(no subject)
i cant seem to stop my thoughts right now. and they're all over the place
today i went to services on my own at the temple that i grew up going to. i havent been in soooo long! I can't even remember the last time i went, except that it was only for the high holidays...but that must have been like 2 years ago or something! it was a really good feeling to be back with a congregation. i felt more mature and taller and so different, yet still so connected to that place. it looks almost exactly the same and even smells the same. its amazing to think about how a lot of the people who attend every weekend have been doing it while i've been away. and i can just jump in with them as if i had never left, in a way. yea, of course there were little changes and new people and faces, but that's what a synogogue and life and judaism and everything is all about. it was just a very interesting and fun experience for me...and i was rather proud of myself for going all that way alone, at 10 in the morning, and being mature enough to talk to people and stick around until 1 30 on my OWN will
in other news... i'm really worried about my pups. she hasnt been acting normal, and maybe i'm just paranoid because i think that everyone and everything is dying recently for some reason. but while i was still at school/in prague, she lost 10 pounds in like one week, and was peeing inside the house (on the couch). and she did it TWICE today and several times since ive been home. and she just doesnt seem like herself. we're taking her to the vet again on monday, but im just really worried about her. i love this dog more than anything in the world. She is my baby...i dont ever want her to go :( and shes only 7.5 so hopefully this can be fixed and she's fine...
my grandma, on the other hand, is not fine. my dad thinks that this could be her last year of life, if that. that's so scary. i also dont know why i'm not more upset about it. i was talking to my mom about it...and because she has alzheimers pretty bad, it's almost as if i lost her years ago. i also dont get to see her often, so maybe it's easier to distance myself from it and not realize how bad she is really doing. i love my grandma so so much, and she's my only living grandparent (except my step-grandma). she is so special to me and has taught me so much about life and love. i wish her healing prayers and happiness.
i am going to take organic chemistry at stanford university this summer. yes, i do think i'm insane. it's a really long story. but basically, i dont know what i'm getting myself into or what i want career-wise, or any-wise for that matter. i feel like im setting myself up for failure, but it's my own way of testing myself in a whole bunch of ways..which is probably mostly bad, but o well! i know i need to be more positive. but i dont know what to be positive about somtimes..which is really the root of the problem probably...hmmmmmmm
anyway, before summer school even begins, i need to read the entire diary of a man who was kept at Terezín, a "transit" ghetto in the czech republic run by the Nazi's, where we stayed for a few days. ironically, his name is Paul Weiner, no relation. but amazingly he's still alive and lives in NY, and his diary is fascinating, as it is translated from czech when he was a boy of only about 13 or 14, and had already been in terezin for 2 years. So after i read the diary (which is basically a novel, in length), I will need to write my 10 page paper, which I feel like has no direction yet. hopefully it will figure itself out. or i will figure it out, whatever. ha
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh overwhelming thoughts. ok, thats all for now. peace and love.
today i went to services on my own at the temple that i grew up going to. i havent been in soooo long! I can't even remember the last time i went, except that it was only for the high holidays...but that must have been like 2 years ago or something! it was a really good feeling to be back with a congregation. i felt more mature and taller and so different, yet still so connected to that place. it looks almost exactly the same and even smells the same. its amazing to think about how a lot of the people who attend every weekend have been doing it while i've been away. and i can just jump in with them as if i had never left, in a way. yea, of course there were little changes and new people and faces, but that's what a synogogue and life and judaism and everything is all about. it was just a very interesting and fun experience for me...and i was rather proud of myself for going all that way alone, at 10 in the morning, and being mature enough to talk to people and stick around until 1 30 on my OWN will
in other news... i'm really worried about my pups. she hasnt been acting normal, and maybe i'm just paranoid because i think that everyone and everything is dying recently for some reason. but while i was still at school/in prague, she lost 10 pounds in like one week, and was peeing inside the house (on the couch). and she did it TWICE today and several times since ive been home. and she just doesnt seem like herself. we're taking her to the vet again on monday, but im just really worried about her. i love this dog more than anything in the world. She is my baby...i dont ever want her to go :( and shes only 7.5 so hopefully this can be fixed and she's fine...
my grandma, on the other hand, is not fine. my dad thinks that this could be her last year of life, if that. that's so scary. i also dont know why i'm not more upset about it. i was talking to my mom about it...and because she has alzheimers pretty bad, it's almost as if i lost her years ago. i also dont get to see her often, so maybe it's easier to distance myself from it and not realize how bad she is really doing. i love my grandma so so much, and she's my only living grandparent (except my step-grandma). she is so special to me and has taught me so much about life and love. i wish her healing prayers and happiness.
i am going to take organic chemistry at stanford university this summer. yes, i do think i'm insane. it's a really long story. but basically, i dont know what i'm getting myself into or what i want career-wise, or any-wise for that matter. i feel like im setting myself up for failure, but it's my own way of testing myself in a whole bunch of ways..which is probably mostly bad, but o well! i know i need to be more positive. but i dont know what to be positive about somtimes..which is really the root of the problem probably...hmmmmmmm
anyway, before summer school even begins, i need to read the entire diary of a man who was kept at Terezín, a "transit" ghetto in the czech republic run by the Nazi's, where we stayed for a few days. ironically, his name is Paul Weiner, no relation. but amazingly he's still alive and lives in NY, and his diary is fascinating, as it is translated from czech when he was a boy of only about 13 or 14, and had already been in terezin for 2 years. So after i read the diary (which is basically a novel, in length), I will need to write my 10 page paper, which I feel like has no direction yet. hopefully it will figure itself out. or i will figure it out, whatever. ha
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh overwhelming thoughts. ok, thats all for now. peace and love.