Oh Boy
So... I did a thing. Well... My heart is starting to do a thing. So the only place I go around other people is work. Started out with this one guy coming off as scary and intimidating and I absolutely did not want to be having panic attacks at work. If we weren't on truck he always exhibited what I feel to be a ridiculous amount of patience with me so I kind of made it my mission to follow him around on breaks and get to know him better so he's less scary. I told him that too... Well in getting to know him I found out he's kinda my type. I'm sure you can see where this is going. We actually have a day off at the same time so I asked him if he wanted to hang out outside of work. There's a girl at work that is super excited and honestly I think she thinks I like him more than I actually do. I'm trying to reign myself in from the whole diving off the deep end thing. I told her not to get her hopes up since it is entirely possible that when hanging out outside of work I'll realize that I'm not that interested; also if we never have the same days off it's not gonna work since that's not a relationship. While it is true that I would love to get laid and this guy is hella attractive I legit want so much more than that. When my last ex would stay over on one of his days off I would get so excited coming home to someone being there, even if he was sleeping - just crawling into bed next to him and cuddling up was enough to have me head over heels. I am seriously concerned that I might be in deep further than I realize and the idea of having my heart broken yet again is terrifying. I would love for it to be mutual - I would be absolutely shocked if it was. I was a little caught off guard he agreed to hanging out. Still a bit surprised to be honest, I keep telling myself don't get too excited because while I haven't come right out and said "Hey I'm intnterested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you" I'm fairly certain it's obvious and I have gotten absolutely zero indications that it's mutual. So I'm trying to head off the inevitable heart break now. I have also said depending on how that day goes I'll have a conversation with him. We'll see. I'm willing to bet I'll chicken out and not say shit and just have it be a fun chill day. Which I would honestly treasure more than anything.