(no subject)
emotionally lost to this world, and i dont know how to make my way back, or even if i want to. sitting here and wondering how i wont miss anyone here except for one person, i dont know how i can act and feel this way. either i feel things wont change or i dont care that they do. how am i able to make myself dead to the world the way i do, and should i stop it? it makes me feel guilty if i think of throwing out the emotions that someone here has made me feel just so i dont have to feel the pain that goes along with it, mostly because it feels like i'm throwing away a larger chance to be happy. lost and confused right now, nothing makes sense, i sit at home and ponder, tension growing as time gets nearer, muscles getting tighter...and me not knowing any way to get rid of the pain other than making myself immune to the thing causing it, which might hurt me more in the end. i can feel that this will be an important decision in my life, but i dont know what the choices even are.