We Carved Our Love In Oak: Part 10
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The next day, Jared and Jensen have the house to themselves. They spend the night in Jared’s bed, curled up and sharing each other’s warmth, and neither of them rises until midday.
They keep stealing kisses from each other; the neck, jawline, tip of the nose and lips. They both shower and eat together in Jared’s room, listening to his records and enjoying the easiness of each other’s company.
Jensen watches Jared as he sits on the bed, studies every inch of his face like he’s done a thousand times before. This time, however, he accompanies his study with kisses and touch, and Jensen kisses back, pulling him close. Jensen feels like it’s been building up to this all day, feeling a heat pool low in his stomach and the need to taste every inch of Jared’s body.
Their touches are tentative at first, as if they’re reassuring each other that they’re real, that this is actually happening. Jared’s fingertips trace featherlight patterns over Jensen’s lips, along his jaw, and Jensen strokes a thumb over the back of Jared’s neck.
“It’s okay,” Jared says, quietly. “This. Us. It’s okay, Jen.”
“I know,” Jensen breathes. “I know it is.”
Jared’s mouth is on his and Jensen’s hands have already found themselves in Jared’s hair, threading his fingers through it. It’s as if they’ve transformed from a trickling stream to a raging, white-water river, tugging at each other’s belts, their t-shirts, kicking off socks and jeans.
Jared bites, gently, at Jensen’s bottom lip and he whimpers, throws his top across the room and presses himself up close against Jared again, hands scratching at the sweat-slick of his back.
Only their boxers separate them now, and they continue kissing, hurried and hot into each other’s mouths, Jensen wanting to taste everything, to take all that Jared will give. They break apart to breathe and they stand there in the middle of the room, staring at each other, eyes dark and pupils blown.
Jared swallows, his hands faltering on Jensen's hips. "I've never--"
"It's okay," Jensen says, hands reaching forwards to rest on Jared’s chest. "Neither have I. We'll go slow."
"Okay," Jared breathes.
"I trust you," Jensen says.
Jared smiles. "Okay," he says again, and he ducks his head down to meet Jensen's lips for a slow, gentle kiss. They’re calmer now, sobered by the fact they’re actually going to do this.
They quickly take off their boxers and then move over to the bed and lie down on top of it, Jensen bracketed beneath Jared’s body as they continue to kiss and suck at each other’s skin. Jensen tastes like salt, and at the same time something sweet like honey, and something altogether uniquely Jared.
Jensen pulls his mouth away to ask, "Have you got lube?"
"No," Jared says, pulling back. “I didn’t…”
“It’s okay,” Jensen says. “I’ve got some in my bag. Let me just--”
“Wait,” Jared says, placing a hand on Jensen’s chest. “It’s okay. I don’t mind getting it for you.”
He scrambles up off of Jensen and clambers off the bed. He reaches for Jensen’s bag and roots through it, and Jensen lies on his back wondering how they managed to get to the point they are. He feels vulnerable, bare, almost scrutinized spread out on the top of his bed, but this is Jared he's with.
This is Jared.
"Got it," he says, moving back onto the bed. He's grinning, like he's conquered some great challenge and Jensen smiles back, wants to dip his tongue into each dimple on his cheek.
"Good," Jensen says. He shifts on the bed, his dick achingly hard and he lifts his hips a little, to be met by nothing but air. "Fuck, come on, Jay."
Jared's all action and haste then, popping the lid on the lube and pouring a liberal amount into the palm of his hand. Then he pauses, looking up through his bangs at Jensen, hands stilled.
"Shall I just...?"
"Jared, come here you dork," Jensen says, grabbing Jared by the hips and pulling him down.
They both moan at the sudden contact and it’s like electricity running through them, charged again, fingers digging into skin and leaving little, pink crescents from their nails.
A tentative finger presses up against Jensen’s hole and he sucks in a shuddery breath.
"Cold," Jensen says, and Jared laughs, soft and low.
"Sorry, Jen," he says, the pad of this thumb moving in small circles.
Jensen relaxes against the touch and tries to push back against Jared’s finger. Jared seems to understand, and then Jensen’s being filled, first with one finger and then two.
“Fuck,” Jensen says, bringing his legs up higher. “Holy shit, Jared, your fingers are fucking big.”
Jared’s hesitancy disappears as Jensen urges him on, rising his hips up to meet the push of his fingers until there’s three, and Jared is going a little slower to allow Jensen to adjust. Jared is unwinding Jensen like clockwork, playing him like a violin. He feels tense and strung-out, desperate for more of Jared, for all of him.
“Come on,” Jensen urges. “Get in me, Jared.”
“Shit,” Jared breathes, opening the condom packet. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” Jensen says. “I’m sure. I want you.”
Jared takes a deep breath and positions himself before slowly sliding in, Jensen trying to relax and breathe through the pain.
“I’ve got you,” Jared says softly, placing his palm on Jensen’s chest, his other arm shaking in exertion. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”
“Just give me a minute,” Jensen says, once Jared’s fully inside him, hovering above Jensen and staring down at him with such intensity Jensen feels himself grow hot beneath it. Jared’s looking at him like he’s the only person in the world.
“Okay,” Jensen says, after a few beats. “It’s okay. You can move.”
Jared’s hesitant again, taking it slow and easy, and Jensen leans up to lock their lips again, moaning into his mouth, and Jared’s hips begin to move faster.
They move together like the breaking of a wave, like the earth and the sun, like two hands of a clock. Jensen feels consumed, wrapped up in Jared’s hands, and Jared’s building him back together from his foundations. His hands trace over his body, keeping him grounded, solid and whole, and he scrambles for purchase along Jared’s back, pulling him closer and deeper.
“That’s it,” Jensen breathes. “Right there.”
“You’re so beautiful,” Jared says, breath ghosting against his ear. “So beautiful, Jen.”
Jensen’s getting closer, can feel it rise through him, and he forces his eyes open where they had closed to meet Jared’s eyes. Jared’s mouth is open, his lips swollen and pink, and he ducks his head down to kiss Jensen hard on the lips and moans, filthy and deep, against Jensen’s ear.
“I’m gonna come, I’m gonna---”
Jensen’s cut off on a moan, eyes squeezed shut as his orgasm hits like an electric shock, flooding through him like the crash of a breaking tidal wave. He’s absently aware of Jared’s fingers pressing harder into his shoulders and then Jared’s erratic rhythm is stilled, and he collapses on top of Jensen, moaning against Jensen’s ear.
Jensen whimpers at the heavy press of Jared against his spent cock, and Jared pulls out of him once he’s taken a few deep breaths to collect himself, before rolling over onto his back. They lie there just breathing together and Jared’s fingers find Jensen’s, resting their hands together palm-to-palm.
“I love you,” Jared says on an exhale. He turns his head and wraps his arm around Jensen, pulling him close. “I love you.”
Jensen grins and lets Jared assault him with kisses, soft presses of lips all over his hot, flushed skin.
“I love you, Jensen Ackles. I really, really love you.”
Jensen rolls on top of him and kisses him hard. “I love you too, Jared. I really fucking love you.”
Jared grins up at him and Jensen wipes it off his face with another kiss.
Jensen rolls off of Jared and gets out of bed, picking up his cigarettes. “Can I?” he asks, nodding towards the window.
“If you do the Irish Waterfall thing, then yes.”
Jensen sits on the window sill and pushes the window open. He slips the cigarette between his lips and inhales, deep and slow, as he lights it with his zippo.
"Fuck," he says, throwing his head back and blowing the smoke out of the window. He shuts his eyes and enjoys the cigarette, thinks what his mom or dad would say if they could see him now. Jensen's not sure he can give a shit anymore.
“You shouldn’t smoke, because it’s bad for you and it’s going to taste like shit when I kiss you, but fuck, you look hot.”
“You look hot, too,” Jensen says.
“Thanks,” Jared says, getting up and walking over to the record player. He puts on his iPod instead, and Yellow Ledbetter starts to play from his speakers. They share a soft look and Jared walks over to slip their fingers together. Jensen lets his head rest against the wall with a smile.
***
Jensen feels himself slowly waking up, his head groggy and heavy. It's late, and the room is still dark, having gone to bed what must have been no more than a couple of hours ago. He lies there, ready to drift off again when he hears a soft murmur.
"You don't realize how much I care about you, Jen."
The words take a while to filter through his sleep-haze but as soon as he processes them he's awake. He keeps his eyes shut, doesn't dare move, and tries not to smile when he feels Jared brush his hair away from his forehead.
"I've been a dick," he says quietly. "I know that. I've been a blind idiot."
Jensen wants to move forwards, wrap his arms around Jared and hold him close. He also wants to hear what Jared has to say, what he says when he thinks Jensen is fast asleep and can't hear.
"You mean everything to me, Jensen. Absolutely everything."
Jensen keeps his eyes shut and feels warmth bloom in his chest.
"I love you. A whole fucking lot."
Jensen does move then, slowly. He rolls on his side towards Jared but keeps his eyes closed. Jared pulls him close, wraps his arms around him and presses a kiss to the top of his head.
They fall asleep again, curled up in each other.
***
The next morning they sit opposite each other on Jared’s bed and share a bowl of strawberries and eat pancakes.
“I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to kiss you in the last few weeks,” Jared says. “I mean - I freaked out when I realized what was actually going on.”
A memory hits Jensen. “In Summerland, in the motel room. When you got me the book.”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “I was so fucking close to pushing you up against that bed and kissing you, Jensen. It freaked me out.”
Jensen's heart thumps hard in his chest and he reaches a hand forward to stroke Jared's wrist.
“And then you had to go and run into the ocean in the pouring rain the next day and man, when I was watching you I realized, you know? I didn’t just want to fuck you, or whatever. I loved you. I was in love with you.”
“We’re idiots,” Jensen says, staring up at Jared fondly.
Jared grins and he cups Jensen cheek. “Maybe. But we’re adorable idiots.”
Jensen kisses Jared’s hand and leans forward to suck at Jared’s neck. Jared yelps, the sound quickly dipping low into a moan as Jensen continues sucking.
He pulls back with a wet smacking sound and grins at the pink mark there.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” Jared warns, before taking a bite of his strawberry.
“Oh, I plan to,” Jensen says. Jared moves the plates of food out the way and pulls him down, wrapping his arms tight around Jensen’s waist.
Jensen smiles against his chest and kisses the skin there, still relishing in the fact he’s able to do this.
***
They’ve both mentioned that they should leave Jared’s bedroom, but they’re both too comfortable, wrapped up in each other and sharing lazy kisses.
“I wanna love you every day and every night,” Jared says, slipping their fingers together. “We’ll be together with a roof right over our heads. We’ll share the shelter of my single bed.”
They’re back to playing their song and novel game, sharing lines of songs, books and poems.
“Is this love that I’m feeling?”
Jared grins and leans forward to press their lips together. “You never told me you were a Bob Marley fan,” he mumbles against Jensen’s mouth.
“You satisfy my soul.”
Jared rolls his eyes. “That’s fucking cheesy, Jensen.”
“Sorry, asshole,” Jensen says, but there’s no real heat behind it and he’s still smiling. “What I meant to say was -- hey hey, good lookin’, whatcha got cookin’--”
Jared laughs and cuts Jensen off with a kiss to his lips.
“Do you remember that book?” Jared asks, once they’ve pulled apart. “The one you were telling me about with the road trip across America? Something about Vegas?”
“Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.”
“Yeah,” Jared says. “I wanna read that. Compare our experiences.”
“I have a copy,” Jensen says. “It’s… It’s at home.”
Jared’s expression changes and he takes Jensen’s hand and squeezes it. “Jensen, you and your dad. Your parents. I’m sorry this is all so shitty for you. Really, Jen. You don’t deserve to feel like this.”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” Jensen says, feeling pained.
“You need to talk to them,” Jared says, softly. “You love them.”
He meets Jared’s gaze and Jared brings his other hand up to cup the side of Jensen’s neck with his hand, thumb stroking gently along his jawline.
“I don’t think I can change their minds, Jared. I can’t make them happy,” Jensen says.
“Jensen, you’ve got to do this for you, not for them. Speak to them only if it will make you feel better.”
Jensen remembers some advice he received on the road. Love the people you love, love yourself, and keep the ones you love close.
He leans forward and kisses Jared on the lips. Hovers there for a long moment, before saying, “Okay.”
Jared continues to stare at Jensen with a soft, gentle smile. “Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. This is something I’ve got to do myself.”
Jared presses a tender kiss against Jensen’s forehead. He holds it there for a few long moments before pulling back.
“I’m proud of you, baby. You know where to find me if you need me.”
“I do,” Jensen says.
Jensen swallows hard, trying to collect himself, and slowly extricates himself from Jared’s grip. He wants to get this over and done with, wants to go now and see if he can smooth things over. Even if they don’t accept him, he’d like to be on speaking terms, because he loves them. He loves them a lot.
Jensen gets ready and Jared walks him to the door, giving him a long kiss before Jensen leaves, taking deep breaths as he walks to his neighborhood.
***
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