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[slammerkinbabe]

A guy just came into Burger King when I was eating there and asked people at each table if they had money for him to buy a hamburger. Everyone turned him down, naturally. Everyone always does. I had no cash smaller than a $5 so I told him no as well, adding for some bizarre reason that I only had a debit card -- I guess so he wouldn’t think I was

Comments

[slammerkinbabe]

It’s interesting that people in NYC have asked you for the remains of food you’ve finished with, because my understanding around here is that people are actively insulted when you give them leftover food -- I don’t know if it’s a hygiene issue or what, but I know I’ve annoyed (apparent) homeless people by offering them remains of my food from restaurants before. I don’t know, maybe a clearly untouched half of a sandwich would be better.

I went on a date years ago with a girl who was with me, walking to a T stop, when a homeless guy asked us for money. I ignored him, and my date went into expostulations about how she hates it when people act like homeless people don’t exist. She said she didn’t feel the need to actually give them anything, she just didn’t like the ignoring-their-existence bit. To be honest, I didn’t even realize she was talking about me for a minute; I had just kind of stepped around the guy without thinking. It was a good wakeup call for me when I actually realized what was going on though. Since then I’ve always tried to acknowledge homeless people, even when I have nothing to give. (There’s an issue in downtown Boston, too, where you tend to encounter about five homeless people begging for change in the span of a five-minute walk. I’d run out of money pretty fast if I gave something to all of them every day. One guy asking for a burger is different though.)

[eyelid]

i don't know, do they really want to be looked at if you're not going to give them anything? Seems like ignoring them might be the politer thing to do.

[slammerkinbabe]

I feel like it’s better to acknowledge them and tell them I don’t have any money when I don’t (or can’t spare any; see the thing about five homeless people in a five-minute walk). I can’t imagine totally ignoring any non-homeless stranger when they asked for a favor, so it doesn’t feel right to ignore homeless people.

Also, now that I’m aware of it, it feels kind of creepy to stare through a human being, like I’m denying reality or something. It has a vague similarity to the feeling I get when I’m around someone who appears cogent and sane but then starts hallucinating and pointing to something I can’t see: what’s happening here, why can’t I see this thing that’s real to this other person? I don’t know, it just feels weird. I’m aware that’s not the most logical argument, especially since in the first case I’m not responding to something I am seeing and in the second case I’m not responding to something I’m not seeing. So it isn’t a great parallel. But that’s how I feel.

[eyelid]

it feels kind of creepy to stare through a human being,

Hm, maybe this is a cultural difference, because I never imagined staring at them. In Minnesota staring at people (or even looking at them for more than a glance) is extremely rude and creepy, whether you are acknowledging them or not.

Additionally, I can't imagine ignoring someone if they asked me a direct question (unless it was threatening or something.) Again, that would be considered extremely rude in Minnesota. When a street beggar asks me for money I just automatically answer with "no, sorry."

By ignoring them, I mean that, unless they addressed me, I would simply not look at them and proceed on my way. Just like I do with the vast majority of non-homeless people every day.

To me, "acknowledging" someone by looking at them or addressing them merely because they are homeless seems rude, like pointedly addressing a disabled person just because s/he is disabled.

[slammerkinbabe]

Oh, I see what you’re saying now. Here homeless people here sometimes edge into your line of sight, so you have to stare through them if you’re going to ignore them. And I was defining saying “no, sorry” as acknowledging them, because most people here just sidestep them without saying anything. If they don’t speak to me I don’t speak to them.

[crschmidt]

Staring through someone is the approach I use for people who seem to be mentally unwell. It's a shitty approach, but I haven't found one that works better and still leaves me feeling moderately safe. Just general people panhandling, I follow the same approach as you do: Acknowledge, even if it's just to say "I have no money" (which is usually true; I don't carry much in the way of cash.)