Podcast Awards Crack!Fic: When Anya Met Jack
Hey guys! Instead of just begging for you to head over to PodcastAwards.com and vote for Buffy Between the Lines (because it would be the best birthday present EVER to win). I'm gonna give you some crack fic! So please go vote (use a real email address because you'll have to validate it 9 times out of 10). And then enjoy the Buffy/Torchwood fic!
Title When Anya Met Jack Part 1
Author sl_podcast aka Tabz
Rating PG-13 (for swearing)
Fandom: Buffy/Torchwood (Post Season 7 of Buffy, Post Series 2, but Pre-Children of Earth of Torchwood)
Characters/Pairing (if any) Where exactly do ex-demons go when they die? Apparently some rift in Cardiff...
A/N: I don't own the rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor to Torchwood.... but if I did I probably wouldn't keep them all so miserable. Special thanks to piratescribe for the suggestion for a Anya/Jack crossover. Also, this story is itching to be longer, so you'll get more tomorrow. And this is more of a crack premise than a crack fic. :D
Anya hadn't seen how she died. A point she was probably glad of. She remembered a preacher in the late 1800's saying that death was just like falling asleep, he was right. She felt warm, safe and a bit like she had been sleeping. Blinking her eyes she tried to figure out where she was, but somehow she knew she was dead. Where ever she was, it was bright.
***
Ianto Jones adjusted his tie. If there was something he didn't need today it was to look askew. Jack ahd been through so much the past weeks, he wanted to be strong for him. Ianto blinked into the screen he was studying. Just then an alarm blinked to life, screaming in red for his attention. "Sir?" Ianto's voice was calm, but there was an underlying note of stress behind it. "Somethings coming through the rift..."
Jack, who had been up examining a box they found last week, bounded down to Inato. "What is it, Inato?"
Ianto tapped a few keys, squinting as he tried to pinpoint the source of the alarm. "I dunno, it's giving strange readings. I think it's alive..."
Putting his hand in his pants pocket, Jack drew out his ear piece. Tapping the side of it he called Gwen. After a few rings a rough, sleepy voice answered. "Hullo?"
Jack blinked, not expecting the voice on the other end of the phone. "Reese?" He said with disbelief.
Reese groaned. "Look Jack, Gwen's on holiday. We're out in the country and you're not dragging her down in the middle of the night."
Surpressing a grin Jack said, "Reese, it's half past 11 in the morning..."
There was a pause. "Bugger." Jack could hear sheets moving as Reese (he imagined) tried to verify Jack's statement. Then Reese returned with a sheepish glint in his voice. "It's just we were... and it was late..."
Jack now grinned, a huge, innuendo-style grin. "I understand. Well, don't wake Gwen. We'll try to muddle through it without her."
Reese breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thanks, Jack."
Hanging up the phone Jack turned to Inato and grinned again. "Guess it's just you and me. Should we go greet our alien?"
Ianto melted a bit, a smile of his own spreading on his face. "Yes, sir. Looks like the alien is landing right outside our office."
"Damn convenient." Jack snatched up his coat. "But who am I to complain about convenient?" With that he strode out, Ianto scurrying to find his jacket and follow behind him.
***
Anya blinked, wrapping her arms around her. "Well," she said to no one in particular. "Heaven is a lot colder than I imagined. You give your life to help save the world, you'd think they could at least afford some heating." Anya wondered where exactly she was and why heaven appeared to be a large city with a bustling amount of people. "Excuse me...." Anya said to a woman walking past.
"Yes love?" The woman stopped, her English accent dripping off each word.
"Can you tell me where I am?"
"Cardiff." The woman gave Anya a look reserved for lost children and crazy people. "Are you alright dearie?"
"Oh just fine." Anya gave a fake smile. "Please continue with your day."
The woman gave Anya another look before walking away, muttering to herself. "Damn crazy yanks."
Now, Anya had done a lot of traveling in her years of being a vengence demon, she had vague memories of Cardiff. But how could she be in Cardiff? She thought she was dead. Was she a ghost? No, that woman had seen her and Anya was cold. Ghosts don't get cold. Before she could puzzle it out further a tall, handsome man in a dark blue coat walked up to her. Anya's thoughts came to a full halt when she saw him. "Excuse me, miss?" Jack said as he finally approached Anya. "Can we get you out of the cold?"
Anya's mind was full of suspicion. After all, the man had appeared out of nowhere and walked straight towards Anya. But Anya had spent too long in California and the idea of being rid of this cold was way too tempting. "Yes, please." Anya said. "Much longer out here and I'm afraid of losing parts of me that I've grown very fond of."
***
Back in the hub, Anya's eyes took in everything. "This is much better than Buffy's headquarters."
Jack looked at Ianto, quizzically. Inato just shrugged. "Buffy?" Jack asked. "Is that the name of your leader?"
Anya turned back to Jack. "Yes, but if you ask me she's more like our general. She and Willow changed the world..." Anya paused, a look of sadness crossing her face. "They're probably dead too. Have you seen them?"
It was Ianto's turn to look at Jack. "Dead?" Ianto said.
"It apparently is the thing to do these days." Anya waved a hand dismissively. "I never much cared for being dead myself, but if Buffy can come back to life I guess I can too."
Anya turned back to examine the hub and Inato mouthed "she's crazy" to Jack. Jack grinned and mouthed back, "I like her."
"So what do you do here?"
Jack walked around the grated metal floor and motioned around. "We collect things."
Anya rolled her eyes. "So you're not engaged in a real job? One with a full-time salary, benefits and the knowledge that you're living the American dream?"
Jack laughed. "You're a smart one aren't you? Where do you come from?"
"Sunnydale." Anya had wandered over to one of the terminals. "What does this do?" Posing a finger over the buttons of the control, Anya looked ready to push it. Jack nearly leaped over to her and snatched her away from the controls.
"How about we don't touch that, okay?" Jack tried to keep the "that's dangerous" out of his voice. "Now, where is Sunnydale? Medusa Cascade? Orien Nebula?"
Anya tilted her head at Jack and gave him a long stare. "Medusa Cascade?" She rolled her eyes. "Not working has effected your mind. No one LIVES in a place called Sunnydale IN the Medusa Cascade. I'm from Sunydale. Sunnydale, California. Look it up, you have enough computers in here." Anya pursed her lips and sat one one of the nearby steps. "I thought nerds were supposed to be smart. And why don't you have any chairs?"
Ianto's fingers flew across the keyboard. Then they stopped in an ominous fashion. "Sir? You're gonna want to see this."
Jack left the odd, blonde girl and walked over to Inato's station. Inato had pulled up news footage from an Los Angeles station that showed a giant crater in the ground. "This is Sunnydale." Ianto said, pointing to the screen. "Or was Sunnydale."
Anya jumped to her feet. "Was Sunnydale?" She scurried over to the monitor. Jack had been alive long enough to know what the look was on Anya's face as she looked at what was left of Sunnydale. The look was Anya's heart breaking.
Title When Anya Met Jack Part 1
Author sl_podcast aka Tabz
Rating PG-13 (for swearing)
Fandom: Buffy/Torchwood (Post Season 7 of Buffy, Post Series 2, but Pre-Children of Earth of Torchwood)
Characters/Pairing (if any) Where exactly do ex-demons go when they die? Apparently some rift in Cardiff...
A/N: I don't own the rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor to Torchwood.... but if I did I probably wouldn't keep them all so miserable. Special thanks to piratescribe for the suggestion for a Anya/Jack crossover. Also, this story is itching to be longer, so you'll get more tomorrow. And this is more of a crack premise than a crack fic. :D
Anya hadn't seen how she died. A point she was probably glad of. She remembered a preacher in the late 1800's saying that death was just like falling asleep, he was right. She felt warm, safe and a bit like she had been sleeping. Blinking her eyes she tried to figure out where she was, but somehow she knew she was dead. Where ever she was, it was bright.
***
Ianto Jones adjusted his tie. If there was something he didn't need today it was to look askew. Jack ahd been through so much the past weeks, he wanted to be strong for him. Ianto blinked into the screen he was studying. Just then an alarm blinked to life, screaming in red for his attention. "Sir?" Ianto's voice was calm, but there was an underlying note of stress behind it. "Somethings coming through the rift..."
Jack, who had been up examining a box they found last week, bounded down to Inato. "What is it, Inato?"
Ianto tapped a few keys, squinting as he tried to pinpoint the source of the alarm. "I dunno, it's giving strange readings. I think it's alive..."
Putting his hand in his pants pocket, Jack drew out his ear piece. Tapping the side of it he called Gwen. After a few rings a rough, sleepy voice answered. "Hullo?"
Jack blinked, not expecting the voice on the other end of the phone. "Reese?" He said with disbelief.
Reese groaned. "Look Jack, Gwen's on holiday. We're out in the country and you're not dragging her down in the middle of the night."
Surpressing a grin Jack said, "Reese, it's half past 11 in the morning..."
There was a pause. "Bugger." Jack could hear sheets moving as Reese (he imagined) tried to verify Jack's statement. Then Reese returned with a sheepish glint in his voice. "It's just we were... and it was late..."
Jack now grinned, a huge, innuendo-style grin. "I understand. Well, don't wake Gwen. We'll try to muddle through it without her."
Reese breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Thanks, Jack."
Hanging up the phone Jack turned to Inato and grinned again. "Guess it's just you and me. Should we go greet our alien?"
Ianto melted a bit, a smile of his own spreading on his face. "Yes, sir. Looks like the alien is landing right outside our office."
"Damn convenient." Jack snatched up his coat. "But who am I to complain about convenient?" With that he strode out, Ianto scurrying to find his jacket and follow behind him.
***
Anya blinked, wrapping her arms around her. "Well," she said to no one in particular. "Heaven is a lot colder than I imagined. You give your life to help save the world, you'd think they could at least afford some heating." Anya wondered where exactly she was and why heaven appeared to be a large city with a bustling amount of people. "Excuse me...." Anya said to a woman walking past.
"Yes love?" The woman stopped, her English accent dripping off each word.
"Can you tell me where I am?"
"Cardiff." The woman gave Anya a look reserved for lost children and crazy people. "Are you alright dearie?"
"Oh just fine." Anya gave a fake smile. "Please continue with your day."
The woman gave Anya another look before walking away, muttering to herself. "Damn crazy yanks."
Now, Anya had done a lot of traveling in her years of being a vengence demon, she had vague memories of Cardiff. But how could she be in Cardiff? She thought she was dead. Was she a ghost? No, that woman had seen her and Anya was cold. Ghosts don't get cold. Before she could puzzle it out further a tall, handsome man in a dark blue coat walked up to her. Anya's thoughts came to a full halt when she saw him. "Excuse me, miss?" Jack said as he finally approached Anya. "Can we get you out of the cold?"
Anya's mind was full of suspicion. After all, the man had appeared out of nowhere and walked straight towards Anya. But Anya had spent too long in California and the idea of being rid of this cold was way too tempting. "Yes, please." Anya said. "Much longer out here and I'm afraid of losing parts of me that I've grown very fond of."
***
Back in the hub, Anya's eyes took in everything. "This is much better than Buffy's headquarters."
Jack looked at Ianto, quizzically. Inato just shrugged. "Buffy?" Jack asked. "Is that the name of your leader?"
Anya turned back to Jack. "Yes, but if you ask me she's more like our general. She and Willow changed the world..." Anya paused, a look of sadness crossing her face. "They're probably dead too. Have you seen them?"
It was Ianto's turn to look at Jack. "Dead?" Ianto said.
"It apparently is the thing to do these days." Anya waved a hand dismissively. "I never much cared for being dead myself, but if Buffy can come back to life I guess I can too."
Anya turned back to examine the hub and Inato mouthed "she's crazy" to Jack. Jack grinned and mouthed back, "I like her."
"So what do you do here?"
Jack walked around the grated metal floor and motioned around. "We collect things."
Anya rolled her eyes. "So you're not engaged in a real job? One with a full-time salary, benefits and the knowledge that you're living the American dream?"
Jack laughed. "You're a smart one aren't you? Where do you come from?"
"Sunnydale." Anya had wandered over to one of the terminals. "What does this do?" Posing a finger over the buttons of the control, Anya looked ready to push it. Jack nearly leaped over to her and snatched her away from the controls.
"How about we don't touch that, okay?" Jack tried to keep the "that's dangerous" out of his voice. "Now, where is Sunnydale? Medusa Cascade? Orien Nebula?"
Anya tilted her head at Jack and gave him a long stare. "Medusa Cascade?" She rolled her eyes. "Not working has effected your mind. No one LIVES in a place called Sunnydale IN the Medusa Cascade. I'm from Sunydale. Sunnydale, California. Look it up, you have enough computers in here." Anya pursed her lips and sat one one of the nearby steps. "I thought nerds were supposed to be smart. And why don't you have any chairs?"
Ianto's fingers flew across the keyboard. Then they stopped in an ominous fashion. "Sir? You're gonna want to see this."
Jack left the odd, blonde girl and walked over to Inato's station. Inato had pulled up news footage from an Los Angeles station that showed a giant crater in the ground. "This is Sunnydale." Ianto said, pointing to the screen. "Or was Sunnydale."
Anya jumped to her feet. "Was Sunnydale?" She scurried over to the monitor. Jack had been alive long enough to know what the look was on Anya's face as she looked at what was left of Sunnydale. The look was Anya's heart breaking.