I think I should take this further.
And now, I present to you...
The many faces of great violinists!
This is my small case study on different violinists and their ability to be aurally orgasmic while also being a visual failure.
Click to viewExhibit A: Leonid Kogan (WHO LET ONE RIP!?)
The man plays like a god. A god who is constantly smelling something completely foul. He pays very careful attention to each note and phrase and the aroma of decaying flesh.
Exhibit B: Jascha Heifetz (What do you MEAN 64th is the smallest subdivision of a note?! 128th is where it's at!)
The (mostly) undisputed technical csar of everything violin. This video is a little dorky, but it's very famous. Part of Heifetz's charm as being a completely flawless (you'll never hear anything resembling a sour note) fiddler is that he can make it all seem like nothing...which is also part of the problem. There is emotion pouring out of his music, but all the while he looks like he's standing and listening to the phone book being read dramatically...or maybe he's just bored by the music of mere mortals...it's also possible that he was on drugs and half-comatose.
Exhibit C: Maxim Vengerov (The Face of Douche)
The quintessential "butterface" of the violin world. This is possibly the most irratating violinist to watch who ever walked the earth. He is also one of the better at balancing emotion and technique in his music. So how can someone so wonderful look so douchey while making beautiful music? It's a paradox I'll never work out.
Exhibit D: Joshua Bell (How to Not Fail)
To avoid musical paper bag syndrome, make sweet, passionate love to Beethoven's notes. Mmmmm...those octaves make me hot. WORK that cadenza! WORK IT.