i'll never wake up knowing how or why.
I think im depressed. I dont know. I hate talking about it. So i think maybe i'll write it. it might help.
Everytime im left alone for a period of time, and am not intoxicated in some way, i just get, really down, crying half the time. i just cant stand to be alone anymore, i used to crave it. i miss everyone, and hate not feeling anything for anyone.
and the fact that im now getting in nightly arguments with my mom doesnt help.
eveyone around me, as far as i can tell, is fairly happy right now, and i need to be around that energy.
im just not used to this at all, its new. i dont get it.
I have a new goal for this summer, before next school, i want to meet someone, have a decent relasionship, not me falling for someone i can have, or sleeping with someone i hate, or a friend who uses me, or someone who wants me but i dont want them......just something good. its all i want. no more drama. no more insanity. no more sneaking around.
mom and i just had a fairly big fight to night. so i dont know what i'll be able to do this spring break. i just came to her and told her that i was gonna go to live with amanda over spring break, and she drilled into be about how i have to much freedom, just because i told her, instead of asked. idk. i guess i should have made the staement a question, but its just how it came out.
then she further drilled me on how none of my friends really care for me, and they use me for room and board, or money, or tents, or whatever else the fuck they need. and even if that were true, i would rather be blind to it and believe otherwise then face that fact. ignorance is bliss right? ha, right.
so, right now im just really pissed off, and sad. i hope this doesnt effect my week plans. i cant stand this place any more. i need out.
also, i cant wait untill im free of school. its really been streesing me out lately, event tho i still do nothing about it. just wait till my mom sees my report card. ha! i'll never be allowed any slack, ever. it wont be good.
Everytime im left alone for a period of time, and am not intoxicated in some way, i just get, really down, crying half the time. i just cant stand to be alone anymore, i used to crave it. i miss everyone, and hate not feeling anything for anyone.
and the fact that im now getting in nightly arguments with my mom doesnt help.
eveyone around me, as far as i can tell, is fairly happy right now, and i need to be around that energy.
im just not used to this at all, its new. i dont get it.
I have a new goal for this summer, before next school, i want to meet someone, have a decent relasionship, not me falling for someone i can have, or sleeping with someone i hate, or a friend who uses me, or someone who wants me but i dont want them......just something good. its all i want. no more drama. no more insanity. no more sneaking around.
mom and i just had a fairly big fight to night. so i dont know what i'll be able to do this spring break. i just came to her and told her that i was gonna go to live with amanda over spring break, and she drilled into be about how i have to much freedom, just because i told her, instead of asked. idk. i guess i should have made the staement a question, but its just how it came out.
then she further drilled me on how none of my friends really care for me, and they use me for room and board, or money, or tents, or whatever else the fuck they need. and even if that were true, i would rather be blind to it and believe otherwise then face that fact. ignorance is bliss right? ha, right.
so, right now im just really pissed off, and sad. i hope this doesnt effect my week plans. i cant stand this place any more. i need out.
also, i cant wait untill im free of school. its really been streesing me out lately, event tho i still do nothing about it. just wait till my mom sees my report card. ha! i'll never be allowed any slack, ever. it wont be good.