The little AU: Winter Drifts: Envy
The little AU: Winter Drifts: Envy
slashfairy
~~
I am Envy. I cannot read and therefore wish all books burned.
-Christopher Marlowe (Doctor Faustus)
There's nothing as refreshing as baring oneself completely.
Admit the frustrations, the tyrannies of want and doubt; let the crows and gulls peck at the crumbs of pride and vanity, and this way come to one's foundation.
He comes at the lines without assumptions: he brings all his assumptions to them and watches them fall, one by one, away, until only the lines are left and they burn him clean with their light.
This is life, after all. Returning to what is unfinished, to what is unhealed, to what has been cast aside unexamined. Life is too precious to waste on guilt, on self-pity: better to cultivate kindness, even towards one's flawed self, than stand on principles so rigid they cut like a knife, cut the heart right out of one.
~~
A stolen day. Time together. And still Viggo pokes at the play, at the lines.
What's this? Karl asks, picking up some scribbled paper of Viggo's.
??the nature of evil? ??effect of power on the soul? Doubt<-->envy??? A quote from Marlowe's Doctor Faustus written in pencil around the border of it.
Just notes, Viggo says, taking it back. Looking at it, laying it aside.
Orlando picks it up, looks at it too. Says: Envy. Doubt. Hunh. He's familiar with doubt.
Viggo's gotten used to this, them picking up his notes, reading, putting them down. It used to bother him, but no more- he trusts them not to comment, not to lose things he's working on nor distract his flights of thought, and they trust him to talk it through with them if he needs. If he's brought it with him this weekend, he's working something out.
Envy, Orlando says. Envy. His eyes narrow. The seven deadly sins of Christendom.
He reads the Marlowe quote out loud. "I am Envy. I cannot read and therefore wish all books burned."
That's dark, Karl says. No room to move.
Oh, there's room, Viggo says. But first Envy has to know itself as wanting what it can't have in the state it's in. That's why I'm wondering about doubt. If Envy only knows others can read, then is it doubting whether it can learn to read? If it wants to go to the trouble to learn? Dante calls Envy a sin of Perverted Love. "A love of other people's stuff."
I envied you, Karl says to Orlando, very simply, because you had Viggo's love. Looking over at Viggo.
I envied you, too, Orlando says to Karl. Looking over at Viggo.
And then? He asks them. Seeing clearly how it was for each of them.
Karl shrugs. And then I fell in love with how much Orlando loves you. And then I fell in love with him.
Took the words out of my mouth, Orlando says, walking over to Karl, kissing him gently. I fell in love with how much you love Viggo, and then I fell in love with you.
There is always that moment, when one sees something that someone else enjoys, when one wants it, doubts one has it, or anything like it. Just before he picks up his camera to snap a picture of them, arms around each other, Viggo feels it- how much they love each other- and how much he loves that about them, and Envy, bested, falls away.
[A/N: quote picked up from Perceval Press 01.10.10]
slashfairy
~~
I am Envy. I cannot read and therefore wish all books burned.
-Christopher Marlowe (Doctor Faustus)
There's nothing as refreshing as baring oneself completely.
Admit the frustrations, the tyrannies of want and doubt; let the crows and gulls peck at the crumbs of pride and vanity, and this way come to one's foundation.
He comes at the lines without assumptions: he brings all his assumptions to them and watches them fall, one by one, away, until only the lines are left and they burn him clean with their light.
This is life, after all. Returning to what is unfinished, to what is unhealed, to what has been cast aside unexamined. Life is too precious to waste on guilt, on self-pity: better to cultivate kindness, even towards one's flawed self, than stand on principles so rigid they cut like a knife, cut the heart right out of one.
~~
A stolen day. Time together. And still Viggo pokes at the play, at the lines.
What's this? Karl asks, picking up some scribbled paper of Viggo's.
??the nature of evil? ??effect of power on the soul? Doubt<-->envy??? A quote from Marlowe's Doctor Faustus written in pencil around the border of it.
Just notes, Viggo says, taking it back. Looking at it, laying it aside.
Orlando picks it up, looks at it too. Says: Envy. Doubt. Hunh. He's familiar with doubt.
Viggo's gotten used to this, them picking up his notes, reading, putting them down. It used to bother him, but no more- he trusts them not to comment, not to lose things he's working on nor distract his flights of thought, and they trust him to talk it through with them if he needs. If he's brought it with him this weekend, he's working something out.
Envy, Orlando says. Envy. His eyes narrow. The seven deadly sins of Christendom.
He reads the Marlowe quote out loud. "I am Envy. I cannot read and therefore wish all books burned."
That's dark, Karl says. No room to move.
Oh, there's room, Viggo says. But first Envy has to know itself as wanting what it can't have in the state it's in. That's why I'm wondering about doubt. If Envy only knows others can read, then is it doubting whether it can learn to read? If it wants to go to the trouble to learn? Dante calls Envy a sin of Perverted Love. "A love of other people's stuff."
I envied you, Karl says to Orlando, very simply, because you had Viggo's love. Looking over at Viggo.
I envied you, too, Orlando says to Karl. Looking over at Viggo.
And then? He asks them. Seeing clearly how it was for each of them.
Karl shrugs. And then I fell in love with how much Orlando loves you. And then I fell in love with him.
Took the words out of my mouth, Orlando says, walking over to Karl, kissing him gently. I fell in love with how much you love Viggo, and then I fell in love with you.
There is always that moment, when one sees something that someone else enjoys, when one wants it, doubts one has it, or anything like it. Just before he picks up his camera to snap a picture of them, arms around each other, Viggo feels it- how much they love each other- and how much he loves that about them, and Envy, bested, falls away.
[A/N: quote picked up from Perceval Press 01.10.10]