(no subject)
I'm at a point that feels neutral. I'm trying to stay grounded in the present and just accept whatever has happened then is over. It's all over. Get it? It's all over. Finished. Summed up. Done. Over. I'm repeating myself. It doesn't feel finished. NOITULOSER. backwards. nope. not for me. I dont need it, I don't even want it and yet I'm having trouble living without everything I'm so used to living with. Change, whether good or bad, is just so damn painful because even the good feels like I'm losing something. And I never know how to greive these loses. They just build up inside of me until I drown them in one form or another. Unless I take an easier,softer way. Today I live in today, not then. Just now. Just right very fucking now. Is that so difficult? Why can't I just maintain a neutrality about then? Fucking miserable is the wrong term. I miss you. Only God can help me now.