So this is how it is.
I never in my fucking life thought that this would have happened to me. What's funny is after Terence pushed me away I had a severe case of de jevu. I even remember telling you about this dream. Where we were at Gruven and you were with your new girlfriend and we almost got into a fight.
You know recently we caught up with each other and you interrupted me to make a point and say "I can't wait for the day that I can genuinely have you back in my life." I tried to be the bigger fucking person and introduce myself, but no. Your girl just walked away and I get it, but the moment that she started speaking for you I wanted to rip both your fucking heads off. No matter how much you don't want me to know everything about your life anymore I still know you better than anyone in this fucking world and it was not her fucking place to 1. speak like that to me and 2. speak for you. It's amazing the amount you've changed in the past few months and I feel like it's for the worse.
After we had that conversation about trying to friends and being more cordial I honestly thought it would be okay to try and say "hello," to you at the bar. It's funny to me because I know that if I were in your current girlfriend's shoes you would have said to me "Listen, despite everything she's my friend and I care about her, just give it a minute and let it be. I love you and I'm with you just let it go." But all of sudden you have become the kind of boyfriend you could never be with me and went into defensive mode, the mode you didn't have the courtesy to give me when you were in Texas and she was all over you to say, "hey, I have a girlfriend you kind of need to back off." And when it comes down to it you have never fucking respected me.
I have never been more embarrassed in my life when I said to you "I just want you to be happy, with or without me because I love you." And you just said with such disdain "I will be happy." FUCK YOU! I have fucking been the best friend to you and you don't have the fucking courtesy to say hello to me at a bar that you know I attend regularly like we haven't known each other for the past decade of our lives. I guess it really is over and we will never be friends because I no longer desire to be your friend. I thought you were a better man than that. I thought that despite everything that you were the kind of man to make sure that you stuck up for your friendships and even deeper than that the people that you love. So I guess you never loved me at all because I know that you'd fight me to the death about that. I can't wait to just get my shit back and be rid of this from my life. It is fucking over and I'm glad because you never loved me as much as I still love you. I wish you all the happiness in the world without spite and without resentment and it's sad that you cannot wish the same things for me.
I texted Dan G. tonight after it all went down and thank god I did, because it calmed me down. I like him because he isn't afraid to tell me the truth. He doesn't sugarcoat my feelings, but he makes it clear that he has my best interest at heart and not JUST while no one is looking. That was the way it always was with Danny. He was okay about loving me and caring me just so long as no one else saw it. I want someone who will be proud to be in love with me. Will be proud to have me by there side. As Dan G. said earlier to me this week "I want a fucking partner in life." Is that so fucking much to ask? Apparently so.
You know recently we caught up with each other and you interrupted me to make a point and say "I can't wait for the day that I can genuinely have you back in my life." I tried to be the bigger fucking person and introduce myself, but no. Your girl just walked away and I get it, but the moment that she started speaking for you I wanted to rip both your fucking heads off. No matter how much you don't want me to know everything about your life anymore I still know you better than anyone in this fucking world and it was not her fucking place to 1. speak like that to me and 2. speak for you. It's amazing the amount you've changed in the past few months and I feel like it's for the worse.
After we had that conversation about trying to friends and being more cordial I honestly thought it would be okay to try and say "hello," to you at the bar. It's funny to me because I know that if I were in your current girlfriend's shoes you would have said to me "Listen, despite everything she's my friend and I care about her, just give it a minute and let it be. I love you and I'm with you just let it go." But all of sudden you have become the kind of boyfriend you could never be with me and went into defensive mode, the mode you didn't have the courtesy to give me when you were in Texas and she was all over you to say, "hey, I have a girlfriend you kind of need to back off." And when it comes down to it you have never fucking respected me.
I have never been more embarrassed in my life when I said to you "I just want you to be happy, with or without me because I love you." And you just said with such disdain "I will be happy." FUCK YOU! I have fucking been the best friend to you and you don't have the fucking courtesy to say hello to me at a bar that you know I attend regularly like we haven't known each other for the past decade of our lives. I guess it really is over and we will never be friends because I no longer desire to be your friend. I thought you were a better man than that. I thought that despite everything that you were the kind of man to make sure that you stuck up for your friendships and even deeper than that the people that you love. So I guess you never loved me at all because I know that you'd fight me to the death about that. I can't wait to just get my shit back and be rid of this from my life. It is fucking over and I'm glad because you never loved me as much as I still love you. I wish you all the happiness in the world without spite and without resentment and it's sad that you cannot wish the same things for me.
I texted Dan G. tonight after it all went down and thank god I did, because it calmed me down. I like him because he isn't afraid to tell me the truth. He doesn't sugarcoat my feelings, but he makes it clear that he has my best interest at heart and not JUST while no one is looking. That was the way it always was with Danny. He was okay about loving me and caring me just so long as no one else saw it. I want someone who will be proud to be in love with me. Will be proud to have me by there side. As Dan G. said earlier to me this week "I want a fucking partner in life." Is that so fucking much to ask? Apparently so.