fic: The One That’s a Friends/Glee Crossover
Title: The One That’s a Friends/Glee Crossover
Author: slacker_d
Crossover: Friends/Glee
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Will, Puck
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel and Quinn aren’t together, but Brittany knows they will be soon.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~3,200
Spoilers: none for glee, 2x14 “The One With the Prom Video” for Friends
A/N: For shesfiiine who requested, “the lobster episode of friends. Quinn could totally be Rachel's lobster :-) Plus Brittany as Phoebe = WIN Puck as Joey... Santana as Chandler.” Will as Monica. Sorry it took so long, hope it’s what you were looking for. Anything on the video is in italics.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Puck returns to the apartment and finds Santana playing Mario Kart. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she replies without looking up.
“Pause it, Lopez,” he tells her. “I’ve got something for you.”
She does and spins the recliner around to face him. Puck hands Santana an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Eight hundred and twenty-two bucks.”
Santana opens the envelope and peeks inside. “Well, I don’t know what you were told, but it’s an even grand for the whole night. This just gets you till midnight. What’s this for?”
“Well, as the band is actually getting a few paying gigs, I’ve been saving a bit to pay you back for the rent and electricity and a lot of beer.”
“Steller,” Santana replies. “Now I can finally get that helicopter.”
“And,” Puck continues. “This is just a little something extra, for you know, having my back or whatever.” He hands Santana a jewelry box.
“You didn’t have to do that, Puckerman.” Accepting it, Santana opens it. And sees a very thick gold bracelet. “You really didn’t have to do that, Puckerman.”
“Course I did,” he replies. “And check it out. It’s engraved.”
Santana removes it from the box and turns it over. “To my BFF,” she reads. “Thanks BFF.” She puts it back in the box.
“Well, put it on.”
“Now?” Santana asks. “I really think this should be saved for a special occasion.”
“No way,” Puck assures her. “That’s the awesome part. It goes with everything.” He grabs the box and removes the bracelet. “You put it on and you’re good to go.” He puts the bracelet on Santana. “You are so wearing that bracelet.”
Santana just stares at it. “Yes, I really am.”
“You have any idea what this’ll do for your sex life?”
“Well, it’ll probably slow it down at first, but once I get used to the extra weight, I’ll be good.”
…
Will has yet to find a chef job and is at his second interview of the week; the first didn’t go very well. Sitting in the empty kitchen of the restaurant, he can only wait as the owner, Harry looks over his resume.
“This is an impressive resume,” he tells her.
“Thanks.”
“And if I need a reference on your last job?” Harry asks.
“It’s right there on the bottom, Santana Lopez, my manager.”
“Okay, then, if I could just see if you’re as good in person as you are on paper,” Harry says. “Make me a salad.”
“A salad? Because I could certainly do something a bit more complicated.”
“No, no,” Harry replies. “I already have the ingredients laid out.”
“If you say so.”
“Now I want you to tell me what you’re doing as you do it,” Harry tells him.
“Okay, then,” Will says. “Well, first I’m tearing the lettuce.”
“I see. Is it dirty?”
“Oh, well, don’t worry, I’m going to wash it,” Will assures him.
“Don’t. I like it dirty.”
“That’s your call.”
“And what are you going to do next?”
“I thought I’d cut up the tomatoes,” Will says.
“Are they firm?
“They’re…fine.”
“You sure they haven’t gone bad?” Harry asks. “You sure they’re not very, very bad?”
“No, really,” Will replies. “They’re fine.”
“You’ll slice them up nicely, won’t you?”
“Actually I was going to do them Julienne.”
“Oooh yeah, that’s nice,” Harry moans.
“Okay, we’re done,” Will says, dropping the produce and heading for the door.
…
Santana and Brittany watch TV in Will and Quinn’s apartment. The phone rings. Rachel is at the table and within reach, so she answers it.
“Hello? No, Quinn’s not here right now, may I take a message? Okay. And how are we spelling Casey? Is it like the bat or and the Sunshine Band? Okay. Bye.” She hangs up the phone as she finishes writing. “Hey, guys, who is Casey?”
“Some chick she met at the moves,” Brittany replies.
“At the movies? Really? And what exactly does she want with her?”
“Well,” Santana says, turning slightly to face Rachel. “I’m just guessing, but maybe she wants to do a little dance, you know, make a little love, well, pretty much get down tonight.”
Rachel crumples up the message. “I just don’t understand it. Merely two months ago Quinn and I were almost inseparable. And now I’m taking messages for women she meets at the movies? This Casey woman should be taking my messages. Or even better yet, Quinn and I should be together and have some sort of message service.”
“You just need to hang in a bit longer,” Brittany assures her. “It’ll happen.
“And how do you know that?” Rachel asks.
“Because she’s your lobster.”
Rachel looks at Santana. “Don’t worry. She’ll get there,” Santana assures her.
“Lobsters mate for life. It’s a fact. You can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tanks, holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes…”
Will exits the bathroom, dressed, but hair wet.
“Feeling better?” Santana asks.
Will nods. “I think the fifth shower finally got the interview off me.”
“You have any other possibilities?” Brittany asks.
“Sure,” Will replies. “It is very possible I won’t be able to pay rent.”
“Will, if you want, I could lend you the money,” Rachel tells him.
“Definitely not,” Will replies. “What if I can’t pay you back right away? Every time we see each other it would be tense and awkward. And we see each other a lot.”
“Yes, I can understand that,” Rachel replies. “How about borrowing it from mom and dad? You already feel guilty and tense around them; might as well make some money from it.”
“She’s got a point,” Santana agrees. She gestures at Rachel, causing the bracelet to slip down her wrist and into view.
“Hey, look at that sparkly thing on your arm,” Brittany says.
“This old thing?” Santana replies. “It’s, a bit…flashy, I know.”
“No, no,” Will tells her. “It’s not flashy. But why didn’t you tell us you’d become part of a rapper’s entourage?”
“What else did you manage to steal from the pirate ship?” Rachel asks. “Any gold debloons?”
“Oooh, was there a parrot on board?” Brittany asks.
Santana shoves the thing back under her shirt sleeve and slumps back down on the couch.
…
The next day Will and Rachel’s parents stop by the apartment with boxes.
“What are all these for?”
“Some of your old stuff,” his father, Victor tells him.
“We have a surprise for you,” his mother, Debra adds. “We’re turning your room into a gym.”
“That certainly is a surprise. Just one questions, why not Rachel’s room?” Will asks.
“Well, we talked about it, but your sister has so many awards and trophies from her singing competitions, we didn’t want to disturb them.”
“Yes, that would be terrible,” Will mutters.
…
At the coffee shop, Santana and Brittany are on their usual couch.
Standing, Brittany asks, “Refill?”
“No thanks.”
Brittany turns to leave and sees a guy checking Santana out. “Hey, S, hot guy, checking you out, uh, behind me. Is that like eleven o’clock?”
Santana turns and looks behind her, seeing a tall brunette checking her out. “I don’t think it matter, Brit. Thanks.” She stands and strolls over. “Hey there, couldn’t help but notice you glancing my way.”
“Kyle,” he says, holding out his hand.
“Santana,” she replies, shaking it. This motion causes the bracelet to slip down into view.
“Uh, hey, look at the time,” Kyle says. “I gotta get going. Nice to meet you.” And he quickly stands and leaves.
The bracelet clinks together and Santana realizes what happened. She turns and stalks over to Brittany. “This is so perfect. You know, he could’ve bought a DVR for my room or even a futon, but instead he gets me this reject from Kim Kardashian’s jewelry box.”
“It’s not that bad,” Brittany replies.
“Easy for you to say,” Santana says. “You’re not wearing this eye sore that’s too much for even Elton John to wear.”
Unbeknown to Santana, Puck enters. Brittany sees him and tries to warn her.
“I mean, seriously, it’s like he found the gayest thing possible and then…” Santana trails off, having noticed Puck. “Hey, dude, how’s it going?”
Puck doesn’t say anything, just leaves.
…
Later that afternoon, Brittany and Rachel watch Quinn as she flirts with a customer.
“Just look at her,” Rachel says. “How long can she talk to her? She needs to back off and let Quinn work.”
“She seems okay.”
They watch for another moment as the flirting seems to amp up a bit. Quinn lets a hand stray across the customer’s arm.
“That’s it,” Rachel says, standing. “I’m putting a stop to this.” She walks over and interrupts the conversation. “Excuse me, but are you Quinn?”
“What?” Quinn asks.
“I’m Rachel,” Rachel continues. “And I must say, you didn’t do yourself justice in your ad.”
“What are you doing?”
“Oh no, I’m sorry,” Rachel says. “Did I get the days mixed up? How embarrassing. Well, at least this is a funny story to tell later, right?”
“Listen,” the female customer says. “I should be going. See you later.”
They watch her walk out the door.
Rachel turns to Quinn. “You’re welcome.”
“Excuse me?”
“I was saving you,” Rachel explains.
“Saving me? You were saving me from a very pleasant conversation with that cute woman? Saving me?”
“Uh, yes, well, from where I was sitting it seemed…”
“Okay, Rachel, I don’t need you to save me. In fact, you no longer get to save me.”
“Actually, I do,” Rachel protests.
“What?”
“You’re my lobster,” Rachel explains.
“You’re not still pretending this is a blind date, are you?”
“No, of course not. It’s just you’re my lobster. See when lobsters are in their tanks and they’re really old, they get to walk around holding their claws. And they’re really old and there’s claw holding…that’s not right. A little help, Brit?”
“You’re fine. Don’t forget about the claws.”
“Never mind,” Rachel says. “Forget the lobsters. Let’s talk about you and I.”
“There is no you and I.”
“No, but there could be.”
“Rach, please, just listen. I fell for you and I get my heart broken. Then you fall for me and yet, I end up with my heart broken. And I’m tired of it. It’s not worth it.”
“Quinn, but, no, it…”
“No, Rachel,” Quinn says. “We are not going to happen. Okay? Accept that.”
“Except? Except what?”
“No. Acc-cept that.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Dejected, Rachel turns and returns to her seat on the couch.
…
Santana returns to the apartment and finds Puck there.
“Hey, dude, how’s it going BFF?” Getting no response, Santana picks up a game controller. “How about a race or two?” She throws the wireless controller at Puck. He doesn’t move. It knocks out a lamp. “Well, that’s my bad, isn’t it?”
“You know, if you hated the thing so much, why didn’t you just say so?” Puck ask.
“Yes, but doesn’t the fact that I wore it even if I hate it, a sign of how important our friendship is?”
“And the fact that you insulted the bracelet and mocked me?”
“Yes, well that’s the part where I was a douche. But maybe we could focus on the first part?” Santana asks.
Puck just shakes his head and goes into his room.
“C’mon dude,” Santana tries. “I said I was sorry like a hundred times. I swear I’ll never take it off, ever…” Santana notices the bracelet is no longer on her wrist. “But if you want to stay in there and be mad,” she continues, while crawling on the floor looking for it. “…then you should just stay in there and be mad.”
Puck comes back out. “You know what the worse thing…” He stops when he sees the position Santana is in.
“I am here, on my knees, to show you my sorrow and regret. Much like they did in the biblical times…”
Puck just turns and slams his bedroom door shut.
…
In Will and Quinn’s apartment, Will sits at the table while his parents watch TV. Rachel enters.
“Hello, everyone.”
“Hello, dear.”
Will quickly pulls Rachel aside. “Where have you been?”
“Emotional hell. So did they lend you the money?”
“No, but that might be because I haven’t asked them yet,” Will replies.
“You have to just do it.” She speaks up, addresses their parents. “Excuse me, mom, dad. Will has some news.”
They turn away from the TV and face their children.
“Yes, well, listen, I’m sorry I didn’t mention this sooner, but I’m no longer at my job. I had to leave.”
“Why is that?”
“Because they made me.”
“Oh, no, you were fired?” their mother asks. “What are you going to do?”
“Honey, relax,” her father says, standing. “This is William. We taught him well. Ten percent of your paycheck goes where?
“In the bank,” Will and Rachel answer in unison.
“Exactly. So he dips into his savings a little, but that’s what it’s there for. He’ll be fine. And if you need a little extra, well, you know where to find it.” He moves closer and pulls a quarter out from behind Will’s ear.
“I don’t suppose you have anything larger, back there?”
…
Santana and Brittany walk into the coffee shop.
“I can’t believe this,” Santana says.
“Just stop, already. Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay,” Brittany says.
“You’re right, of course, I should play in the hay,” Santana replies. “Never mind that I just 500 bucks to replace a bracelet I loathe. So yes, bring on the hay.”
Quinn appears behind them. “Hey, I’ve got something that’ll make you very happy. Guess what I found?” She holds up the bracelet.
Brittany smiles. “Hey, now you have two.”
Santana glares at her.
“Oh, now you have two.”
“Jesus, what am I going to do?”
Just then Puck walks in. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey.”
Puck notices that Santana is holding a bracelet as well as wearing one. “Why do you have two?”
“Well, this one’s for you,” Santana replies, handing one over.
“Seriously?”
“Yes,” Santana replies. “Listen, I know how important this is to you and that it’s not about jewelry so much as it is about us being BFFs.” She puts the bracelet on him as she explains.
“Excellent,” Puck exclaims. “Is this friendship? I think it is.” He holds up his arm, placing the two bracelets together. “Hey, look, we’re bracelet buddies.”
“That’s what they’ll call us,” Santana replies, wryly.
…
In Quinn and Will’s apartment, Rachel writes out a check and hands it to Will.
“Pay me back whenever,” Rachell tells him.
“Thanks.”
The others are digging through Will’s boxes. Brittany pulls out a pair of swimming trunks. They’re much wider than the length of her arm.
“Hey, Will, what’s this?”
“Oh, that’s, uh, my bathing suit from high school. I was a little bit bigger then.”
“I thought it was what they used to cover Rhode Island when it rains,” Santana says.
Puck then pulls out a tape.
“Hey, Will, what’s this?” he asks.
“No idea,” Will says. “Put it in.”
Puck stands and put the tape in. A moment later they see someone’s shoes.
“Over here, Victor. Okay. I see Quinn coming up the path. Oh doesn’t she look pretty. Victor, make sure and get this.”
Rachel enters in a prom dress.
“You know what this is?” Will says. “It’s us getting ready for the prom.”
“Huh,” Quinn says.
“You know what, guys?” Rachel says. “We don’t have to watch this.”
Everyone shoots her down.
“Get a shot of Will,” Debra says. “Where is he?”
“Over here, dad.”
The camera pans and all that is visible is a torso.
“Wait, how does this zoom work?” The camera zooms out and there is an overweight Will standing there eating a sandwich. “There he is.”
“Oh my god!” Puck says. “Some guy ate Will.”
“Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.”
“Fair enough,” Santana says. “So how many cameras are on you?”
“You look great,” Will tells Quinn on the video.
“Thanks, so do you.”
They hug.
“Okay, everyone smile,” Victor says.
“Turn it off, dad.”
“It is.”
“Then why is the red light still on?” Will asks.
“That means it’s off. Right, Rachel?”
The camera spins and we see a morose looking Rachel. She walks away, but reappears by Quinn.
“You look really beautiful tonight,” Rachel tells Quinn.
“Thanks. So, uh, what are you going to do this summer?”
“Work on my singing, as usual,” Rachel replies. “And you?”
Just then the doorbell rings.
“That would be our dates,” Quinn says, taking off.
Rachel is left behind, just staring longingly after her.
“Oh my god,” Quinn says. “It’s Wendy Kitterman.”
On screen, Will is putting a corsage on his date.
“Where’s Devon? Why isn’t he here yet?” Quinn asks.
“Relax, he’ll be here,” Wendy says.
Quinn ignores her and begins pacing. “I can’t go to my own prom alone. That’s so lame.”
“If you’re not going, then I don’t want to go, either,” Will adds.
“This is un-freaking-believable,” Wendy mutters.
The camera cuts to Rachel on the stairs. Victor standing a few steps below. “I have an idea. I think you should take Quinn to the prom.”
“Hardly.”
“Debra, give me the camera. You talk to your daughter.”
The camera shakes as possession is shifted; a moment later Debra is next to Rachel.
“Your father’s right,” Debra tells her. “Take her. We’ve still got your prom dress from last year.”
“She won’t want to go with me, mom,” Rachel replies.
“Why wouldn’t she?” Debra asks. “You two have been friends for a long time.”
“You mean she’s been friends with Will for a long time.”
“I think the two of you would have fun together.”
“I don’t know,” Rachel says.
“Well, get up and find out.”
In the background Quinn is sniffling. “I can’t believe I don’t get to go to my own prom. Life is so unfair.”
“Okay, I’ll do it,” Rachel says, standing and hurrying up the stairs.
“That’s my girl.”
“Hey, guys?” Rachel says. “I think we’ve watched enough of this, don’t you? Why don’t we turn it off?”
Everyone ignores her and continues watching.
Rachel stomps her foot and turns away from the TV. “Fine. But I’m not watching.”
Rachel emerges from her room in a pink prom dress.
“All right, then, let’s go,” Victor says.
“You’re so beautiful honey,” Debra adds.
“You ready?”
“Just a sec,” Rachel says. She closes her eyes and mouths something to herself. She takes a deep breath and then starts down the stairs. There are some flowers on a table and she grabs them as she descends.
Victor goes down the stairs first to announce Rachel. “Ready or not, Quinn, here comes your…oh no…”
The camera shows a smiling Will and Wendy leaving, waving as they go. They’re quickly followed by Quinn and Devon.
“Oh my, Victor, how do I turn this thing off?”
“Press the button.”
“Which button? Which one, Victor?”
“That button, there.”
Everyone turns to face Rachel, still slightly turned away from the TV.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Will tells her.
“Yes, well,” Rachel says.
Quinn stands, walks across the room and kisses Rachel.
“See,” Brittany says, smiling. “She’s her lobster.”
Author: slacker_d
Crossover: Friends/Glee
Pairing/Characters: Rachel/Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Will, Puck
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Rachel and Quinn aren’t together, but Brittany knows they will be soon.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: ~3,200
Spoilers: none for glee, 2x14 “The One With the Prom Video” for Friends
A/N: For shesfiiine who requested, “the lobster episode of friends. Quinn could totally be Rachel's lobster :-) Plus Brittany as Phoebe = WIN Puck as Joey... Santana as Chandler.” Will as Monica. Sorry it took so long, hope it’s what you were looking for. Anything on the video is in italics.
2nd A/N: Unbeta’ed, so all mistakes are mine.
Puck returns to the apartment and finds Santana playing Mario Kart. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she replies without looking up.
“Pause it, Lopez,” he tells her. “I’ve got something for you.”
She does and spins the recliner around to face him. Puck hands Santana an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Eight hundred and twenty-two bucks.”
Santana opens the envelope and peeks inside. “Well, I don’t know what you were told, but it’s an even grand for the whole night. This just gets you till midnight. What’s this for?”
“Well, as the band is actually getting a few paying gigs, I’ve been saving a bit to pay you back for the rent and electricity and a lot of beer.”
“Steller,” Santana replies. “Now I can finally get that helicopter.”
“And,” Puck continues. “This is just a little something extra, for you know, having my back or whatever.” He hands Santana a jewelry box.
“You didn’t have to do that, Puckerman.” Accepting it, Santana opens it. And sees a very thick gold bracelet. “You really didn’t have to do that, Puckerman.”
“Course I did,” he replies. “And check it out. It’s engraved.”
Santana removes it from the box and turns it over. “To my BFF,” she reads. “Thanks BFF.” She puts it back in the box.
“Well, put it on.”
“Now?” Santana asks. “I really think this should be saved for a special occasion.”
“No way,” Puck assures her. “That’s the awesome part. It goes with everything.” He grabs the box and removes the bracelet. “You put it on and you’re good to go.” He puts the bracelet on Santana. “You are so wearing that bracelet.”
Santana just stares at it. “Yes, I really am.”
“You have any idea what this’ll do for your sex life?”
“Well, it’ll probably slow it down at first, but once I get used to the extra weight, I’ll be good.”
…
Will has yet to find a chef job and is at his second interview of the week; the first didn’t go very well. Sitting in the empty kitchen of the restaurant, he can only wait as the owner, Harry looks over his resume.
“This is an impressive resume,” he tells her.
“Thanks.”
“And if I need a reference on your last job?” Harry asks.
“It’s right there on the bottom, Santana Lopez, my manager.”
“Okay, then, if I could just see if you’re as good in person as you are on paper,” Harry says. “Make me a salad.”
“A salad? Because I could certainly do something a bit more complicated.”
“No, no,” Harry replies. “I already have the ingredients laid out.”
“If you say so.”
“Now I want you to tell me what you’re doing as you do it,” Harry tells him.
“Okay, then,” Will says. “Well, first I’m tearing the lettuce.”
“I see. Is it dirty?”
“Oh, well, don’t worry, I’m going to wash it,” Will assures him.
“Don’t. I like it dirty.”
“That’s your call.”
“And what are you going to do next?”
“I thought I’d cut up the tomatoes,” Will says.
“Are they firm?
“They’re…fine.”
“You sure they haven’t gone bad?” Harry asks. “You sure they’re not very, very bad?”
“No, really,” Will replies. “They’re fine.”
“You’ll slice them up nicely, won’t you?”
“Actually I was going to do them Julienne.”
“Oooh yeah, that’s nice,” Harry moans.
“Okay, we’re done,” Will says, dropping the produce and heading for the door.
…
Santana and Brittany watch TV in Will and Quinn’s apartment. The phone rings. Rachel is at the table and within reach, so she answers it.
“Hello? No, Quinn’s not here right now, may I take a message? Okay. And how are we spelling Casey? Is it like the bat or and the Sunshine Band? Okay. Bye.” She hangs up the phone as she finishes writing. “Hey, guys, who is Casey?”
“Some chick she met at the moves,” Brittany replies.
“At the movies? Really? And what exactly does she want with her?”
“Well,” Santana says, turning slightly to face Rachel. “I’m just guessing, but maybe she wants to do a little dance, you know, make a little love, well, pretty much get down tonight.”
Rachel crumples up the message. “I just don’t understand it. Merely two months ago Quinn and I were almost inseparable. And now I’m taking messages for women she meets at the movies? This Casey woman should be taking my messages. Or even better yet, Quinn and I should be together and have some sort of message service.”
“You just need to hang in a bit longer,” Brittany assures her. “It’ll happen.
“And how do you know that?” Rachel asks.
“Because she’s your lobster.”
Rachel looks at Santana. “Don’t worry. She’ll get there,” Santana assures her.
“Lobsters mate for life. It’s a fact. You can actually see old lobster couples walking around their tanks, holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes…”
Will exits the bathroom, dressed, but hair wet.
“Feeling better?” Santana asks.
Will nods. “I think the fifth shower finally got the interview off me.”
“You have any other possibilities?” Brittany asks.
“Sure,” Will replies. “It is very possible I won’t be able to pay rent.”
“Will, if you want, I could lend you the money,” Rachel tells him.
“Definitely not,” Will replies. “What if I can’t pay you back right away? Every time we see each other it would be tense and awkward. And we see each other a lot.”
“Yes, I can understand that,” Rachel replies. “How about borrowing it from mom and dad? You already feel guilty and tense around them; might as well make some money from it.”
“She’s got a point,” Santana agrees. She gestures at Rachel, causing the bracelet to slip down her wrist and into view.
“Hey, look at that sparkly thing on your arm,” Brittany says.
“This old thing?” Santana replies. “It’s, a bit…flashy, I know.”
“No, no,” Will tells her. “It’s not flashy. But why didn’t you tell us you’d become part of a rapper’s entourage?”
“What else did you manage to steal from the pirate ship?” Rachel asks. “Any gold debloons?”
“Oooh, was there a parrot on board?” Brittany asks.
Santana shoves the thing back under her shirt sleeve and slumps back down on the couch.
…
The next day Will and Rachel’s parents stop by the apartment with boxes.
“What are all these for?”
“Some of your old stuff,” his father, Victor tells him.
“We have a surprise for you,” his mother, Debra adds. “We’re turning your room into a gym.”
“That certainly is a surprise. Just one questions, why not Rachel’s room?” Will asks.
“Well, we talked about it, but your sister has so many awards and trophies from her singing competitions, we didn’t want to disturb them.”
“Yes, that would be terrible,” Will mutters.
…
At the coffee shop, Santana and Brittany are on their usual couch.
Standing, Brittany asks, “Refill?”
“No thanks.”
Brittany turns to leave and sees a guy checking Santana out. “Hey, S, hot guy, checking you out, uh, behind me. Is that like eleven o’clock?”
Santana turns and looks behind her, seeing a tall brunette checking her out. “I don’t think it matter, Brit. Thanks.” She stands and strolls over. “Hey there, couldn’t help but notice you glancing my way.”
“Kyle,” he says, holding out his hand.
“Santana,” she replies, shaking it. This motion causes the bracelet to slip down into view.
“Uh, hey, look at the time,” Kyle says. “I gotta get going. Nice to meet you.” And he quickly stands and leaves.
The bracelet clinks together and Santana realizes what happened. She turns and stalks over to Brittany. “This is so perfect. You know, he could’ve bought a DVR for my room or even a futon, but instead he gets me this reject from Kim Kardashian’s jewelry box.”
“It’s not that bad,” Brittany replies.
“Easy for you to say,” Santana says. “You’re not wearing this eye sore that’s too much for even Elton John to wear.”
Unbeknown to Santana, Puck enters. Brittany sees him and tries to warn her.
“I mean, seriously, it’s like he found the gayest thing possible and then…” Santana trails off, having noticed Puck. “Hey, dude, how’s it going?”
Puck doesn’t say anything, just leaves.
…
Later that afternoon, Brittany and Rachel watch Quinn as she flirts with a customer.
“Just look at her,” Rachel says. “How long can she talk to her? She needs to back off and let Quinn work.”
“She seems okay.”
They watch for another moment as the flirting seems to amp up a bit. Quinn lets a hand stray across the customer’s arm.
“That’s it,” Rachel says, standing. “I’m putting a stop to this.” She walks over and interrupts the conversation. “Excuse me, but are you Quinn?”
“What?” Quinn asks.
“I’m Rachel,” Rachel continues. “And I must say, you didn’t do yourself justice in your ad.”
“What are you doing?”
“Oh no, I’m sorry,” Rachel says. “Did I get the days mixed up? How embarrassing. Well, at least this is a funny story to tell later, right?”
“Listen,” the female customer says. “I should be going. See you later.”
They watch her walk out the door.
Rachel turns to Quinn. “You’re welcome.”
“Excuse me?”
“I was saving you,” Rachel explains.
“Saving me? You were saving me from a very pleasant conversation with that cute woman? Saving me?”
“Uh, yes, well, from where I was sitting it seemed…”
“Okay, Rachel, I don’t need you to save me. In fact, you no longer get to save me.”
“Actually, I do,” Rachel protests.
“What?”
“You’re my lobster,” Rachel explains.
“You’re not still pretending this is a blind date, are you?”
“No, of course not. It’s just you’re my lobster. See when lobsters are in their tanks and they’re really old, they get to walk around holding their claws. And they’re really old and there’s claw holding…that’s not right. A little help, Brit?”
“You’re fine. Don’t forget about the claws.”
“Never mind,” Rachel says. “Forget the lobsters. Let’s talk about you and I.”
“There is no you and I.”
“No, but there could be.”
“Rach, please, just listen. I fell for you and I get my heart broken. Then you fall for me and yet, I end up with my heart broken. And I’m tired of it. It’s not worth it.”
“Quinn, but, no, it…”
“No, Rachel,” Quinn says. “We are not going to happen. Okay? Accept that.”
“Except? Except what?”
“No. Acc-cept that.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Dejected, Rachel turns and returns to her seat on the couch.
…
Santana returns to the apartment and finds Puck there.
“Hey, dude, how’s it going BFF?” Getting no response, Santana picks up a game controller. “How about a race or two?” She throws the wireless controller at Puck. He doesn’t move. It knocks out a lamp. “Well, that’s my bad, isn’t it?”
“You know, if you hated the thing so much, why didn’t you just say so?” Puck ask.
“Yes, but doesn’t the fact that I wore it even if I hate it, a sign of how important our friendship is?”
“And the fact that you insulted the bracelet and mocked me?”
“Yes, well that’s the part where I was a douche. But maybe we could focus on the first part?” Santana asks.
Puck just shakes his head and goes into his room.
“C’mon dude,” Santana tries. “I said I was sorry like a hundred times. I swear I’ll never take it off, ever…” Santana notices the bracelet is no longer on her wrist. “But if you want to stay in there and be mad,” she continues, while crawling on the floor looking for it. “…then you should just stay in there and be mad.”
Puck comes back out. “You know what the worse thing…” He stops when he sees the position Santana is in.
“I am here, on my knees, to show you my sorrow and regret. Much like they did in the biblical times…”
Puck just turns and slams his bedroom door shut.
…
In Will and Quinn’s apartment, Will sits at the table while his parents watch TV. Rachel enters.
“Hello, everyone.”
“Hello, dear.”
Will quickly pulls Rachel aside. “Where have you been?”
“Emotional hell. So did they lend you the money?”
“No, but that might be because I haven’t asked them yet,” Will replies.
“You have to just do it.” She speaks up, addresses their parents. “Excuse me, mom, dad. Will has some news.”
They turn away from the TV and face their children.
“Yes, well, listen, I’m sorry I didn’t mention this sooner, but I’m no longer at my job. I had to leave.”
“Why is that?”
“Because they made me.”
“Oh, no, you were fired?” their mother asks. “What are you going to do?”
“Honey, relax,” her father says, standing. “This is William. We taught him well. Ten percent of your paycheck goes where?
“In the bank,” Will and Rachel answer in unison.
“Exactly. So he dips into his savings a little, but that’s what it’s there for. He’ll be fine. And if you need a little extra, well, you know where to find it.” He moves closer and pulls a quarter out from behind Will’s ear.
“I don’t suppose you have anything larger, back there?”
…
Santana and Brittany walk into the coffee shop.
“I can’t believe this,” Santana says.
“Just stop, already. Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay,” Brittany says.
“You’re right, of course, I should play in the hay,” Santana replies. “Never mind that I just 500 bucks to replace a bracelet I loathe. So yes, bring on the hay.”
Quinn appears behind them. “Hey, I’ve got something that’ll make you very happy. Guess what I found?” She holds up the bracelet.
Brittany smiles. “Hey, now you have two.”
Santana glares at her.
“Oh, now you have two.”
“Jesus, what am I going to do?”
Just then Puck walks in. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey.”
Puck notices that Santana is holding a bracelet as well as wearing one. “Why do you have two?”
“Well, this one’s for you,” Santana replies, handing one over.
“Seriously?”
“Yes,” Santana replies. “Listen, I know how important this is to you and that it’s not about jewelry so much as it is about us being BFFs.” She puts the bracelet on him as she explains.
“Excellent,” Puck exclaims. “Is this friendship? I think it is.” He holds up his arm, placing the two bracelets together. “Hey, look, we’re bracelet buddies.”
“That’s what they’ll call us,” Santana replies, wryly.
…
In Quinn and Will’s apartment, Rachel writes out a check and hands it to Will.
“Pay me back whenever,” Rachell tells him.
“Thanks.”
The others are digging through Will’s boxes. Brittany pulls out a pair of swimming trunks. They’re much wider than the length of her arm.
“Hey, Will, what’s this?”
“Oh, that’s, uh, my bathing suit from high school. I was a little bit bigger then.”
“I thought it was what they used to cover Rhode Island when it rains,” Santana says.
Puck then pulls out a tape.
“Hey, Will, what’s this?” he asks.
“No idea,” Will says. “Put it in.”
Puck stands and put the tape in. A moment later they see someone’s shoes.
“Over here, Victor. Okay. I see Quinn coming up the path. Oh doesn’t she look pretty. Victor, make sure and get this.”
Rachel enters in a prom dress.
“You know what this is?” Will says. “It’s us getting ready for the prom.”
“Huh,” Quinn says.
“You know what, guys?” Rachel says. “We don’t have to watch this.”
Everyone shoots her down.
“Get a shot of Will,” Debra says. “Where is he?”
“Over here, dad.”
The camera pans and all that is visible is a torso.
“Wait, how does this zoom work?” The camera zooms out and there is an overweight Will standing there eating a sandwich. “There he is.”
“Oh my god!” Puck says. “Some guy ate Will.”
“Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.”
“Fair enough,” Santana says. “So how many cameras are on you?”
“You look great,” Will tells Quinn on the video.
“Thanks, so do you.”
They hug.
“Okay, everyone smile,” Victor says.
“Turn it off, dad.”
“It is.”
“Then why is the red light still on?” Will asks.
“That means it’s off. Right, Rachel?”
The camera spins and we see a morose looking Rachel. She walks away, but reappears by Quinn.
“You look really beautiful tonight,” Rachel tells Quinn.
“Thanks. So, uh, what are you going to do this summer?”
“Work on my singing, as usual,” Rachel replies. “And you?”
Just then the doorbell rings.
“That would be our dates,” Quinn says, taking off.
Rachel is left behind, just staring longingly after her.
“Oh my god,” Quinn says. “It’s Wendy Kitterman.”
On screen, Will is putting a corsage on his date.
“Where’s Devon? Why isn’t he here yet?” Quinn asks.
“Relax, he’ll be here,” Wendy says.
Quinn ignores her and begins pacing. “I can’t go to my own prom alone. That’s so lame.”
“If you’re not going, then I don’t want to go, either,” Will adds.
“This is un-freaking-believable,” Wendy mutters.
The camera cuts to Rachel on the stairs. Victor standing a few steps below. “I have an idea. I think you should take Quinn to the prom.”
“Hardly.”
“Debra, give me the camera. You talk to your daughter.”
The camera shakes as possession is shifted; a moment later Debra is next to Rachel.
“Your father’s right,” Debra tells her. “Take her. We’ve still got your prom dress from last year.”
“She won’t want to go with me, mom,” Rachel replies.
“Why wouldn’t she?” Debra asks. “You two have been friends for a long time.”
“You mean she’s been friends with Will for a long time.”
“I think the two of you would have fun together.”
“I don’t know,” Rachel says.
“Well, get up and find out.”
In the background Quinn is sniffling. “I can’t believe I don’t get to go to my own prom. Life is so unfair.”
“Okay, I’ll do it,” Rachel says, standing and hurrying up the stairs.
“That’s my girl.”
“Hey, guys?” Rachel says. “I think we’ve watched enough of this, don’t you? Why don’t we turn it off?”
Everyone ignores her and continues watching.
Rachel stomps her foot and turns away from the TV. “Fine. But I’m not watching.”
Rachel emerges from her room in a pink prom dress.
“All right, then, let’s go,” Victor says.
“You’re so beautiful honey,” Debra adds.
“You ready?”
“Just a sec,” Rachel says. She closes her eyes and mouths something to herself. She takes a deep breath and then starts down the stairs. There are some flowers on a table and she grabs them as she descends.
Victor goes down the stairs first to announce Rachel. “Ready or not, Quinn, here comes your…oh no…”
The camera shows a smiling Will and Wendy leaving, waving as they go. They’re quickly followed by Quinn and Devon.
“Oh my, Victor, how do I turn this thing off?”
“Press the button.”
“Which button? Which one, Victor?”
“That button, there.”
Everyone turns to face Rachel, still slightly turned away from the TV.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Will tells her.
“Yes, well,” Rachel says.
Quinn stands, walks across the room and kisses Rachel.
“See,” Brittany says, smiling. “She’s her lobster.”