Очень чёрный юмор sickipedia, потом получше
Amy Winehouse approaches the gates of Heaven and is at the back of a massive queue of people. St. Peter sees her and beckons her to the front. "Am I getting special treatment because of my fame?" she asks. St. Peter replies, "No, we're still waiting for a Norwegian translator for this lot!"
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Вот это изящно:
Can all those waiting to make a joke about Amy Winehouse please form a line.
It's what she would've wanted.
***
Кому было сложно понять предыдущий, подсказка:
Elton John will perform at Amy Winehouse's funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon.
***
И наконец не чёрный
The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven. He stood at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. But, I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short and you have to pass before you can get into heaven. The questions are
1) What days of the week begin with the letter T?
2) How many seconds are there in a year?
3) What is God's first name?"
Forrest said, "Well, the first one -- how many days in the week begin with the letter "T"? That one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking; but, I'll give you credit for that answer."
"How about the second one?" asked St. Peter... "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," replied Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk and guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
"Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,...."
"Hold it," interrupted St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I'll have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"
"That was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. They sing about Him in chrch a lot.
"ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run, Forrest, run to Andy."
***
Вот это изящно:
Can all those waiting to make a joke about Amy Winehouse please form a line.
It's what she would've wanted.
***
Кому было сложно понять предыдущий, подсказка:
Elton John will perform at Amy Winehouse's funeral with a beautiful rendition of Candle Under The Spoon.
***
И наконец не чёрный
The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven. He stood at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. But, I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short and you have to pass before you can get into heaven. The questions are
1) What days of the week begin with the letter T?
2) How many seconds are there in a year?
3) What is God's first name?"
Forrest said, "Well, the first one -- how many days in the week begin with the letter "T"? That one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking; but, I'll give you credit for that answer."
"How about the second one?" asked St. Peter... "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," replied Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk and guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
"Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,...."
"Hold it," interrupted St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I'll have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"
"That was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. They sing about Him in chrch a lot.
"ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "Run, Forrest, run to Andy."