Forever & Always - Chapter 03/END
Title: Forever & Always
Chapter: 03 New Day Dawning
Author: Killaurey
Word Count: 5123
Summary: [AU/Futurefic] Part 3 of 3. Sakura/Sasuke. Love isn’t a cure-all. Marriage doesn't solve all problems. And sometimes relationships fall apart because love isn’t enough.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. Unbeta’d.
-0-
Her head was pounding, her mouth felt as if were as dry as the sands in Suna, and the light in the room, when she flickered her eyes open experimentally, was searing. Sakura moaned, one hand coming up to cover her eyes, and muttered something that sounded a great deal like 'turn off the sun'.
A very familiar laugh answered her groan. She couldn’t help but feel a little more secure, even as the noise made her cringe, and peered out from under her hand as the light in the room dimmed. Ino glanced back at her as she finished drawing the curtains closed.
"How're you feeling?" Ino asked, stepping over to her with the ease of someone well used to their location. As she should be--it was Ino's apartment after all. She recognized the bedspread and the faint scent of lavender and citrus in the air. It was comforting, and her shoulders relaxed slightly.
Sakura just buried her face in her hands for a moment, without answering, before trying to sit up. She didn't need to look to see that it was Ino who helped her and propped a few pillows behind her to keep her upright. "What was I thinking last night?" she murmured, more to herself than anyone else.
"Not a whole lot, I'm guessing, considering how drunk you were," Ino told her, standing and dusting her hands off. "Stay there."
She watched, unable to help the rueful smile that crossed her lips at that order, and wondered, really, at the fact that Ino felt it needed to be given. It wasn't like she was going to go anywhere anyway...
"What time is it?" she called, when a quick look for a clock didn't show anything. "I'm scheduled to work to--"
"No," Ino said, smoothly interrupting her with a raise of one eyebrow and all cool confidence, as she stepped back into the room holding a large glass of water. "You're not. I called you in. It's just past ten o'clock now."
"What do you mean, you called me in?" Sakura protested, even as she reached for her water. "What are you? My mother?"
Ino wrinkled her nose slightly. Haruno Sayako and Ino didn't get along all that well. Personality clash of the century, Tenten had called it once, and Sakura had only been able to agree. "Not your mother," she said, with a sniff. "I could've just left you to wind up drunk in a gutter somewhere."
"You didn't, and you wouldn't," she replied, sipping the water carefully. "As far as idle threats go it's a bad one." Sakura paused as her aching head thought of something. "By the way--how did you even know that I was a) getting drunk and b) likely to wind up in a gutter if you didn't come find me? Oh, and I guess there's a 'c' as well: how did you know which bar I'd be at?"
"Puh-lease," Ino scoffed, "you think I don't have an information network set up 'round here? I've always been good at getting the latest gossip."
That got another frown. "Gossip doesn't come out of ANBU bars unless--" Sakura's eyes widened. Even as much as her head hurt right now--and the water was definitely helping with that--she could put two and two together and come up with four. "You joined up?"
"Don't be stupid." Which, Sakura knew, in Ino-speak wasn't an answer at all, and Ino just got off the bed. "I'm going to make something to eat," she said, with a decisive swish of her long, long hair. "Did you want anything?"
Sakura doubted she'd ever want to eat again going on how her stomach felt right that second. "No thanks, I'm not hungry."
That just earned her a laugh as Ino headed out of the room. "You know where the shower is, there's still a change of clothing about from the last time you stayed here in the bottom drawer, come out when you're up to it, and we'll talk 'bout last night."
She bit her lip as she watched Ino go. 'Talk' had sounded quite a lot like 'interrogate' and Sakura knew better than to think that the other girl would just let it go.
And she wasn't sure if it was something that she wanted to tough out alone. Not now that she'd told Sasuke who, besides her, had the most stake in it. Surely she could talk to her best friend about it? Finished with the glass of water--and Sakura couldn't remember drinking all of it, but clearly she had, and felt a bit better for her. Her head had subsided to a dull ache, and she decided that, yes, a shower was a good idea.
Twenty minutes of hot water pounding down on her, making her smell less like a bar and more like herself again, and Sakura was feeling even better. The pain killers she found in Ino's medicine cabinet helped with that, admittedly, and she took her time in getting dressed. Carefully stretching out, and just reveling in the feel of warm soft clothing against her skin.
She was almost smiling when she made it out to the small kitchenette to find Ino reading what she assumed was the morning paper. "Anything interesting going on today?" she asked, while helping herself to an apple from the fruit basket.
Ino glanced over the edges of the paper. "There's always interesting things going on, it's just a matter of figuring out how they're interesting--that's the real challenge. Did you want toast, or something?"
"I'm good for now," she said, waving the offer off while she played with the apple in her hands. "I don't think food and I are going to be very good friends for today."
"Friends or not, you still need to eat," Ino admonished, flipping to the next page in the paper and not looking up again. "But I'll give you a few hours slack."
"Oh, thank you," she said dryly, though her heart wasn't really in it. "How did you find out about the bar anyway?"
Ino folded the paper neatly, throwing it down on the middle of the table and stretching in her seat. "I already told you."
"You did not--" she started indignantly, before an amused look from Ino shut her up. "Okay, okay, you did. Shut up. I'm the one who woke up with a hangover here."
"That's better," Ino commented, getting up and pouring herself a cup of tea. "It helped that you're recognizable. Do you want a cup?"
Pink hair did that. Even in a shinobi village. "Sure," she said, studying her. "Been there long?"
"A while now," Ino told her, getting out another cup, "not, really, that it's changed much, you know? I was practically doing the work anyway before. And," she said, while bringing over the tea, "don't think you're getting out of telling me what's up with you. All of my news is either boring or I can't talk about it."
“Tough,” she said, rolling her eyes slightly at that, “I’m sure you’ll find plenty to talk about somehow.” Because it was Ino, and Ino never had problems finding a million and one things to talk about.
Ino shrugged. “Probably.”
“You told Shikamaru yet?”
“No,” she sighed. “He’s been out on a mission though-one of those long term ones, you know?-so I haven’t had the chance. Not exactly the sort of thing you send by bird. Or even by courier. So, enough about me, start talking.””
“Pushy, pushy,” Sakura said, drinking her tea. “What’s the rush?”
“You’re trying, and badly, to avoid the subject. Next you’ll be speculating on when Hinata’ll get pregnant again, or if Neji’s going to ever get up the nerve to ask Tenten to marry him.” Ino stared at her. “And I’m the one that taught you those conversational tricks, so they don’t work on me. Talk.”
The worst part, Sakura thought ruefully, was that she couldn’t argue with any of that. It was all true. “I think Tenten’ll just give up and ask him to marry her,” she couldn’t help opining.
Then sighed, and set her cup down. “I’m barren,” Sakura recited tonelessly. “I told Sasuke last night, and then hit the bar. That’s exactly what I was doing when you found me.”
Ino set down her cup, and stared at her. “Like your aunt? Talk to me, come on.”
She did. She talked for hours, and hours, and they went through two pots of tea and Ino never said a word when she cried, and when she wound down, Ino was there.
“What can I do to help?” Ino asked, and that just made her cry again, because it was exactly what she needed to hear.
-0-
The blood on her hands was beginning to dry and flake off. Sakura made a face at them, and at her blood-stained uniform as she let go of the chakra she’d been using with careful precision. A glance over at the man, the patient, the one she’d just spent the last sixteen hours operating on, had her smiling slightly despite her exhaustion.
She’d been up too long, using too much energy. She was sweat-soaked, there was a fine trembling in her arms, and blood is about the only thing she could smell. But she could smile because the surgery went well, and the man was breathing easily while he slept.
A glance at the clock on the wall, while she gave out orders to the orderlies who’d be watching over him for the next twenty-four hours, just in case anything came up, told her that it was just past two in the morning.
Grabbing her bag which, among other things, carried in it a change of clothing, she slung it over her shoulder while reminding herself to turn the lock as she left the locker room. No need to be interrupted right now. She was healed out for the moment; let someone else deal with any issues that popped up in the next fifteen-twenty minutes.
It didn’t feel like that it was so late, she noted, almost shuffling down the hallways and into the bathroom to get rid of the blood, shower, and change into clothing that she could wear home without getting stares. (Even in a shinobi village, after all, a blood-splattered, bone-weary looking girl was going to attract attention.)
Stepping into the cubicle, pulling the curtain shut behind her, she was still fully clothed. Turning on the tap it took only a few seconds for the water that’s pouring down on her to heat up and begin steaming up the room. She undoes her headband and lets her hair fall loose around her face, shrugged out of her uniform, letting it fall to the ground (she could pick it up later), and just revelled in the feel of being clean.
Long, too long, of a day. It hadn’t been a scheduled surgery, but an emergency, and she hadn’t had time to mentally prepare herself for being up and so mentally focused beforehand, not like if it had been on her list of things she knew about. Stretching, and resting her head for a moment against the cool tile of the shower, Sakura was glad that the day is over and she could go home once she was finished here.
There was a bit of paperwork, and a lot of research that had been put aside because of the surgery, but that can wait another day, it’ll hold for another eight hours or so. Just enough time for her to get sleep and be ready for another day.
All too soon she found that she’d run out of reasons to stay under the almost painfully hot spray and reluctantly turned it off. Sakura wouldn’t mind staying in the shower for longer, but she didn’t allow herself the extra time while in the hospital. The longer she was around, the more likely it was that someone else would need her attention. More and more Sakura found that she understood why some days it’s all but impossible to find Tsunade-shishou.
Drying off quickly, without the steam the room quickly loses the extra bit of heat it has, she scrambled into clean, dry clothes and towelled her hair out vigorously. It’s only a few moments with a hair brush, then tying her hitae-ite back on. Gathering up her sodden clothing from the stall, and wrapping them neatly in her towel she stuffed the whole of it into her bag-it would survive until she got home, surely-Sakura was ready to leave.
It was the matter of mere minutes to get out of there, making sure to notify the front desk that she was gone for the night, and the walk back to her place was something that, tonight, she found soothing. The stars were out, almost crystalline against the deep blue-black sky and if she listened she could almost hear morning coming. There was activity still happening, a hidden village was never fully asleep, but everything was muted and more lights than not are turned off. She knew the way though, step by step, and even if she closed her eyes, Sakura doubted she’d get lost on her way home.
There was a light on, the yellow glow pooling in the doorway, and Sakura tensed for a minute before recognizing his chakra signature. That’s when she remembered that they were supposed to have gone to dinner.
“Sorry,” she called, stepping inside and taking off her shoes. “There was a bit of an emergency.”
“I guessed,” Sasuke replied, glancing up from the book he’d been reading. “Did you resolve it entirely?”
Sakura shrugged, moving to dump her wet things out with the rest of her laundry, something else she’ll have to do in the morning. “Barring any complications, the patient should be fine.”
There was a pause as her brain caught up to the fact that she was talking to Sasuke and that Sasuke was in her house when she’d not invited him in. And, vaguely, she noted that that made her a bit angry, but she was too tired to get really worked up about it. “Did I say you could come in?”
Breaking and entering was, technically, a crime. Though with ninja, it had to be admitted, it was the getting caught that was more of a crime than the doing.
“You need to hide your key better,” Sasuke told her. “I found it in fifteen minutes.”
He sounded a bit disgruntled about that. Inwardly she was pleased about his admission. Fifteen minutes was a long time to a shinobi. “Surprised you didn’t get questioned,” she said.
“I did,” he retorted.
Sakura blinked, then glanced over at him. “And they still let you search? What did you tell them?”
If she didn’t know better, Sakura would say that he almost looked embarrassed. “That I was looking for something.”
“I can’t believe they let you get away with that,” she marveled, and blinked again when he-he flushed a bit.
“I was more specific with them,” Sasuke told her before she could rightly parse the fact that, yes, his face was a bit red.
“Oh? Are you just going to leave me guessing?”
He smirked, an old familiar expression. “You’d never guess.”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” she commented, flopping down on the couch and contemplating him. “Not sneaky enough.”
“Stealth is generally frowned upon for some things,” Sasuke told her, and while she was still trying to guess what on earth he’s talking about, he got out of his chair. She was even further confused when he knelt beside the couch, fishing around in his pocket. “And this is one of them.”
“One of them?” she echoed, as she’d stared at him like he’d grown another head.
A faint smile touched his lips, and then he was showing her a gorgeous ring in a small blue box. “Sakura, will you marry me?”
-0-
The next three months were, Sakura would think after, some of the worst months ever in her life. Nothing compared to the gaping pain of Sasuke leaving the village, or the pain of realizing that unless she did something about it, she would be forever useless as a ninja. It was a muted pain, but it never left, throbbing just under the surface of everything she did, thought, and worked on.
Everything had to be sorted out-and re-deciding what to do with their lives, with each other, with the fact that, because of her body, it wasn’t going to work the way they’d always planned, and trying to decide what was going to come next.
There were tears, and yelling, and times when the both of them just had to storm out of the house so that they didn’t say something that they wouldn’t be able to take back. And they had new ways of hurting each other, right now. Wounds that bled on the inside.
It was hard. It was scary in a lot of ways, reconfiguring everything and it was so difficult to act like nothing at all was going on when she was at work doing her best not to think about him and wondering what they were going to do.
By the end of the three months though, things were slowly starting to make sense. The biggest issues had been decided and all that was left was to deal with the details. The little things, the things that, somehow, made everything work. Their big decision made her stomach twist every time she thought about it.
Nor was it something that they’d decided upon lightly but the fact remained that neither of them would, or could, concede in one thing: he on his Clan, and the need to rebuild it, and she with her intolerance to the idea of him taking a mistress and having children that way. Sakura knew herself, and if they’d gone down that road, she would only wind up hating him, hating herself, and hating any children born.
When they’d first realized that neither of them were going to budge on that, the most important issue, they’d stared across the kitchen counter at each other for a long time in silence. She’d cried. He’d cried. It was then, Sakura thought, that they both first realized just where this would end up. Had to end up.
And it was hard, for both of them, to rediscover that love didn’t fix everything.
-0-
She was staring at the mirror, barely able to recognize herself in the brilliant white of her gown-the most expensive dress she has ever owned and the frugal part of her still chafed at that-and Sakura knows that her reaction on today, of all days, should be nothing but radiant joy. All she felt though was pure nervous terror. She’d faced down enemy ninja without a hair out of place, conquered vicious diseases with aplomb, preformed surgery on the fly and never fallen apart...
...and yet, the fact that she’s getting married was making her want to run the way none of that had. Her mother bustled in, every inch the proud matriarch and behind her came Ino, looking imperiously gorgeous in the sweeping blue of the bridesmaid dresses.
“You look wonderful!” her mother gushed, beaming at her and Sakura smiled weakly back as her veil gets fussed with. Ino gave her a knowing look and raised one eyebrow while mouthing the word ‘talk?’ at her.
Sakura glanced sideways at her mother and shook her head a tiny bit. Having a breakdown in front of her mother now, when everything was all but settled, would only serve to refuel the fight they’d had when she’d first heard of them being engaged.
Ino rolled her eyes, but shrugged and let it drop. For the moment. Sakura knew better than to think that the other girl would leave something like that alone for very long, especially on a day like today where everything, really, ought to be perfect.
Enduring her mother’s fussing, Sakura could admit to herself that it was a nice thing to have someone else take care of most of the little details pertaining to her looking as beautiful as possible today. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and let it out before trying on another smile. It feels a little more natural even as her stomach twisted and she thought, again, that she’s never been so nervous in her life as she is right this second.
It was a small moment, and yet a huge one-she was getting married. It didn’t sound real, not in her head, not out-loud, and she wondered when her dreams of being a beautiful bride became so foreign in her head, and now that it’s coming true.
Her mother fussed for a while more before slipping out to deal with the next emergency that (she felt) must be solved before the wedding. Sakura glanced up as Ino shifted from where she’d been leaning against the wall, unusually silent for herself.
“You know,” Ino said idly, with a flick of long blonde hair, “you can still quit this, if you want. I’d even help.” For all that she was here and now as a bridesmaid, Sakura knew it wasn’t anything to do with Sasuke. Her oldest friend was here just for her.
And, somehow, that calmed some of her nerves. Sakura straightened her shoulders, sitting up and lifting her chin, all things that they’d learned so long ago back when they’d thought princes on white horses really existed. They didn’t, she knew that now, Ino knew that now, they’d all grown up. It didn’t mean though that happiness didn’t exist.
Just different. More real, she thought. “I want to do this,” she said, her voice managing to be firm because, in that moment, now she was sure about it. “But thanks.”
Ino just shrugged, offering a quick-flash of a grin. “Your life,” she replied, easily enough that Sakura knows Ino hadn’t really expected to be taken up on the offer. “Just, hey, you change your mind, you’ve got my help any time you need it.”
“I know.” Sakura stands up as her mother enters the room again, this time followed by Tenten, and Hinata, both of who are dressed much as Ino was. She smiled as her mother said it was time to get things started and, as she passes Ino, nudged her and murmured quietly. “That’s why I can do this with no regrets.”
It was a bit like, she thought, as the music started and she was waiting for her cue, like a balancing act. Too much one way and she was nervous, too much the other way and she was deliriously happy. She’d found her middle ground now, and that was the best spot in her opinion. Happy, and a bit nervous, but the butterflies in her stomach were subsiding; her smile is real under the veil, and her best friend has her back no matter what happened.
Then it’s her time, and she’s pausing, just for a second, just like Ino told her to so that everyone can see her (Ino had added ‘in all her glory’ but Sakura wasn’t so vain these days) walking down the aisle-it seemed to stretch on forever, and she wondered at who first decided that there should even be an aisle in a wedding-her thoughts are skittering around and she was staring straight ahead.
He was up there, Sasuke, looking as handsome as any of the princes in her dreams from years long past, and for a moment she couldn’t believe that he was there for her-but he was, and this wasn’t a dream, this was real. It isn’t perfect, not at all, but she thought even with that, even with it being real, it was more than worth it like this.
She was standing there, he was standing there, and Sakura barely heard a word of the ceremony. It was almost a ringing rush in her ears, but she isn’t going to faint, that much is easy to tell, and as the ceremony winds slowly down to the end of it, to the permanent part, she could hear Ino’s voice in her head, still saying that she could run away, still have a few more years of living just for herself.
But she didn’t want to run, it was just nerves, and when asked, her voice was clear. “I do.”
Sasuke’s turn is next, being asked the same thing a moment later; forever and ever, do you promise? “I do,” he said.
It’s done, she’d really done it, and when they kiss, she could barely hear the crowd over the pounding of her own heart. Forever and always, they’d promised.
-0-
It was a cool evening night, for late summer anyway, and Sakura was sitting in the swing she’d insisted they install back in their first year of marriage, out on the front porch with a cup of tea in her hands. Steam rose from the cup, and she idly blew on it, just to watch it scatter.
She smiled, and it didn’t feel that strange, not now after three months, almost four, since she’d woken up with a pounding head and thoughts ached, as Ino came up the steps and Sakura shifted over so that Ino could join her.
“Hey,” Ino said, taking the offered seat, leaning back and stretching out before glancing over at her. “Heard though the grapevine-you guys are really going through with it?”
Sakura nodded, tucking her feet up under her and setting the tea down in one careful movement. She’d have to remember to pick it up before going inside; it was a bad habit she’d picked up recently, leaving things out here. "We talked it over," she said quietly, "and agreed to it. We sign the paperwork next week."
Paperwork for the divorce. She could not tolerate being his wife while he slept with other women, and he needed to rebuild his Clan. There hadn’t been much to argue about, though it had taken them so long to make a decision-though the tears, the fighting, the hurt and raging sense of unfairness-and nothing changed the fact that they still loved each other. And that, she wondered sometimes, might be why it hurt so much. Would it be easier if they hated each other? She didn't know.
Ino was silent for a few minutes, twirling a bit of hair around with one finger while Sakura was content to just stare off at what scenery there was around here. "Are you still going to be Uchiha Sakura?" Ino asked eventually. "Or are you going to change back to your maiden name?"
“I don’t know yet,” Sakura admitted after a few moment’s of silence. “He said it’s up to me, and that he doesn’t mind if I keep his name.”
In fact, he’d said that he’d be honoured if she kept his name, but that wasn’t something that, right now, she wanted to share with even her best friend. Too private, and a wound too tender to withstand being prodded.
Ino sighed, leaning back and idly rocking the swing lightly with one foot controlling the motion. “You want me to come with you to file it?” she asked. “I think I can get the time off, if you want me to.”
She considered that. “I don’t know.” It was a boring answer, a useless answer, but that was all that was coming out of her right now. She was tired, so tired, and trying to find all the bits and pieces of what made her life her own all over again. And for every question she managed to find a piece for there was always more and more bits that she felt were still missing. Sakura contemplated, almost idly, if it would always be like this, if she was going to have to deal with things this way for the rest of her life.
For her part, Ino just shrugged, knowing what wasn’t said, and Sakura was glad, again, for her presence. It was hard to be bland and empty when Ino was around. And it was even harder to feel unsafe. After all, since they’d been very young, it had been Ino who’d helped pick up the pieces of what made her up, and it was Ino who cheered her on the loudest whenever Sakura managed to do it herself.
“What about you?” Sakura asked, nearly managing to surprise herself in finding that she’s actually curious about the answer. “How’s that thing with Shikamaru going?” That thing was a weak way to explain nearly six years of the off and on again relationship the two of them had, though neither seemed interested in anything else, or ending it for good.
Ino let out a silvery laugh. “Who knows? Told him, you know, a few nights ago about what I’m doing, and he got mad, so I’ve no idea. He’s off sulking about the forests, and helping his dad out, I think. Whatever. We’re same old, same old, really.” Bizarrely enough, Sakura found herself relaxing slightly at that. It was nice, she thought, to hear that some things were still the same.
“Oh,” Ino said, glancing over at Sakura, “did you hear about Neji’s news? I mean, I don’t know, with everything that’s going on with you if it’d make you feel better or worse, but…”
There’s a look that Sakura recognized, and she knew good and well that if she said that she didn’t want to hear it, Ino would drop the topic in a heartbeat and not mention it again until Sakura brought it up herself. It was that knowledge that’s the reason why Sakura leaned forward, grabbed her cup of tea, and shrugged a bit. “I haven’t heard much of anything,” Sakura said, smiling slightly and glad it didn’t feel fake. “What is it?” From the light in Ino’s eyes, it’s something happy at least.
“Anyway, I suppose it’s not really Neji’s news, but apparently Tenten proposed to him,” Ino told her, watching her carefully. “And he said yes.”
Sakura just nodded, doing her best not to let her own feelings on marriage, and everything that came with it, interfere with anything she’s thinking. “Tell her congratulations,” Sakura said, and she was glad to find that she meant it. “They’ll be happy.”
Ino elbowed her. “And you’ll be...?”
“Happy,” Sakura said firmly, knowing Ino wasn’t asking about her opinion on Tenten and Neji. “Eventually.”
And that was all she could aim for right now. It was good enough for her.
END.
First Chapter // Second Chapter
Chapter: 03 New Day Dawning
Author: Killaurey
Word Count: 5123
Summary: [AU/Futurefic] Part 3 of 3. Sakura/Sasuke. Love isn’t a cure-all. Marriage doesn't solve all problems. And sometimes relationships fall apart because love isn’t enough.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. Unbeta’d.
-0-
Her head was pounding, her mouth felt as if were as dry as the sands in Suna, and the light in the room, when she flickered her eyes open experimentally, was searing. Sakura moaned, one hand coming up to cover her eyes, and muttered something that sounded a great deal like 'turn off the sun'.
A very familiar laugh answered her groan. She couldn’t help but feel a little more secure, even as the noise made her cringe, and peered out from under her hand as the light in the room dimmed. Ino glanced back at her as she finished drawing the curtains closed.
"How're you feeling?" Ino asked, stepping over to her with the ease of someone well used to their location. As she should be--it was Ino's apartment after all. She recognized the bedspread and the faint scent of lavender and citrus in the air. It was comforting, and her shoulders relaxed slightly.
Sakura just buried her face in her hands for a moment, without answering, before trying to sit up. She didn't need to look to see that it was Ino who helped her and propped a few pillows behind her to keep her upright. "What was I thinking last night?" she murmured, more to herself than anyone else.
"Not a whole lot, I'm guessing, considering how drunk you were," Ino told her, standing and dusting her hands off. "Stay there."
She watched, unable to help the rueful smile that crossed her lips at that order, and wondered, really, at the fact that Ino felt it needed to be given. It wasn't like she was going to go anywhere anyway...
"What time is it?" she called, when a quick look for a clock didn't show anything. "I'm scheduled to work to--"
"No," Ino said, smoothly interrupting her with a raise of one eyebrow and all cool confidence, as she stepped back into the room holding a large glass of water. "You're not. I called you in. It's just past ten o'clock now."
"What do you mean, you called me in?" Sakura protested, even as she reached for her water. "What are you? My mother?"
Ino wrinkled her nose slightly. Haruno Sayako and Ino didn't get along all that well. Personality clash of the century, Tenten had called it once, and Sakura had only been able to agree. "Not your mother," she said, with a sniff. "I could've just left you to wind up drunk in a gutter somewhere."
"You didn't, and you wouldn't," she replied, sipping the water carefully. "As far as idle threats go it's a bad one." Sakura paused as her aching head thought of something. "By the way--how did you even know that I was a) getting drunk and b) likely to wind up in a gutter if you didn't come find me? Oh, and I guess there's a 'c' as well: how did you know which bar I'd be at?"
"Puh-lease," Ino scoffed, "you think I don't have an information network set up 'round here? I've always been good at getting the latest gossip."
That got another frown. "Gossip doesn't come out of ANBU bars unless--" Sakura's eyes widened. Even as much as her head hurt right now--and the water was definitely helping with that--she could put two and two together and come up with four. "You joined up?"
"Don't be stupid." Which, Sakura knew, in Ino-speak wasn't an answer at all, and Ino just got off the bed. "I'm going to make something to eat," she said, with a decisive swish of her long, long hair. "Did you want anything?"
Sakura doubted she'd ever want to eat again going on how her stomach felt right that second. "No thanks, I'm not hungry."
That just earned her a laugh as Ino headed out of the room. "You know where the shower is, there's still a change of clothing about from the last time you stayed here in the bottom drawer, come out when you're up to it, and we'll talk 'bout last night."
She bit her lip as she watched Ino go. 'Talk' had sounded quite a lot like 'interrogate' and Sakura knew better than to think that the other girl would just let it go.
And she wasn't sure if it was something that she wanted to tough out alone. Not now that she'd told Sasuke who, besides her, had the most stake in it. Surely she could talk to her best friend about it? Finished with the glass of water--and Sakura couldn't remember drinking all of it, but clearly she had, and felt a bit better for her. Her head had subsided to a dull ache, and she decided that, yes, a shower was a good idea.
Twenty minutes of hot water pounding down on her, making her smell less like a bar and more like herself again, and Sakura was feeling even better. The pain killers she found in Ino's medicine cabinet helped with that, admittedly, and she took her time in getting dressed. Carefully stretching out, and just reveling in the feel of warm soft clothing against her skin.
She was almost smiling when she made it out to the small kitchenette to find Ino reading what she assumed was the morning paper. "Anything interesting going on today?" she asked, while helping herself to an apple from the fruit basket.
Ino glanced over the edges of the paper. "There's always interesting things going on, it's just a matter of figuring out how they're interesting--that's the real challenge. Did you want toast, or something?"
"I'm good for now," she said, waving the offer off while she played with the apple in her hands. "I don't think food and I are going to be very good friends for today."
"Friends or not, you still need to eat," Ino admonished, flipping to the next page in the paper and not looking up again. "But I'll give you a few hours slack."
"Oh, thank you," she said dryly, though her heart wasn't really in it. "How did you find out about the bar anyway?"
Ino folded the paper neatly, throwing it down on the middle of the table and stretching in her seat. "I already told you."
"You did not--" she started indignantly, before an amused look from Ino shut her up. "Okay, okay, you did. Shut up. I'm the one who woke up with a hangover here."
"That's better," Ino commented, getting up and pouring herself a cup of tea. "It helped that you're recognizable. Do you want a cup?"
Pink hair did that. Even in a shinobi village. "Sure," she said, studying her. "Been there long?"
"A while now," Ino told her, getting out another cup, "not, really, that it's changed much, you know? I was practically doing the work anyway before. And," she said, while bringing over the tea, "don't think you're getting out of telling me what's up with you. All of my news is either boring or I can't talk about it."
“Tough,” she said, rolling her eyes slightly at that, “I’m sure you’ll find plenty to talk about somehow.” Because it was Ino, and Ino never had problems finding a million and one things to talk about.
Ino shrugged. “Probably.”
“You told Shikamaru yet?”
“No,” she sighed. “He’s been out on a mission though-one of those long term ones, you know?-so I haven’t had the chance. Not exactly the sort of thing you send by bird. Or even by courier. So, enough about me, start talking.””
“Pushy, pushy,” Sakura said, drinking her tea. “What’s the rush?”
“You’re trying, and badly, to avoid the subject. Next you’ll be speculating on when Hinata’ll get pregnant again, or if Neji’s going to ever get up the nerve to ask Tenten to marry him.” Ino stared at her. “And I’m the one that taught you those conversational tricks, so they don’t work on me. Talk.”
The worst part, Sakura thought ruefully, was that she couldn’t argue with any of that. It was all true. “I think Tenten’ll just give up and ask him to marry her,” she couldn’t help opining.
Then sighed, and set her cup down. “I’m barren,” Sakura recited tonelessly. “I told Sasuke last night, and then hit the bar. That’s exactly what I was doing when you found me.”
Ino set down her cup, and stared at her. “Like your aunt? Talk to me, come on.”
She did. She talked for hours, and hours, and they went through two pots of tea and Ino never said a word when she cried, and when she wound down, Ino was there.
“What can I do to help?” Ino asked, and that just made her cry again, because it was exactly what she needed to hear.
-0-
The blood on her hands was beginning to dry and flake off. Sakura made a face at them, and at her blood-stained uniform as she let go of the chakra she’d been using with careful precision. A glance over at the man, the patient, the one she’d just spent the last sixteen hours operating on, had her smiling slightly despite her exhaustion.
She’d been up too long, using too much energy. She was sweat-soaked, there was a fine trembling in her arms, and blood is about the only thing she could smell. But she could smile because the surgery went well, and the man was breathing easily while he slept.
A glance at the clock on the wall, while she gave out orders to the orderlies who’d be watching over him for the next twenty-four hours, just in case anything came up, told her that it was just past two in the morning.
Grabbing her bag which, among other things, carried in it a change of clothing, she slung it over her shoulder while reminding herself to turn the lock as she left the locker room. No need to be interrupted right now. She was healed out for the moment; let someone else deal with any issues that popped up in the next fifteen-twenty minutes.
It didn’t feel like that it was so late, she noted, almost shuffling down the hallways and into the bathroom to get rid of the blood, shower, and change into clothing that she could wear home without getting stares. (Even in a shinobi village, after all, a blood-splattered, bone-weary looking girl was going to attract attention.)
Stepping into the cubicle, pulling the curtain shut behind her, she was still fully clothed. Turning on the tap it took only a few seconds for the water that’s pouring down on her to heat up and begin steaming up the room. She undoes her headband and lets her hair fall loose around her face, shrugged out of her uniform, letting it fall to the ground (she could pick it up later), and just revelled in the feel of being clean.
Long, too long, of a day. It hadn’t been a scheduled surgery, but an emergency, and she hadn’t had time to mentally prepare herself for being up and so mentally focused beforehand, not like if it had been on her list of things she knew about. Stretching, and resting her head for a moment against the cool tile of the shower, Sakura was glad that the day is over and she could go home once she was finished here.
There was a bit of paperwork, and a lot of research that had been put aside because of the surgery, but that can wait another day, it’ll hold for another eight hours or so. Just enough time for her to get sleep and be ready for another day.
All too soon she found that she’d run out of reasons to stay under the almost painfully hot spray and reluctantly turned it off. Sakura wouldn’t mind staying in the shower for longer, but she didn’t allow herself the extra time while in the hospital. The longer she was around, the more likely it was that someone else would need her attention. More and more Sakura found that she understood why some days it’s all but impossible to find Tsunade-shishou.
Drying off quickly, without the steam the room quickly loses the extra bit of heat it has, she scrambled into clean, dry clothes and towelled her hair out vigorously. It’s only a few moments with a hair brush, then tying her hitae-ite back on. Gathering up her sodden clothing from the stall, and wrapping them neatly in her towel she stuffed the whole of it into her bag-it would survive until she got home, surely-Sakura was ready to leave.
It was the matter of mere minutes to get out of there, making sure to notify the front desk that she was gone for the night, and the walk back to her place was something that, tonight, she found soothing. The stars were out, almost crystalline against the deep blue-black sky and if she listened she could almost hear morning coming. There was activity still happening, a hidden village was never fully asleep, but everything was muted and more lights than not are turned off. She knew the way though, step by step, and even if she closed her eyes, Sakura doubted she’d get lost on her way home.
There was a light on, the yellow glow pooling in the doorway, and Sakura tensed for a minute before recognizing his chakra signature. That’s when she remembered that they were supposed to have gone to dinner.
“Sorry,” she called, stepping inside and taking off her shoes. “There was a bit of an emergency.”
“I guessed,” Sasuke replied, glancing up from the book he’d been reading. “Did you resolve it entirely?”
Sakura shrugged, moving to dump her wet things out with the rest of her laundry, something else she’ll have to do in the morning. “Barring any complications, the patient should be fine.”
There was a pause as her brain caught up to the fact that she was talking to Sasuke and that Sasuke was in her house when she’d not invited him in. And, vaguely, she noted that that made her a bit angry, but she was too tired to get really worked up about it. “Did I say you could come in?”
Breaking and entering was, technically, a crime. Though with ninja, it had to be admitted, it was the getting caught that was more of a crime than the doing.
“You need to hide your key better,” Sasuke told her. “I found it in fifteen minutes.”
He sounded a bit disgruntled about that. Inwardly she was pleased about his admission. Fifteen minutes was a long time to a shinobi. “Surprised you didn’t get questioned,” she said.
“I did,” he retorted.
Sakura blinked, then glanced over at him. “And they still let you search? What did you tell them?”
If she didn’t know better, Sakura would say that he almost looked embarrassed. “That I was looking for something.”
“I can’t believe they let you get away with that,” she marveled, and blinked again when he-he flushed a bit.
“I was more specific with them,” Sasuke told her before she could rightly parse the fact that, yes, his face was a bit red.
“Oh? Are you just going to leave me guessing?”
He smirked, an old familiar expression. “You’d never guess.”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” she commented, flopping down on the couch and contemplating him. “Not sneaky enough.”
“Stealth is generally frowned upon for some things,” Sasuke told her, and while she was still trying to guess what on earth he’s talking about, he got out of his chair. She was even further confused when he knelt beside the couch, fishing around in his pocket. “And this is one of them.”
“One of them?” she echoed, as she’d stared at him like he’d grown another head.
A faint smile touched his lips, and then he was showing her a gorgeous ring in a small blue box. “Sakura, will you marry me?”
-0-
The next three months were, Sakura would think after, some of the worst months ever in her life. Nothing compared to the gaping pain of Sasuke leaving the village, or the pain of realizing that unless she did something about it, she would be forever useless as a ninja. It was a muted pain, but it never left, throbbing just under the surface of everything she did, thought, and worked on.
Everything had to be sorted out-and re-deciding what to do with their lives, with each other, with the fact that, because of her body, it wasn’t going to work the way they’d always planned, and trying to decide what was going to come next.
There were tears, and yelling, and times when the both of them just had to storm out of the house so that they didn’t say something that they wouldn’t be able to take back. And they had new ways of hurting each other, right now. Wounds that bled on the inside.
It was hard. It was scary in a lot of ways, reconfiguring everything and it was so difficult to act like nothing at all was going on when she was at work doing her best not to think about him and wondering what they were going to do.
By the end of the three months though, things were slowly starting to make sense. The biggest issues had been decided and all that was left was to deal with the details. The little things, the things that, somehow, made everything work. Their big decision made her stomach twist every time she thought about it.
Nor was it something that they’d decided upon lightly but the fact remained that neither of them would, or could, concede in one thing: he on his Clan, and the need to rebuild it, and she with her intolerance to the idea of him taking a mistress and having children that way. Sakura knew herself, and if they’d gone down that road, she would only wind up hating him, hating herself, and hating any children born.
When they’d first realized that neither of them were going to budge on that, the most important issue, they’d stared across the kitchen counter at each other for a long time in silence. She’d cried. He’d cried. It was then, Sakura thought, that they both first realized just where this would end up. Had to end up.
And it was hard, for both of them, to rediscover that love didn’t fix everything.
-0-
She was staring at the mirror, barely able to recognize herself in the brilliant white of her gown-the most expensive dress she has ever owned and the frugal part of her still chafed at that-and Sakura knows that her reaction on today, of all days, should be nothing but radiant joy. All she felt though was pure nervous terror. She’d faced down enemy ninja without a hair out of place, conquered vicious diseases with aplomb, preformed surgery on the fly and never fallen apart...
...and yet, the fact that she’s getting married was making her want to run the way none of that had. Her mother bustled in, every inch the proud matriarch and behind her came Ino, looking imperiously gorgeous in the sweeping blue of the bridesmaid dresses.
“You look wonderful!” her mother gushed, beaming at her and Sakura smiled weakly back as her veil gets fussed with. Ino gave her a knowing look and raised one eyebrow while mouthing the word ‘talk?’ at her.
Sakura glanced sideways at her mother and shook her head a tiny bit. Having a breakdown in front of her mother now, when everything was all but settled, would only serve to refuel the fight they’d had when she’d first heard of them being engaged.
Ino rolled her eyes, but shrugged and let it drop. For the moment. Sakura knew better than to think that the other girl would leave something like that alone for very long, especially on a day like today where everything, really, ought to be perfect.
Enduring her mother’s fussing, Sakura could admit to herself that it was a nice thing to have someone else take care of most of the little details pertaining to her looking as beautiful as possible today. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and let it out before trying on another smile. It feels a little more natural even as her stomach twisted and she thought, again, that she’s never been so nervous in her life as she is right this second.
It was a small moment, and yet a huge one-she was getting married. It didn’t sound real, not in her head, not out-loud, and she wondered when her dreams of being a beautiful bride became so foreign in her head, and now that it’s coming true.
Her mother fussed for a while more before slipping out to deal with the next emergency that (she felt) must be solved before the wedding. Sakura glanced up as Ino shifted from where she’d been leaning against the wall, unusually silent for herself.
“You know,” Ino said idly, with a flick of long blonde hair, “you can still quit this, if you want. I’d even help.” For all that she was here and now as a bridesmaid, Sakura knew it wasn’t anything to do with Sasuke. Her oldest friend was here just for her.
And, somehow, that calmed some of her nerves. Sakura straightened her shoulders, sitting up and lifting her chin, all things that they’d learned so long ago back when they’d thought princes on white horses really existed. They didn’t, she knew that now, Ino knew that now, they’d all grown up. It didn’t mean though that happiness didn’t exist.
Just different. More real, she thought. “I want to do this,” she said, her voice managing to be firm because, in that moment, now she was sure about it. “But thanks.”
Ino just shrugged, offering a quick-flash of a grin. “Your life,” she replied, easily enough that Sakura knows Ino hadn’t really expected to be taken up on the offer. “Just, hey, you change your mind, you’ve got my help any time you need it.”
“I know.” Sakura stands up as her mother enters the room again, this time followed by Tenten, and Hinata, both of who are dressed much as Ino was. She smiled as her mother said it was time to get things started and, as she passes Ino, nudged her and murmured quietly. “That’s why I can do this with no regrets.”
It was a bit like, she thought, as the music started and she was waiting for her cue, like a balancing act. Too much one way and she was nervous, too much the other way and she was deliriously happy. She’d found her middle ground now, and that was the best spot in her opinion. Happy, and a bit nervous, but the butterflies in her stomach were subsiding; her smile is real under the veil, and her best friend has her back no matter what happened.
Then it’s her time, and she’s pausing, just for a second, just like Ino told her to so that everyone can see her (Ino had added ‘in all her glory’ but Sakura wasn’t so vain these days) walking down the aisle-it seemed to stretch on forever, and she wondered at who first decided that there should even be an aisle in a wedding-her thoughts are skittering around and she was staring straight ahead.
He was up there, Sasuke, looking as handsome as any of the princes in her dreams from years long past, and for a moment she couldn’t believe that he was there for her-but he was, and this wasn’t a dream, this was real. It isn’t perfect, not at all, but she thought even with that, even with it being real, it was more than worth it like this.
She was standing there, he was standing there, and Sakura barely heard a word of the ceremony. It was almost a ringing rush in her ears, but she isn’t going to faint, that much is easy to tell, and as the ceremony winds slowly down to the end of it, to the permanent part, she could hear Ino’s voice in her head, still saying that she could run away, still have a few more years of living just for herself.
But she didn’t want to run, it was just nerves, and when asked, her voice was clear. “I do.”
Sasuke’s turn is next, being asked the same thing a moment later; forever and ever, do you promise? “I do,” he said.
It’s done, she’d really done it, and when they kiss, she could barely hear the crowd over the pounding of her own heart. Forever and always, they’d promised.
-0-
It was a cool evening night, for late summer anyway, and Sakura was sitting in the swing she’d insisted they install back in their first year of marriage, out on the front porch with a cup of tea in her hands. Steam rose from the cup, and she idly blew on it, just to watch it scatter.
She smiled, and it didn’t feel that strange, not now after three months, almost four, since she’d woken up with a pounding head and thoughts ached, as Ino came up the steps and Sakura shifted over so that Ino could join her.
“Hey,” Ino said, taking the offered seat, leaning back and stretching out before glancing over at her. “Heard though the grapevine-you guys are really going through with it?”
Sakura nodded, tucking her feet up under her and setting the tea down in one careful movement. She’d have to remember to pick it up before going inside; it was a bad habit she’d picked up recently, leaving things out here. "We talked it over," she said quietly, "and agreed to it. We sign the paperwork next week."
Paperwork for the divorce. She could not tolerate being his wife while he slept with other women, and he needed to rebuild his Clan. There hadn’t been much to argue about, though it had taken them so long to make a decision-though the tears, the fighting, the hurt and raging sense of unfairness-and nothing changed the fact that they still loved each other. And that, she wondered sometimes, might be why it hurt so much. Would it be easier if they hated each other? She didn't know.
Ino was silent for a few minutes, twirling a bit of hair around with one finger while Sakura was content to just stare off at what scenery there was around here. "Are you still going to be Uchiha Sakura?" Ino asked eventually. "Or are you going to change back to your maiden name?"
“I don’t know yet,” Sakura admitted after a few moment’s of silence. “He said it’s up to me, and that he doesn’t mind if I keep his name.”
In fact, he’d said that he’d be honoured if she kept his name, but that wasn’t something that, right now, she wanted to share with even her best friend. Too private, and a wound too tender to withstand being prodded.
Ino sighed, leaning back and idly rocking the swing lightly with one foot controlling the motion. “You want me to come with you to file it?” she asked. “I think I can get the time off, if you want me to.”
She considered that. “I don’t know.” It was a boring answer, a useless answer, but that was all that was coming out of her right now. She was tired, so tired, and trying to find all the bits and pieces of what made her life her own all over again. And for every question she managed to find a piece for there was always more and more bits that she felt were still missing. Sakura contemplated, almost idly, if it would always be like this, if she was going to have to deal with things this way for the rest of her life.
For her part, Ino just shrugged, knowing what wasn’t said, and Sakura was glad, again, for her presence. It was hard to be bland and empty when Ino was around. And it was even harder to feel unsafe. After all, since they’d been very young, it had been Ino who’d helped pick up the pieces of what made her up, and it was Ino who cheered her on the loudest whenever Sakura managed to do it herself.
“What about you?” Sakura asked, nearly managing to surprise herself in finding that she’s actually curious about the answer. “How’s that thing with Shikamaru going?” That thing was a weak way to explain nearly six years of the off and on again relationship the two of them had, though neither seemed interested in anything else, or ending it for good.
Ino let out a silvery laugh. “Who knows? Told him, you know, a few nights ago about what I’m doing, and he got mad, so I’ve no idea. He’s off sulking about the forests, and helping his dad out, I think. Whatever. We’re same old, same old, really.” Bizarrely enough, Sakura found herself relaxing slightly at that. It was nice, she thought, to hear that some things were still the same.
“Oh,” Ino said, glancing over at Sakura, “did you hear about Neji’s news? I mean, I don’t know, with everything that’s going on with you if it’d make you feel better or worse, but…”
There’s a look that Sakura recognized, and she knew good and well that if she said that she didn’t want to hear it, Ino would drop the topic in a heartbeat and not mention it again until Sakura brought it up herself. It was that knowledge that’s the reason why Sakura leaned forward, grabbed her cup of tea, and shrugged a bit. “I haven’t heard much of anything,” Sakura said, smiling slightly and glad it didn’t feel fake. “What is it?” From the light in Ino’s eyes, it’s something happy at least.
“Anyway, I suppose it’s not really Neji’s news, but apparently Tenten proposed to him,” Ino told her, watching her carefully. “And he said yes.”
Sakura just nodded, doing her best not to let her own feelings on marriage, and everything that came with it, interfere with anything she’s thinking. “Tell her congratulations,” Sakura said, and she was glad to find that she meant it. “They’ll be happy.”
Ino elbowed her. “And you’ll be...?”
“Happy,” Sakura said firmly, knowing Ino wasn’t asking about her opinion on Tenten and Neji. “Eventually.”
And that was all she could aim for right now. It was good enough for her.
END.
First Chapter // Second Chapter