Aros/aces in the queer community?
I see people discussing whether or not otherwise cishet asexuals or aromantics belong in the queer community and I'm just...
Being an aro ace who can feel some attraction and can feel queer attraction, it's a really complicated situation to contemplate, to debate about, and I'm just not sure. Attraction and the subsequent romanticism/sexuality has a lot to do with the reason why the queer community is treated the way we/they are, and being treated badly for being asexual or aromantic just isn't the same thing, really, especially if your orientation is otherwise straight.
I have met both allo(sexual/romantic) queer people who shit on aros and aces and cishet aros or aces who shit on queer attraction. It's just, it's so complicated, and inherently self-contradictory, because yes, you can be stigmatized and marginalized for attraction, but also, yes, you can be stigmatized and marginalized for lack of attraction. They both happen, they're both verifiably real, sometimes at the same time for some people, and one doesn't invalidate the other.
As an aro (greyromantic) and ace (demisexual) person who's also mega-queer (panromantic/pansexual) in the sense of non-cishet attraction/gender identity, this is probably one of those important discussions that'll haunt me for the rest of my life, and I just. I really wish I had an answer--that I didn't keep changing my point of view on it. Do I belong in the queer community for all of me? Or only the part that feels attraction? I wish I could confidently state which.
Being an aro ace who can feel some attraction and can feel queer attraction, it's a really complicated situation to contemplate, to debate about, and I'm just not sure. Attraction and the subsequent romanticism/sexuality has a lot to do with the reason why the queer community is treated the way we/they are, and being treated badly for being asexual or aromantic just isn't the same thing, really, especially if your orientation is otherwise straight.
I have met both allo(sexual/romantic) queer people who shit on aros and aces and cishet aros or aces who shit on queer attraction. It's just, it's so complicated, and inherently self-contradictory, because yes, you can be stigmatized and marginalized for attraction, but also, yes, you can be stigmatized and marginalized for lack of attraction. They both happen, they're both verifiably real, sometimes at the same time for some people, and one doesn't invalidate the other.
As an aro (greyromantic) and ace (demisexual) person who's also mega-queer (panromantic/pansexual) in the sense of non-cishet attraction/gender identity, this is probably one of those important discussions that'll haunt me for the rest of my life, and I just. I really wish I had an answer--that I didn't keep changing my point of view on it. Do I belong in the queer community for all of me? Or only the part that feels attraction? I wish I could confidently state which.