No Chance

[slashing_leo]

I think something bad has happened. I hate saying that it's bad though because it's something that I totally agree with, but I don't want it. It just happened recently, or well I just found out recently. I'm not very sure that it actually is though. It's something that is a bit hard to prove. I don't want it to be, because if it is my last chance is gone and my last chance was the only thing that kept me hanging on. If that last chance is gone then there's no way to redeem myself, there's no something better or okay and that's not good. I don't want to lose this completely because it's like my conection with him will be lost and I don't want that. I don't want to live without it either though. I don't think that this is a fair decision. It's a no win situation here and it's not even my fault that I'm in it. All I want to do is end up with him, but that isn't looking possible at all. There was the chance that I wouldn't before but if this is real then it's for sure that I won't. Unless I do something which isn't very good at all. You shouldn't lie to someone like that to get what you want. You shouldn't lie to yourself like that. I don't want to lie to anyone like that. However I don't want the other choice either, becuase that choice means no him. You can't just give up on something that easily, or not really give up, but let go. Not after this long.

I'm still holding on and I'm not going to let go until the end when I may or may not be forced away.