Ribbit X_x
It was a long, long day at work today. Mostly filled with me being completely unable to do, say or be the right thing at any one particular moment.
So, my treat for making it through the day was some Bailey's in hot chocolate. Which resulted in drabble!
“Marry me!”
Chad glanced up from his Calc homework and raised an eyebrow at his demented stepbrother as Tyler looked up at him from where he was on the floor on bended knee. Some years ago, when Chad had still been a part of a normal family in a normal high school in a normal part of the country, his parents had gotten divorced and his father had decided to date a rocket scientist. Now, this wasn’t to say that Chad didn’t like Shelly. He liked her just fine. But fact of the matter was that she was…well, a little off center.
And Tyler? Tyler made Shelly look positively grounded in reality. “I really was joking when I told you that Fruity Pebbles tasted better after you marinated them in beer,” he deadpanned, flicking a page in his solutions manual over as he gave up on the problem he was currently working on.
“You’re so weird,” Tyler laughed, flopping down on his butt as he looked up at Chad.
Hello kettle, this pot’s from another planet.
Chad rolled his eyes and slipped his pencil between his teeth. In theory, if he really wanted to, he could ask Tyler for help. The brat could do the whole chapter in ten minutes without even breaking a sweat, Chad was sure. But there was just something demeaning about some socially backwards seventeen year old figuring out his Calc homework when he was a junior in college.
Resolving to ignore the ninth wonder of the weird world, Chad diligently wrote down the next problem in his homework set…
…which looked just as squirrelly and unintelligible as the problem before it. Were these problems or furniture designs? What the hell were the squiggles all about? And why the fuck had some mathematician decided that letters were the perfect way to solve numerical equations?
“Integrals, huh?”
Chad started and almost fell out of his chair as Tyler leaned over his homework. See, this was the problem with the little alien brat. He had the social grace of an elephant in a china shop, and yet could slither under Chad’s radar undetected until he scared the piss out of him. “Look ET,” he pushed Tyler’s fuzzy head out of the light that was shining down on his Calc books, “go phone home or something. I’m busy.”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“42.”
“Nice try, but that’s the wrong question.”
“Sorry, I don’t have psychotic mice building a planet for me that will come up with the appropriate one,” Chad mumbled in between his pencil as he looked at the problem once more. What the hell was this shit, i =1? X to the i? What the fuck was i? Some kind of demented letter out to thwart his existence?
“I don’t know why you think I’m the weird one. It’s not as if I go around quoting cult classics,” Tyler grinned. Of course, since Tyler had shoved said cult classic into his hands five years ago and had pestered him incessantly for an entire summer until he caved and read it, Chad figured the answer was in the question. “Will you?”
“Will I what?” he mumble, distracted as he thumbed through the solutions manual. The answer was n(n-1). Why the hell would he want to solve a problem in which the answer merely involved more gibberish?
“Will you marry me?” Tyler wrapped his geeky arms around Chad’s shoulders and rested his chin on the top of Chad’s head.
“Ask again in a year or two, jailbait,” he returned, half serious. All right, so the little space alien was weird beyond all naturalness. It was a character flaw that grew on a person. Mostly like fungus, but it was not an entirely unattractive fungus. At times.
“But I got you a ring.” Tyler pushed the Calc books aside to place a little black box on Chad’s desk. Oh, what the hell. It wasn’t like Chad was actually going to get anywhere with the Calc anyway.
Playing along, he popped the box open. Nestled inside the expensive looking velvet lining was a ring. The metal looked chintzy, and probably was developed by scientists somewhere in the hopes of turning fingers just that right shade of putridly disgusting green. The ‘stone’, if one could call it that, was a pearly looking snot color.
“It glows in the dark.” Chad could hear the pride in Tyler’s voice.
“Are you serious?” He raised a disbelieving eyebrow as Tyler bounced and then sat happily on the desk on top of Chad’s solution manual. “You know, some people spend more than fifty cents on true love.”
“Ha!” Tyler cackled, grabbing Chad’s hand in an attempt to slip the ring on and then started fighting Chad for control of it. “Shows what you know. I spent way more than fifty cents. It was twenty bucks.”
“For that piece of junk?” Chad laughed this time, jerking his hand forward and overbalancing Tyler so that Tyler tumbled forward into his lap in a heap. Wrapping an arm around Tyler’s middle, he tickled, grinning as Tyler shrieked.
“Chad! Stop tormenting Tyler!” Shelly hollered from the office, an obvious indication that she was busy mapping the universe one indecipherable math equation at a time. Chad was sure she dreamed in numbers. Shelly loved the little bastards more than life itself. After all, when his father had tattooed the first fourteen numbers of pi on his back, Chad had known it was true love. No one was that insane for any other reason. “I still need him for our tax returns.”
This was why he loved Shelly. Chad laughed. “You wouldn’t have that problem if you just homeschooled the little alien, you know,” he hollered back.
“Sorry, I value sanity,” she laughed back, “play nice with ET.”
“Your mom’s a kook,” he chuckled into Tyler’s ear. Tyler grunted in return, trying to break Chad’s grip. Since Tyler was as buff and built as a toothpick, he failed to succeed. “So, other than a need to show me crappy jewelry, is there a reason you’re in here distracting me from the evil math demons?”
“You’re weird. Math’s fun.”
“Math is a blight on the ass of the world, and you’re avoiding.” He let Tyler up enough so that the kid could resume his seat on Chad’s desk. Tyler was all arms and legs and hands, and Chad was sure that by the time the little space goober finished growing, he’d be taller and bigger than him. Still, he wasn’t an entirely unfortunate looking guy right now. Floppy brown hair, big brown eyes. Red cheeks and a sweaty hairline from their little impromptu wrestling match.
Chad grinned as Tyler fidgeted.
“I got accepted to the U.”
“Hey, that’s great! I know Shelly wanted you to go to Harvard, but I gotta tell you, you’re too eggheaded already. You need some fun, some relaxation. College is perfect for that. ‘Sides, Shelly graduated from the U, so I don’t know why she’s so intent on slamming it.”
“Well, Mom’s relaxed a little on that. After describing some of the U’s better traits, she started seeing things more my way. Which leads me to my proposal.”
“How?” Chad eyed him warily.
“As you know, you go to the U.”
“I was, in fact, aware of that detail, yes,” he said cautiously. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, Mom was really against me living in the dorms and being on the party floor or messing around with the drunk freshman--”
“And those don’t exist at Harvard?” Chad snickered. Tyler rolled his eyes.
“Hey, who knows what goes through her mind. Talk to her for five minutes and she’ll convince you that all freshmen have orgies in the dorm lounges. She’s clearly delusional.”
Or, maybe, just a mite overprotective of her one and only baby who had gotten picked on horribly in elementary school. Besides, there was some strange shit that did happen in the dorms at times. Nothing he would consider really dangerous, mind. But enough to be too much for someone like Tyler. “So, I’m supposed to step in to convince her to let you get your own apartment? Dream on, Skippy.”
“Actually, I was thinking, you know,” Tyler trailed off hesitantly before offering Chad the ring again with an overly bright smile. “Maybe you’d let me move in with you?”
Chad’s mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments. A thousand thoughts trailed through his head. How he was going to explain this to his roommates. What he was going to have to change about his Friday nights. The cleaning. Oh god the cleaning. He’d have to actually do some. Grimacing, he looked at Tyler and then at the ring.
Half disgusted with himself, he plucked it out of ET’s hands. “You’re going to have to do better than a cheap ring.”
“A cheap ring that glows in the dark,” Tyler made sure to emphasize. “Does this mean?”
“Rules! There will be rules! And!” Chad held up a hand to stave off Tyler. “You will help me figure out what the hell all this gibberish means,” he pathetically gestured to his Calc homework.
Tyler beamed at him before launching himself at Chad and landing them both on a heap in the floor. Two seconds later, Chad had him pinned again, but that was beside the point.
“You are the best non-brother person that a guy could ever have. Thank you! You won’t regret it, I swear.”
Rolling his eyes, he let Tyler up, and allowed the skinny brat to throw his arms around him and wrestle him back down. Hell, he’d already caved on the apartment, allowing ET to think he actually had the muscle to pin Chad was peanuts in comparison.
“Just help me figure out this junk.”
“First you have to pray to the Calc gods, and beg them nicely for atonement,” Tyler started, rearranging Chad’s books.
Laughing, Chad grabbed his sides and tickled again. “Nice try, smart ass.”
Well, it would definitely make for an interesting year, he decided. Only question was, did he protect Tyler from the world or the world from Tyler?
~***~
La! I should not write after being inspire by commercials for TV shows. >_>
So, my treat for making it through the day was some Bailey's in hot chocolate. Which resulted in drabble!
“Marry me!”
Chad glanced up from his Calc homework and raised an eyebrow at his demented stepbrother as Tyler looked up at him from where he was on the floor on bended knee. Some years ago, when Chad had still been a part of a normal family in a normal high school in a normal part of the country, his parents had gotten divorced and his father had decided to date a rocket scientist. Now, this wasn’t to say that Chad didn’t like Shelly. He liked her just fine. But fact of the matter was that she was…well, a little off center.
And Tyler? Tyler made Shelly look positively grounded in reality. “I really was joking when I told you that Fruity Pebbles tasted better after you marinated them in beer,” he deadpanned, flicking a page in his solutions manual over as he gave up on the problem he was currently working on.
“You’re so weird,” Tyler laughed, flopping down on his butt as he looked up at Chad.
Hello kettle, this pot’s from another planet.
Chad rolled his eyes and slipped his pencil between his teeth. In theory, if he really wanted to, he could ask Tyler for help. The brat could do the whole chapter in ten minutes without even breaking a sweat, Chad was sure. But there was just something demeaning about some socially backwards seventeen year old figuring out his Calc homework when he was a junior in college.
Resolving to ignore the ninth wonder of the weird world, Chad diligently wrote down the next problem in his homework set…
…which looked just as squirrelly and unintelligible as the problem before it. Were these problems or furniture designs? What the hell were the squiggles all about? And why the fuck had some mathematician decided that letters were the perfect way to solve numerical equations?
“Integrals, huh?”
Chad started and almost fell out of his chair as Tyler leaned over his homework. See, this was the problem with the little alien brat. He had the social grace of an elephant in a china shop, and yet could slither under Chad’s radar undetected until he scared the piss out of him. “Look ET,” he pushed Tyler’s fuzzy head out of the light that was shining down on his Calc books, “go phone home or something. I’m busy.”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“42.”
“Nice try, but that’s the wrong question.”
“Sorry, I don’t have psychotic mice building a planet for me that will come up with the appropriate one,” Chad mumbled in between his pencil as he looked at the problem once more. What the hell was this shit, i =1? X to the i? What the fuck was i? Some kind of demented letter out to thwart his existence?
“I don’t know why you think I’m the weird one. It’s not as if I go around quoting cult classics,” Tyler grinned. Of course, since Tyler had shoved said cult classic into his hands five years ago and had pestered him incessantly for an entire summer until he caved and read it, Chad figured the answer was in the question. “Will you?”
“Will I what?” he mumble, distracted as he thumbed through the solutions manual. The answer was n(n-1). Why the hell would he want to solve a problem in which the answer merely involved more gibberish?
“Will you marry me?” Tyler wrapped his geeky arms around Chad’s shoulders and rested his chin on the top of Chad’s head.
“Ask again in a year or two, jailbait,” he returned, half serious. All right, so the little space alien was weird beyond all naturalness. It was a character flaw that grew on a person. Mostly like fungus, but it was not an entirely unattractive fungus. At times.
“But I got you a ring.” Tyler pushed the Calc books aside to place a little black box on Chad’s desk. Oh, what the hell. It wasn’t like Chad was actually going to get anywhere with the Calc anyway.
Playing along, he popped the box open. Nestled inside the expensive looking velvet lining was a ring. The metal looked chintzy, and probably was developed by scientists somewhere in the hopes of turning fingers just that right shade of putridly disgusting green. The ‘stone’, if one could call it that, was a pearly looking snot color.
“It glows in the dark.” Chad could hear the pride in Tyler’s voice.
“Are you serious?” He raised a disbelieving eyebrow as Tyler bounced and then sat happily on the desk on top of Chad’s solution manual. “You know, some people spend more than fifty cents on true love.”
“Ha!” Tyler cackled, grabbing Chad’s hand in an attempt to slip the ring on and then started fighting Chad for control of it. “Shows what you know. I spent way more than fifty cents. It was twenty bucks.”
“For that piece of junk?” Chad laughed this time, jerking his hand forward and overbalancing Tyler so that Tyler tumbled forward into his lap in a heap. Wrapping an arm around Tyler’s middle, he tickled, grinning as Tyler shrieked.
“Chad! Stop tormenting Tyler!” Shelly hollered from the office, an obvious indication that she was busy mapping the universe one indecipherable math equation at a time. Chad was sure she dreamed in numbers. Shelly loved the little bastards more than life itself. After all, when his father had tattooed the first fourteen numbers of pi on his back, Chad had known it was true love. No one was that insane for any other reason. “I still need him for our tax returns.”
This was why he loved Shelly. Chad laughed. “You wouldn’t have that problem if you just homeschooled the little alien, you know,” he hollered back.
“Sorry, I value sanity,” she laughed back, “play nice with ET.”
“Your mom’s a kook,” he chuckled into Tyler’s ear. Tyler grunted in return, trying to break Chad’s grip. Since Tyler was as buff and built as a toothpick, he failed to succeed. “So, other than a need to show me crappy jewelry, is there a reason you’re in here distracting me from the evil math demons?”
“You’re weird. Math’s fun.”
“Math is a blight on the ass of the world, and you’re avoiding.” He let Tyler up enough so that the kid could resume his seat on Chad’s desk. Tyler was all arms and legs and hands, and Chad was sure that by the time the little space goober finished growing, he’d be taller and bigger than him. Still, he wasn’t an entirely unfortunate looking guy right now. Floppy brown hair, big brown eyes. Red cheeks and a sweaty hairline from their little impromptu wrestling match.
Chad grinned as Tyler fidgeted.
“I got accepted to the U.”
“Hey, that’s great! I know Shelly wanted you to go to Harvard, but I gotta tell you, you’re too eggheaded already. You need some fun, some relaxation. College is perfect for that. ‘Sides, Shelly graduated from the U, so I don’t know why she’s so intent on slamming it.”
“Well, Mom’s relaxed a little on that. After describing some of the U’s better traits, she started seeing things more my way. Which leads me to my proposal.”
“How?” Chad eyed him warily.
“As you know, you go to the U.”
“I was, in fact, aware of that detail, yes,” he said cautiously. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, Mom was really against me living in the dorms and being on the party floor or messing around with the drunk freshman--”
“And those don’t exist at Harvard?” Chad snickered. Tyler rolled his eyes.
“Hey, who knows what goes through her mind. Talk to her for five minutes and she’ll convince you that all freshmen have orgies in the dorm lounges. She’s clearly delusional.”
Or, maybe, just a mite overprotective of her one and only baby who had gotten picked on horribly in elementary school. Besides, there was some strange shit that did happen in the dorms at times. Nothing he would consider really dangerous, mind. But enough to be too much for someone like Tyler. “So, I’m supposed to step in to convince her to let you get your own apartment? Dream on, Skippy.”
“Actually, I was thinking, you know,” Tyler trailed off hesitantly before offering Chad the ring again with an overly bright smile. “Maybe you’d let me move in with you?”
Chad’s mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments. A thousand thoughts trailed through his head. How he was going to explain this to his roommates. What he was going to have to change about his Friday nights. The cleaning. Oh god the cleaning. He’d have to actually do some. Grimacing, he looked at Tyler and then at the ring.
Half disgusted with himself, he plucked it out of ET’s hands. “You’re going to have to do better than a cheap ring.”
“A cheap ring that glows in the dark,” Tyler made sure to emphasize. “Does this mean?”
“Rules! There will be rules! And!” Chad held up a hand to stave off Tyler. “You will help me figure out what the hell all this gibberish means,” he pathetically gestured to his Calc homework.
Tyler beamed at him before launching himself at Chad and landing them both on a heap in the floor. Two seconds later, Chad had him pinned again, but that was beside the point.
“You are the best non-brother person that a guy could ever have. Thank you! You won’t regret it, I swear.”
Rolling his eyes, he let Tyler up, and allowed the skinny brat to throw his arms around him and wrestle him back down. Hell, he’d already caved on the apartment, allowing ET to think he actually had the muscle to pin Chad was peanuts in comparison.
“Just help me figure out this junk.”
“First you have to pray to the Calc gods, and beg them nicely for atonement,” Tyler started, rearranging Chad’s books.
Laughing, Chad grabbed his sides and tickled again. “Nice try, smart ass.”
Well, it would definitely make for an interesting year, he decided. Only question was, did he protect Tyler from the world or the world from Tyler?
~***~
La! I should not write after being inspire by commercials for TV shows. >_>