had another person to add to his list of thank-yous.
It was getting almost ridiculous. Rodney couldn't believe that somehow John had managed to find a first edition, 1939 Detective Comics issue. The one that had introduced Batman to the world and was, the last time he'd checked, the most collectible comic book in the world. Rodney stared at the open box, not even daring to touch the plastic bag the comic was in. It was worth potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars, and it was sitting right there next to a DVD that he'd found contained porn. John was either completely insane or in love with him. Possibly both.
He eyed the mistletoe that Major Lorne had procured from the botany department--a department he refused to set foot into after the debacle of attempting to date Katie Brown--and felt a little better that he'd decided to admit his feelings for John as part of the thank you for his Christmas gifts. Which now included a comic that was worth more than everything he'd ever owned. The more he thought about it, the more intimidating that seemed. Still, John seemed to think he was worth it, which...well. Of course he was.
Shaking himself from his daydream, Rodney tucked shut the flaps on the box and put the comic on the top shelf in his closet. Then he grabbed his thermos of freshly brewed Jamaican Blue Mountain and headed to his lab.
Radek was asleep over a keyboard, still tucked away in the auxiliary lab like the hermit he was. Rodney wondered briefly who he was playing Santa for, and who was his. He bet he hadn't gotten a first edition Batman comic book, or even a coffee maker for that matter. Rodney sighed and walked over to the desk; before he could change his mind he left the thermos of delicious, delicious coffee sitting next to Radek's console. He could always make more, and if Radek was falling asleep in the middle of work, he obviously needed it.
Feeling good about himself, Rodney waved a cheerful hello to Miko and headed to his own station. By the time his stomach was telling him he'd missed dinner again, he'd plowed through a good portion of his current projects and had started a list of others. He decided to call it quits for the evening. He still had to eat, and shower, and find John.
He almost bowled over Radek on the way out the door. The other man had Rodney's thermos in his hand and was waving it enthusiastically. "Rodney, this coffee--where did you get it? It is a thousand times better than what the Daedalus brings us."
Plucking the empty thermos from Radek's hand, Rodney answered, "My Secret Santa gave it to me." Radek's face fell. "What? Did you think a magical genie had decided to bestow me with coffee beans?"
Radek sighed. "Not a genie, no." He slumped and turned around, heading out into the hall. Rodney frowned and wondered if maybe Radek needed a vacation. But no, he'd just gotten back from Earth less than a month ago. At least it was almost Christmas, and barring any catastrophes he'd get the day off.
He put it from his mind and headed to the mess to grab whatever was left of the evening meal. Barely anyone had touched the tuna casserole, which was fine by him. He ate as quickly as he could and headed back to his quarters to change and shower, and then out again to find John.
But John wasn't in his quarters, and he wasn't sparring with Ronon or Teyla; he wasn't even in his office or at the shooting range, which left Rodney with nowhere else to look. He carried his mistletoe back to his room. At least he had porn.
John's present the next day was a single Snickers bar with a slightly crushed red bow on the top. He picked it up, feeling underwhelmed. Was that Rodney's reaction to the porn? Had he somehow figured out that John had left it, and sent a message that basically amounted to snide laughter? He left the candy bar on his desk and headed to the office, feeling gloomy.
It didn't help that Major Lorne was obviously in a good mood. The man grinned through their whole morning meeting and actually blushed when they scheduled an offworld mission for the next week to escort Doctor Parrish to M5R-337, which by Lieutenant Cadman's account was a tropical paradise. When Lorne unknowingly called Doctor Parrish "David" for a second time, it clicked in John's head. Lorne was getting laid. John sighed and scrawled his signature on the bottom of the paper. "No shenanigans offworld," he said.
Lorne's face turned beet red. He ducked his head and bit his lip; despite his growing urge to crush the happiness of others, John put on a smile and said, "Of course, whatever you want to get up to on Atlantis is fine." Lorne looked up, surprise flashing across his face before he schooled his features and nodded enthusiastically. John raised a finger. "In fact, if you stay out of trouble, I don't actually care what you do offworld, either. Just remember you've got two other airmen there with you."
"Yes, sir." Lorne gave another bright smile and added, "And thanks. It really means a lot to me. I couldn't imagine choosing between David and Atlantis."
"Yeah, well...maybe you can return the favor some day," John replied before he thought about it. Lorne's eyebrows shot up but John was not really in the mood to talk about it. "Just...go and be happy somewhere else."
Lorne stood and grinned down at him. "Not in the holiday spirit?"
John made a shooing motion with his hands and replied, "Bah, humbug."
"Maybe your next Secret Santa gift will cheer you up," Lorne said as he turned and walked out. Hah. Not likely. Sheppard put his head on his desk and sighed. Life was not fair, and he still had to think of something to give Rodney that wasn't porn. There were only two days left before the Christmas party.
Nothing particularly mysterious appeared in Evan's room over the next two days. He did receive another gift from his genuine Secret Santa, though. It was a silver cross pen with his initials engraved on it. The pen looked like it might have been a well-kept possession of another expedition member; there hadn't been time to order anything and have it arrive on the Daedalus, something Doctor Weir had planned on purpose to encourage re-gifting and hand-made items. That had been blown out of the water, of course, with gifts like Coughlin's ATV, but like Evan's gift to David of the set of small clay pots, sneaked one by one into the greenhouse by Teyla every morning, most people were getting things where they could. He set the pen next to the partially finished letter to his sister that he'd started on his new stationery. He wondered who his real Secret Santa was, and if he or she had really been responsible for the tree and the candy canes and the gingerbread house as well.
Evan had finally asked David about the gifts and he'd claimed that it hadn't been him. Evan had reminded him of their conversation in the greenhouse, and David had told him that he'd thought Evan had discovered his crush. They'd laughed when Evan explained that he'd been talking about the tree, and now both of them were burning with curiosity to find out who had unknowingly gotten them together.
Opening his desk drawer, Evan took out the sketchbook that contained all of the drawings he'd done while escorting David on various missions. The little white fluffy bow that had been dangling from the pen barely stuck to the cover, but it would do. The drawings weren't fantastic, because he rarely had time for a lot of detail, but he knew David would love it. And he'd already had it, he'd just needed to arrange for David to be his gift recipient. It all came back to the tree. Evan wouldn't have even thought about the sketchbook if he hadn't been looking for something to give in exchange. Well, he'd find out tomorrow. In the meantime he had a dinner date with his boyfriend and plans to spend a very joyful Christmas Eve and morning together.
It was driving Rodney crazy. Every time he looked for John, the man was nowhere to be found. It was like he was avoiding him, which made no sense whatsoever--it was pretty hard to misinterpret porn. And he'd been carrying the damn mistletoe with him for nearly three days and had had to fend off several joking--and possibly a few serious--offers to put it to use. If he found John now he'd be as likely to strangle him as to kiss him.
He sighed and printed out the schematics of the new living quarters he'd been exploring over the last month. Getting the power and light, not to mention all of the controls up and working had been taking up a monstrous chunk of his time. It was the best gift he could think to give, though, because as soon as everyone found out how nice the new rooms were there'd be a queue a mile long to get into them. He picked up a marker and scrawled across the top: "Reserved for you from your Secret Santa." He made the writing curly and decorative in an attempt to be festive, but it looked kind of pathetic. Sergeant Coughlin had better appreciate the gesture. It wasn't the nicest room--Rodney planned on moving in to that one--but it was damn near close. And there was a large storage space next door where the sergeant could park his ridiculous four-wheeler, wherever the hell that had come from. He'd been racing around with it everywhere he went, even going so far as to drive it to meals and leave it parked outside the mess hall. And Elizabeth had had the nerve to dismiss his request for a golf cart!
The last task done, Rodney shut off the lights on his way out. He peeked into the room next door, but Radek, for once, wasn't at his station. Good. Maybe he was finally getting some sleep. He'd looked even more ragged the last couple of days, and Rodney had found him asleep at his computer again the night before, though someone had tucked a soft-looking blanket around his shoulders.
Rodney was yawning, almost too tired to calculate whether it was officially Christmas back home yet, so he was taken by complete surprise when he rounded a corner and ran flat into John. His initial reaction was frustration, because he'd been looking for him for three days, and the first time he'd left the mistletoe in his quarters...not that John looked to be in any sort of mood for kissing. In fact, he looked kind of pissed off.
"Sorry, McKay," John said, stepping to the side. "Didn't see you." He made to move past Rodney but then paused. "Going anywhere in particular?"
"Yes, Colonel." If John wanted to be all formal, he could do that. "I'm going to bed, seeing as it's past midnight."
John frowned, then glanced at the paper Rodney was carrying. "'From your Secret Santa?'" he read. "Shouldn't you be hiding that?"
"Why should I hide it?" Rodney asked. "It's for Sergeant Coughlin."
"What?" John looked completely dumbfounded. "I thought--I thought you had me."
Was that why John had been mad at him? Had some gift or other offended him, and he'd blamed Rodney? "I had a present for you, actually, but I haven't seen you in three days!"
John simply stared at him. "But that changes everything." And with no warning, John was cupping his face and backing him into the wall for a scorching kiss. Rodney got over his surprise quickly enough to kiss him back, the shcematics for the room crumpling in his fist.
Pulling back with a smile, John said, "I'm sorry I was avoiding you. I thought--well, never mind." He leaned forward again and kissed Rodney more slowly, trailing his tongue along Rodney's jaw. "You could give me that present now, though."
"It was--I had mistletoe." Rodney gestured to the two of them. "That sort of was your present. But, you know, you gave it to me first." He felt like he was missing a giant puzzle piece but at the moment he didn't really care.
"You could always return it." John smirked and leaned forward again and this time Rodney was ready for him.
Evan blinked awake, reveling in the warmth of David nestled next to him. Christmas morning, a day off, good food later in the mess hall...he sighed in contentment. He started to nuzzle David's shoulder, then spotted the light from the Christmas tree. He was sure he'd unplugged it the night before. But the light didn't look quite right; it was throwing patterns against the far wall, and kind of looked like--Evan jumped out of bed, startling David awake, and rushed to the center of the room. It was a fire all right, and Evan stood there in complete shock. The fire was inside a fireplace. In his room. Which had definitely not had a fireplace the night before.
David padded over to stand next to him. "Well that's...bizarre," he said. He walked forward and put his hands near the glass. "It's real," he said. Looking up, he traced the line of the chimney, which led to the outer wall and presumably through it. David glanced over his shoulder at Evan. "I assume from the surprised expression on your face that you didn't somehow install this without waking me last night?"
"No," Evan said. "And I have no idea who could have pulled it off. Or how." He crouched alongside David. It was a gas fireplace, or the Ancient equivalent. "This has gotten really weird."
"Well...Merry Christmas, I guess." David pulled Evan to his feet. "Let's pull the comforter over and make the best of it." He kissed Evan thoroughly enough to keep him from bolting to the science department to find out how this was possible, though he put it on his list. But later. Definitely later.
But it didn't happen later, because Evan was coerced into helping with the party decorations by Doctor Weir, who sported a very festive, if slightly ill-fitting, knitted sweater. It had a reindeer on it. At least Evan thought it was supposed to be a reindeer. "Secret Santa?" he asked.
She nodded and then glared at him. "Winter Celebration and/or Holiday Gift Exchange." She handed him a string of lights. "Put these up, Major."
By the time they were finished in the mess, Evan barely had time to shower and get ready. David helped--or rather didn't--with the shower, and they headed down to the party. It looked festive, at least, even if the tree Cadman had dragged through the Gate the day before wasn't as nice as his.
Little by little everyone arrived, each carrying the last gift meant for the exchange. They would present this one in person, thus revealing themselves as the gift-giver and having the opportunity to thank each other. When Doctor Weir signaled that it was time to start, David hefted the giant basket of fruit he'd brought and threw Evan a smile. "I'd better go find Teyla," he said with a wink.
Evan laughed and followed behind, taking the sketchbook out from where he'd tucked it under his shirt. It took a little time for everyone to find each other, and Evan watched the exchanges as he waited for David and Teyla to finish talking. The fruit seemed to be a big hit, at least.
Doctor McKay was standing with Coughlin, who had--no surprise--driven to the party on his four wheeler. Evan choked on a laugh when Coughlin exclaimed, "'For you and your Secret Santa?' You want me to move in with you?"
McKay squeaked and sputtered and waved his hands frantically. "It says 'From your Secret Santa.' From. Are you crazy?"
Evan gathered that there were new quarters available. He wondered if Doctors Weir and McKay would let him move into a bigger one. David had practically moved into his present place, bringing almost everything over except his plants, which he moaned about all the time. Maybe a room with a bigger shower. Or a bathtub. And a large balcony for David's plants. His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet voice that said, "Major Lorne?"
He turned to find Miko standing at his side. "Oh, hey, sorry. I was off in space."
She smiled and handed him a book with a red bow on it. Belatedly Evan realized what was happening, and he took the book from her and opened it. The pages were all blank; it was a journal, nicely bound, the pages half lined and half empty.
Evan grinned at his Secret Santa. "This is perfect. Thank you so much." Miko blushed and ducked her head. "Hey," Evan asked, "You wouldn't happen to know how I could install a fireplace in my room, would you?" He didn't want to outright ask if it had been her, though surely she'd admit it if that were the case.
Miko's brows wrinkled together under her glasses. "No, I'm sorry, I don't think it would be possible. The walls can not easily be cut through."
And that confirmed a suspicion that had been lingering in the back of Evan's mind for days. "Just a thought," Evan said casually. "Anyway, I really appreciated the other stuff you left for me. I've already written a few letters to send back home. How did you put my initials on the pen?"
"Oh," she said, "I used one of the machines in the lab. It is meant for--"
"What?" McKay's yell interrupted her and caused everyone in the vicinity to fall silent. Evan thought for a moment that he was still defending himself against Coughlin, but then he noticed that McKay had his hand to his earpiece. "You did what? Well, what's it doing now?"
Evan caught Sheppard's eye and they shared a look of concern. Sheppard sidled over and asked McKay, "Rodney, what's going on?"
McKay cursed and looked around wildly. "Radek decided to mash together a bunch of different Ancient devices and just pray that everything worked." He looked frantic. "It didn't. He says there's about to be a frighteningly large explosion. I need to get up there." He grabbed Sheppard's sleeve. "I need to get up there now!"
"Dude, take the four wheeler," Coughlin said, throwing McKay a small set of keys.
Sheppard snagged them out of the air and said, "I'll drive."
Evan was on their heels as they raced from the room. Somehow they all managed to pile onto the little vehicle, and Sheppard put the key in and gunned the engine. It lurched and Evan grabbed the back of the seat as McKay grabbed him. Sheppard took the first turn at an alarming speed. "It won't do us any good if you get us killed on the way there, John!" Rodney shouted.
"Got it covered, Rodney. Just hang on." It was true, Evan realized, watching Sheppard's expression. He really was completely insane. Evan nearly tipped over the front of the four wheeler when Sheppard screeched to a halt in the first transporter. John was muttering under his breath, and it sounded like, "Route without stairs. I can do this."
Evan thanked whoever was listening that the entire population of the city was in the mess hall, because if anyone had been in the corridors they would have been flattened. Still, once he was used to Sheppard's driving and picked up on the body movements that indicated a turn or swerve, it was kind of fun. He decided to put in a requisition for a few more of the vehicles, just in case the SGC decided to be generous. McKay was emitting a low keening sound that hitched into a shriek every time they went up on two wheels around a corner. Evan grinned. Yeah, they could definitely use a few more of these.
They arrived at the science wing within minutes, a distance that would have taken fifteen at a decent jog. Sheppard let the four wheeler roll into a wall rather than bothering to come to a complete stop. Evan used the momentum to hop off and land in a run toward the auxiliary lab where Doctor Zelenka was. Sheppard was right behind him, dragging a breathless McKay along behind.
The machine--whatever it was--didn't look like it was about to explode. But McKay took one look and turned on Zelenka. "What the hell were you trying to do?" He dug into the device without waiting for an answer.
Zelenka was wringing his hands together. "I just wanted you all to have a happy Christmas," he said. "There are pieces from a number of machines--Hermiod told me how to make it work during the trip on the Daedalus..."
Sheppard walked forward and circled the device. "What's the prognosis, McKay?"
McKay popped his head back out of a panel and said, "There's not enough time. He's right. It's going to explode any minute now." Eyes wide, he stepped back and looked to Sheppard. "We have to get out of here."
"No," Sheppard said, "We have to get it out of here. Lorne--help me carry it." Evan stepped closer with a grimace and fit his hands under a ridge at the bottom. They heaved and lifted the thing high enough to carry toward the door.
"You don't have enough time to get it anywhere safe," McKay argued.
"Yes, I do," Sheppard said as they shuffled forward. "There's a balcony at the end of the next hall that overlooks the gap between the south and southwest piers, right?"
Evan realized then what he was planning. Sheppard was even more insane than he'd thought. "Are you mad?" McKay yelled. "I can't let you do this. John--" He lifted a hand and held it there, reaching toward Sheppard. Evan's brain clicked at that, but now wasn't the time to ponder whatever was going on between the two men. They hefted the machine onto the back of the four wheeler, wedging it firmly in place behind the seat, and Evan met Sheppard's steely gaze.
"You sure about this?" Evan asked.
"Yeah." Sheppard straddled the vehicle and turned it in a slow circle until it was headed in the right direction. McKay and Zelenka stood in the doorway, and they all watched as Sheppard slowly accelerated down the hall. By the time he disappeared around a corner he was at full speed.
"Well?" Evan asked, grabbing the other two men by their shirtsleeves. "We're not going to just stand here, are we?" Evan tugged to get them moving and took off at a run. Before he even reached the corner he heard it: a dull boom that shook the tower and made him stumble. He caught himself on the wall and moved faster.
The balcony at the end of the hall was empty. Feeling sick, Evan continued to run toward it. The four wheeler had scraped the sides of the doorframe and bent them out; the balcony railing was in pieces. He stood there staring until McKay and Zelenka came to a wheezing halt behind him.
"Jesus...John." McKay took a few steps forward and peered over the ruined balcony. "I can't believe it. He's gone."
"What? No I'm not, Rodney. What--you thought I was stupid enough to go over the balcony on a four wheeler that was about to explode?" Evan whipped around as John walked from the nearest doorway, brushing at his clothing. "I rolled off it before it went over and took cover," he added unnecessarily.
"That is--! You--!" McKay sputtered, rounding on Sheppard. He took a giant step and for a moment Evan thought he was going to slap him. Instead McKay grabbed the front of Sheppard's shirt and kissed him.
Evan cleared his throat and looked away. "So, Doc. Maybe now would be a good time to explain what that was all about?"
Zelenka looked down at the floor, contrite. "It was supposed to be a gift," he said. "The Asgard have the ability to create anything they desire out of thin air, did you know that?" He looked wistful. "There was nothing to do on the return trip from Earth, and so Hermiod and I discussed the device in detail." McKay and Sheppard joined them and Zelenka continued, "I was certain I could build one using Ancient technology, though its use would have to be limited to those with the gene. I thought--" he paused and pushed up his glasses. "I thought I had it working, but every time I asked, none of you had suddenly acquired anything in an odd manner. I gave up on it for a few days to finish my Secret Santa gift, and then, while kitting, I had an idea of how to adjust the power." He shrugged. "But as you see, the device couldn't handle the integration of the new system."
Evan fell back against the nearest wall and broke out laughing. It had been Zelenka all along: the tree, the candy canes, the gingerbread house, even the fireplace. No wonder all of the gifts had been so perfect; they'd come directly from his own mind. "Radek, I hate to break it to you, but your device was working fine a couple of days ago. And today. Well, before it blew up, anyway."
Sheppard's eyes lit up in understanding, but McKay muttered, "While you were knitting?" He snapped his fingers in a quick, staccato fashion. "Wait a minute. The coffee maker! The comic book! It was the device!" He turned to Sheppard and laughed. "I thought it was you."
"Well, I thought it was you," Sheppard answered. He gave Rodney a fond smile. "The, uh, movie was me, though."
Zelenka walked over to the edge of the balcony and peered down sadly. "Without the original Ancient devices I used to build it, I don't think I can make another one."
"That's probably for the best. Stick to knitting." Evan pulled Zelenka away from the edge and put a consoling arm around his shoulders. "Doctor Weir really liked her gifts."
"Oh." Zelenka smiled. "Well then, let us go to the party. I still need to give Doctor Weir her afghan."
Sheppard grabbed Rodney's hand, and they headed back down the hall at a much slower pace than before. "Hey, Lorne--how about you break it to Sergeant Coughlin about his four wheeler, huh?"
Evan laughed. It had certainly been a bizarre holiday. And it wasn't even over yet; he hadn't given David the sketchbook yet. Maybe he'd wait now until they were curled up again by the fireplace next to the Christmas tree. Yeah, that sounded good.
*********
Author: calcitrix
Fandom: SGA
Characters: Lorne/Parrish, McKay/Sheppard
Word count: 12,800
Rating: NC-17
Contains: language, adult situations, also ridiculous ones
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis.
Author's Notes: Wow, it's late (early?), and this fic ate me, and honestly I didn't even re-read though the last few thousand words. But it's Christmas, and I hope everyone has a happy one.
Evan found Teyla again after lunch. She smiled when he walked into the gym through the crowd of departing marines. "Teyla--they were absolutely perfect," he said with a warm smile. "David loved the pot, and he had no idea how it got there."
"I'm pleased to help," she said, throwing a towel over her shoulder. "Dorlin was thrilled that you were interested in his wares."
"They're beautiful," Evan said. "I'll have to thank him when I fly you to the mainland next time." Evan handed her the plant he'd brought with him and continued, "Here you go. Doctor Parrish was glad to pick out a plant for Kate. This one has flowers that are supposed to have a calming effect on people."
Teyla took the small plant and smiled. "Thank you. It's perfect." Then she chuckled and added, "I suppose I should also find something to give to Doctor Parrish in return since this was traded for his own Winter Celebration and/or Holiday Gift Exchange present."
"Nah. I'm pretty sure he just likes seeing plants everywhere." The Secret Santa exchange was becoming a complicated web of trades and favors; Doctor McKay had cornered Evan at lunch and asked him to use his "contacts"--air quotes included--to procure some mistletoe, of all things. David had amicably provided that as well...after he had made sure it worked, of course. Evan had been happy to be his test subject.
Evan decided to stop by his quarters just to see if by chance David--or, he had to admit, someone else--had left anything while he'd been busy that morning. He was surprised to find that there were two things, in fact: a beautiful set of stationery, and a monstrous gingerbread house. He definitely had two Santas, then, because the paper was actually labeled "From your Winter Celebration and/or Holiday Secret Santa." The gingerbread house, on the other hand--it was almost eerie. It looked just like the ones his Aunt had delivered to him every year until the complexity of military POs made it impossible to get them to him in one piece. She still ran a popular bakery in San Francisco, and her gingerbread houses were legendary. Evan had looked forward to them every year.
He pulled off a Necco Wafer roof tile and popped it into his mouth. Then, curious, he broke off the exposed corner of the roof underneath and ate that, too. It wasn't stale at all, which meant that either David was hiding some serious baking skills--and a stash of candy as well--or...Or what? The feeling that something strange was happening intensified, but he had no idea what or how to investigate. He decided to ignore it for now. Sheppard was right; they'd find out soon enough who was behind all of the mysterious gift giving.
Breaking off another piece of gingerbread, Evan stopped with it partway to his mouth. It hit him that if David hadn't been the one to place the tree in his room, if there was some mysterious gift-giver...it meant that he'd invited David over under the misconception that he'd been sending Evan a message. But David had practically admitted it, hadn't he? Evan had to let that thought go as well. He was certainly gloriously happy with David, so even if their getting together had happened because of a mistaken assumption he wouldn't complain. But it was possible he had another person to add to his list of thank-yous.
It was getting almost ridiculous. Rodney couldn't believe that somehow John had managed to find a first edition, 1939 Detective Comics issue. The one that had introduced Batman to the world and was, the last time he'd checked, the most collectible comic book in the world. Rodney stared at the open box, not even daring to touch the plastic bag the comic was in. It was worth potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars, and it was sitting right there next to a DVD that he'd found contained porn. John was either completely insane or in love with him. Possibly both.
He eyed the mistletoe that Major Lorne had procured from the botany department--a department he refused to set foot into after the debacle of attempting to date Katie Brown--and felt a little better that he'd decided to admit his feelings for John as part of the thank you for his Christmas gifts. Which now included a comic that was worth more than everything he'd ever owned. The more he thought about it, the more intimidating that seemed. Still, John seemed to think he was worth it, which...well. Of course he was.
Shaking himself from his daydream, Rodney tucked shut the flaps on the box and put the comic on the top shelf in his closet. Then he grabbed his thermos of freshly brewed Jamaican Blue Mountain and headed to his lab.
Radek was asleep over a keyboard, still tucked away in the auxiliary lab like the hermit he was. Rodney wondered briefly who he was playing Santa for, and who was his. He bet he hadn't gotten a first edition Batman comic book, or even a coffee maker for that matter. Rodney sighed and walked over to the desk; before he could change his mind he left the thermos of delicious, delicious coffee sitting next to Radek's console. He could always make more, and if Radek was falling asleep in the middle of work, he obviously needed it.
Feeling good about himself, Rodney waved a cheerful hello to Miko and headed to his own station. By the time his stomach was telling him he'd missed dinner again, he'd plowed through a good portion of his current projects and had started a list of others. He decided to call it quits for the evening. He still had to eat, and shower, and find John.
He almost bowled over Radek on the way out the door. The other man had Rodney's thermos in his hand and was waving it enthusiastically. "Rodney, this coffee--where did you get it? It is a thousand times better than what the Daedalus brings us."
Plucking the empty thermos from Radek's hand, Rodney answered, "My Secret Santa gave it to me." Radek's face fell. "What? Did you think a magical genie had decided to bestow me with coffee beans?"
Radek sighed. "Not a genie, no." He slumped and turned around, heading out into the hall. Rodney frowned and wondered if maybe Radek needed a vacation. But no, he'd just gotten back from Earth less than a month ago. At least it was almost Christmas, and barring any catastrophes he'd get the day off.
He put it from his mind and headed to the mess to grab whatever was left of the evening meal. Barely anyone had touched the tuna casserole, which was fine by him. He ate as quickly as he could and headed back to his quarters to change and shower, and then out again to find John.
But John wasn't in his quarters, and he wasn't sparring with Ronon or Teyla; he wasn't even in his office or at the shooting range, which left Rodney with nowhere else to look. He carried his mistletoe back to his room. At least he had porn.
John's present the next day was a single Snickers bar with a slightly crushed red bow on the top. He picked it up, feeling underwhelmed. Was that Rodney's reaction to the porn? Had he somehow figured out that John had left it, and sent a message that basically amounted to snide laughter? He left the candy bar on his desk and headed to the office, feeling gloomy.
It didn't help that Major Lorne was obviously in a good mood. The man grinned through their whole morning meeting and actually blushed when they scheduled an offworld mission for the next week to escort Doctor Parrish to M5R-337, which by Lieutenant Cadman's account was a tropical paradise. When Lorne unknowingly called Doctor Parrish "David" for a second time, it clicked in John's head. Lorne was getting laid. John sighed and scrawled his signature on the bottom of the paper. "No shenanigans offworld," he said.
Lorne's face turned beet red. He ducked his head and bit his lip; despite his growing urge to crush the happiness of others, John put on a smile and said, "Of course, whatever you want to get up to on Atlantis is fine." Lorne looked up, surprise flashing across his face before he schooled his features and nodded enthusiastically. John raised a finger. "In fact, if you stay out of trouble, I don't actually care what you do offworld, either. Just remember you've got two other airmen there with you."
"Yes, sir." Lorne gave another bright smile and added, "And thanks. It really means a lot to me. I couldn't imagine choosing between David and Atlantis."
"Yeah, well...maybe you can return the favor some day," John replied before he thought about it. Lorne's eyebrows shot up but John was not really in the mood to talk about it. "Just...go and be happy somewhere else."
Lorne stood and grinned down at him. "Not in the holiday spirit?"
John made a shooing motion with his hands and replied, "Bah, humbug."
"Maybe your next Secret Santa gift will cheer you up," Lorne said as he turned and walked out. Hah. Not likely. Sheppard put his head on his desk and sighed. Life was not fair, and he still had to think of something to give Rodney that wasn't porn. There were only two days left before the Christmas party.
Nothing particularly mysterious appeared in Evan's room over the next two days. He did receive another gift from his genuine Secret Santa, though. It was a silver cross pen with his initials engraved on it. The pen looked like it might have been a well-kept possession of another expedition member; there hadn't been time to order anything and have it arrive on the Daedalus, something Doctor Weir had planned on purpose to encourage re-gifting and hand-made items. That had been blown out of the water, of course, with gifts like Coughlin's ATV, but like Evan's gift to David of the set of small clay pots, sneaked one by one into the greenhouse by Teyla every morning, most people were getting things where they could. He set the pen next to the partially finished letter to his sister that he'd started on his new stationery. He wondered who his real Secret Santa was, and if he or she had really been responsible for the tree and the candy canes and the gingerbread house as well.
Evan had finally asked David about the gifts and he'd claimed that it hadn't been him. Evan had reminded him of their conversation in the greenhouse, and David had told him that he'd thought Evan had discovered his crush. They'd laughed when Evan explained that he'd been talking about the tree, and now both of them were burning with curiosity to find out who had unknowingly gotten them together.
Opening his desk drawer, Evan took out the sketchbook that contained all of the drawings he'd done while escorting David on various missions. The little white fluffy bow that had been dangling from the pen barely stuck to the cover, but it would do. The drawings weren't fantastic, because he rarely had time for a lot of detail, but he knew David would love it. And he'd already had it, he'd just needed to arrange for David to be his gift recipient. It all came back to the tree. Evan wouldn't have even thought about the sketchbook if he hadn't been looking for something to give in exchange. Well, he'd find out tomorrow. In the meantime he had a dinner date with his boyfriend and plans to spend a very joyful Christmas Eve and morning together.
It was driving Rodney crazy. Every time he looked for John, the man was nowhere to be found. It was like he was avoiding him, which made no sense whatsoever--it was pretty hard to misinterpret porn. And he'd been carrying the damn mistletoe with him for nearly three days and had had to fend off several joking--and possibly a few serious--offers to put it to use. If he found John now he'd be as likely to strangle him as to kiss him.
He sighed and printed out the schematics of the new living quarters he'd been exploring over the last month. Getting the power and light, not to mention all of the controls up and working had been taking up a monstrous chunk of his time. It was the best gift he could think to give, though, because as soon as everyone found out how nice the new rooms were there'd be a queue a mile long to get into them. He picked up a marker and scrawled across the top: "Reserved for you from your Secret Santa." He made the writing curly and decorative in an attempt to be festive, but it looked kind of pathetic. Sergeant Coughlin had better appreciate the gesture. It wasn't the nicest room--Rodney planned on moving in to that one--but it was damn near close. And there was a large storage space next door where the sergeant could park his ridiculous four-wheeler, wherever the hell that had come from. He'd been racing around with it everywhere he went, even going so far as to drive it to meals and leave it parked outside the mess hall. And Elizabeth had had the nerve to dismiss his request for a golf cart!
The last task done, Rodney shut off the lights on his way out. He peeked into the room next door, but Radek, for once, wasn't at his station. Good. Maybe he was finally getting some sleep. He'd looked even more ragged the last couple of days, and Rodney had found him asleep at his computer again the night before, though someone had tucked a soft-looking blanket around his shoulders.
Rodney was yawning, almost too tired to calculate whether it was officially Christmas back home yet, so he was taken by complete surprise when he rounded a corner and ran flat into John. His initial reaction was frustration, because he'd been looking for him for three days, and the first time he'd left the mistletoe in his quarters...not that John looked to be in any sort of mood for kissing. In fact, he looked kind of pissed off.
"Sorry, McKay," John said, stepping to the side. "Didn't see you." He made to move past Rodney but then paused. "Going anywhere in particular?"
"Yes, Colonel." If John wanted to be all formal, he could do that. "I'm going to bed, seeing as it's past midnight."
John frowned, then glanced at the paper Rodney was carrying. "'From your Secret Santa?'" he read. "Shouldn't you be hiding that?"
"Why should I hide it?" Rodney asked. "It's for Sergeant Coughlin."
"What?" John looked completely dumbfounded. "I thought--I thought you had me."
Was that why John had been mad at him? Had some gift or other offended him, and he'd blamed Rodney? "I had a present for you, actually, but I haven't seen you in three days!"
John simply stared at him. "But that changes everything." And with no warning, John was cupping his face and backing him into the wall for a scorching kiss. Rodney got over his surprise quickly enough to kiss him back, the shcematics for the room crumpling in his fist.
Pulling back with a smile, John said, "I'm sorry I was avoiding you. I thought--well, never mind." He leaned forward again and kissed Rodney more slowly, trailing his tongue along Rodney's jaw. "You could give me that present now, though."
"It was--I had mistletoe." Rodney gestured to the two of them. "That sort of was your present. But, you know, you gave it to me first." He felt like he was missing a giant puzzle piece but at the moment he didn't really care.
"You could always return it." John smirked and leaned forward again and this time Rodney was ready for him.
Evan blinked awake, reveling in the warmth of David nestled next to him. Christmas morning, a day off, good food later in the mess hall...he sighed in contentment. He started to nuzzle David's shoulder, then spotted the light from the Christmas tree. He was sure he'd unplugged it the night before. But the light didn't look quite right; it was throwing patterns against the far wall, and kind of looked like--Evan jumped out of bed, startling David awake, and rushed to the center of the room. It was a fire all right, and Evan stood there in complete shock. The fire was inside a fireplace. In his room. Which had definitely not had a fireplace the night before.
David padded over to stand next to him. "Well that's...bizarre," he said. He walked forward and put his hands near the glass. "It's real," he said. Looking up, he traced the line of the chimney, which led to the outer wall and presumably through it. David glanced over his shoulder at Evan. "I assume from the surprised expression on your face that you didn't somehow install this without waking me last night?"
"No," Evan said. "And I have no idea who could have pulled it off. Or how." He crouched alongside David. It was a gas fireplace, or the Ancient equivalent. "This has gotten really weird."
"Well...Merry Christmas, I guess." David pulled Evan to his feet. "Let's pull the comforter over and make the best of it." He kissed Evan thoroughly enough to keep him from bolting to the science department to find out how this was possible, though he put it on his list. But later. Definitely later.
But it didn't happen later, because Evan was coerced into helping with the party decorations by Doctor Weir, who sported a very festive, if slightly ill-fitting, knitted sweater. It had a reindeer on it. At least Evan thought it was supposed to be a reindeer. "Secret Santa?" he asked.
She nodded and then glared at him. "Winter Celebration and/or Holiday Gift Exchange." She handed him a string of lights. "Put these up, Major."
By the time they were finished in the mess, Evan barely had time to shower and get ready. David helped--or rather didn't--with the shower, and they headed down to the party. It looked festive, at least, even if the tree Cadman had dragged through the Gate the day before wasn't as nice as his.
Little by little everyone arrived, each carrying the last gift meant for the exchange. They would present this one in person, thus revealing themselves as the gift-giver and having the opportunity to thank each other. When Doctor Weir signaled that it was time to start, David hefted the giant basket of fruit he'd brought and threw Evan a smile. "I'd better go find Teyla," he said with a wink.
Evan laughed and followed behind, taking the sketchbook out from where he'd tucked it under his shirt. It took a little time for everyone to find each other, and Evan watched the exchanges as he waited for David and Teyla to finish talking. The fruit seemed to be a big hit, at least.
Doctor McKay was standing with Coughlin, who had--no surprise--driven to the party on his four wheeler. Evan choked on a laugh when Coughlin exclaimed, "'For you and your Secret Santa?' You want me to move in with you?"
McKay squeaked and sputtered and waved his hands frantically. "It says 'From your Secret Santa.' From. Are you crazy?"
Evan gathered that there were new quarters available. He wondered if Doctors Weir and McKay would let him move into a bigger one. David had practically moved into his present place, bringing almost everything over except his plants, which he moaned about all the time. Maybe a room with a bigger shower. Or a bathtub. And a large balcony for David's plants. His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet voice that said, "Major Lorne?"
He turned to find Miko standing at his side. "Oh, hey, sorry. I was off in space."
She smiled and handed him a book with a red bow on it. Belatedly Evan realized what was happening, and he took the book from her and opened it. The pages were all blank; it was a journal, nicely bound, the pages half lined and half empty.
Evan grinned at his Secret Santa. "This is perfect. Thank you so much." Miko blushed and ducked her head. "Hey," Evan asked, "You wouldn't happen to know how I could install a fireplace in my room, would you?" He didn't want to outright ask if it had been her, though surely she'd admit it if that were the case.
Miko's brows wrinkled together under her glasses. "No, I'm sorry, I don't think it would be possible. The walls can not easily be cut through."
And that confirmed a suspicion that had been lingering in the back of Evan's mind for days. "Just a thought," Evan said casually. "Anyway, I really appreciated the other stuff you left for me. I've already written a few letters to send back home. How did you put my initials on the pen?"
"Oh," she said, "I used one of the machines in the lab. It is meant for--"
"What?" McKay's yell interrupted her and caused everyone in the vicinity to fall silent. Evan thought for a moment that he was still defending himself against Coughlin, but then he noticed that McKay had his hand to his earpiece. "You did what? Well, what's it doing now?"
Evan caught Sheppard's eye and they shared a look of concern. Sheppard sidled over and asked McKay, "Rodney, what's going on?"
McKay cursed and looked around wildly. "Radek decided to mash together a bunch of different Ancient devices and just pray that everything worked." He looked frantic. "It didn't. He says there's about to be a frighteningly large explosion. I need to get up there." He grabbed Sheppard's sleeve. "I need to get up there now!"
"Dude, take the four wheeler," Coughlin said, throwing McKay a small set of keys.
Sheppard snagged them out of the air and said, "I'll drive."
Evan was on their heels as they raced from the room. Somehow they all managed to pile onto the little vehicle, and Sheppard put the key in and gunned the engine. It lurched and Evan grabbed the back of the seat as McKay grabbed him. Sheppard took the first turn at an alarming speed. "It won't do us any good if you get us killed on the way there, John!" Rodney shouted.
"Got it covered, Rodney. Just hang on." It was true, Evan realized, watching Sheppard's expression. He really was completely insane. Evan nearly tipped over the front of the four wheeler when Sheppard screeched to a halt in the first transporter. John was muttering under his breath, and it sounded like, "Route without stairs. I can do this."
Evan thanked whoever was listening that the entire population of the city was in the mess hall, because if anyone had been in the corridors they would have been flattened. Still, once he was used to Sheppard's driving and picked up on the body movements that indicated a turn or swerve, it was kind of fun. He decided to put in a requisition for a few more of the vehicles, just in case the SGC decided to be generous. McKay was emitting a low keening sound that hitched into a shriek every time they went up on two wheels around a corner. Evan grinned. Yeah, they could definitely use a few more of these.
They arrived at the science wing within minutes, a distance that would have taken fifteen at a decent jog. Sheppard let the four wheeler roll into a wall rather than bothering to come to a complete stop. Evan used the momentum to hop off and land in a run toward the auxiliary lab where Doctor Zelenka was. Sheppard was right behind him, dragging a breathless McKay along behind.
The machine--whatever it was--didn't look like it was about to explode. But McKay took one look and turned on Zelenka. "What the hell were you trying to do?" He dug into the device without waiting for an answer.
Zelenka was wringing his hands together. "I just wanted you all to have a happy Christmas," he said. "There are pieces from a number of machines--Hermiod told me how to make it work during the trip on the Daedalus..."
Sheppard walked forward and circled the device. "What's the prognosis, McKay?"
McKay popped his head back out of a panel and said, "There's not enough time. He's right. It's going to explode any minute now." Eyes wide, he stepped back and looked to Sheppard. "We have to get out of here."
"No," Sheppard said, "We have to get it out of here. Lorne--help me carry it." Evan stepped closer with a grimace and fit his hands under a ridge at the bottom. They heaved and lifted the thing high enough to carry toward the door.
"You don't have enough time to get it anywhere safe," McKay argued.
"Yes, I do," Sheppard said as they shuffled forward. "There's a balcony at the end of the next hall that overlooks the gap between the south and southwest piers, right?"
Evan realized then what he was planning. Sheppard was even more insane than he'd thought. "Are you mad?" McKay yelled. "I can't let you do this. John--" He lifted a hand and held it there, reaching toward Sheppard. Evan's brain clicked at that, but now wasn't the time to ponder whatever was going on between the two men. They hefted the machine onto the back of the four wheeler, wedging it firmly in place behind the seat, and Evan met Sheppard's steely gaze.
"You sure about this?" Evan asked.
"Yeah." Sheppard straddled the vehicle and turned it in a slow circle until it was headed in the right direction. McKay and Zelenka stood in the doorway, and they all watched as Sheppard slowly accelerated down the hall. By the time he disappeared around a corner he was at full speed.
"Well?" Evan asked, grabbing the other two men by their shirtsleeves. "We're not going to just stand here, are we?" Evan tugged to get them moving and took off at a run. Before he even reached the corner he heard it: a dull boom that shook the tower and made him stumble. He caught himself on the wall and moved faster.
The balcony at the end of the hall was empty. Feeling sick, Evan continued to run toward it. The four wheeler had scraped the sides of the doorframe and bent them out; the balcony railing was in pieces. He stood there staring until McKay and Zelenka came to a wheezing halt behind him.
"Jesus...John." McKay took a few steps forward and peered over the ruined balcony. "I can't believe it. He's gone."
"What? No I'm not, Rodney. What--you thought I was stupid enough to go over the balcony on a four wheeler that was about to explode?" Evan whipped around as John walked from the nearest doorway, brushing at his clothing. "I rolled off it before it went over and took cover," he added unnecessarily.
"That is--! You--!" McKay sputtered, rounding on Sheppard. He took a giant step and for a moment Evan thought he was going to slap him. Instead McKay grabbed the front of Sheppard's shirt and kissed him.
Evan cleared his throat and looked away. "So, Doc. Maybe now would be a good time to explain what that was all about?"
Zelenka looked down at the floor, contrite. "It was supposed to be a gift," he said. "The Asgard have the ability to create anything they desire out of thin air, did you know that?" He looked wistful. "There was nothing to do on the return trip from Earth, and so Hermiod and I discussed the device in detail." McKay and Sheppard joined them and Zelenka continued, "I was certain I could build one using Ancient technology, though its use would have to be limited to those with the gene. I thought--" he paused and pushed up his glasses. "I thought I had it working, but every time I asked, none of you had suddenly acquired anything in an odd manner. I gave up on it for a few days to finish my Secret Santa gift, and then, while kitting, I had an idea of how to adjust the power." He shrugged. "But as you see, the device couldn't handle the integration of the new system."
Evan fell back against the nearest wall and broke out laughing. It had been Zelenka all along: the tree, the candy canes, the gingerbread house, even the fireplace. No wonder all of the gifts had been so perfect; they'd come directly from his own mind. "Radek, I hate to break it to you, but your device was working fine a couple of days ago. And today. Well, before it blew up, anyway."
Sheppard's eyes lit up in understanding, but McKay muttered, "While you were knitting?" He snapped his fingers in a quick, staccato fashion. "Wait a minute. The coffee maker! The comic book! It was the device!" He turned to Sheppard and laughed. "I thought it was you."
"Well, I thought it was you," Sheppard answered. He gave Rodney a fond smile. "The, uh, movie was me, though."
Zelenka walked over to the edge of the balcony and peered down sadly. "Without the original Ancient devices I used to build it, I don't think I can make another one."
"That's probably for the best. Stick to knitting." Evan pulled Zelenka away from the edge and put a consoling arm around his shoulders. "Doctor Weir really liked her gifts."
"Oh." Zelenka smiled. "Well then, let us go to the party. I still need to give Doctor Weir her afghan."
Sheppard grabbed Rodney's hand, and they headed back down the hall at a much slower pace than before. "Hey, Lorne--how about you break it to Sergeant Coughlin about his four wheeler, huh?"
Evan laughed. It had certainly been a bizarre holiday. And it wasn't even over yet; he hadn't given David the sketchbook yet. Maybe he'd wait now until they were curled up again by the fireplace next to the Christmas tree. Yeah, that sounded good.
*********