(no subject)
Am now thinking I will definitely take time off sick next week. I feel feverish, grotty and exhausted, and although in theory I could drag myself in and carry on in spite of it, this time I'm not going to.
I've worked out that I can afford to do this from the point of view of the number of days sick I've had this year. And they will manage without me. I know my supportee won't like it, but that can't be helped. I am a human being, not a robot, and I am bound to get ill from time to time.
I think an important thing I need to do is to stop feeling guilty about it. I am genuinely ill, I need the time off, I work hard and well when I am there and, over the years, I have actually given them a vast amount of my time unpaid. I think it's partly because of guilt that I always find things so hard when I go back in again. Guilt makes me feel that my supportee deserves to have her endless questions about my period of illness answered, even though that is so exhausting and mentally draining for me. Guilt also makes me feel defensive and, as a result, to feel and act with less sympathy towards her for being so put out by my not being there.
I think what I need to do is to try and get rid of the guilt entirely. My being off sick from time to time is something in the same category as bad weather - a nuisance, but not anyone's fault. So when her plans are disrupted because of me being off sick it is no different to them being disrupted because of fog or snow, for example. It's not my fault. So I can handle it in the same way I would handle changes due to the weather - show that I understand that it was hard for her to have her plans disrupted. Be sympathetic. But do not feel guilt or act as if guilty.
And I think that it would be ok for me to say I don't want to keep on talking about my illness. That I don't want to tell her exactly what my symptoms were each day, exactly what I thought to myself when I woke up feeling ill, exactly what I said when I phoned in sick and exactly what my boss said etc etc etc. (These are the questions she always asks - and more!) It should be enough for me just to briefly say what was wrong and that I am better now and I really don't want to keep talking about it now that it's over. Surely that's ok?
I've worked out that I can afford to do this from the point of view of the number of days sick I've had this year. And they will manage without me. I know my supportee won't like it, but that can't be helped. I am a human being, not a robot, and I am bound to get ill from time to time.
I think an important thing I need to do is to stop feeling guilty about it. I am genuinely ill, I need the time off, I work hard and well when I am there and, over the years, I have actually given them a vast amount of my time unpaid. I think it's partly because of guilt that I always find things so hard when I go back in again. Guilt makes me feel that my supportee deserves to have her endless questions about my period of illness answered, even though that is so exhausting and mentally draining for me. Guilt also makes me feel defensive and, as a result, to feel and act with less sympathy towards her for being so put out by my not being there.
I think what I need to do is to try and get rid of the guilt entirely. My being off sick from time to time is something in the same category as bad weather - a nuisance, but not anyone's fault. So when her plans are disrupted because of me being off sick it is no different to them being disrupted because of fog or snow, for example. It's not my fault. So I can handle it in the same way I would handle changes due to the weather - show that I understand that it was hard for her to have her plans disrupted. Be sympathetic. But do not feel guilt or act as if guilty.
And I think that it would be ok for me to say I don't want to keep on talking about my illness. That I don't want to tell her exactly what my symptoms were each day, exactly what I thought to myself when I woke up feeling ill, exactly what I said when I phoned in sick and exactly what my boss said etc etc etc. (These are the questions she always asks - and more!) It should be enough for me just to briefly say what was wrong and that I am better now and I really don't want to keep talking about it now that it's over. Surely that's ok?