Lorne Fest, Fic and Art, Star Wars As a Metaphor....Lorne/McKay (PG)
Title: Star Wars As A Metaphor For Life In the Pegasus Galaxy (Or: The Which Star Wars Character Are You? Meme with Bonus Napkin Sketches by Major Lorne)
Author: calcitrix
Fandom: SGA
Characters: Lorne/McKay
Word count: 9,700
Rating: PG
Contains: minor language
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis.
Prompt: Lorne/McKay; Coffee supply
Author's Notes: I think it goes without saying that this ended up longer than I expected.
Though not mentioned in the story, Lorne spends a lot of time in the mess hall thinking about things, and sometimes he leaves behind doodles. Takes place during the events of early to mid-second season. Thank you to my beta clwilson2006!
For a version without images scattered throughout, you may also read this story over here at A03.
Atlantis, Major Lorne decides, keeps sneaking up on him sideways and tapping him on the opposite shoulder; he looks the wrong way every time. The city is as different from Cheyenne Mountain as it is distant, and it doesn't take Evan long to realize that it's a good thing most of the original expedition is composed of military and scientists who weren't trained under the SGC. They have no preconceived notions about how things are supposed to work, and that...makes it all work. In fact Evan feels half a step behind the people who have been there from the start, no matter how many times he's been through the Milky Way Gate. It reminds him of driving cross country with his family, when he'd fall asleep in the back seat and wake up hours later to road signs advertising unfamiliar restaurants where the locals all know what the specials are without having to ask the waitress.
The only thing that isn't a surprise is that Colonel Sheppard wants to test his new second in command. It starts when Sheppard introduces Teyla Emmagan of Athos as the diplomat on his team. Evan nods, smiles, and awkwardly agrees to Sheppard's suggestion that Evan spar with Teyla in the "traditional" Athosian style. It's the first time Evan realizes that there are nuances to Sheppard's smirk. It's also the first time he's met a diplomat who can knock him flat on his ass in less than ten seconds.
Evan's first missions are equally startling, though at least Sheppard admits outright that he chooses them with specific "learning objectives" in mind (the phrase, with its attendant smirk and air quotes, becomes a thing to dread more than realizing he's in a completely unfamiliar corridor with no transporter in sight). Plus Sheppard has to be pulling from the bottom of the bell curve because in the first week Evan's lessons are: When a treaty is worded that way it is not just a colorful local phrase, they really mean no pants, and: Sometimes your Ancient gene will get you in trouble, please discover a diplomatic method of keeping yourself unmarried for the foreseeable future, and: Do not ignore that tingly feeling telling you not to force open the door to the flooded section of the labs--the city is warning you that Doctor DeReista's marine invertebrate collection is loose and the squid-things are feeling feisty.
Evan takes notes at each debrief, glad to find that Teyla is, in fact, as excellent at handling delicate diplomatic issues as she is bantos rods. Between her and Doctor Weir Evan begins to understand the people of Pegasus. Sheppard seems satisfied with his progress, though during Evan's second week he follows him out of the conference room and says, "You still have much to learn, Padawan." The doors slide closed behind them and they lean against the balcony railing above the Gate. Sheppard throws him a sideways glance. "You keep trying to fit Milky Way pegs into Atlantis-shaped holes."
"You're a little tall for Yoda," Evan replies, rolling a stack of papers into a cylinder and swinging it at Sheppard's shoulder. "And I'm sorry, but Milky Way pegs are all I have to work with."
Sheppard laughs, batting the mock light saber away. "Okay, one: I'm Luke," he says. Evan's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline and Sheppard adds, "A less whiny Luke, okay? And don't say it--I know, I'm supposed to be Han Solo. But come on--Jedi. And two--" He shrugs. "We'll work on two later."
They discuss the merits of Star Wars for a while (and agree that Evan can be Han Solo). Evan tries to figure out if there's an actual metaphor Sheppard's trying to make. He can't tell. Sometimes the man is a little...vague. Unless Sheppard's implying that Evan might turn to the Dark Side, there probably isn't. The training missions slack off after that, though, and it seems that Evan has finally graduated from his status as mere apprentice.
***
Evan forgets that there is a point number two until Sheppard pulls him aside the day after their return from P3M-736 for a chat. He puts on his especially goofy smirk and asks, "So, Padawan, did you learn your final lesson?"
Evan stops short and stares. Being paired with Doctor McKay was a test? He hopes that getting stunned by Lieutenant Ford doesn't count as a failing grade, especially since both Sheppard and Teyla were stunned themselves by Ronon, who is even now trailing a little behind them, trying to look unimpressed with the city. "I think I learned," Evan says carefully, "That Doctor McKay is definitely C-3PO in this scenario."
Sheppard laughs and claps Evan on the shoulder. "Close," he says. He points at Ronon. "That reminds me--I need to introduce you to movies." Then he tilts his head as if wondering what else to say. He settles on, "Just think about it, Major. You'll figure it out."
The two men head off, and Evan walks in the opposite direction, mulling it over. He knows the pieces are there--the search for Lieutenant Ford, Sheppard's obvious loyalty to his team, and the fact that he put McKay under the care of Evan when he could have kept his scientist with Teyla or even himself in an unfamiliar and hostile environment. What he was supposed to actually learn from spending an hour listening to McKay bitch and moan remains a mystery.
He isn't any nearer a solution by the time he reaches the mess hall. He grabs a tray and fills it with food, scanning the tables and noticing that the subject of his thoughts is seated at a corner table by himself. With an inward sigh Evan heads over and sets his tray down across from Doctor McKay. "Hey, Doc, mind if I--"
"If you're here to drip sarcasm at me, Major, don't bother. I've got a million things to do, each of which is vitally important to the functioning of the city," McKay says in a rush, barely looking up from his laptop.
"I'm not---" Evan protests, pulling out a chair.
"Likewise if you want me to apologize for your getting stunned it's not going to happen, and in a karmic sense getting hung upside down in a trap set by a giant barbarian completely nullifies that anyway, so..." McKay pauses to take a breath and Evan sits, wondering how Sheppard would act. He slides a smirk into place and raises an eyebrow, saying nothing. McKay's eyes narrow as he regards him suspiciously. "What are you doing?"
"Eating lunch." Evan digs his fork into the casserole of unidentifiable ingredients, deciding that at the very least he can figure out how Sheppard manages to deal with the man. Maybe the final test is to be able to be in the same room with McKay without wanting to strangle him.
McKay pulls his laptop closer, as if Evan is likely to launch his forkful of casserole over the keyboard. "Why?"
Evan knows what McKay means but something about the scientist inspires sarcasm. "Thought you were a genius, McKay." He taps his watch. "It's lunch time." Anyway he is certainly not going to admit he is sitting with McKay in order to...whatever it is he is supposed to do.
McKay's mouth slants in displeasure, but he apparently decides to ignore Evan, focusing instead on his laptop screen, fingers darting over the keyboard. Evan takes the opportunity to observe him discreetly. McKay looks like he hasn't slept enough; his eyes are puffy and his hair mussed, and he mumbles to himself as he works. His voice only rises to complain loudly that the coffee is awful, despite the fact that the Daedalus has just been there with the first fresh supplies they've had in a year. "It figures that you'd bring shitty coffee," McKay grouses, glaring at Evan as if it is personally his fault.
"We didn't even know if Atlantis would survive the Wraith attack," Evan counters. "Be grateful we brought any coffee at all."
McKay closes his laptop and walks off in what Evan can only describe as a huff, leaving his tray behind for Evan to bus. The only thing this encounter teaches him is that McKay really likes the fruit cups.
****
Colonel Sheppard doesn't bring up their conversation again for several days. They were chaotic ones, though, what with Evan and some marines shooting down a dart while McKay was in it. Of course, Sheppard fired on it, too--and how that was supposed to be a lesson, Evan has no idea. They're standing in the lab with the ruined dart, watching as nearly every available scientist who has even a basic understanding of electronic circuitry tries to piece it together. "See that, Major?" Sheppard isn't wearing a smirk for once. "That's what you need to understand."
Someone is cursing in German from underneath the dart, even while Doctor Zelenka mutters in rapid Czech near the open cockpit. Another scientist sends sparks flying from a bank of wires, and Evan takes a step back as they bounce near his boots. Okay, so...all of these people are working to save Doctor McKay and Lieutenant Cadman. How does that help Evan fight the Wraith? Sheppard shakes his head when he sees that Evan doesn't get it. "Keep thinking about it," he says. "I'm going to go check on Ronon."
Which gives Evan the idea of asking Teyla for advice. If anyone can give him a clue about what Sheppard wants him to learn, it's her. He finds her in the gym, performing the graceful exercises that remind him of Tai Chi only deadlier because she has a bantos rod in each hand. "Major Lorne," she says brightly. "Have you come to spar?" He's since realized that she went easy on him that first time; he's gotten a little better though and now it usually takes her almost thirty seconds to knock him on his ass.
"Sure," he says, picking up a spare pair of sticks from against the wall. "But I also wanted to ask you something." They move into position across from each other and nod their heads. Teyla circles him slowly, perhaps realizing the conversation is more important than exercise today. "It's about Colonel Sheppard...or Doctor McKay. Both, I guess." Evan moves forward and swings tentatively at Teyla's arm; she blocks easily with one stick, swinging the other in an arc toward his knee.
He blocks that in turn and steps back, trying to watch her feet and hands at the same time. "You know how I've been getting a crash course in the Pegasus Galaxy?" Teyla nods. She's been the one doing most of the teaching, after all. "Well, Colonel Sheppard seems to think I need to learn something about Doctor McKay." Evan realizes it sounds silly when he says it like that, as if McKay is an alien species or a piece of Ancient technology.
Teyla lowers her bantos rods and settles on the mat. Evan gives her a grateful smile and sits down across from her. "Colonel Sheppard speaks very highly of your record and accomplishments," she says. "But he wishes to keep Atlantis independent of too much influence from Earth." She pauses and then continues, "I believe he wants you to understand that we--" she gives a wry grin that reminds him of Sheppard--"do things differently out here."
Evan laughs. "Oh, I got that. But what does that have to do with McKay?"
"Maybe...that the scientists here are also different than they are on Earth?" Teyla suggests.
That's an understatement. At the SGC, science operations would span months. In Pegasus they are lucky to get a few days. Evan hasn't escorted scientists offworld here much, but that first time he stood next to the Gate for five minutes waiting for the equipment to show up. They finally sorted out that the scientist had everything he needed in his pockets, just in case he had to run. "No kidding," he agrees. "But it's more than that."
"Rodney is..." Teyla rolls a bantos rod across her lap, fingers following the painted designs around its circumference. "Perhaps especially different," she says. "He, more than anyone else, feels responsible for maintaining the city, and I believe he also feels that he must be the one to find a permanent defense against the Wraith."
Evan nods, recalling McKay's disheveled appearance at lunch, that he was never without a laptop or PDA, and seemed to spend an unhealthy amount of time in his lab. And Sheppard had pointed out how hard everyone else was working to save him. Maybe Sheppard simply means Evan to be supportive of the man as well. He sighs. He can do that. "Thanks, Teyla." Evan smiles at her and rises from the mat.
Teyla stands as well. "You are most welcome, Major. Now that your mind is free from distraction, we can continue."
Evan groans inwardly and raises his bantos rods, already feeling the bruises.
****
Supporting McKay sounds simple. It could start, Evan thinks, with being a little nicer to him. That's easy just now, because Evan will think of it as being nice to Lieutenant Cadman, who happens to be stuck in McKay's head. He walks to the infirmary, feeling slightly guilty that he hasn't checked on her since she...they...first awoke the day before. Honestly stuff like this always creeped him out a little. At the SGC he was glad it only seemed to happen to SG-1, but of course the Pegasus Galaxy would ignore standard cliches and pull in a poor innocent marine.
McKay looks pretty bad. He's been placed at the back of the infirmary to give him some privacy. Or, as Evan realizes when he gets close enough to hear, because he's having a rather noisy running argument with himself. With Cadman. It's disconcerting, especially when Evan recognizes Cadman's speech patterns and accent coming out of McKay's mouth.
"Carson! Tell Rodney he's being an idiot!"
"Hello! I can hear you!" McKay clamps his mouth shut, jaw muscles straining.
"Uh, is this a bad time?" Evan shifts from foot to foot, ready to back away at a moment's notice.
"Gee, let's see," McKay says, "I have a bomb-happy marine stuck in my head, and if I don't get her out soon, we'll both probably die!" Then his face relaxes and he adds, "Hey, Major. Good to see you."
"Um. Lieutenant," Evan replies, at a loss for how to address someone in another person's body. "I just wanted to let you know that Zelenka and a whole bunch of other people are working really hard to solve this thing." He rubs at the back of his head, feeling like platitudes at this point are pretty worthless. "If I could do anything to help, I would, you know."
McKay, or possibly Cadman, smiles. Probably Cadman, because both sides of McKay's mouth have turned up and it doesn't look sarcastic at all. "Trade places with me?"
"If I could," Evan smiles back, thinking that being inside McKay's head might be the only way to actually figure him out.
****
There is a blissful two weeks in which Evan has nearly no contact with Doctor McKay. Unfortunately that means he is only physically absent from Evan's presence since the scientist is hiding in his lab. Evan is still forced to think about him when Sheppard walks by Evan's office and makes a complicated hand gesture, which Evan realizes a moment later is supposed to represent a Jedi mind trick. He is clearly not off the hook, despite the fact that McKay is in the doghouse with nearly everyone over the Dorandan incident.
Evan gestures back at Sheppard in an entirely different manner. Sheppard laughs and walks away, and Evan is left grumbling into his paperwork. Obviously he needs to make more of an effort, and as he signs the last sheet--a requisition for more terra cotta pots for the botany department--he realizes where he can start.
It's getting late, but chances are Doctor Parrish is still in the greenhouse. His request shouldn't take too much time, anyway. He hopes he can get Parrish to agree.
Sure enough, the lights are still on though Parrish is nowhere to be seen. Evan wanders the aisles, running his hands along the tops of leaves, some still dripping from being freshly watered. He has never quite made it to the back of the greenhouse; something about the twists and turns of the paths mid-way through where the clean-tiled floor gives way to thick uneven dirt discourages it. He's sure there are secrets here, though that seems to be true of every department. Sheppard shrugged off Evan's unease when he brought it up. "McKay knows about everyone's pet projects," he said, "and I trust him. Besides, what the SGC doesn't know won't hurt them." And because Evan had come to trust Sheppard, he let it go at that.
But now Evan can't help but picture scenes from Little Shop of Horrors. He would not be surprised to find that the Pegasus Galaxy contains huge carnivorous plants, or that Doctor Parrish had brought one to Atlantis as a pet. He nearly jumps out of his skin when something touches his shoulder. He spins around to find Doctor Parrish regarding him with amusement. "Jesus, Doc, don't do that!"
Parrish laughs through an insincere apology. "I never thought I'd get the jump on you, Major. What are you doing here so late?" He's wearing the standard Atlantis-issue science uniform, only it's covered in a good inch of dirt.
"I need coffee," Evan begins, and tries his best to explain why. "See, so if I at least try to make friends with McKay, maybe Colonel Sheppard will be satisfied."
Parrish frowns. "Do you actually want to be friends with him, or just make Colonel Sheppard think you are?" He raises an eyebrow, challenging Evan to tell the truth.
Evan shrugs. "Does it really matter?" He can see it's the wrong answer. Parrish looks away, and his fingers begin to work the dirt from his palms. "In the end I'm still helping him out, right?" Evan insists.
"I think I see where Colonel Sheppard is going with this," Parrish says. "And it might not have as much to do with Doctor McKay as you think."
"Huh?" Evan furrows his brows. Of course it's about McKay. Isn't it?
"Never mind," Parrish smiles. "I'll supply you with coffee on three conditions." Evan nods, because he already knows he can trust Parrish. "One: you make a sincere effort to spend more time in the science labs." Evan nods again. He already figured he'd have to do that. "Two, you tell no one where you're getting your supply." Parrish narrows his eyes then and adds, "I knew I shouldn't have given you coffee, even if it was to thank you for escorting me offworld, however briefly."
"You gave me a bag of beans in a hand-woven Athosian bag and they weren't stale. You had to be getting them somewhere," Evan laughs.
Parrish's face brightens. "The conditions for growing coffee here are perfect! There's a spot under the marvana trees where the arabica grows almost thirty feet tall if we don't keep it pruned."
Evan tries to peer into the darkness to where Parrish is pointing, but the nearest growth presents an impenetrable barrier. "Don't tell me you've started a plantation."
"Yes, well...normally it takes four years for the coffee plant to reach maturity, but the Ancients designed the greenhouses with some truly fascinating technology and--" Parrish cuts himself short. "Well. That's neither here nor there. Suffice to say there's not enough yet to go around." He glances down the path leading toward the door, as if afraid someone might be eavesdropping, intent on stealing his arabica.
"Your secret is safe with me." Evan places his hand over his heart and tries to look sincere. If this is all the botanists are up to, maybe he really doesn't have to worry about secret projects so much. Though obviously McKay isn't aware of everything or he'd have been all over Parrish like one of DiReista's tentacled squid-things. "What's the third condition, Doc?"
"Oh, yes." Parrish's smile threatens to split his face in half. "I want to go offworld more. I've been here a year and everyone kept insisting that there were more important things to do than collect plants we couldn't eat. Now that there are more of you here..." You meaning military escorts, Evan realizes.
"Done." They shake hands on the deal; Parrish's grip is firm and very gritty. Evan wonders how many scientists' projects have taken a back seat to the threat of the Wraith and the need to find allies, trading partners, and food. He throws an arm around as much of Parrish's shoulders as he can reach and steers him toward the brighter section of the greenhouse. "So, Doc. Who else hasn't been getting offworld much?" he asks.
*****
Evan leaves the first bag of coffee outside McKay's door, unable to make himself give it to him in person. It smells absolutely heavenly. Freshly harvested, dried, and roasted with the Ancient version of a popcorn popper (Parrish has no better explanation for the device), it's enough to bring McKay to the door almost before Evan has made his escape.
McKay stares at the bag in disbelief. He swings his head in both directions, and Evan ducks around the corner just in time. Crouching low, Evan can't help but peek. McKay has the bag in his hands--the same one Evan originally received from Parrish--and he's breathing deeply, eyes closed. There's a wide smile on his face, and he's the most content that Evan has ever seen him. He looks completely different, Evan thinks, when he's not complaining, yelling at someone, or in mortal peril. He even looks like someone Evan could be friends with.
After a couple hours' worth of paperwork Evan swings by McKay's lab. McKay is grinning at his workstation with what must be the largest mug in the entire city sitting next to his laptop. The rest of the department--Zelenka, Kusanagi, Myers, and Brinkman--are shooting glares in McKay's direction. Evan walks in slowly, waving hello to Zelenka, who grimly smiles back before muttering and ducking back behind his computer screen.
"Ah, Major Lorne!" McKay exclaims. "I see you've heard about my windfall." He raises his mug and takes a noisy sip. "As I've repeatedly told everyone else--" his voice takes on a sing-song quality--"You can't have any."
Evan grinds his teeth. He should have seen this coming. He forces himself to smile. "Whatcha got there, Doc?"
McKay momentarily deflates. He points to the lab's coffee machine, which now has a large sign taped to it that reads: "Doctor McKay's coffee. NOT YOURS."
"Ah," Evan says, leaning against the table. "How wonderful for you." He takes great satisfaction in watching McKay sputter wordlessly. Evan taps the table to get his attention. "Listen, McKay, I need to talk to you about the offworld science rosters."
Doctor Kusanagi perks up, as does Doctor Brinkman, but both Zelenka and Myers crouch farther behind their workstations. "What about them?" McKay asks curtly, as if he doesn't have the time.
"Well, this was meant to be an exploratory expedition, right? And a lot of the scientists who came here originally haven't gotten to actually explore much." Evan leans in so that he's partially blocking McKay's view of his computer screen. "I understand that with the Wraith and all Sheppard couldn't spare the personnel, but you kept turning down requests even after the Daedalus got here. I don't want to make a big issue of it--" Evan hopes McKay understands that means going to Doctor Weir--"but maybe you could reconsider. There are plenty of teams for escort duty."
McKay is silent for so long Evan wonders if he's going to ignore him completely. Then he swivels on his stool and pokes Evan in the chest. "Do you know what it's like going offworld here?" Evan opens his mouth and doesn't even get a chance to answer. "I don't mean for you." McKay adds. "Do you know how many of our scientists have died? Do you?"
Evan is speechless. He's read the reports, of course. There were... McKay answers for him. "Abrams, Gaul, Wagner, Johnson, Hays, Peterson, Dumais, Grodin." He pauses. "Collins." McKay stands, poking Evan in the chest again. "Yes, we need to find weapons and technology to defend us from the Wraith," his finger falls, and he breathes heavily. "But going offworld isn't a Sunday stroll to gather wildflowers, Major." He sits down again and crosses his arms, glaring.
"But you've let personnel study offworld before," Evan protests.
McKay tips his chin defiantly. "Elizabeth made me."
The others are watching with rapt attention. Even Zelenka's peeking around his laptop, not even trying to pretend he's working. "Look, McKay..." Evan sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I understand wanting to protect your people. But I think it's safe to say that everyone here knows the risks involved with going offworld. It's their decision to make."
"Some of those people died on Atlantis," Zelenka chimes in, earning himself a portion of McKay's glare.
Doctor Kusanagi raises her hand and says shyly, "I would like to travel, Doctor McKay."
Every head in the room turns toward her. Kusanagi blushes but stands her ground firmly. "Why did we come here, after all? The city is wonderful, but I have not even visited the mainland. I have wondered if there are Ancient outposts there, like on Earth. Perhaps even containing a zero point module."
McKay's mouth opens and closes. "Surely we would have--there would be energy readings--"
"Not if the ZPM is dormant," Zelenka argues, pushing on his glasses.
Doctor Brinkman, a stocky engineer, steps forward and adds, "And how many planets are like those where you encountered the Brotherhood? There could be fifty ZPMs hiding in cellars. You can't do it all, Doctor McKay."
It's a struggle for Evan not to laugh. If he'd known he was starting a coup, he'd have brought his camera. The coffee sits forgotten on McKay's table. Evan makes his exit while he can.
****
"So, still a big fan of everyone making their own decisions?" McKay asks, sitting down heavily in the chair next to Evan's.
Evan growls deep in his throat. "Shut up, McKay."
"I'm sorry," McKay says, and sounds like he means it. "I'm not exactly good at this kind of thing. This--" he waves his hand--"whole people thing." He's silent for a minute, half-heartedly eating his fruit cup. "You lost two members of your team trying to save Colonel Sheppard," he says quietly. "But it could have been you or me or Carson or Ronon or Teyla." He pauses. "Okay, odds are it wouldn't have been Ronon or Teyla. But my point is, at least that was to save Sheppard's life." He drops his spoon onto the tray, appetite apparently gone. "How can I justify the possibility of someone dying because he wants to study alien moss?"
"Jesus, McKay, do me a favor--don't ever have kids." Evan manages to almost smile. "I've been escorting scientists offworld for three years. Ninety nine percent of the time, things go okay." He doesn't add that the other one percent is usually pretty gruesome. "If you're not going to let your staff do what they came out here to do, you might as well send them home."
"Yes, well. I'll think about it," McKay replies, giving a half smile back. "Anyway, I'm sorry about, um--"
"Walker and Stevens," Evan supplies.
"Yes," McKay says, and stands, leaving his tray behind again for Evan to bus. At least this time Evan thinks he's learned something from their conversation.
****
Evan debates leaving the next bag of coffee for McKay. He's not sure the man deserves it--or rather, he's not sure he deserves to lord it over his entire department. He settles on a compromise. When he sneaks out of the lab in the middle of the night, the sign on the coffee maker reads "Doctor McKay'sEveryone's coffee: NOT YOURS." He leaves two bags of beans nearby, just to get his point across.
He expects Doctor Parrish to be less than thrilled that everyone is starting to wonder where the coffee is coming from, but when he stops by the greenhouse the next morning Parrish is grinning like a little kid. "Major! I can't believe you did it!" He throws his arms around Evan and nearly knocks him down.
"Whoa, Doc, settle down. What did I do?" Evan laughs, grabbing Parrish's arms to keep them from tumbling over.
"Doctor McKay approved my request to go offworld," Parrish says. "He even said I could join a team. If I can find one." Parrish raises an eyebrow at Evan significantly.
"Meaning a team that has a couple of empty slots to fill?" Evan hasn't replaced Walker and Stevens, partly because he's been too busy filling in while Sheppard recovers from turning into a bug, and partly because he was waiting to see what McKay would do. It seems a waste of resources to have so few scientists on Gate teams, regardless of the reason. The SGC always had teams with a specific designation--recon teams made entirely of military personnel, of course, but also teams that contained a scientist and airmen or marines with training that complemented the discipline. Granted, Evan's background is in geology and engineering, but hey--plants grow in dirt, don't they? "I'll talk to Sheppard," Evan tells him.
Evan thinks Parrish's grin will never fade. It will either come in handy or get them in trouble. Probably both. "By the way," Parrish says, "Don't tell Katie that you're giving our coffee to Doctor McKay. You'll never see another bean if she finds out."
It takes Evan a moment to remember that Katie is Doctor Brown. "Aren't they dating?" Evan asks.
"They were," Parrish answers. "If you could even call it that."
"Ah," Evan says, thinking it's best not to ask for details. "Where does she think the coffee has been going? And how could she not know McKay's been getting it?"
Parrish blushes. "She thinks I've got a crush on you," he answers. "And she's kind of, um, oblivious about people." His blush deepens.
"Aw, Doc. Do you like her?" Evan asks. Parrish looks down at the ground and doesn't answer. And that's answer enough.
****
Evan feels like he is a singularity and everything around him keeps getting pulled closer. He can't find a moment to be alone. Sheppard's team is off exploring an Ancient ship and so everyone is coming to him with questions, which is fine, but added to that half of the scientists want to thank him for changing McKay's mind about offworld travel or to ask to be assigned to a Gate team, which is also fine but added to that, Evan still has paperwork to finish which is not fine because he is not in the mood.
He finally gives up and hides in his quarters. He absolutely refuses to watch the Star Wars trilogy that someone (Sheppard) slid through his door. But after eighteen games of minesweeper he puts A New Hope into his laptop. It does not help him figure anything out, but he does wonder why McKay hasn't made a light saber yet. With all of the Ancient technology lying around it should be feasible. It might not be the best weapon to use against the Wraith, but it would be cool. They could do with some cutting off of hands at the very least.
Evan sighs and slides The Empire Strikes Back into his laptop. It turns out that being alone is very boring.
****
The boredom doesn't last. Evan's team (which now includes an extremely enthusiastic botanist) is offworld as often as they can manage it, though his duties as second in command sometimes take priority. Locating Sheppard's missing team is definitely one of those times. Evan is through the Gate and barely stripping his gear before Weir is sending him right back through again. He tells Parrish to stay behind with his plants, and not to worry. Truthfully, it's Evan who is worrying.
Though he plays it off to Doctor Weir for her sake, it really isn't like Sheppard to miss a check-in. He's meticulous about letting Atlantis know where they are, and just as strict with teams reporting to him. It's one of the things he's come to respect the most about Sheppard--he takes no one gets left behind very seriously.
Evan takes the burden on himself this time, following leads and chasing rumors. A Genii was spotted here, a Wraith dart there. He misses McKay coming back through the Gate high on Wraith enzyme and wild with his escape from Lieutenant Ford's band of merry men. But he's there to help with the rescue aboard the Daedalus, even though it turns out not to be much of a rescue at all.
McKay watches the hive ships explode, eyes tracking the debris. He's hopeful at first--they all are. But there's nothing. Eventually they have to call off the search.
"McKay, I'm--" Evan starts.
"Don't say it. Don't you dare say you're sorry." McKay grimaces through the Daedalus' front viewport.
Evan rests his hand on McKay's shoulder anyway. "I was going to say I'm sure they made it." He feels McKay relax slightly under his palm. "It's Sheppard. The dart got away somehow."
"Of course it did," McKay agrees, though he sounds like he's only trying to convince himself.
Colonel Caldwell makes the decision to return to Atlantis, and the Daedalus enters hyperspace. The trip is relatively short--only an hour or so--and they spend their time in the commissary. Evan gets them both a coffee and they sit in silence.
"You see?" McKay finally says. "This. This is exactly--" he doesn't finish his sentence, but Evan knows what he's getting at. They barely notice when they drop out of hyperspace.
Evan reaches out and places his hand over McKay's wrist. "Rodney," he says, feeling that the situation calls for familiarity, "Then why be out here at all?" he thinks he knows the answer, but he wants to hear it anyway.
"Oh, like Earth would be any better," McKay mutters. He looks up, and Evan sees weariness there, but also determination. "Someone has to do it." He gives a bitter laugh. "And I'm the best man for the job anyway, aren't I?"
Evan leans back and crosses his arms as things click into place. "You're a piece of work, McKay." He's pleased to see McKay's head jerk up, his eyes narrow. "You bitch and moan all the time just so no one sees the real you." McKay's eyes dart to the side, and Evan knows he's on to something. "You love this. All of it."
"Oh, yes--I love it when my team gets blown to pieces," McKay responds angrily.
"They made it," Colonel Caldwell says from the doorway.
"Thank you so much, Colonel Optimism!" McKay snaps, turning in his chair and nearly knocking over his coffee. "Would anyone else like to try and make me feel better?"
Caldwell clears his throat. "Doctor McKay, I've just heard from Doctor Weir. I mean--they made it. Colonel Sheppard and the rest of your team are on Atlantis."
Evan watches McKay light up like a kid at Christmas. He can't help feeling a little like that himself. "Of course they made it," McKay says calmly. "It's Sheppard." He looks at Evan, and they grin at each other like idiots.
****
Evan is still giddy with relief at Sheppard, Teyla, and Ronon's escape, and Doctor Parrish is giddy with his growing plant collection. They huddle under the arabica leaves at the back of the greenhouse, eating the deep red berries directly off the plant. "You sure this is safe, David?" Evan asks, crunching another berry. They're sort of sweet--they've eaten plenty of similar fruits offworld--but Evan would rather spit out the seed in the middle. Of course the seed is the whole point, as David insisted.
"Absolutely," David answers. "People have been doing this for thousands of years." Except that in a little while they're laughing hysterically about nothing in particular and Evan thinks his pulse probably shouldn't be racing quite so fast.
That's how Doctor Brown finds them, doubled over with mirth and mashing coffee fruit into each other's hair. Katie smiles indulgently and David's face turns as red as the berries they've eaten too many of. "Oh, heeeeey, Doc," Evan gasps, not quite able to catch his breath. "We were, um..."
"I don't want to know," Katie smiles, and backs away.
"Wait!" Evan yells too loudly, startling her into dropping her trowel. There has to be a way to remedy the situation. Katie can't go on thinking the wrong thing. Not with David's entire romantic future at stake. Then he has an idea that's absolute genius. "I need your help, Doctor Brown," he says.
"My help?" she asks, and raises her hand to her chest like an actress in a play.
"Yeah," Evan says, and before he can change his mind he says in a rush, "I kinda have this thing for Doctor McKay and since you and he sorta--" He lifts his shoulders and falls silent.
Evan's not sure what to expect, but it's not Katie bursting into laughter and collapsing to the ground next to him. "Oh," she says between giggles. Then, "Oh, that explains so much!" When she settles down, she glances at David in concern. "But I thought--"
David shakes his head. "Sorry, Katie. Evan's been giving the coffee to Rodney this whole time."
Katie punches David on the shoulder. "You could have told me! I went on three horrible dates with him!"
"I don't know who Rodney likes," David shrugs. "Personally I don't know what either of you see in him." He shoots a questioning glance at Evan, but Evan shakes his head and mouths, Later.
Evan nudges Katie to get her attention. "If the first date was so bad, why did you keep seeing him?"
"Oh, well. The first time he had someone else in his head, didn't he?" Katie sighs. "I can't exactly blame him for that. Then the second time he was all depressed about what happened with that Ancient satellite." Katie gives a dismissive sniff and digs her fingers into the dirt. "The third time there was no excuse."
What Katie says next makes Evan feel a little lightheaded, and it has nothing to do with an overdose of caffeine. "Frankly, when he finds out you're the one who's been supplying him with coffee, he's likely to fall head-over-heels for you. I don't think you have a thing to worry about." She pats Evan gently on the knee and he feels anything but reassured.
****
"So, Ronon," Evan says, hoping conversation will slow his opponent down for a second, "Did Sheppard make you watch the Star Wars movies yet?"
Ronon loops his staff weapon around in a complicated blur and it clacks heavily against Evan's, jarring Evan's teeth. "Yeah," he answers, stepping sideways and swinging again. "They're good."
Evan brings his staff up just in time. He realizes his tactic works better with Teyla, who generally speaks in much longer sentences. He tries again. "Which character are you?"
"What?" Ronon frowns, and Evan completely loses track of his movements for a second. Then Evan is flat on the mat, and the back of his knees are stinging.
"Ow," he says, sitting up. "You know. Sheppard is Luke, I'm Han Solo--" Ronon's eyebrows raise at that-- "and you're..." he refuses to suggest it, in case it gets his ass kicked. More.
"Oh. Sheppard says I'm Chewbacca." Ronon grins, untying his hair and letting it fall into his face as he leans over and offers Evan a hand up.
Evan stands and bends both knees just to make sure they still work. "Chewbacca," he says, "Yuh huh, yeah, I never would have--"
Ronon punches Evan on the shoulder so hard he nearly goes sprawling again. "You got a problem with that?" He sounds like it is a matter of honor and Evan is quick to assure him that no, no he does not have a problem with it, and that if he ever commands a space ship he will be sure to offer Ronon a position on it.
Ronon looks wistful. "Think I'd like that." Evan makes a mental note to take him up for rides in the jumpers more often.
"Anyway," Evan continues, quickly setting his wooden staff against the wall to indicate that he has been beaten up enough for one day, "McKay's C-3PO and that means Teyla's gotta be Princess Leia, right?"
Ronon looks thoughtful. "Nah," he finally replies. "Teyla's more like Yoda." He considers this statement and then adds, "Young Yoda." He leans his own weapon next to Evan's and glances at him sideways. "McKay's Princess Leia anyway."
Evan laughs, but Ronon looks completely serious. "Smart," Ronon says. "Resourceful. Tough. Gets captured a lot." Evan has to grant him that.
"But--" Evan isn't sure what he's trying to argue.
"Princess Leia," Ronon insists, leaving Evan standing in the middle of the gym pondering the implications.
****
After that Evan is too busy to think about things for a while. Between missions he flies Doctor Beckett to the mainland so he can check on a patient, and while Evan waits he tells the story of how he was once frozen in carbonite by an evil alien slave lord to an audience of eager Athosian kids. "How did you escape?" Jinto asks, eyes wide. "Was it Sheppard?"
"No, it wasn't Sheppard," Evan scowls, feeling like he's losing their attention.
"I bet it was Doctor McKay," Wex says, and a bunch of the kids nod in agreement.
Evan waves his hands wildly. "No, no, it wasn't--" But it's too late. The kids have dispersed. Evan hears Wex demanding to play the part of Doctor McKay. Jinto wants to be Sheppard even though he wasn't in the story.
"It wasn't McKay," he calls after them uselessly. He decides that McKay is not getting any more of the coffee.
In the evenings Evan prowls the city. He chides Doctor Zelenka for not getting enough sleep and listens to Doctor Kusanagi's progress reports. Sometimes Doctor DeReista even lets Evan feed his pet squid-things, which are kind of cute when they don't have a tentacle wrapped around his leg. On certain nights Evan swears the city directs his steps and he always seems to find a new balcony with a view of the stars reflecting on the ocean's surface or the moon angled just so through bits of colored glass. He hangs a hammock between two marvana trees at the back of the greenhouse, and after a noisy day Evan can close his eyes and pretend that the leaves are rustling from a real breeze and not because they are next to a ventilation shaft.
He's no closer, however, to his solution.
****
Evan finally decides to give up and ask Sheppard. He doesn't care anymore if he's supposed to figure this out on his own. He doesn't care if Sheppard makes Padawan jokes forever or even if someday Sheppard and McKay make real lightsabers and they refuse to give him one.
Sheppard is in his office, blinking down at a largish stack of papers. He flips between two sheets and scratches his head, then puts his pen down and lays his head on the desk.
"Sir?" Evan asks tentatively. Sheppard has been cleared for duty, in fact insisted that he not be given medical leave. But he seems weary despite the weeks spent trapped and idle in a time dilation field.
"Come on in, Major." Sheppard doesn't lift his head, but glances up at Evan through longer-than-usual bangs. Then he sighs and pushes himself upright. "You could have at least done my paperwork while I was gone," he says, pushing the stack to the far side of the desk.
Evan sits and leans forward to thumb through the papers. "These are all from yesterday, sir."
"Yesterday to you," Sheppard responds, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes.
"Aw, come on, sir. Sounds like it was a nice little vacation." Evan smiles and Sheppard gives a disgusted snort. Personally Evan thinks it sounds like it was boring as hell, but he won't give Sheppard the satisfaction of telling him that. "You should be all fired up to start doing paperwork again," he says instead.
"I don't remember what I was supposed to do with these," Sheppard says in disgust, knocking the papers sideways. "I started filling out those forms months ago."
Evan sighs. There goes his evening. "I'll do these, sir. But after this batch you're on your own."
That earns him a grin, and maybe it wasn't a bad idea to put Sheppard in a good mood. "About why I came here," Evan says. "I'm sorry, but I just can't figure out what it is that you want me to learn about Doctor McKay."
Sheppard blinks at him.
"My final lesson?" Evan prods.
Sheppard clears his throat and taps his fingers on the desk, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling.
"The whole 'Padawan' thing?" Evan continues lamely, searching Sheppard's face. Evan slumps back in his chair. "You don't remember, do you?"
"Look, I was in that damn time dilation field for a long time, okay?" Sheppard says, frowning. Then his face lights up and he points at Evan. "Padawan. I distinctly remember that."
"And?" Evan asks hopefully.
Sheppard chews his lip. "Gonna have to get back to you on the rest."
****
It is going to drive him nuts. He will never know what Sheppard meant, and it will bother him until he dies. Sheppard told him not to worry about it, that it couldn't have been that important or possibly he was just messing with him. But it is important. Evan knows it is.
He enters the mess and waves hello to the dozen civilians scattered throughout, and to the few marines and airmen who keep later hours. He knows everyone by name now and has found a Gate team for every scientist who wanted one. The data streaming back to Earth every week has almost doubled lately, and he's heard that a few areas of research have led to major breakthroughs back in the Milky Way.
Evan loads a tray and heads toward McKay, seated at his usual corner table. Evan stops several times to converse, making small talk or promising to look into problems where he can. No one notices that he seems distracted. He's looking to see who could use a little pick-me-up; who seems especially ragged around the edges. Evan was inspired to distribute his backlog of coffee when he noticed that Chuck had Gate duty three nights in a row and he found Doctor Volker asleep over a chess board. Not everyone loves coffee as much as McKay, but it turns out that Katie is growing a rather fine selection of teas, and she and David have agreed that it's only fair to share the wealth, as it were. It's such a little thing. But people seem grateful. No one has quite figured out where it's coming from.
McKay looks up when Evan's tray slides onto the table. He raises his eyebrows and says, "Major. You're up later than usual."
"Couldn't sleep. I've been thinking about some things." He smiles and grabs his sandwich.
"Well, it's a good thing that doesn't happen too often." McKay's mouth twitches and Evan fights the urge to laugh. "Is this a physics kind of thing? I only ask because you're sitting with me and I can't think of any other reason-"
"Actually it's a people kind of thing," Evan interrupts, grabbing his water.
"I thought we agreed I'm not good with people things." McKay tries to hunch behind his laptop.
"It's about you." Evan takes a sip of water, and then a deep breath. But he can't do it. The whole long story from his training and Sheppard's insistence that McKay is a part of it to the fact that he has somehow become the coffee baron of Atlantis is sitting on the tip of his tongue. McKay blinks at him, waiting. Evan has to say something. "Which Star Wars character are you?"
"What?" McKay sputters. "This is what keeps you up at night? I lie awake wondering who's got a Goa'uld in their head and you can't sleep for wondering which Star Wars character I am?"
"Obviously I worry about that stuff too," Evan protests. "Would you rather talk about that?"
McKay sags. "Well, no. Not really."
"Then answer the question." Evan casually takes a bite of his sandwich as if it's not really important anyway, but he can barely chew. He waits as McKay takes his time thinking it over, drawing it out just to be an ass.
Then McKay raises his finger and says, "Okay. I've got it. Obvious, really, when you think about it."
Evan tries to sound casual. "Yeah?" If Sheppard's metaphor really means something, this could be the key that slides the rest of the puzzle into place.
McKay tilts his chin up. "I'm Batman."
****
It's Evan's first Athosian festival, and things are in full swing. And because it's Evan's first Athosian festival Sheppard insists on plying him with Ruus wine and Evan blames himself for not recognizing the smirk. He is perhaps a little drunk, but first. Yes, harvest festival. With wine.
It is not David's first Athosian festival so he has no excuse, but then neither does Ronon, or Rodney, or Sheppard for that matter. Teyla does not seem drunk but it is possible that she is. Katie has had only water, but is laughing as much as anyone. Evan hopes that someone other than Katie is staying sober or else she will be making a lot of tea in the morning.
Judging by the noise and the number of empty casks of Ruus wine, who will make the morning tea is not a huge concern for the Athosians just now. There is a crowd of men and women weaving among the tents, which have been decorated with ribbons and banners. The tables of food should be empty due to the efforts of Ronon and McKay alone, but there is plenty left. The Athosians have done well, especially considering they gave a good portion of their harvest and hunting efforts to the people of Atlantis in the last year.
It seems like a bad idea to have a knife-throwing contest in the midst of the chaos, but when Ronon pulls out a blade and hits a knot in a tree five yards away his team cheers and raises their cups of wine. "I could do that," Sheppard brags, waving his arm vaguely at the tree. Ronon hands him another blade and Sheppard blinks down at it like he's not sure where it came from. Teyla plucks it from his fingers and snaps her wrist forward in one smooth motion, and a second later the knife is sticking out from the trunk next to Ronon's. "See?" Sheppard says happily. "I did it."
Evan leaves them to their game, passing by Zelenka and a few other scientists who have been invited to stay the night. It's a rare occasion when things are quiet enough to let go like this, and they're making the most of the opportunity. Doctor Beckett is talking to a few of the older Athosian children, and by the looks on their faces he's telling them a whopper of a story. Halling and Doctor Weir are speaking quietly by one of the fires and Evan nods as he passes, trying to appear less drunk than he is. Weir smiles at him knowingly anyway and he ducks his head and hurries on. Evan waves at David and Katie, who are curled against a log and laughing together at a shared joke. Evan gives David a thumbs up and lets them be.
Beyond the edge of the firelight it's dark enough to see the stars. Evan can't quite see the glow of Atlantis--they're a little too far inland--but he knows it's there. He tips his head up, and feels like he could close his eyes and point right at it. He wonders if he would feel that way on Earth, like something was tugging at him from the sky.
Something crashes in the undergrowth behind him and Evan turns. McKay emerges into the little clearing and lets out a yelp when he sees Evan. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" he hisses. "What are you doing out here--waiting to mug someone?"
"Just getting a little fresh air, McKay," Evan says, glad he was interrupted before he worked up to some real melancholy. "What are you doing out here?"
"I came out here to pee," McKay says, voice as always too loud. He stares at Evan for a few moments and finally snaps, "Just--turn around, will you?"
Evan sighs but does as he's told. "Can you feel Atlantis from here?" he asks.
McKay doesn't answer but stumbles into him a minute later. He's wiping his hands on a moist towelette. Evan stares and bites his lips, certain that if he starts laughing now McKay will never speak to him again. "Of course I can't feel Atlantis from here. It's kilometers away," he says, tucking the towelette into his jacket pocket.
"Batman, huh?" Evan nudges McKay in the ribs and then grabs his elbow to steer him through the trees.
McKay squints over at him. "Just how much have you had to drink, Major?"
"It's just--" Evan pauses to help McKay over a fallen tree. "You're more like Princess Leia," he says, and then mentally slaps himself on the forehead. "And a lot," he adds. "To drink."
McKay sighs and pulls Evan to the left, and Evan realizes he's been steering them off course. "Ronon thinks I'm Princess Leia, too," he says. There is a note of resignation in his voice.
"She's smart," Evan says. "And resourceful."
"Yes, and tough and also she gets captured a lot," McKay finishes. "I get it." A moment later he asks, "You think I'm smart? And, and those other things?"
"Yeah," Evan says, and realizes it's true.
They're getting close to the festivities again. Evan can hear the voices and music clearly now, and the path is even here and easier to see. "Only," Evan says, "There's this thing." He stops, and because his hand is still wrapped around McKay's arm, McKay has to stop too.
"What thing?" McKay's mouth is turning up on both sides and he doesn't look sarcastic at all.
"I'm kind of maybe Han Solo," Evan says quickly, wishing they were back where it was dark or surrounded by people, either one.
"Well, duh," McKay says, and drags him back to the party.
****
Evan is wondering how early he can test the whole "hair of the dog" thing on Ruus wine, though he thinks that the first moment he feels slightly sober is not it. And yet Sheppard forces a fresh mug into his hand and collapses next to him, sprawling ungracefully against his padded mat.
"Major." Sheppard says, and even a very bleary Evan can tell that he is still extremely drunk. "Hah. Did you see what I did there?"
"No, sir," Evan replies. "I must have missed it."
"I called you 'Major.'" Sheppard seems pleased with himself.
"That's...really great, sir." Evan smiles despite the headache lurking right around the corner.
"No, see." Sheppard pokes Evan's leg. "Because I coulda called you 'Padawan' just then, but I didn't."
Evan sits up and sloshes Ruus wine over his wrist. "Sir?"
"Wanna know why?" Sheppard smirks.
"If you don't mind," Lorne mutters, but the sarcastic tone goes right over Sheppard's head.
"Atlantis isn't just a city," Sheppard says, gesturing with his mostly empty cup directly toward where Evan feels its pull. "It's, it's everyone. We can't just go out and fight the Wraith and blow stuff up and." Sheppard blinks and looks into his cup. Evan dumps his wine into it, and Sheppard takes a gulp. "Right. Blow stuff up. The people--" he pauses to scratch his stubble, then looks gravely at Evan. "Don't blow up the people. That's not what I mean."
"Yes, sir." Evan laughs and nods, and prompts, "The people?"
"All the people," Sheppard says, and waves to encompass the Athosian village and, Evan assumes, the entire galaxy, "are important. You can't have a little group of marines here--" Sheppard gestures and splashes wine on Evan's pants, "--a group of scientists there, some Athosians over there." He takes a deep breath, and Evan isn't sure he's going to remain conscious long enough to finish his speech. But, "If we're going to defeat the Wraith, Major, we all need to work together."
They're quiet for a moment, but then Sheppard turns to face Evan, and he's wearing a smirk Evan hasn't seen yet. "You got McKay to let the scientists go offworld," he says quietly, sounding almost sober. "And you gave the people coffee. You did good."
Somehow Sheppard manages to stand, though Teyla is behind him in an instant, suggesting that perhaps it's time for him to seek his bed. Evan couldn't agree more. There's nothing left to keep him awake at night, now.
Then he sees McKay rise from the far side of the fire. Evan smiles and stands, and offers to walk him to his tent.
Author: calcitrix
Fandom: SGA
Characters: Lorne/McKay
Word count: 9,700
Rating: PG
Contains: minor language
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis.
Prompt: Lorne/McKay; Coffee supply
Author's Notes: I think it goes without saying that this ended up longer than I expected.
Though not mentioned in the story, Lorne spends a lot of time in the mess hall thinking about things, and sometimes he leaves behind doodles. Takes place during the events of early to mid-second season. Thank you to my beta clwilson2006!
For a version without images scattered throughout, you may also read this story over here at A03.
Atlantis, Major Lorne decides, keeps sneaking up on him sideways and tapping him on the opposite shoulder; he looks the wrong way every time. The city is as different from Cheyenne Mountain as it is distant, and it doesn't take Evan long to realize that it's a good thing most of the original expedition is composed of military and scientists who weren't trained under the SGC. They have no preconceived notions about how things are supposed to work, and that...makes it all work. In fact Evan feels half a step behind the people who have been there from the start, no matter how many times he's been through the Milky Way Gate. It reminds him of driving cross country with his family, when he'd fall asleep in the back seat and wake up hours later to road signs advertising unfamiliar restaurants where the locals all know what the specials are without having to ask the waitress.
The only thing that isn't a surprise is that Colonel Sheppard wants to test his new second in command. It starts when Sheppard introduces Teyla Emmagan of Athos as the diplomat on his team. Evan nods, smiles, and awkwardly agrees to Sheppard's suggestion that Evan spar with Teyla in the "traditional" Athosian style. It's the first time Evan realizes that there are nuances to Sheppard's smirk. It's also the first time he's met a diplomat who can knock him flat on his ass in less than ten seconds.
Evan's first missions are equally startling, though at least Sheppard admits outright that he chooses them with specific "learning objectives" in mind (the phrase, with its attendant smirk and air quotes, becomes a thing to dread more than realizing he's in a completely unfamiliar corridor with no transporter in sight). Plus Sheppard has to be pulling from the bottom of the bell curve because in the first week Evan's lessons are: When a treaty is worded that way it is not just a colorful local phrase, they really mean no pants, and: Sometimes your Ancient gene will get you in trouble, please discover a diplomatic method of keeping yourself unmarried for the foreseeable future, and: Do not ignore that tingly feeling telling you not to force open the door to the flooded section of the labs--the city is warning you that Doctor DeReista's marine invertebrate collection is loose and the squid-things are feeling feisty.
Evan takes notes at each debrief, glad to find that Teyla is, in fact, as excellent at handling delicate diplomatic issues as she is bantos rods. Between her and Doctor Weir Evan begins to understand the people of Pegasus. Sheppard seems satisfied with his progress, though during Evan's second week he follows him out of the conference room and says, "You still have much to learn, Padawan." The doors slide closed behind them and they lean against the balcony railing above the Gate. Sheppard throws him a sideways glance. "You keep trying to fit Milky Way pegs into Atlantis-shaped holes."
"You're a little tall for Yoda," Evan replies, rolling a stack of papers into a cylinder and swinging it at Sheppard's shoulder. "And I'm sorry, but Milky Way pegs are all I have to work with."
Sheppard laughs, batting the mock light saber away. "Okay, one: I'm Luke," he says. Evan's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline and Sheppard adds, "A less whiny Luke, okay? And don't say it--I know, I'm supposed to be Han Solo. But come on--Jedi. And two--" He shrugs. "We'll work on two later."
They discuss the merits of Star Wars for a while (and agree that Evan can be Han Solo). Evan tries to figure out if there's an actual metaphor Sheppard's trying to make. He can't tell. Sometimes the man is a little...vague. Unless Sheppard's implying that Evan might turn to the Dark Side, there probably isn't. The training missions slack off after that, though, and it seems that Evan has finally graduated from his status as mere apprentice.
***
Evan forgets that there is a point number two until Sheppard pulls him aside the day after their return from P3M-736 for a chat. He puts on his especially goofy smirk and asks, "So, Padawan, did you learn your final lesson?"
Evan stops short and stares. Being paired with Doctor McKay was a test? He hopes that getting stunned by Lieutenant Ford doesn't count as a failing grade, especially since both Sheppard and Teyla were stunned themselves by Ronon, who is even now trailing a little behind them, trying to look unimpressed with the city. "I think I learned," Evan says carefully, "That Doctor McKay is definitely C-3PO in this scenario."
Sheppard laughs and claps Evan on the shoulder. "Close," he says. He points at Ronon. "That reminds me--I need to introduce you to movies." Then he tilts his head as if wondering what else to say. He settles on, "Just think about it, Major. You'll figure it out."
The two men head off, and Evan walks in the opposite direction, mulling it over. He knows the pieces are there--the search for Lieutenant Ford, Sheppard's obvious loyalty to his team, and the fact that he put McKay under the care of Evan when he could have kept his scientist with Teyla or even himself in an unfamiliar and hostile environment. What he was supposed to actually learn from spending an hour listening to McKay bitch and moan remains a mystery.
He isn't any nearer a solution by the time he reaches the mess hall. He grabs a tray and fills it with food, scanning the tables and noticing that the subject of his thoughts is seated at a corner table by himself. With an inward sigh Evan heads over and sets his tray down across from Doctor McKay. "Hey, Doc, mind if I--"
"If you're here to drip sarcasm at me, Major, don't bother. I've got a million things to do, each of which is vitally important to the functioning of the city," McKay says in a rush, barely looking up from his laptop.
"I'm not---" Evan protests, pulling out a chair.
"Likewise if you want me to apologize for your getting stunned it's not going to happen, and in a karmic sense getting hung upside down in a trap set by a giant barbarian completely nullifies that anyway, so..." McKay pauses to take a breath and Evan sits, wondering how Sheppard would act. He slides a smirk into place and raises an eyebrow, saying nothing. McKay's eyes narrow as he regards him suspiciously. "What are you doing?"
"Eating lunch." Evan digs his fork into the casserole of unidentifiable ingredients, deciding that at the very least he can figure out how Sheppard manages to deal with the man. Maybe the final test is to be able to be in the same room with McKay without wanting to strangle him.
McKay pulls his laptop closer, as if Evan is likely to launch his forkful of casserole over the keyboard. "Why?"
Evan knows what McKay means but something about the scientist inspires sarcasm. "Thought you were a genius, McKay." He taps his watch. "It's lunch time." Anyway he is certainly not going to admit he is sitting with McKay in order to...whatever it is he is supposed to do.
McKay's mouth slants in displeasure, but he apparently decides to ignore Evan, focusing instead on his laptop screen, fingers darting over the keyboard. Evan takes the opportunity to observe him discreetly. McKay looks like he hasn't slept enough; his eyes are puffy and his hair mussed, and he mumbles to himself as he works. His voice only rises to complain loudly that the coffee is awful, despite the fact that the Daedalus has just been there with the first fresh supplies they've had in a year. "It figures that you'd bring shitty coffee," McKay grouses, glaring at Evan as if it is personally his fault.
"We didn't even know if Atlantis would survive the Wraith attack," Evan counters. "Be grateful we brought any coffee at all."
McKay closes his laptop and walks off in what Evan can only describe as a huff, leaving his tray behind for Evan to bus. The only thing this encounter teaches him is that McKay really likes the fruit cups.
****
Colonel Sheppard doesn't bring up their conversation again for several days. They were chaotic ones, though, what with Evan and some marines shooting down a dart while McKay was in it. Of course, Sheppard fired on it, too--and how that was supposed to be a lesson, Evan has no idea. They're standing in the lab with the ruined dart, watching as nearly every available scientist who has even a basic understanding of electronic circuitry tries to piece it together. "See that, Major?" Sheppard isn't wearing a smirk for once. "That's what you need to understand."
Someone is cursing in German from underneath the dart, even while Doctor Zelenka mutters in rapid Czech near the open cockpit. Another scientist sends sparks flying from a bank of wires, and Evan takes a step back as they bounce near his boots. Okay, so...all of these people are working to save Doctor McKay and Lieutenant Cadman. How does that help Evan fight the Wraith? Sheppard shakes his head when he sees that Evan doesn't get it. "Keep thinking about it," he says. "I'm going to go check on Ronon."
Which gives Evan the idea of asking Teyla for advice. If anyone can give him a clue about what Sheppard wants him to learn, it's her. He finds her in the gym, performing the graceful exercises that remind him of Tai Chi only deadlier because she has a bantos rod in each hand. "Major Lorne," she says brightly. "Have you come to spar?" He's since realized that she went easy on him that first time; he's gotten a little better though and now it usually takes her almost thirty seconds to knock him on his ass.
"Sure," he says, picking up a spare pair of sticks from against the wall. "But I also wanted to ask you something." They move into position across from each other and nod their heads. Teyla circles him slowly, perhaps realizing the conversation is more important than exercise today. "It's about Colonel Sheppard...or Doctor McKay. Both, I guess." Evan moves forward and swings tentatively at Teyla's arm; she blocks easily with one stick, swinging the other in an arc toward his knee.
He blocks that in turn and steps back, trying to watch her feet and hands at the same time. "You know how I've been getting a crash course in the Pegasus Galaxy?" Teyla nods. She's been the one doing most of the teaching, after all. "Well, Colonel Sheppard seems to think I need to learn something about Doctor McKay." Evan realizes it sounds silly when he says it like that, as if McKay is an alien species or a piece of Ancient technology.
Teyla lowers her bantos rods and settles on the mat. Evan gives her a grateful smile and sits down across from her. "Colonel Sheppard speaks very highly of your record and accomplishments," she says. "But he wishes to keep Atlantis independent of too much influence from Earth." She pauses and then continues, "I believe he wants you to understand that we--" she gives a wry grin that reminds him of Sheppard--"do things differently out here."
Evan laughs. "Oh, I got that. But what does that have to do with McKay?"
"Maybe...that the scientists here are also different than they are on Earth?" Teyla suggests.
That's an understatement. At the SGC, science operations would span months. In Pegasus they are lucky to get a few days. Evan hasn't escorted scientists offworld here much, but that first time he stood next to the Gate for five minutes waiting for the equipment to show up. They finally sorted out that the scientist had everything he needed in his pockets, just in case he had to run. "No kidding," he agrees. "But it's more than that."
"Rodney is..." Teyla rolls a bantos rod across her lap, fingers following the painted designs around its circumference. "Perhaps especially different," she says. "He, more than anyone else, feels responsible for maintaining the city, and I believe he also feels that he must be the one to find a permanent defense against the Wraith."
Evan nods, recalling McKay's disheveled appearance at lunch, that he was never without a laptop or PDA, and seemed to spend an unhealthy amount of time in his lab. And Sheppard had pointed out how hard everyone else was working to save him. Maybe Sheppard simply means Evan to be supportive of the man as well. He sighs. He can do that. "Thanks, Teyla." Evan smiles at her and rises from the mat.
Teyla stands as well. "You are most welcome, Major. Now that your mind is free from distraction, we can continue."
Evan groans inwardly and raises his bantos rods, already feeling the bruises.
****
Supporting McKay sounds simple. It could start, Evan thinks, with being a little nicer to him. That's easy just now, because Evan will think of it as being nice to Lieutenant Cadman, who happens to be stuck in McKay's head. He walks to the infirmary, feeling slightly guilty that he hasn't checked on her since she...they...first awoke the day before. Honestly stuff like this always creeped him out a little. At the SGC he was glad it only seemed to happen to SG-1, but of course the Pegasus Galaxy would ignore standard cliches and pull in a poor innocent marine.
McKay looks pretty bad. He's been placed at the back of the infirmary to give him some privacy. Or, as Evan realizes when he gets close enough to hear, because he's having a rather noisy running argument with himself. With Cadman. It's disconcerting, especially when Evan recognizes Cadman's speech patterns and accent coming out of McKay's mouth.
"Carson! Tell Rodney he's being an idiot!"
"Hello! I can hear you!" McKay clamps his mouth shut, jaw muscles straining.
"Uh, is this a bad time?" Evan shifts from foot to foot, ready to back away at a moment's notice.
"Gee, let's see," McKay says, "I have a bomb-happy marine stuck in my head, and if I don't get her out soon, we'll both probably die!" Then his face relaxes and he adds, "Hey, Major. Good to see you."
"Um. Lieutenant," Evan replies, at a loss for how to address someone in another person's body. "I just wanted to let you know that Zelenka and a whole bunch of other people are working really hard to solve this thing." He rubs at the back of his head, feeling like platitudes at this point are pretty worthless. "If I could do anything to help, I would, you know."
McKay, or possibly Cadman, smiles. Probably Cadman, because both sides of McKay's mouth have turned up and it doesn't look sarcastic at all. "Trade places with me?"
"If I could," Evan smiles back, thinking that being inside McKay's head might be the only way to actually figure him out.
****
There is a blissful two weeks in which Evan has nearly no contact with Doctor McKay. Unfortunately that means he is only physically absent from Evan's presence since the scientist is hiding in his lab. Evan is still forced to think about him when Sheppard walks by Evan's office and makes a complicated hand gesture, which Evan realizes a moment later is supposed to represent a Jedi mind trick. He is clearly not off the hook, despite the fact that McKay is in the doghouse with nearly everyone over the Dorandan incident.
Evan gestures back at Sheppard in an entirely different manner. Sheppard laughs and walks away, and Evan is left grumbling into his paperwork. Obviously he needs to make more of an effort, and as he signs the last sheet--a requisition for more terra cotta pots for the botany department--he realizes where he can start.
It's getting late, but chances are Doctor Parrish is still in the greenhouse. His request shouldn't take too much time, anyway. He hopes he can get Parrish to agree.
Sure enough, the lights are still on though Parrish is nowhere to be seen. Evan wanders the aisles, running his hands along the tops of leaves, some still dripping from being freshly watered. He has never quite made it to the back of the greenhouse; something about the twists and turns of the paths mid-way through where the clean-tiled floor gives way to thick uneven dirt discourages it. He's sure there are secrets here, though that seems to be true of every department. Sheppard shrugged off Evan's unease when he brought it up. "McKay knows about everyone's pet projects," he said, "and I trust him. Besides, what the SGC doesn't know won't hurt them." And because Evan had come to trust Sheppard, he let it go at that.
But now Evan can't help but picture scenes from Little Shop of Horrors. He would not be surprised to find that the Pegasus Galaxy contains huge carnivorous plants, or that Doctor Parrish had brought one to Atlantis as a pet. He nearly jumps out of his skin when something touches his shoulder. He spins around to find Doctor Parrish regarding him with amusement. "Jesus, Doc, don't do that!"
Parrish laughs through an insincere apology. "I never thought I'd get the jump on you, Major. What are you doing here so late?" He's wearing the standard Atlantis-issue science uniform, only it's covered in a good inch of dirt.
"I need coffee," Evan begins, and tries his best to explain why. "See, so if I at least try to make friends with McKay, maybe Colonel Sheppard will be satisfied."
Parrish frowns. "Do you actually want to be friends with him, or just make Colonel Sheppard think you are?" He raises an eyebrow, challenging Evan to tell the truth.
Evan shrugs. "Does it really matter?" He can see it's the wrong answer. Parrish looks away, and his fingers begin to work the dirt from his palms. "In the end I'm still helping him out, right?" Evan insists.
"I think I see where Colonel Sheppard is going with this," Parrish says. "And it might not have as much to do with Doctor McKay as you think."
"Huh?" Evan furrows his brows. Of course it's about McKay. Isn't it?
"Never mind," Parrish smiles. "I'll supply you with coffee on three conditions." Evan nods, because he already knows he can trust Parrish. "One: you make a sincere effort to spend more time in the science labs." Evan nods again. He already figured he'd have to do that. "Two, you tell no one where you're getting your supply." Parrish narrows his eyes then and adds, "I knew I shouldn't have given you coffee, even if it was to thank you for escorting me offworld, however briefly."
"You gave me a bag of beans in a hand-woven Athosian bag and they weren't stale. You had to be getting them somewhere," Evan laughs.
Parrish's face brightens. "The conditions for growing coffee here are perfect! There's a spot under the marvana trees where the arabica grows almost thirty feet tall if we don't keep it pruned."
Evan tries to peer into the darkness to where Parrish is pointing, but the nearest growth presents an impenetrable barrier. "Don't tell me you've started a plantation."
"Yes, well...normally it takes four years for the coffee plant to reach maturity, but the Ancients designed the greenhouses with some truly fascinating technology and--" Parrish cuts himself short. "Well. That's neither here nor there. Suffice to say there's not enough yet to go around." He glances down the path leading toward the door, as if afraid someone might be eavesdropping, intent on stealing his arabica.
"Your secret is safe with me." Evan places his hand over his heart and tries to look sincere. If this is all the botanists are up to, maybe he really doesn't have to worry about secret projects so much. Though obviously McKay isn't aware of everything or he'd have been all over Parrish like one of DiReista's tentacled squid-things. "What's the third condition, Doc?"
"Oh, yes." Parrish's smile threatens to split his face in half. "I want to go offworld more. I've been here a year and everyone kept insisting that there were more important things to do than collect plants we couldn't eat. Now that there are more of you here..." You meaning military escorts, Evan realizes.
"Done." They shake hands on the deal; Parrish's grip is firm and very gritty. Evan wonders how many scientists' projects have taken a back seat to the threat of the Wraith and the need to find allies, trading partners, and food. He throws an arm around as much of Parrish's shoulders as he can reach and steers him toward the brighter section of the greenhouse. "So, Doc. Who else hasn't been getting offworld much?" he asks.
*****
Evan leaves the first bag of coffee outside McKay's door, unable to make himself give it to him in person. It smells absolutely heavenly. Freshly harvested, dried, and roasted with the Ancient version of a popcorn popper (Parrish has no better explanation for the device), it's enough to bring McKay to the door almost before Evan has made his escape.
McKay stares at the bag in disbelief. He swings his head in both directions, and Evan ducks around the corner just in time. Crouching low, Evan can't help but peek. McKay has the bag in his hands--the same one Evan originally received from Parrish--and he's breathing deeply, eyes closed. There's a wide smile on his face, and he's the most content that Evan has ever seen him. He looks completely different, Evan thinks, when he's not complaining, yelling at someone, or in mortal peril. He even looks like someone Evan could be friends with.
After a couple hours' worth of paperwork Evan swings by McKay's lab. McKay is grinning at his workstation with what must be the largest mug in the entire city sitting next to his laptop. The rest of the department--Zelenka, Kusanagi, Myers, and Brinkman--are shooting glares in McKay's direction. Evan walks in slowly, waving hello to Zelenka, who grimly smiles back before muttering and ducking back behind his computer screen.
"Ah, Major Lorne!" McKay exclaims. "I see you've heard about my windfall." He raises his mug and takes a noisy sip. "As I've repeatedly told everyone else--" his voice takes on a sing-song quality--"You can't have any."
Evan grinds his teeth. He should have seen this coming. He forces himself to smile. "Whatcha got there, Doc?"
McKay momentarily deflates. He points to the lab's coffee machine, which now has a large sign taped to it that reads: "Doctor McKay's coffee. NOT YOURS."
"Ah," Evan says, leaning against the table. "How wonderful for you." He takes great satisfaction in watching McKay sputter wordlessly. Evan taps the table to get his attention. "Listen, McKay, I need to talk to you about the offworld science rosters."
Doctor Kusanagi perks up, as does Doctor Brinkman, but both Zelenka and Myers crouch farther behind their workstations. "What about them?" McKay asks curtly, as if he doesn't have the time.
"Well, this was meant to be an exploratory expedition, right? And a lot of the scientists who came here originally haven't gotten to actually explore much." Evan leans in so that he's partially blocking McKay's view of his computer screen. "I understand that with the Wraith and all Sheppard couldn't spare the personnel, but you kept turning down requests even after the Daedalus got here. I don't want to make a big issue of it--" Evan hopes McKay understands that means going to Doctor Weir--"but maybe you could reconsider. There are plenty of teams for escort duty."
McKay is silent for so long Evan wonders if he's going to ignore him completely. Then he swivels on his stool and pokes Evan in the chest. "Do you know what it's like going offworld here?" Evan opens his mouth and doesn't even get a chance to answer. "I don't mean for you." McKay adds. "Do you know how many of our scientists have died? Do you?"
Evan is speechless. He's read the reports, of course. There were... McKay answers for him. "Abrams, Gaul, Wagner, Johnson, Hays, Peterson, Dumais, Grodin." He pauses. "Collins." McKay stands, poking Evan in the chest again. "Yes, we need to find weapons and technology to defend us from the Wraith," his finger falls, and he breathes heavily. "But going offworld isn't a Sunday stroll to gather wildflowers, Major." He sits down again and crosses his arms, glaring.
"But you've let personnel study offworld before," Evan protests.
McKay tips his chin defiantly. "Elizabeth made me."
The others are watching with rapt attention. Even Zelenka's peeking around his laptop, not even trying to pretend he's working. "Look, McKay..." Evan sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I understand wanting to protect your people. But I think it's safe to say that everyone here knows the risks involved with going offworld. It's their decision to make."
"Some of those people died on Atlantis," Zelenka chimes in, earning himself a portion of McKay's glare.
Doctor Kusanagi raises her hand and says shyly, "I would like to travel, Doctor McKay."
Every head in the room turns toward her. Kusanagi blushes but stands her ground firmly. "Why did we come here, after all? The city is wonderful, but I have not even visited the mainland. I have wondered if there are Ancient outposts there, like on Earth. Perhaps even containing a zero point module."
McKay's mouth opens and closes. "Surely we would have--there would be energy readings--"
"Not if the ZPM is dormant," Zelenka argues, pushing on his glasses.
Doctor Brinkman, a stocky engineer, steps forward and adds, "And how many planets are like those where you encountered the Brotherhood? There could be fifty ZPMs hiding in cellars. You can't do it all, Doctor McKay."
It's a struggle for Evan not to laugh. If he'd known he was starting a coup, he'd have brought his camera. The coffee sits forgotten on McKay's table. Evan makes his exit while he can.
****
"So, still a big fan of everyone making their own decisions?" McKay asks, sitting down heavily in the chair next to Evan's.
Evan growls deep in his throat. "Shut up, McKay."
"I'm sorry," McKay says, and sounds like he means it. "I'm not exactly good at this kind of thing. This--" he waves his hand--"whole people thing." He's silent for a minute, half-heartedly eating his fruit cup. "You lost two members of your team trying to save Colonel Sheppard," he says quietly. "But it could have been you or me or Carson or Ronon or Teyla." He pauses. "Okay, odds are it wouldn't have been Ronon or Teyla. But my point is, at least that was to save Sheppard's life." He drops his spoon onto the tray, appetite apparently gone. "How can I justify the possibility of someone dying because he wants to study alien moss?"
"Jesus, McKay, do me a favor--don't ever have kids." Evan manages to almost smile. "I've been escorting scientists offworld for three years. Ninety nine percent of the time, things go okay." He doesn't add that the other one percent is usually pretty gruesome. "If you're not going to let your staff do what they came out here to do, you might as well send them home."
"Yes, well. I'll think about it," McKay replies, giving a half smile back. "Anyway, I'm sorry about, um--"
"Walker and Stevens," Evan supplies.
"Yes," McKay says, and stands, leaving his tray behind again for Evan to bus. At least this time Evan thinks he's learned something from their conversation.
****
Evan debates leaving the next bag of coffee for McKay. He's not sure the man deserves it--or rather, he's not sure he deserves to lord it over his entire department. He settles on a compromise. When he sneaks out of the lab in the middle of the night, the sign on the coffee maker reads "Doctor McKay'sEveryone's coffee: NOT YOURS." He leaves two bags of beans nearby, just to get his point across.
He expects Doctor Parrish to be less than thrilled that everyone is starting to wonder where the coffee is coming from, but when he stops by the greenhouse the next morning Parrish is grinning like a little kid. "Major! I can't believe you did it!" He throws his arms around Evan and nearly knocks him down.
"Whoa, Doc, settle down. What did I do?" Evan laughs, grabbing Parrish's arms to keep them from tumbling over.
"Doctor McKay approved my request to go offworld," Parrish says. "He even said I could join a team. If I can find one." Parrish raises an eyebrow at Evan significantly.
"Meaning a team that has a couple of empty slots to fill?" Evan hasn't replaced Walker and Stevens, partly because he's been too busy filling in while Sheppard recovers from turning into a bug, and partly because he was waiting to see what McKay would do. It seems a waste of resources to have so few scientists on Gate teams, regardless of the reason. The SGC always had teams with a specific designation--recon teams made entirely of military personnel, of course, but also teams that contained a scientist and airmen or marines with training that complemented the discipline. Granted, Evan's background is in geology and engineering, but hey--plants grow in dirt, don't they? "I'll talk to Sheppard," Evan tells him.
Evan thinks Parrish's grin will never fade. It will either come in handy or get them in trouble. Probably both. "By the way," Parrish says, "Don't tell Katie that you're giving our coffee to Doctor McKay. You'll never see another bean if she finds out."
It takes Evan a moment to remember that Katie is Doctor Brown. "Aren't they dating?" Evan asks.
"They were," Parrish answers. "If you could even call it that."
"Ah," Evan says, thinking it's best not to ask for details. "Where does she think the coffee has been going? And how could she not know McKay's been getting it?"
Parrish blushes. "She thinks I've got a crush on you," he answers. "And she's kind of, um, oblivious about people." His blush deepens.
"Aw, Doc. Do you like her?" Evan asks. Parrish looks down at the ground and doesn't answer. And that's answer enough.
****
Evan feels like he is a singularity and everything around him keeps getting pulled closer. He can't find a moment to be alone. Sheppard's team is off exploring an Ancient ship and so everyone is coming to him with questions, which is fine, but added to that half of the scientists want to thank him for changing McKay's mind about offworld travel or to ask to be assigned to a Gate team, which is also fine but added to that, Evan still has paperwork to finish which is not fine because he is not in the mood.
He finally gives up and hides in his quarters. He absolutely refuses to watch the Star Wars trilogy that someone (Sheppard) slid through his door. But after eighteen games of minesweeper he puts A New Hope into his laptop. It does not help him figure anything out, but he does wonder why McKay hasn't made a light saber yet. With all of the Ancient technology lying around it should be feasible. It might not be the best weapon to use against the Wraith, but it would be cool. They could do with some cutting off of hands at the very least.
Evan sighs and slides The Empire Strikes Back into his laptop. It turns out that being alone is very boring.
****
The boredom doesn't last. Evan's team (which now includes an extremely enthusiastic botanist) is offworld as often as they can manage it, though his duties as second in command sometimes take priority. Locating Sheppard's missing team is definitely one of those times. Evan is through the Gate and barely stripping his gear before Weir is sending him right back through again. He tells Parrish to stay behind with his plants, and not to worry. Truthfully, it's Evan who is worrying.
Though he plays it off to Doctor Weir for her sake, it really isn't like Sheppard to miss a check-in. He's meticulous about letting Atlantis know where they are, and just as strict with teams reporting to him. It's one of the things he's come to respect the most about Sheppard--he takes no one gets left behind very seriously.
Evan takes the burden on himself this time, following leads and chasing rumors. A Genii was spotted here, a Wraith dart there. He misses McKay coming back through the Gate high on Wraith enzyme and wild with his escape from Lieutenant Ford's band of merry men. But he's there to help with the rescue aboard the Daedalus, even though it turns out not to be much of a rescue at all.
McKay watches the hive ships explode, eyes tracking the debris. He's hopeful at first--they all are. But there's nothing. Eventually they have to call off the search.
"McKay, I'm--" Evan starts.
"Don't say it. Don't you dare say you're sorry." McKay grimaces through the Daedalus' front viewport.
Evan rests his hand on McKay's shoulder anyway. "I was going to say I'm sure they made it." He feels McKay relax slightly under his palm. "It's Sheppard. The dart got away somehow."
"Of course it did," McKay agrees, though he sounds like he's only trying to convince himself.
Colonel Caldwell makes the decision to return to Atlantis, and the Daedalus enters hyperspace. The trip is relatively short--only an hour or so--and they spend their time in the commissary. Evan gets them both a coffee and they sit in silence.
"You see?" McKay finally says. "This. This is exactly--" he doesn't finish his sentence, but Evan knows what he's getting at. They barely notice when they drop out of hyperspace.
Evan reaches out and places his hand over McKay's wrist. "Rodney," he says, feeling that the situation calls for familiarity, "Then why be out here at all?" he thinks he knows the answer, but he wants to hear it anyway.
"Oh, like Earth would be any better," McKay mutters. He looks up, and Evan sees weariness there, but also determination. "Someone has to do it." He gives a bitter laugh. "And I'm the best man for the job anyway, aren't I?"
Evan leans back and crosses his arms as things click into place. "You're a piece of work, McKay." He's pleased to see McKay's head jerk up, his eyes narrow. "You bitch and moan all the time just so no one sees the real you." McKay's eyes dart to the side, and Evan knows he's on to something. "You love this. All of it."
"Oh, yes--I love it when my team gets blown to pieces," McKay responds angrily.
"They made it," Colonel Caldwell says from the doorway.
"Thank you so much, Colonel Optimism!" McKay snaps, turning in his chair and nearly knocking over his coffee. "Would anyone else like to try and make me feel better?"
Caldwell clears his throat. "Doctor McKay, I've just heard from Doctor Weir. I mean--they made it. Colonel Sheppard and the rest of your team are on Atlantis."
Evan watches McKay light up like a kid at Christmas. He can't help feeling a little like that himself. "Of course they made it," McKay says calmly. "It's Sheppard." He looks at Evan, and they grin at each other like idiots.
****
Evan is still giddy with relief at Sheppard, Teyla, and Ronon's escape, and Doctor Parrish is giddy with his growing plant collection. They huddle under the arabica leaves at the back of the greenhouse, eating the deep red berries directly off the plant. "You sure this is safe, David?" Evan asks, crunching another berry. They're sort of sweet--they've eaten plenty of similar fruits offworld--but Evan would rather spit out the seed in the middle. Of course the seed is the whole point, as David insisted.
"Absolutely," David answers. "People have been doing this for thousands of years." Except that in a little while they're laughing hysterically about nothing in particular and Evan thinks his pulse probably shouldn't be racing quite so fast.
That's how Doctor Brown finds them, doubled over with mirth and mashing coffee fruit into each other's hair. Katie smiles indulgently and David's face turns as red as the berries they've eaten too many of. "Oh, heeeeey, Doc," Evan gasps, not quite able to catch his breath. "We were, um..."
"I don't want to know," Katie smiles, and backs away.
"Wait!" Evan yells too loudly, startling her into dropping her trowel. There has to be a way to remedy the situation. Katie can't go on thinking the wrong thing. Not with David's entire romantic future at stake. Then he has an idea that's absolute genius. "I need your help, Doctor Brown," he says.
"My help?" she asks, and raises her hand to her chest like an actress in a play.
"Yeah," Evan says, and before he can change his mind he says in a rush, "I kinda have this thing for Doctor McKay and since you and he sorta--" He lifts his shoulders and falls silent.
Evan's not sure what to expect, but it's not Katie bursting into laughter and collapsing to the ground next to him. "Oh," she says between giggles. Then, "Oh, that explains so much!" When she settles down, she glances at David in concern. "But I thought--"
David shakes his head. "Sorry, Katie. Evan's been giving the coffee to Rodney this whole time."
Katie punches David on the shoulder. "You could have told me! I went on three horrible dates with him!"
"I don't know who Rodney likes," David shrugs. "Personally I don't know what either of you see in him." He shoots a questioning glance at Evan, but Evan shakes his head and mouths, Later.
Evan nudges Katie to get her attention. "If the first date was so bad, why did you keep seeing him?"
"Oh, well. The first time he had someone else in his head, didn't he?" Katie sighs. "I can't exactly blame him for that. Then the second time he was all depressed about what happened with that Ancient satellite." Katie gives a dismissive sniff and digs her fingers into the dirt. "The third time there was no excuse."
What Katie says next makes Evan feel a little lightheaded, and it has nothing to do with an overdose of caffeine. "Frankly, when he finds out you're the one who's been supplying him with coffee, he's likely to fall head-over-heels for you. I don't think you have a thing to worry about." She pats Evan gently on the knee and he feels anything but reassured.
****
"So, Ronon," Evan says, hoping conversation will slow his opponent down for a second, "Did Sheppard make you watch the Star Wars movies yet?"
Ronon loops his staff weapon around in a complicated blur and it clacks heavily against Evan's, jarring Evan's teeth. "Yeah," he answers, stepping sideways and swinging again. "They're good."
Evan brings his staff up just in time. He realizes his tactic works better with Teyla, who generally speaks in much longer sentences. He tries again. "Which character are you?"
"What?" Ronon frowns, and Evan completely loses track of his movements for a second. Then Evan is flat on the mat, and the back of his knees are stinging.
"Ow," he says, sitting up. "You know. Sheppard is Luke, I'm Han Solo--" Ronon's eyebrows raise at that-- "and you're..." he refuses to suggest it, in case it gets his ass kicked. More.
"Oh. Sheppard says I'm Chewbacca." Ronon grins, untying his hair and letting it fall into his face as he leans over and offers Evan a hand up.
Evan stands and bends both knees just to make sure they still work. "Chewbacca," he says, "Yuh huh, yeah, I never would have--"
Ronon punches Evan on the shoulder so hard he nearly goes sprawling again. "You got a problem with that?" He sounds like it is a matter of honor and Evan is quick to assure him that no, no he does not have a problem with it, and that if he ever commands a space ship he will be sure to offer Ronon a position on it.
Ronon looks wistful. "Think I'd like that." Evan makes a mental note to take him up for rides in the jumpers more often.
"Anyway," Evan continues, quickly setting his wooden staff against the wall to indicate that he has been beaten up enough for one day, "McKay's C-3PO and that means Teyla's gotta be Princess Leia, right?"
Ronon looks thoughtful. "Nah," he finally replies. "Teyla's more like Yoda." He considers this statement and then adds, "Young Yoda." He leans his own weapon next to Evan's and glances at him sideways. "McKay's Princess Leia anyway."
Evan laughs, but Ronon looks completely serious. "Smart," Ronon says. "Resourceful. Tough. Gets captured a lot." Evan has to grant him that.
"But--" Evan isn't sure what he's trying to argue.
"Princess Leia," Ronon insists, leaving Evan standing in the middle of the gym pondering the implications.
****
After that Evan is too busy to think about things for a while. Between missions he flies Doctor Beckett to the mainland so he can check on a patient, and while Evan waits he tells the story of how he was once frozen in carbonite by an evil alien slave lord to an audience of eager Athosian kids. "How did you escape?" Jinto asks, eyes wide. "Was it Sheppard?"
"No, it wasn't Sheppard," Evan scowls, feeling like he's losing their attention.
"I bet it was Doctor McKay," Wex says, and a bunch of the kids nod in agreement.
Evan waves his hands wildly. "No, no, it wasn't--" But it's too late. The kids have dispersed. Evan hears Wex demanding to play the part of Doctor McKay. Jinto wants to be Sheppard even though he wasn't in the story.
"It wasn't McKay," he calls after them uselessly. He decides that McKay is not getting any more of the coffee.
In the evenings Evan prowls the city. He chides Doctor Zelenka for not getting enough sleep and listens to Doctor Kusanagi's progress reports. Sometimes Doctor DeReista even lets Evan feed his pet squid-things, which are kind of cute when they don't have a tentacle wrapped around his leg. On certain nights Evan swears the city directs his steps and he always seems to find a new balcony with a view of the stars reflecting on the ocean's surface or the moon angled just so through bits of colored glass. He hangs a hammock between two marvana trees at the back of the greenhouse, and after a noisy day Evan can close his eyes and pretend that the leaves are rustling from a real breeze and not because they are next to a ventilation shaft.
He's no closer, however, to his solution.
****
Evan finally decides to give up and ask Sheppard. He doesn't care anymore if he's supposed to figure this out on his own. He doesn't care if Sheppard makes Padawan jokes forever or even if someday Sheppard and McKay make real lightsabers and they refuse to give him one.
Sheppard is in his office, blinking down at a largish stack of papers. He flips between two sheets and scratches his head, then puts his pen down and lays his head on the desk.
"Sir?" Evan asks tentatively. Sheppard has been cleared for duty, in fact insisted that he not be given medical leave. But he seems weary despite the weeks spent trapped and idle in a time dilation field.
"Come on in, Major." Sheppard doesn't lift his head, but glances up at Evan through longer-than-usual bangs. Then he sighs and pushes himself upright. "You could have at least done my paperwork while I was gone," he says, pushing the stack to the far side of the desk.
Evan sits and leans forward to thumb through the papers. "These are all from yesterday, sir."
"Yesterday to you," Sheppard responds, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes.
"Aw, come on, sir. Sounds like it was a nice little vacation." Evan smiles and Sheppard gives a disgusted snort. Personally Evan thinks it sounds like it was boring as hell, but he won't give Sheppard the satisfaction of telling him that. "You should be all fired up to start doing paperwork again," he says instead.
"I don't remember what I was supposed to do with these," Sheppard says in disgust, knocking the papers sideways. "I started filling out those forms months ago."
Evan sighs. There goes his evening. "I'll do these, sir. But after this batch you're on your own."
That earns him a grin, and maybe it wasn't a bad idea to put Sheppard in a good mood. "About why I came here," Evan says. "I'm sorry, but I just can't figure out what it is that you want me to learn about Doctor McKay."
Sheppard blinks at him.
"My final lesson?" Evan prods.
Sheppard clears his throat and taps his fingers on the desk, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling.
"The whole 'Padawan' thing?" Evan continues lamely, searching Sheppard's face. Evan slumps back in his chair. "You don't remember, do you?"
"Look, I was in that damn time dilation field for a long time, okay?" Sheppard says, frowning. Then his face lights up and he points at Evan. "Padawan. I distinctly remember that."
"And?" Evan asks hopefully.
Sheppard chews his lip. "Gonna have to get back to you on the rest."
****
It is going to drive him nuts. He will never know what Sheppard meant, and it will bother him until he dies. Sheppard told him not to worry about it, that it couldn't have been that important or possibly he was just messing with him. But it is important. Evan knows it is.
He enters the mess and waves hello to the dozen civilians scattered throughout, and to the few marines and airmen who keep later hours. He knows everyone by name now and has found a Gate team for every scientist who wanted one. The data streaming back to Earth every week has almost doubled lately, and he's heard that a few areas of research have led to major breakthroughs back in the Milky Way.
Evan loads a tray and heads toward McKay, seated at his usual corner table. Evan stops several times to converse, making small talk or promising to look into problems where he can. No one notices that he seems distracted. He's looking to see who could use a little pick-me-up; who seems especially ragged around the edges. Evan was inspired to distribute his backlog of coffee when he noticed that Chuck had Gate duty three nights in a row and he found Doctor Volker asleep over a chess board. Not everyone loves coffee as much as McKay, but it turns out that Katie is growing a rather fine selection of teas, and she and David have agreed that it's only fair to share the wealth, as it were. It's such a little thing. But people seem grateful. No one has quite figured out where it's coming from.
McKay looks up when Evan's tray slides onto the table. He raises his eyebrows and says, "Major. You're up later than usual."
"Couldn't sleep. I've been thinking about some things." He smiles and grabs his sandwich.
"Well, it's a good thing that doesn't happen too often." McKay's mouth twitches and Evan fights the urge to laugh. "Is this a physics kind of thing? I only ask because you're sitting with me and I can't think of any other reason-"
"Actually it's a people kind of thing," Evan interrupts, grabbing his water.
"I thought we agreed I'm not good with people things." McKay tries to hunch behind his laptop.
"It's about you." Evan takes a sip of water, and then a deep breath. But he can't do it. The whole long story from his training and Sheppard's insistence that McKay is a part of it to the fact that he has somehow become the coffee baron of Atlantis is sitting on the tip of his tongue. McKay blinks at him, waiting. Evan has to say something. "Which Star Wars character are you?"
"What?" McKay sputters. "This is what keeps you up at night? I lie awake wondering who's got a Goa'uld in their head and you can't sleep for wondering which Star Wars character I am?"
"Obviously I worry about that stuff too," Evan protests. "Would you rather talk about that?"
McKay sags. "Well, no. Not really."
"Then answer the question." Evan casually takes a bite of his sandwich as if it's not really important anyway, but he can barely chew. He waits as McKay takes his time thinking it over, drawing it out just to be an ass.
Then McKay raises his finger and says, "Okay. I've got it. Obvious, really, when you think about it."
Evan tries to sound casual. "Yeah?" If Sheppard's metaphor really means something, this could be the key that slides the rest of the puzzle into place.
McKay tilts his chin up. "I'm Batman."
****
It's Evan's first Athosian festival, and things are in full swing. And because it's Evan's first Athosian festival Sheppard insists on plying him with Ruus wine and Evan blames himself for not recognizing the smirk. He is perhaps a little drunk, but first. Yes, harvest festival. With wine.
It is not David's first Athosian festival so he has no excuse, but then neither does Ronon, or Rodney, or Sheppard for that matter. Teyla does not seem drunk but it is possible that she is. Katie has had only water, but is laughing as much as anyone. Evan hopes that someone other than Katie is staying sober or else she will be making a lot of tea in the morning.
Judging by the noise and the number of empty casks of Ruus wine, who will make the morning tea is not a huge concern for the Athosians just now. There is a crowd of men and women weaving among the tents, which have been decorated with ribbons and banners. The tables of food should be empty due to the efforts of Ronon and McKay alone, but there is plenty left. The Athosians have done well, especially considering they gave a good portion of their harvest and hunting efforts to the people of Atlantis in the last year.
It seems like a bad idea to have a knife-throwing contest in the midst of the chaos, but when Ronon pulls out a blade and hits a knot in a tree five yards away his team cheers and raises their cups of wine. "I could do that," Sheppard brags, waving his arm vaguely at the tree. Ronon hands him another blade and Sheppard blinks down at it like he's not sure where it came from. Teyla plucks it from his fingers and snaps her wrist forward in one smooth motion, and a second later the knife is sticking out from the trunk next to Ronon's. "See?" Sheppard says happily. "I did it."
Evan leaves them to their game, passing by Zelenka and a few other scientists who have been invited to stay the night. It's a rare occasion when things are quiet enough to let go like this, and they're making the most of the opportunity. Doctor Beckett is talking to a few of the older Athosian children, and by the looks on their faces he's telling them a whopper of a story. Halling and Doctor Weir are speaking quietly by one of the fires and Evan nods as he passes, trying to appear less drunk than he is. Weir smiles at him knowingly anyway and he ducks his head and hurries on. Evan waves at David and Katie, who are curled against a log and laughing together at a shared joke. Evan gives David a thumbs up and lets them be.
Beyond the edge of the firelight it's dark enough to see the stars. Evan can't quite see the glow of Atlantis--they're a little too far inland--but he knows it's there. He tips his head up, and feels like he could close his eyes and point right at it. He wonders if he would feel that way on Earth, like something was tugging at him from the sky.
Something crashes in the undergrowth behind him and Evan turns. McKay emerges into the little clearing and lets out a yelp when he sees Evan. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!" he hisses. "What are you doing out here--waiting to mug someone?"
"Just getting a little fresh air, McKay," Evan says, glad he was interrupted before he worked up to some real melancholy. "What are you doing out here?"
"I came out here to pee," McKay says, voice as always too loud. He stares at Evan for a few moments and finally snaps, "Just--turn around, will you?"
Evan sighs but does as he's told. "Can you feel Atlantis from here?" he asks.
McKay doesn't answer but stumbles into him a minute later. He's wiping his hands on a moist towelette. Evan stares and bites his lips, certain that if he starts laughing now McKay will never speak to him again. "Of course I can't feel Atlantis from here. It's kilometers away," he says, tucking the towelette into his jacket pocket.
"Batman, huh?" Evan nudges McKay in the ribs and then grabs his elbow to steer him through the trees.
McKay squints over at him. "Just how much have you had to drink, Major?"
"It's just--" Evan pauses to help McKay over a fallen tree. "You're more like Princess Leia," he says, and then mentally slaps himself on the forehead. "And a lot," he adds. "To drink."
McKay sighs and pulls Evan to the left, and Evan realizes he's been steering them off course. "Ronon thinks I'm Princess Leia, too," he says. There is a note of resignation in his voice.
"She's smart," Evan says. "And resourceful."
"Yes, and tough and also she gets captured a lot," McKay finishes. "I get it." A moment later he asks, "You think I'm smart? And, and those other things?"
"Yeah," Evan says, and realizes it's true.
They're getting close to the festivities again. Evan can hear the voices and music clearly now, and the path is even here and easier to see. "Only," Evan says, "There's this thing." He stops, and because his hand is still wrapped around McKay's arm, McKay has to stop too.
"What thing?" McKay's mouth is turning up on both sides and he doesn't look sarcastic at all.
"I'm kind of maybe Han Solo," Evan says quickly, wishing they were back where it was dark or surrounded by people, either one.
"Well, duh," McKay says, and drags him back to the party.
****
Evan is wondering how early he can test the whole "hair of the dog" thing on Ruus wine, though he thinks that the first moment he feels slightly sober is not it. And yet Sheppard forces a fresh mug into his hand and collapses next to him, sprawling ungracefully against his padded mat.
"Major." Sheppard says, and even a very bleary Evan can tell that he is still extremely drunk. "Hah. Did you see what I did there?"
"No, sir," Evan replies. "I must have missed it."
"I called you 'Major.'" Sheppard seems pleased with himself.
"That's...really great, sir." Evan smiles despite the headache lurking right around the corner.
"No, see." Sheppard pokes Evan's leg. "Because I coulda called you 'Padawan' just then, but I didn't."
Evan sits up and sloshes Ruus wine over his wrist. "Sir?"
"Wanna know why?" Sheppard smirks.
"If you don't mind," Lorne mutters, but the sarcastic tone goes right over Sheppard's head.
"Atlantis isn't just a city," Sheppard says, gesturing with his mostly empty cup directly toward where Evan feels its pull. "It's, it's everyone. We can't just go out and fight the Wraith and blow stuff up and." Sheppard blinks and looks into his cup. Evan dumps his wine into it, and Sheppard takes a gulp. "Right. Blow stuff up. The people--" he pauses to scratch his stubble, then looks gravely at Evan. "Don't blow up the people. That's not what I mean."
"Yes, sir." Evan laughs and nods, and prompts, "The people?"
"All the people," Sheppard says, and waves to encompass the Athosian village and, Evan assumes, the entire galaxy, "are important. You can't have a little group of marines here--" Sheppard gestures and splashes wine on Evan's pants, "--a group of scientists there, some Athosians over there." He takes a deep breath, and Evan isn't sure he's going to remain conscious long enough to finish his speech. But, "If we're going to defeat the Wraith, Major, we all need to work together."
They're quiet for a moment, but then Sheppard turns to face Evan, and he's wearing a smirk Evan hasn't seen yet. "You got McKay to let the scientists go offworld," he says quietly, sounding almost sober. "And you gave the people coffee. You did good."
Somehow Sheppard manages to stand, though Teyla is behind him in an instant, suggesting that perhaps it's time for him to seek his bed. Evan couldn't agree more. There's nothing left to keep him awake at night, now.
Then he sees McKay rise from the far side of the fire. Evan smiles and stands, and offers to walk him to his tent.