Innocence Lost (Anya Fic)
Title: Innocence Lost
Author:
sl_podcast
Summary: How Anya got that bunny fear.... (or Tabz' idea why)
Rating: PG-13 for disturbing images
Characters: Aud/Anyanka/Anya
Author's Note: Written for Undead America's challenge to explain how Anya got her bunny fear.
Anyanka sat under a tree, far from the village she used to call home. So much blood. So much blood. It beat in her head like a hammer. Over and over the words came. Raising her hands she realized how blurry they seemed. Must be... The thought never finished because (for the only time in her life) Anyanka fainted.
It had started out innocently enough. But somehow Anyanka knew that all monumental days started out innocently. It's how people started out. It's how her love with Olaf had started out.
Innocence was the beginning of evil.
Of course the story of Olaf wasn't a new story. Just new to her.
She tired so hard. Too damn hard. She walked in worlds no one else could see. The rabbits she bred understood her. Their giant eyes were gentle and warm. Maybe that's why she had so many. They understood. Aud stood brushing the flour off her hands. A good wife had her husband's food ready when he came back from a long day.
A good wife.
She was a good wife. She enjoyed pleasing Olaf. She enjoyed the sex, enjoyed cooking for him and she enjoyed him.
I was a good wife.
Funny how one word can make your heart shatter into a million pieces. Aud had known it was over, it had to be over, but hearing herself thinking the word "was" broke her heart. She could feel it in her chest. She could hear it.
She didn't cry. Crying heals. She knew that instinctively. She didn't want to heal, she wanted to break.
Pain wasn't what she wanted. She wanted it removed. The only way to remove the pain was to replace it. Every action has a price. What was the price to remove her pain? Vengeance. Innocence.
They had laughed in her face. They had flaunted it. Everyone in the town knew. Hushed whispers, laughing, giggling. No one liked her and they had made it very clear. She was an outsider. Olaf had brought her to this beautiful town with promises of love and beautiful things. He had lied and she was trapped.
But she found her way out.
When Anyanka came to she awoke to the sight of D'Hoffryn standing over her. "It's done Anyanka. It's done."
Everything had a price. Magic always had a price. She learned that in the years to follow the incident. That didn't ease her nightmares, it only intensified them.
Aud had nightmares before she exacted her own vengeance. Each night she would be in a field, picking carrots when a sword came out of nowhere and split her in two. In the dream she was picking carrots and watching herself all at once. She wanted to cry out when she saw the sword. She wanted to warn herself, but she never could. She was frozen. All she could do was watch.
The nightmares started when she had found the spell. At the time she dismissed them as nerves. Now? Now she knew it was an omen. Blood splattered everywhere, all over the house, the door, it was even on the wooden table Olaf's friend had made for their wedding. So much blood.
Everything has a price. Xander was shocked the fist time Anya screamed in her sleep. Muttering and mumbling were inter-spliced with her screams. He held her, but she never woke up. She just relaxed in his arms and fell back into the arms of Hypnos. "Bunnies," She had mumbled. He chuckled softly, kissing her head lightly. He never quite knew how to talk to her about that phobia so he chose the "Harris special" - he didn't talk to her.
Finding the right ingredients for the spell wasn't hard for Aud. She had plenty of time to prepare. This would be no swift kick in the rear for her former lover. This would be cold, calculating and precise. It chilled in her veins when she thought of it. She felt it teach her how to pretend. She pretended to be the dutiful wife until it was time to release her vengeance.
Anyanka screamed, "How could you? They were innocents!"
D'Hoffryn's voice was calm, detached, like an adult talking to a child. "You have so much to learn. Anyanka."
"I'm not Anyanka! I don't want to be Anyanka. I'm Aud." She had been standing, but now she fell back against the trunk of the old tree, sliding to the ground. The force of what happened pushed her to the ground. "I'm Aud. I'm Aud." Her voice came out as a whisper now. She rocked as she spoke. "I'm Aud. I'm Aud."
"Aud?" Olaf had returned. Returned from her. "You have a book? Where did you get a book? They're very expensive."
Her expression never changed as she chanted the words.
"Aud?"
Anya screamed, jolting Giles who had been working. He rushed over to her. Anya had fallen asleep, her head on one of the giant books that she had been looking at. "Anya?"
"Bunnies." She mumbled, eyes still closed. "Must be... bunnies."
Aud didn't say a word. Olaf bashed around the village like... well, like the troll he now was. She didn't think it weird when a man, if you could call him that, appeared beside her. He said something about her true self, about being an instrument of vengeance, but she hadn't really understood. She just knew she felt for the first time in her life that she really belonged.
But change isn't without a price and this price was too much to bear.
"We'll need a sacrifice." D'Hoffryn had said.
Aud nodded, without really comprehending. "I'll just go and get my things."
"Silly child, you're going to be a vengeance demon, you don't need anything."
"Yes, but..."
D'Hoffryn waved his hand. "It's hard giving up the old ways, go. I will perform the ceremony."
She ran back to the home that she shared with Olaf. "Home, that's a funny word for it," Aud said as she pushed open the door. In that moment she felt different. She looked down seeing hands and arms had changed. They were veiny, demony. She paused, breathing deeper and then pushed the door open all the way.
The scene that met her eyes brought her to her knees.
The entire room was covered in blood. Everywhere she looked the bodies of the rabbit she had ever raised decorated the room like some macabre joke.
This was the sacrifice.
This was the price.
Author:
sl_podcast
Summary: How Anya got that bunny fear.... (or Tabz' idea why)
Rating: PG-13 for disturbing images
Characters: Aud/Anyanka/Anya
Author's Note: Written for Undead America's challenge to explain how Anya got her bunny fear.
Anyanka sat under a tree, far from the village she used to call home. So much blood. So much blood. It beat in her head like a hammer. Over and over the words came. Raising her hands she realized how blurry they seemed. Must be... The thought never finished because (for the only time in her life) Anyanka fainted.
It had started out innocently enough. But somehow Anyanka knew that all monumental days started out innocently. It's how people started out. It's how her love with Olaf had started out.
Innocence was the beginning of evil.
Of course the story of Olaf wasn't a new story. Just new to her.
She tired so hard. Too damn hard. She walked in worlds no one else could see. The rabbits she bred understood her. Their giant eyes were gentle and warm. Maybe that's why she had so many. They understood. Aud stood brushing the flour off her hands. A good wife had her husband's food ready when he came back from a long day.
A good wife.
She was a good wife. She enjoyed pleasing Olaf. She enjoyed the sex, enjoyed cooking for him and she enjoyed him.
I was a good wife.
Funny how one word can make your heart shatter into a million pieces. Aud had known it was over, it had to be over, but hearing herself thinking the word "was" broke her heart. She could feel it in her chest. She could hear it.
She didn't cry. Crying heals. She knew that instinctively. She didn't want to heal, she wanted to break.
Pain wasn't what she wanted. She wanted it removed. The only way to remove the pain was to replace it. Every action has a price. What was the price to remove her pain? Vengeance. Innocence.
They had laughed in her face. They had flaunted it. Everyone in the town knew. Hushed whispers, laughing, giggling. No one liked her and they had made it very clear. She was an outsider. Olaf had brought her to this beautiful town with promises of love and beautiful things. He had lied and she was trapped.
But she found her way out.
When Anyanka came to she awoke to the sight of D'Hoffryn standing over her. "It's done Anyanka. It's done."
Everything had a price. Magic always had a price. She learned that in the years to follow the incident. That didn't ease her nightmares, it only intensified them.
Aud had nightmares before she exacted her own vengeance. Each night she would be in a field, picking carrots when a sword came out of nowhere and split her in two. In the dream she was picking carrots and watching herself all at once. She wanted to cry out when she saw the sword. She wanted to warn herself, but she never could. She was frozen. All she could do was watch.
The nightmares started when she had found the spell. At the time she dismissed them as nerves. Now? Now she knew it was an omen. Blood splattered everywhere, all over the house, the door, it was even on the wooden table Olaf's friend had made for their wedding. So much blood.
Everything has a price. Xander was shocked the fist time Anya screamed in her sleep. Muttering and mumbling were inter-spliced with her screams. He held her, but she never woke up. She just relaxed in his arms and fell back into the arms of Hypnos. "Bunnies," She had mumbled. He chuckled softly, kissing her head lightly. He never quite knew how to talk to her about that phobia so he chose the "Harris special" - he didn't talk to her.
Finding the right ingredients for the spell wasn't hard for Aud. She had plenty of time to prepare. This would be no swift kick in the rear for her former lover. This would be cold, calculating and precise. It chilled in her veins when she thought of it. She felt it teach her how to pretend. She pretended to be the dutiful wife until it was time to release her vengeance.
Anyanka screamed, "How could you? They were innocents!"
D'Hoffryn's voice was calm, detached, like an adult talking to a child. "You have so much to learn. Anyanka."
"I'm not Anyanka! I don't want to be Anyanka. I'm Aud." She had been standing, but now she fell back against the trunk of the old tree, sliding to the ground. The force of what happened pushed her to the ground. "I'm Aud. I'm Aud." Her voice came out as a whisper now. She rocked as she spoke. "I'm Aud. I'm Aud."
"Aud?" Olaf had returned. Returned from her. "You have a book? Where did you get a book? They're very expensive."
Her expression never changed as she chanted the words.
"Aud?"
Anya screamed, jolting Giles who had been working. He rushed over to her. Anya had fallen asleep, her head on one of the giant books that she had been looking at. "Anya?"
"Bunnies." She mumbled, eyes still closed. "Must be... bunnies."
Aud didn't say a word. Olaf bashed around the village like... well, like the troll he now was. She didn't think it weird when a man, if you could call him that, appeared beside her. He said something about her true self, about being an instrument of vengeance, but she hadn't really understood. She just knew she felt for the first time in her life that she really belonged.
But change isn't without a price and this price was too much to bear.
"We'll need a sacrifice." D'Hoffryn had said.
Aud nodded, without really comprehending. "I'll just go and get my things."
"Silly child, you're going to be a vengeance demon, you don't need anything."
"Yes, but..."
D'Hoffryn waved his hand. "It's hard giving up the old ways, go. I will perform the ceremony."
She ran back to the home that she shared with Olaf. "Home, that's a funny word for it," Aud said as she pushed open the door. In that moment she felt different. She looked down seeing hands and arms had changed. They were veiny, demony. She paused, breathing deeper and then pushed the door open all the way.
The scene that met her eyes brought her to her knees.
The entire room was covered in blood. Everywhere she looked the bodies of the rabbit she had ever raised decorated the room like some macabre joke.
This was the sacrifice.
This was the price.