giggles for the day :D
Bonus Question in Chemistry Class
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Two bored male casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
> >> > > > With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and
> > yelled,Mama needs new clothes!"
> >> > > > Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and
> >> > > > down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
> >> > > > The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one
of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't
know,I thought YOU were watching!"
> >> > > >
> >> > > > Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
******************************************************************
Subject: FW: Ho Ho Ho!
He laid her on the table,
So white clean and bare,
His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck,
Then felt her breast,
Then drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry,
The hole was wide........
He looked inside,
All was dark and murky,
He rubbed his hands,
And stretched his arms.........
And then he stuffed the turkey.
May I be the first to wish your dirty little mind a merry Christmas
***************************************************************
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One >day, the police raided a sex party at a hotel and arrested a whole group of >prostitutes, Lulu among them. The police took them outside and had all >the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma >came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line. > > Grandma asked,"Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing >to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the >policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining >up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for >myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. > > A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all >of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and >exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" > > > > Grandma replied... " I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back >and suck them dry." The policeman fainted > > > > >
***************************************************************
>> > > Brain Cramps
>> > >
>> > > Question: If you could live forever, would you
>> > and why?
>> > >
>> > > Answer: "I would not live forever, because we
>> > should not live
>> > > forever,
>> > >
>> > > because
>> > > if we were supposed to live forever, then we would
>> > live forever, but we
>> > > cannot
>> > > live forever, which is why I would not live
>> > forever,"
>> > >
>> > > --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving
>> > kids all over the
>> > > world,
>> > > I
>> > > can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny
>> > like that, but not
>> > > with
>> > > all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah
>> > Carey
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > > ````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a
>> > very important part
>> > > of
>> > >
>> > > your
>> > > life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to
>> > become Spokesperson for
>> > > federal
>> > > anti-smoking campaign.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > `````````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other
>> > part of my
>> > > body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky
>> > basketball forward.
>> > >
>> > > `````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of
>> > the lowest crime
>> > > rates
>> > > in
>> > >
>> > > the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington,
>> > DC.
>> > >
>> > > `````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing
>> > through our papers. We
>> > > are
>> > > the
>> > > president" --Hillary Clinton commenting on the
>> > release of subpoenaed
>> > > documents.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
>> > death by a jackass,
>> > > and
>> > > I'm
>> > > just the one to do it," --A congressional
>> > candidate in Texas.
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
>> > --Philadelphia Phillies
>> > > manager,
>> > > Danny Ozark
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "It isn't pollution that's harming the
>> > environment. It's the
>> > > impurities in
>> > > our
>> > > air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice
>> > President (DUH)
>> > >
>> > > ```````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "I love California I practically grew up in
>> > Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
>> > >
>> > > ``````````
>> > >
>> > > "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
>> > clean air do we
>> > > need?"--Lee
>> > > Iacocca
>> > >
>> > > ```````````
>> > >
>> > > "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football.
>> > A genius is a guy
>> > > like
>> > >
>> > > Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football
>> > quarterback &sports
>> > > analyst.
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply
>> > exclude certain types
>> > > of
>> > > people."
>> > >
>> > > --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
>> > >
>> > > `````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of
>> > failure." --Bill Clinton,
>> > > President
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may
>> > or may not occur."
>> > >
>> > > --Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
>> > from overseas."
>> > >
>> > > --Keppel Enderbery
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Your food stamps will be stopped effective
>> > March 1992 because we
>> > > received notice that you passed away. May God
>> > bless you. You may
>> > > reapply
>> > > if there is
>> > > a
>> > > change in your circumstances."
>> > >
>> > > --Department of Social Services, Greenville,
>> > South Carolina
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this
>> > jack in at night as
>> > > they
>> > >
>> > > go to bed and it will monitor their heart
>> > throughout the night. And
>> > > the
>> > >
>> > > next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll
>> > be a record." --Mark
>> > > S.
>> > >
>> > > Fowler,
>> > > FCC Chairman
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > ....Feeling smarter yet?
>> > >
>> > > Send it on to your other brilliant friends, like
>> > I just did!
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > > And some of these people have a powerful position.
>> > Boggles the mind.
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Two bored male casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
> >> > > > With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and
> > yelled,Mama needs new clothes!"
> >> > > > Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and
> >> > > > down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.
> >> > > > The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one
of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't
know,I thought YOU were watching!"
> >> > > >
> >> > > > Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
******************************************************************
Subject: FW: Ho Ho Ho!
He laid her on the table,
So white clean and bare,
His forehead wet with beads of sweat,
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck,
Then felt her breast,
Then drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry,
The hole was wide........
He looked inside,
All was dark and murky,
He rubbed his hands,
And stretched his arms.........
And then he stuffed the turkey.
May I be the first to wish your dirty little mind a merry Christmas
***************************************************************
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One >day, the police raided a sex party at a hotel and arrested a whole group of >prostitutes, Lulu among them. The police took them outside and had all >the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma >came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line. > > Grandma asked,"Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing >to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the >policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining >up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for >myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. > > A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all >of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and >exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" > > > > Grandma replied... " I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back >and suck them dry." The policeman fainted > > > > >
***************************************************************
>> > > Brain Cramps
>> > >
>> > > Question: If you could live forever, would you
>> > and why?
>> > >
>> > > Answer: "I would not live forever, because we
>> > should not live
>> > > forever,
>> > >
>> > > because
>> > > if we were supposed to live forever, then we would
>> > live forever, but we
>> > > cannot
>> > > live forever, which is why I would not live
>> > forever,"
>> > >
>> > > --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving
>> > kids all over the
>> > > world,
>> > > I
>> > > can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny
>> > like that, but not
>> > > with
>> > > all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah
>> > Carey
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > > ````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a
>> > very important part
>> > > of
>> > >
>> > > your
>> > > life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to
>> > become Spokesperson for
>> > > federal
>> > > anti-smoking campaign.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > `````````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other
>> > part of my
>> > > body,"--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky
>> > basketball forward.
>> > >
>> > > `````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of
>> > the lowest crime
>> > > rates
>> > > in
>> > >
>> > > the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington,
>> > DC.
>> > >
>> > > `````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing
>> > through our papers. We
>> > > are
>> > > the
>> > > president" --Hillary Clinton commenting on the
>> > release of subpoenaed
>> > > documents.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > ````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to
>> > death by a jackass,
>> > > and
>> > > I'm
>> > > just the one to do it," --A congressional
>> > candidate in Texas.
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
>> > --Philadelphia Phillies
>> > > manager,
>> > > Danny Ozark
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "It isn't pollution that's harming the
>> > environment. It's the
>> > > impurities in
>> > > our
>> > > air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice
>> > President (DUH)
>> > >
>> > > ```````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "I love California I practically grew up in
>> > Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
>> > >
>> > > ``````````
>> > >
>> > > "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much
>> > clean air do we
>> > > need?"--Lee
>> > > Iacocca
>> > >
>> > > ```````````
>> > >
>> > > "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football.
>> > A genius is a guy
>> > > like
>> > >
>> > > Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football
>> > quarterback &sports
>> > > analyst.
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply
>> > exclude certain types
>> > > of
>> > > people."
>> > >
>> > > --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
>> > >
>> > > `````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of
>> > failure." --Bill Clinton,
>> > > President
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may
>> > or may not occur."
>> > >
>> > > --Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come
>> > from overseas."
>> > >
>> > > --Keppel Enderbery
>> > >
>> > > ``````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "Your food stamps will be stopped effective
>> > March 1992 because we
>> > > received notice that you passed away. May God
>> > bless you. You may
>> > > reapply
>> > > if there is
>> > > a
>> > > change in your circumstances."
>> > >
>> > > --Department of Social Services, Greenville,
>> > South Carolina
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this
>> > jack in at night as
>> > > they
>> > >
>> > > go to bed and it will monitor their heart
>> > throughout the night. And
>> > > the
>> > >
>> > > next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll
>> > be a record." --Mark
>> > > S.
>> > >
>> > > Fowler,
>> > > FCC Chairman
>> > >
>> > > ````````````````````````
>> > >
>> > > ....Feeling smarter yet?
>> > >
>> > > Send it on to your other brilliant friends, like
>> > I just did!
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >
>> > > And some of these people have a powerful position.
>> > Boggles the mind.