Good point. I think everyone has such a different idea of what it means because in the end, it's a feeling, not so much a definition. If you don't feel like you have equal footing or equal say, then one person has all the power. Most couples complement each other. So, some things are just not feasible to split down the middle. J hates housework. It's not important to him, and he has a way higher tolerance for messiness than I do. So, I do most of the housework. But, I know nothing about how electronics work or how to make them work when they aren't functioning and I loathe taking the car in for oil changes or maintenance. He brings his things to the table, I bring my things to the table, and we don't feel resentful because one person is stuck doing more than his or her share.
Not to say that it's always perfect. Sometimes you have to talk things out if things start feeling inequitable. Like, if I've had a long work week and the kitchen is filthy and J's had the week off...I start getting a little crabby at him about it. But, if I ask him nicely, he'll usually do the dishes for me or vacuum and that'll go a long way towards making me feel like we're both contributing to keeping our lives moving smoothly.
And I am rambly this morning. Still, I think the equal thing is less about itemized lists than it is about feeling it. In the D/S stories I read where the author's done it right, you get the feeling that even though it's different kinds of power, both the dom and the sub have power in the relationship and both feel as if their needs and wants are validated by their partners.
Good point. I think everyone has such a different idea of what it means because in the end, it's a feeling, not so much a definition. If you don't feel like you have equal footing or equal say, then one person has all the power. Most couples complement each other. So, some things are just not feasible to split down the middle. J hates housework. It's not important to him, and he has a way higher tolerance for messiness than I do. So, I do most of the housework. But, I know nothing about how electronics work or how to make them work when they aren't functioning and I loathe taking the car in for oil changes or maintenance. He brings his things to the table, I bring my things to the table, and we don't feel resentful because one person is stuck doing more than his or her share.
Not to say that it's always perfect. Sometimes you have to talk things out if things start feeling inequitable. Like, if I've had a long work week and the kitchen is filthy and J's had the week off...I start getting a little crabby at him about it. But, if I ask him nicely, he'll usually do the dishes for me or vacuum and that'll go a long way towards making me feel like we're both contributing to keeping our lives moving smoothly.
And I am rambly this morning. Still, I think the equal thing is less about itemized lists than it is about feeling it. In the D/S stories I read where the author's done it right, you get the feeling that even though it's different kinds of power, both the dom and the sub have power in the relationship and both feel as if their needs and wants are validated by their partners.
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