A New Day

[skywalker57]

Here, at school, I begin another part of my life. I purposely didn't post because my life was in complete flux and I wasn't sure about anything. It's about the same, but now I realize that won't change. I broke up with Emily. It was the hardest thing that i've ever had to do. There was something wrong with our relationship...and I think that it was because it became static...doing the same things every time we would see each other, saying the same things. Something needed to happen, so I did this. We talked and talked about it. It hurt everyone. However, I think it was the right thing to do. I hated myself for betraying her like this. She was great; I knew it, everyone else did, but she didn't. I really hope she realizes her worth and finds someone who will treat her like she deserves. The thought of purposely not getting back together with her later in order to improve her chances for happiness. I also broke up w/ her for another reason, that being loneliness. Last year, loneliness was a big problem and I found that it was easier if I had someone to be with while at school. Mostly those people were my friends, but its not the same as not having someone to hold, to kiss, to touch. I never, ever cheated on Emily, but it was so hard to stay together when we are so far apart, and seemingly all conversations turn into emotionally charged experiences mostly consisting of phrases such as "I miss you" and "I'm lonely." This is no one's fault, least of all hers. Whatever she thinks of this, she has to know that this is not her fault, and if that means that she has to hate me, then so be it. She said that she can't hate me, but I think that there's a very real possibility that she will step back and see this situation for what it is and hate me. I would completely understand. If you read this Em, don't try to console me, I'm not depressed, I'm just trying to be honest. In non-important news, I got into a car accident on the way to move in day, then I had to move in the rain, by myself for half of it. Other things are confusing, I may have screwed something up for someone, and for that i'm sorry.

I remember days
When life was bright
But the rain kept coming down
And Tears washed away the night
-The New Descent

--===For-Dear-Life==--