Never Drink a Bottle of Soy Sauce
So return grateful for existence from a bad two day experience to say the very least. To say the very most would be to include nauseating, heart-breaking, suicide-thought inducing, and emotionally crippling in my description. We'll start with yesterday, because while the day before certainly was a different kind of sad and bad, it won't make a very good story and I don't feel like telling it is necessary. See above adverb/adjective combos for an idea. And know that is prompted me to take up smoking regularly for the time being. But yesterday I can tell. . .Like everything there lies present good and bad.
For instance. . .waking up. . .GOOD!
Sneezing 11 times and not being able to take another Clariten until 3. . .BAD!
You get the idea, but let's keep coming with it
Convincing Jon and Eric to go eat at a Chinese Buffet. . .GOOD!
Drinking a bottle of Soy Sauce. . .BAD!
Getting $1.00 contributed to the cost of my meal for drinking said bottle of soy sauce. . .GOOD!
Stomach ache takes over feelings of victory. . .BAD!
Getting the No Direction Home two disc album. . .GOOD!
Throwing up in the Sam Goody sack that it came in on the way home. . .BAD!
Throwing the aforementioned sack out of the window onto the street of some neighborhood. . .GOOD!
Spilling some on my leg from the hole in the sack (fucking plastic sacks). . .BAD!
Then things look like they are going to even out and be good for the rest of the day/night
Watching Rome. . .GOOD!
Watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. . .GOOD!
Watching Extras. . .GOOD!
Going Walking with the Guys. . .GOOD!
Talking to Adam McClymont and Elliot on the phone for the first time in quite a long while. . .GOOD!
But it would be just too bizarre to have things even out like that. . . .so. . . .
Nuts in a vice (or the equivalent feelings of such). . .BAD!
Car ride to the Emergency Room while your nuts and stomach feel like someone has twisted them into a knot and poured acid on them. . . .BAD!
Having to answer a bunch of ridiculous questions about smoking habits and drinking habits when nuts are in so much pain it now hurts down your leg. . .BAD!
Having a little bald man come in and squeeze them all around and ask if it fucking hurts. . .BAD!
Having a Rad-Tech pour a warm gelatinous goo on to your left testicle and rolling it around in her fingers. . .. . . . . . .suprisingly GOOD!
Having the same Rad-Tech start to rub an ultrasound device over your wounded testicle. . .BAD. . .VERY BAD!
Having pee on command for a urine sample whenyou don't need to pee and are in a lot of pain. . .DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE!
Having the pain subside inly to find out you've been subscribed Tylenol III with Codeine. . .GOOD!
Finding out your family's insurance plan either no longer includes you or is completely gone. . .BAD!
Finding out you have to pay $97 of your $62 for prescription drugs in this country. . .BAD!
So. . .basically. . .fuck plastic sacks and prescription drug plans and insurance companies. . .fuck Soy Sauce. . .praise be to Bob Dylan, Rad-Techs, and Jon and Eric. . .and fuck epididymitis
But hey. . .someone touched my balls, right?
For instance. . .waking up. . .GOOD!
Sneezing 11 times and not being able to take another Clariten until 3. . .BAD!
You get the idea, but let's keep coming with it
Convincing Jon and Eric to go eat at a Chinese Buffet. . .GOOD!
Drinking a bottle of Soy Sauce. . .BAD!
Getting $1.00 contributed to the cost of my meal for drinking said bottle of soy sauce. . .GOOD!
Stomach ache takes over feelings of victory. . .BAD!
Getting the No Direction Home two disc album. . .GOOD!
Throwing up in the Sam Goody sack that it came in on the way home. . .BAD!
Throwing the aforementioned sack out of the window onto the street of some neighborhood. . .GOOD!
Spilling some on my leg from the hole in the sack (fucking plastic sacks). . .BAD!
Then things look like they are going to even out and be good for the rest of the day/night
Watching Rome. . .GOOD!
Watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. . .GOOD!
Watching Extras. . .GOOD!
Going Walking with the Guys. . .GOOD!
Talking to Adam McClymont and Elliot on the phone for the first time in quite a long while. . .GOOD!
But it would be just too bizarre to have things even out like that. . . .so. . . .
Nuts in a vice (or the equivalent feelings of such). . .BAD!
Car ride to the Emergency Room while your nuts and stomach feel like someone has twisted them into a knot and poured acid on them. . . .BAD!
Having to answer a bunch of ridiculous questions about smoking habits and drinking habits when nuts are in so much pain it now hurts down your leg. . .BAD!
Having a little bald man come in and squeeze them all around and ask if it fucking hurts. . .BAD!
Having a Rad-Tech pour a warm gelatinous goo on to your left testicle and rolling it around in her fingers. . .. . . . . . .suprisingly GOOD!
Having the same Rad-Tech start to rub an ultrasound device over your wounded testicle. . .BAD. . .VERY BAD!
Having pee on command for a urine sample whenyou don't need to pee and are in a lot of pain. . .DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE!
Having the pain subside inly to find out you've been subscribed Tylenol III with Codeine. . .GOOD!
Finding out your family's insurance plan either no longer includes you or is completely gone. . .BAD!
Finding out you have to pay $97 of your $62 for prescription drugs in this country. . .BAD!
So. . .basically. . .fuck plastic sacks and prescription drug plans and insurance companies. . .fuck Soy Sauce. . .praise be to Bob Dylan, Rad-Techs, and Jon and Eric. . .and fuck epididymitis
But hey. . .someone touched my balls, right?