the beginning of the end

[slaglebagel]

i started my senior year of college on the 23rd. pretty surreal. i've waited for this day for 8 years. to be honest, i didn't think it'd ever come. i've dropped out twice, been academically disqualified from community college, and been subject to academic disqualification from ucsd because of my self-diagnosed depression from my great grandmother's death and everything involving it. while on that subject, i think i'm finally coming out of that dark hole i was in for so long. i still get sad, but a lot less often. i'm finally beginning to be able to have happy thoughts about her. i'm not fully healed, because sometimes i'd rather just think about something else than feel completely sad. i still let tears fall sometimes, i can't help it. but i need to get through it all because these next 9 months are it for 2 major chapters in my life - school and the job i've kept for 5 years.

i can't wait to start the life i've only been able to dream about for so long. part of it is a life i don't even know about, and that's the beauty of it. i don't want to know what i'm doing day to day. i want to wake up and think, 'hmm, what do i want to do today????' i really can't wait. i'd really like to have kids one of these days, so i have quite a bit of living to do from june 2012 until that happens.