Living for the end of the week.
And yet there's nothing really to look forward to during the weekend, either. I am resolutely skipping CareerKeys workshop, screw them it. I already have my DISC profiling, and Wei Qing has apparently taken it thrice for various positions, and I just think it's really presumptuous of the school to automatically slot us in for ridiculous, artificial tests like these on the Saturday morning before our SAs.
Today was sort of scary. Seeing Mrs. Wee and the other girl sharing her ward and then Jiayi and even before all this, Mrs. Wee's daughter scares me because these are events completely out of their control, total accidents, and there's nothing you can do about it. I sometimes feel an irrational spike of panic at restful moments about my lack of accidents thus far, and how the odds are simply building up, isn't it? I've survived 15 years without significant distress or physical harm, and that's a long way to go without any incidents at all, right? This reminds me of A Small Good Thing, where Howard was reflecting on how perfect his life seemed until his son's accident, and granted, I don't have a son, but - I sometimes worry about suddenly being knocked down by a car, or falling down a flight of steps, or anything, really, and I can't do anything about it because these aren't things I can control.
I will never push myself to the edge of breaking down. School isn't worth it. Liz and I were discussing it today over lunch; my workload isn't the lightest in RGS, definitely, but I think I'm fairly stable and well-adjusted (no matter what Ms. Kamsir says!) because my life doesn't revolve around school; I don't care for the trappings of school, and I don't place inherent importance in the completion of homework or 100% attention in class because for me, my ultimate aim isn't obedience, it's education. So I am good with prioritizing work, and not submitting work that's supposedly 'due', and essentially doing what I feel is necessary instead of just going along with the establishment's demands, because - honestly, I think I know myself best. The nights I stay up late, and the projects I spend AM hours completing are fine by me because I want to do it, and I can handle the lack of sleep, and I never let it build to the point where my body collapses. I guess the point is that I know my limits, and I make my own choices. That's why I don't feel justified in complaining about the amount of work I have (not recently, at least) because I have the liberty to accept or reject these burdens.
I hope Jiayi will be okay eventually D:
In other things, during Bio today, Kar Min was saying that Bao Zhing was a House (according to the Great Facebook Quiz), and we observed her, and I was like, "No. No, she is not House." And Kar Min looked at me for a moment before telling me that she'd have expected me to be House, actually, but after a pause, she continued to say, But I suppose you care too much for people. I - I see bits of House in myself, but Chase does fit me better, I suppose, if only because I do not feel justified in claiming the genius of House for my own. No one is like House! Also, Chase is intelligent (but not embarrassingly so) and has a truckload of issues but still manage to function fairly normally, and form emotional connections with other people. Yes. I suppose I'm surprised Kar Min is Cuddy, in that I wouldn't have pegged her for it, but once she told me her results, it seemed to fit, unless of course, that's simply the illusion of hindsight. WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE, HA. Chase and Cuddy will be so, so odd. However, the uncomfortable implication is that I slash House/Chase, and House/Cuddy is canon, so. Then there's Wilson. I should not take a Facebook quiz this seriously (:
Sometimes, I find it regretful that there will be some people in my class it is possible that I will never know properly; we only have around six months left together, and - well.
I am having random cravings for junk food. I had McFlurry, Coke, fries and onion rings for lunch today with Liz, then we went to the National Library for about an hour half, and it's just so peaceful inside, I feel like going every week, just to sit and read. I might go tomorrow, because I feel that I need to look at some books on Mao and China at least, to supplement my history PT, although it is a tad late.
Today was sort of scary. Seeing Mrs. Wee and the other girl sharing her ward and then Jiayi and even before all this, Mrs. Wee's daughter scares me because these are events completely out of their control, total accidents, and there's nothing you can do about it. I sometimes feel an irrational spike of panic at restful moments about my lack of accidents thus far, and how the odds are simply building up, isn't it? I've survived 15 years without significant distress or physical harm, and that's a long way to go without any incidents at all, right? This reminds me of A Small Good Thing, where Howard was reflecting on how perfect his life seemed until his son's accident, and granted, I don't have a son, but - I sometimes worry about suddenly being knocked down by a car, or falling down a flight of steps, or anything, really, and I can't do anything about it because these aren't things I can control.
I will never push myself to the edge of breaking down. School isn't worth it. Liz and I were discussing it today over lunch; my workload isn't the lightest in RGS, definitely, but I think I'm fairly stable and well-adjusted (no matter what Ms. Kamsir says!) because my life doesn't revolve around school; I don't care for the trappings of school, and I don't place inherent importance in the completion of homework or 100% attention in class because for me, my ultimate aim isn't obedience, it's education. So I am good with prioritizing work, and not submitting work that's supposedly 'due', and essentially doing what I feel is necessary instead of just going along with the establishment's demands, because - honestly, I think I know myself best. The nights I stay up late, and the projects I spend AM hours completing are fine by me because I want to do it, and I can handle the lack of sleep, and I never let it build to the point where my body collapses. I guess the point is that I know my limits, and I make my own choices. That's why I don't feel justified in complaining about the amount of work I have (not recently, at least) because I have the liberty to accept or reject these burdens.
I hope Jiayi will be okay eventually D:
In other things, during Bio today, Kar Min was saying that Bao Zhing was a House (according to the Great Facebook Quiz), and we observed her, and I was like, "No. No, she is not House." And Kar Min looked at me for a moment before telling me that she'd have expected me to be House, actually, but after a pause, she continued to say, But I suppose you care too much for people. I - I see bits of House in myself, but Chase does fit me better, I suppose, if only because I do not feel justified in claiming the genius of House for my own. No one is like House! Also, Chase is intelligent (but not embarrassingly so) and has a truckload of issues but still manage to function fairly normally, and form emotional connections with other people. Yes. I suppose I'm surprised Kar Min is Cuddy, in that I wouldn't have pegged her for it, but once she told me her results, it seemed to fit, unless of course, that's simply the illusion of hindsight. WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE, HA. Chase and Cuddy will be so, so odd. However, the uncomfortable implication is that I slash House/Chase, and House/Cuddy is canon, so. Then there's Wilson. I should not take a Facebook quiz this seriously (:
Sometimes, I find it regretful that there will be some people in my class it is possible that I will never know properly; we only have around six months left together, and - well.
I am having random cravings for junk food. I had McFlurry, Coke, fries and onion rings for lunch today with Liz, then we went to the National Library for about an hour half, and it's just so peaceful inside, I feel like going every week, just to sit and read. I might go tomorrow, because I feel that I need to look at some books on Mao and China at least, to supplement my history PT, although it is a tad late.