(no subject)
Sleepy...
Sunday, I went to Hollywood Video with Jason. In which I then proceeded to help him be the kind of customer I generally want to cheerfully stab. Course, being me, I hope that I was at least somewhat unique in my stupidness, but you never know.
Anyway, We were browsing through all the old VHS tapes that they had and you could get five of them for five dollars.
And hey, when you see something called Teenage Space Vampires there's a complusion there. I swear.
Okay, so I squealled like an idiot geek for ten minutes over it.
It's a horrible movie. I watched the first thrity minutes, and I still have no fucking clue what's happening. But that's okay, because the characters don't either. Apparently, there is such a things as space aliens who come from Romania, don't speak with accents and suck people's blood as a form of mind control.
So not making that up. I swear.
Best part of the movie (or what little I watched of it) is geekboi main character drags geekboi sidekick to the yard in which the space vampires have decided to plant their UFO in broad daylight. Geekboi sidekick takes one look at it rushes towards it and yells "Oh my god! Is this the UFO?!" Which I will now take as proof that, somewhere along the way, George Lucas had a hand in writing and making this prize winning film.
Oh, and the geekbois are mortally afraid of potatoes. That has nothing to do with anything, except I found it highly amusing.
I also bought Teen Wolf Too on VHS. Oh man, the eighties crack me up. ^_^ The hair. The clothing. The spandex!!! The indiscriminate sex. I'd say lack of plot too, but that's probably just partial to this particular movie.
And this movie is very much a "Oh look. We haven't had a musical montage in a while. Cue to music! Now, dance paper dolls, dance!" type of flick.
Want to move. Because I'm under the false impression that moving will change the way I am. Unfortunately, it's not going to do that. (And if I know that, does that still make it a false impression? *ponders*) My problem is, I continually want to reinvent myself. And at a certain point, you realize that in reinventing yourself, all you're truly doing is trying to run away from yourself. You don't necessarily like who you are, so you remake yourself in the image of the person you think you want to be only to discover as you do so that the person you've become isn't necessarily a person you like, so you change again.
It's all very pointless and circular.
I don't want to be the way that I am at times, but I don't want to change either. So, all you're really stuck with then is incessant whining about how things aren't the way you want them to be or think they should be.
Like, I was thinking about where my brother is now in his life, and recalling what my thoughts were when I was his age (er, two years ago...I'm such a doof). And my thoughts pretty much were "shit man, this is it? You do all that work and what? You get a job, work your entire life, have a family and then die? Fuck me full of joy. Sounds like fun." Cause, when you're in school, there's some overreaching purpose, a goal. An obvious one. Because for under achievers like me, we need obvious goals. Subtlety just doesn't cut it. You go to school because everyone else is, because that's how you learn the necessary stuff for the real world, and how you go about finding a real job and becoming an adult.
And then you become an adult.
I don't make a good adult. Most of the time, I'm okay with that. I also think I'm okay with it, because I try not to think too hard about the future. There's some vague feeling that, yeah, eventually one day--once I stop finding the idea of going to doctor's heart numbingly terrifying and can unclench enough not to break whatever metal what-have-you the OB/GYN feels like cramming up my you-know-where--I'll probably have kids. But it's not like having kids is necessarily a purpose in my life. It's just a vague kind of "should do one of these days cause it might be fun" sort of thing. And when I day dream about it, it's very much like day dreaming about a fictional character because it just doesn't seem real to me.
I don't like being outside my comfort zone. Case in point, working where I do was outside my comfort zone. It only took, oh, about a year maybe a year and a half for me to relax to the point where people don't terrify me on a personal level anymore. And I'm torn between being proud that I'm no longer terrified interacting with total strangers, and wanting to retreat back to the person that I was because I think I was a nicer person back then.
My recall must be incredibly fucked, or I just get more nasty and bitchy with time. I can't really figure it out. I always think I was nicer in the past. That I was a better, kinder, more considerate person in the past than I am in the present. And I'm pretty sure it's a lie I feed myself, but still.
Had a conversation with Jason yesterday about us and fitting in, and how we don't necessarily do that here. He's better at blending into crowds than I am, but I'm better at blending into the background than he is. Ah-ha! Cameleons in disguise!
I never, ever think we're all that odd until someone says something or does something or I'm around my family, and I realize that very few people seem to think things through the way we do or interact the way we do. It's both cool and befuddling at the same time.
Still. We need to move. I need a change of scenery. Too bad it's at least going to be another year and a half before that happens.
I'm currently obsessed with this song.
Streetcorner Symphony
Rob Thomas
It's morning
I wake up
The taste of summer sweetness on my mind
It's a clear day
In this city
Let's go dance under the street lights
All the people in this world
Let's come together
More than ever
I can feel it
Can you feel it
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers of every different color
Can't you feel that sunshine telling you to hold tight
Things will be alright
Try to find a better life
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers there for one another
Come on over
Man I know you wanna let yourself go
Some people
It's a pity
They go all their lives and never know
How to love or to let love go
But it's alright now
We'll make it through this somehow
And we'll paint the perfect picture
All the colors of this world will run together more than ever
I can feel it
Can you feel it
We may never find our reason to shine
But here and now this is our time
And I may never find the meaning of life
But for this moment I am fine
So
I love the last verse. *hearts* I love the lyrics to his songs in general.
I should have gone to bed two or three hours ago. X_x
Sunday, I went to Hollywood Video with Jason. In which I then proceeded to help him be the kind of customer I generally want to cheerfully stab. Course, being me, I hope that I was at least somewhat unique in my stupidness, but you never know.
Anyway, We were browsing through all the old VHS tapes that they had and you could get five of them for five dollars.
And hey, when you see something called Teenage Space Vampires there's a complusion there. I swear.
Okay, so I squealled like an idiot geek for ten minutes over it.
It's a horrible movie. I watched the first thrity minutes, and I still have no fucking clue what's happening. But that's okay, because the characters don't either. Apparently, there is such a things as space aliens who come from Romania, don't speak with accents and suck people's blood as a form of mind control.
So not making that up. I swear.
Best part of the movie (or what little I watched of it) is geekboi main character drags geekboi sidekick to the yard in which the space vampires have decided to plant their UFO in broad daylight. Geekboi sidekick takes one look at it rushes towards it and yells "Oh my god! Is this the UFO?!" Which I will now take as proof that, somewhere along the way, George Lucas had a hand in writing and making this prize winning film.
Oh, and the geekbois are mortally afraid of potatoes. That has nothing to do with anything, except I found it highly amusing.
I also bought Teen Wolf Too on VHS. Oh man, the eighties crack me up. ^_^ The hair. The clothing. The spandex!!! The indiscriminate sex. I'd say lack of plot too, but that's probably just partial to this particular movie.
And this movie is very much a "Oh look. We haven't had a musical montage in a while. Cue to music! Now, dance paper dolls, dance!" type of flick.
Want to move. Because I'm under the false impression that moving will change the way I am. Unfortunately, it's not going to do that. (And if I know that, does that still make it a false impression? *ponders*) My problem is, I continually want to reinvent myself. And at a certain point, you realize that in reinventing yourself, all you're truly doing is trying to run away from yourself. You don't necessarily like who you are, so you remake yourself in the image of the person you think you want to be only to discover as you do so that the person you've become isn't necessarily a person you like, so you change again.
It's all very pointless and circular.
I don't want to be the way that I am at times, but I don't want to change either. So, all you're really stuck with then is incessant whining about how things aren't the way you want them to be or think they should be.
Like, I was thinking about where my brother is now in his life, and recalling what my thoughts were when I was his age (er, two years ago...I'm such a doof). And my thoughts pretty much were "shit man, this is it? You do all that work and what? You get a job, work your entire life, have a family and then die? Fuck me full of joy. Sounds like fun." Cause, when you're in school, there's some overreaching purpose, a goal. An obvious one. Because for under achievers like me, we need obvious goals. Subtlety just doesn't cut it. You go to school because everyone else is, because that's how you learn the necessary stuff for the real world, and how you go about finding a real job and becoming an adult.
And then you become an adult.
I don't make a good adult. Most of the time, I'm okay with that. I also think I'm okay with it, because I try not to think too hard about the future. There's some vague feeling that, yeah, eventually one day--once I stop finding the idea of going to doctor's heart numbingly terrifying and can unclench enough not to break whatever metal what-have-you the OB/GYN feels like cramming up my you-know-where--I'll probably have kids. But it's not like having kids is necessarily a purpose in my life. It's just a vague kind of "should do one of these days cause it might be fun" sort of thing. And when I day dream about it, it's very much like day dreaming about a fictional character because it just doesn't seem real to me.
I don't like being outside my comfort zone. Case in point, working where I do was outside my comfort zone. It only took, oh, about a year maybe a year and a half for me to relax to the point where people don't terrify me on a personal level anymore. And I'm torn between being proud that I'm no longer terrified interacting with total strangers, and wanting to retreat back to the person that I was because I think I was a nicer person back then.
My recall must be incredibly fucked, or I just get more nasty and bitchy with time. I can't really figure it out. I always think I was nicer in the past. That I was a better, kinder, more considerate person in the past than I am in the present. And I'm pretty sure it's a lie I feed myself, but still.
Had a conversation with Jason yesterday about us and fitting in, and how we don't necessarily do that here. He's better at blending into crowds than I am, but I'm better at blending into the background than he is. Ah-ha! Cameleons in disguise!
I never, ever think we're all that odd until someone says something or does something or I'm around my family, and I realize that very few people seem to think things through the way we do or interact the way we do. It's both cool and befuddling at the same time.
Still. We need to move. I need a change of scenery. Too bad it's at least going to be another year and a half before that happens.
I'm currently obsessed with this song.
Streetcorner Symphony
Rob Thomas
It's morning
I wake up
The taste of summer sweetness on my mind
It's a clear day
In this city
Let's go dance under the street lights
All the people in this world
Let's come together
More than ever
I can feel it
Can you feel it
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers of every different color
Can't you feel that sunshine telling you to hold tight
Things will be alright
Try to find a better life
Come on over
Down to the corner
My sisters and my brothers there for one another
Come on over
Man I know you wanna let yourself go
Some people
It's a pity
They go all their lives and never know
How to love or to let love go
But it's alright now
We'll make it through this somehow
And we'll paint the perfect picture
All the colors of this world will run together more than ever
I can feel it
Can you feel it
We may never find our reason to shine
But here and now this is our time
And I may never find the meaning of life
But for this moment I am fine
So
I love the last verse. *hearts* I love the lyrics to his songs in general.
I should have gone to bed two or three hours ago. X_x