And who the fuck is he? He judges my life!
Today really sucked. I was still really tired from the night before and went to school still. Fourth day in a row people talked about my boobs. Had two assemblies today. The first one I was really hyper because I was sitting next to Katrina and I had M&M's on an empty stomach. Second one was about diversity. Made me cry horribly. I sat next to Todd and he asked me if I was ok a million times because I was fighting back tears and I showed him the scars and told him how many times I've tried to kill myself. when he found out he felt really bad and he said "You're not alone, I've tried 6." I was like "Since you were ten? I've tried 23 times." He goes "23 times... since you were 10??? For me... 12." I was walking down the auditorium steps fighting back tears and Todd points to me and waits for Adam who he tells "She really REALLY needs a hug. Give her a hug." I waited at the bottom of the stairs and he comes down and holds his hand out to me and says "I heard you needed a hug. Are you ok?" He goes to lead me out of the auditorium but I pulled him to me and asked him to hug me and hold me and he did and I just started bawling my eyes out. He almost started crying cause he could feel me crying and I could hear people talking about me crying so I turned my face inward and hid my tears under his chin and he held me and rocked me. I finally let go after a minute or two and started wiping madly at tears and Mrs. Newton came running up and she was on the steps thingy and starts yelling out:
Lady: "Miss! Miss!? Are you alright?"
Me: "Yeah... it's just hitting too close to home really hard and it's hard to deal with."
Lady: "Well you know what his message is right?"
Me: "Yeah... that I'm not alone..."
Lady: "Exactly, you're not alone. You are Beautiful... remember that. If you need to talk you can talk to the school's counselors and you can go to them if you ever need them. Are you sure you're going to be ok???"
Me: "*wiping away tears aggressively and crying harder than before* Yeah I'll be fine... he's helping me through it... *points to Adam and takes his hand when he offers it*"
Adam: "I'll help her through it..."
Lady: "Alright, well if you need to talk... go to the counselors alright?"
Me: "Yeah all right."
Sucked, I went out into the hall and he stopped me in the auditorium hallway and goes "Do you want to talk to that guy?" I said I might, he said I should, and I said I just might. He hugged me then held me close and kissed me on the lips softly. I wanted to cry again and when I hugged him I held him close and said "That's why I like you... because you are the only person who's ever showed me the affection I deserve... Thank you." I got him to go home finally, and stayed after. Jess was crying her eyes out too and I hugged her and held her cause she's my neighbor. We both went and cried like crazy and waited to talk to the man. We both talked to him together and he said that we both had a lot on our plates and he hugged me four times after I told him that I'd been abused in every way possible and was crying so hard. It was horrible, but I felt better after talking to him. Me and Jess walked home together and talked about it. When I got home my mom came home and started yelling at me. Following conversation:
Ma: "Where were you?? Your dad was at the school twice looking for you and he called me at work saying he couldn't find you! *Pissed*"
Me: "I was at school in the auditorium thing talking to this guy that had an assembly at school today. Why the fuck was he at the school looking for me? I TOLD YOU BOTH I WAS WALKING HOME SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO COME! Should have called me at school to tell me. Damn it I didn't know he was there looking!"
Ma: "Well he was, and he almost was late for work. He's pissed off because he didn't know where you were at."
Me: " I WAS AT FUCKING SCHOOL! I'm sorry he didn't know where I was, but why the fuck was he looking for me anyways? He should just go back to not fuckin' caring."
Ma: "I called Adam looking for you too, and he said he didn't know where you were, that he knew you were at the school the last time he knew. And he was going to have his friend go look for him."
Me: "I told you all that I was walking home today! God damn it, I don't deserve to be treated like shit, dad never cared before so why does he care now? He can kiss my ass."
I called Adam after that and found out he was going to have Drew go look for me cause Drew has his license, but he didn't leave yet so I was happy. I went to the game with him and Katrina tonight... was stupid. We just messed around and made fun of the cheerleaders. I get home and mom and I talk. Following conversation:
Ma: "You know, you really pissed your dad off today."
Me: "Yeah I already know that. He shouldn't have fucking come to the school looking for me. Fucking asshole because he's never been a dad to me, he's not my father. He can back off."
Ma: "He was close to grounding you. Did you know that? I talked him out of it but you almost got grounded."
Me: "Oh yeah... so I get GROUNDED for doing SCHOOLWORK. Yeah that makes a lot of fucking sense. He can go fuck himself. What exactly did he say to you?"
Ma: "He said, 'YOUR daughter is out doing trouble... I can't find her... blah blah blah.' He wanted to punish you."
Me: "I DIDN'T FUCKING TELL HIM TO PICK ME UP! I SAID I WAS GOING TO WALK HOME. HE CAN KISS MY ASS! HE'S NOT MY FATHER I DON'T CARE! I don't even want him to pick me up tomorrow. Tell him not to, I'm just gonna walk home, he can kiss my ass."
So as you can see... my day sucked. And I'm going to be home an hour alone with my dad tomorrow and he's going to bitch me out. He can die. I hate him right now. I'm so sick of being treated like shit. I'm out...
Lets compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Heath
Lady: "Miss! Miss!? Are you alright?"
Me: "Yeah... it's just hitting too close to home really hard and it's hard to deal with."
Lady: "Well you know what his message is right?"
Me: "Yeah... that I'm not alone..."
Lady: "Exactly, you're not alone. You are Beautiful... remember that. If you need to talk you can talk to the school's counselors and you can go to them if you ever need them. Are you sure you're going to be ok???"
Me: "*wiping away tears aggressively and crying harder than before* Yeah I'll be fine... he's helping me through it... *points to Adam and takes his hand when he offers it*"
Adam: "I'll help her through it..."
Lady: "Alright, well if you need to talk... go to the counselors alright?"
Me: "Yeah all right."
Sucked, I went out into the hall and he stopped me in the auditorium hallway and goes "Do you want to talk to that guy?" I said I might, he said I should, and I said I just might. He hugged me then held me close and kissed me on the lips softly. I wanted to cry again and when I hugged him I held him close and said "That's why I like you... because you are the only person who's ever showed me the affection I deserve... Thank you." I got him to go home finally, and stayed after. Jess was crying her eyes out too and I hugged her and held her cause she's my neighbor. We both went and cried like crazy and waited to talk to the man. We both talked to him together and he said that we both had a lot on our plates and he hugged me four times after I told him that I'd been abused in every way possible and was crying so hard. It was horrible, but I felt better after talking to him. Me and Jess walked home together and talked about it. When I got home my mom came home and started yelling at me. Following conversation:
Ma: "Where were you?? Your dad was at the school twice looking for you and he called me at work saying he couldn't find you! *Pissed*"
Me: "I was at school in the auditorium thing talking to this guy that had an assembly at school today. Why the fuck was he at the school looking for me? I TOLD YOU BOTH I WAS WALKING HOME SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO COME! Should have called me at school to tell me. Damn it I didn't know he was there looking!"
Ma: "Well he was, and he almost was late for work. He's pissed off because he didn't know where you were at."
Me: " I WAS AT FUCKING SCHOOL! I'm sorry he didn't know where I was, but why the fuck was he looking for me anyways? He should just go back to not fuckin' caring."
Ma: "I called Adam looking for you too, and he said he didn't know where you were, that he knew you were at the school the last time he knew. And he was going to have his friend go look for him."
Me: "I told you all that I was walking home today! God damn it, I don't deserve to be treated like shit, dad never cared before so why does he care now? He can kiss my ass."
I called Adam after that and found out he was going to have Drew go look for me cause Drew has his license, but he didn't leave yet so I was happy. I went to the game with him and Katrina tonight... was stupid. We just messed around and made fun of the cheerleaders. I get home and mom and I talk. Following conversation:
Ma: "You know, you really pissed your dad off today."
Me: "Yeah I already know that. He shouldn't have fucking come to the school looking for me. Fucking asshole because he's never been a dad to me, he's not my father. He can back off."
Ma: "He was close to grounding you. Did you know that? I talked him out of it but you almost got grounded."
Me: "Oh yeah... so I get GROUNDED for doing SCHOOLWORK. Yeah that makes a lot of fucking sense. He can go fuck himself. What exactly did he say to you?"
Ma: "He said, 'YOUR daughter is out doing trouble... I can't find her... blah blah blah.' He wanted to punish you."
Me: "I DIDN'T FUCKING TELL HIM TO PICK ME UP! I SAID I WAS GOING TO WALK HOME. HE CAN KISS MY ASS! HE'S NOT MY FATHER I DON'T CARE! I don't even want him to pick me up tomorrow. Tell him not to, I'm just gonna walk home, he can kiss my ass."
So as you can see... my day sucked. And I'm going to be home an hour alone with my dad tomorrow and he's going to bitch me out. He can die. I hate him right now. I'm so sick of being treated like shit. I'm out...
Lets compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Heath