wintery "goodness"
school's finally done. my grades are going to suck big time this quarter, and the 2 exams i know i did bad on, i know i got a 35 on one. the other one i just hope i passed so i don't fail the class. life's been kinda spiraling downwards lately. sure it has its good things, like the wii, the occasional fun night with friends, getting my co-op job with ti. but overall, i've just not been feeling happy lately. and it's only seeming to get worse. i don't know if it's loneliness, anxiety, stress, or what, but i've just not felt like me at all. i don't see my closest friends as often anymore, and even when we do stuff it just seems like i don't enjoy it as much as i should. i don't know. example: tonight, i asked a friend from work if she wanted to hang because we haven't done something in quite some time. of course she made up an excuse and then claims to feel bad, which i know is a complete fabrication of reality, because if she felt bad then she wouldn't always make up excuses when i ask her to/we have plans to do something. 2 of my closest friends are working until 11 pm and probably won't do anything worth joining after they get off work, and the rest went to see a movie that i was not interested in paying $8 to see.
christmas is almost here and i haven't done any shopping. i hate christmas shopping, it takes too much time, i hate big crowds at stores, and i never know what to get people. the thing i look forward to most every christmas is getting to see my sister who lives in boston because i only see her a few times a year. the more time that passes by, the more i think i am becoming like her in the fact that i want to travel. i'm getting very close to the decision that that is what i want to do with my life when i'm done with college.
speaking of college, that's also been hell lately. i enjoy the company of the guys i have classes with, but i just hate class. i don't necessarily hate the subject material, i just hate the fact that 1) i can't understand half of my teachers because they have such strong accents, and 2) everything is based on grades. you can go through an entire course and not learn shit and get an a, trust me, i've done it several times. the reason being is that everything is so focused on that one damn letter that you have to cram for exams and quizzes, and you end up not understanding the source but only understanding how to make your way through a problem. it sucks.
but, i did get a job with texas instruments, and yes, it is in texas. at the end of march, yours truly will be moving to an apartment in houston, texas to live/work there for 6 months. the more i think about this, the more excited i get and the more i hate being in this city. i want to move so bad to a place where i know basically nobody, and am forced to use my people skills to make new friends, meet new people, and start dating again. it's been forever, not because i don't want to date anybody, but because i just don't try anymore. the only girls i ever meet are either of no interest to me in a relationship manner, or there is no possible way it could ever happen between us due to whatever extenuating circumstances may exist. regardless, i see living in a new town where i have to start my life all over as a chance to hopefully meet someone special and make something happen for me for once in my life.
i've rambled on with this long enough, i'm going to go eat some oreos and try to find something to occupy my time so that i can keep my mind off of things until i'm sleepy enough to goto bed. if anyone actually reads this thing ever, we need to hang out at least once before march 24, because it will be 6 months after that before you see me again.
christmas is almost here and i haven't done any shopping. i hate christmas shopping, it takes too much time, i hate big crowds at stores, and i never know what to get people. the thing i look forward to most every christmas is getting to see my sister who lives in boston because i only see her a few times a year. the more time that passes by, the more i think i am becoming like her in the fact that i want to travel. i'm getting very close to the decision that that is what i want to do with my life when i'm done with college.
speaking of college, that's also been hell lately. i enjoy the company of the guys i have classes with, but i just hate class. i don't necessarily hate the subject material, i just hate the fact that 1) i can't understand half of my teachers because they have such strong accents, and 2) everything is based on grades. you can go through an entire course and not learn shit and get an a, trust me, i've done it several times. the reason being is that everything is so focused on that one damn letter that you have to cram for exams and quizzes, and you end up not understanding the source but only understanding how to make your way through a problem. it sucks.
but, i did get a job with texas instruments, and yes, it is in texas. at the end of march, yours truly will be moving to an apartment in houston, texas to live/work there for 6 months. the more i think about this, the more excited i get and the more i hate being in this city. i want to move so bad to a place where i know basically nobody, and am forced to use my people skills to make new friends, meet new people, and start dating again. it's been forever, not because i don't want to date anybody, but because i just don't try anymore. the only girls i ever meet are either of no interest to me in a relationship manner, or there is no possible way it could ever happen between us due to whatever extenuating circumstances may exist. regardless, i see living in a new town where i have to start my life all over as a chance to hopefully meet someone special and make something happen for me for once in my life.
i've rambled on with this long enough, i'm going to go eat some oreos and try to find something to occupy my time so that i can keep my mind off of things until i'm sleepy enough to goto bed. if anyone actually reads this thing ever, we need to hang out at least once before march 24, because it will be 6 months after that before you see me again.