[Naruto] Seeking Rin -- Chapter 03
Title: Seeking Rin
Chapter: 3 -- Obbligato
Author: Killaurey
Rating: T
Word Count: 4704
Summary: When Sakura, newly in a relationship with Kakashi, finds out about Rin, she makes a choice that's hard on them both. Even worse, there's a mysterious illness cropping up in Konoha that even Tsunade can't heal. And what does Ino have to do with it? Kakashi x Rin, KakaSaku.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. Part 3 of ? Unbeta’d.
Also at the KakaSaku comm and on FF.net
"--and I told you," the voice is exasperated, "if you can't do this, then how're you supposed to -- yeah, that's right -- orders, remember?"
Silence hits the air for a moment and then the voice laughs softly. It is everything but friendly. "Are you kidding me? You've got the worst of -- oh yeah, just remembered who you're talking to, huh? Well, I guess I can accept your apology. I guess. See how nice I am?"
Another silence. This one is longer, like the voice is listening intently.
"That's exactly right," the voice says, true laughter bubbling around the edges of the voice's brisk words. "It's going to be complicated but, well… yes, we laugh in the face of it, I know. Anyway, would you keep an eye on -- thanks, that's perfect, this is going to take some timing -- yes, and you know what to do -- listen to me, I know it's not the letter of our orders but -- yeah, she does, will you?"
Another laugh, but softer and more real than the first. "Great. See, you're getting better at this already! Must be my expert tutelage -- I've got to go. Remember what I told you."
The next morning comes creeping through her windows far too early for her taste and Sakura blinks blearily at the beam of unrepentant sunlight that crisscrosses her lap. Another beam cuts across her face and she winces away from it, rubbing at her eyes.
With a shake of her head, she wishes for more sleep and, knowing it won't happen, gets up off the floor (which, she observes, was a more comfortable place to sleep even five years ago as compared to now--she feels like an old lady must feel, creaking her way to her feet) and stretches.
Covering a yawn with one hand, Sakura glances at the room. The popcorn bowl lies, forgotten, on its side with only a few kernels left in it. The blanket that usually lies on top of the couch is a rumpled heap beside the coffee table and her rug is askew. She fingers her hair, winces at the tangles in it--another con to sleeping on the floor--and frowns a little. She had the oddest dream. Someone had been talking to someone else about orders and who had the worst of them and subverting the same. It's almost interesting enough to push away the crushing feeling of everything else for a moment or two.
Ino is fast asleep on the couch, curled into a ball, with her head resting on her knees. Sakura surveys her for a moment, quietly resentful that her friend is still sleeping, and then shakes it off. That's not Ino's fault. Why shouldn't Ino still be sleeping? She's not the one, Sakura reminds herself, that's had her life turned upside down.
Even worse, Sakura thinks, after all: Sakura is the one who has forced the change. Sorrow and grief stab her in equal measures as she blinks back more tears.
Sakura picks the journal up off the floor and sets it down beside Ino, but carries the pink pen with her to the kitchen, tucking it behind one ear. In the pale sunlight, the kitchen looks warm and cheery. She's decorated it in shades of yellow and blue because that's how her mother always decorated a kitchen and it's stuck.
She sets up the coffeemaker and glances out the window because it's better than glancing at the clock. She's got the day off so the time doesn't really matter anyway. Which, she sighs, is just another point in favour of sleeping more. It is easier, she's found, to deal with things when she's asleep.
Which, Sakura thinks with a snort, means she's not dealing with things at all. That's alright, she tells herself, if she doesn't deal with them, she's sure that Ino will make her if it goes too far. Which might be relying on Ino too much but then, Ino is the one who has been staying over just to be leaned on.
Sakura smiles faintly. She's got the best friend anyone could ask for.
The coffeemaker burbles happily behind her and Sakura pushes her hair away from her face. It's a sunny day outside--which makes sense, she chides herself, since it was the sun that woke her--and the sky is so blue that it's nearly painful to look at. Clouds, thin wispy things, scuttle across the sky. A stiff breeze aides them in that and keeps the leaves in the village shaking and twisting. It's hard to tell it's autumn, she thinks, hard to tell it's almost the middle of October.
Sakura leans over the counter and opens up her window. The breeze is a little cool but the sun will warm that. It worries her for a moment, letting the window be open, but then she shoves that worry away. If he's a creep enough to break in through her window, she'll give him her fist and do it gladly.
And that is something she would have done even before she dumped him.
Shaking her head at her thoughts--such a thing to be thinking first thing in the morning!--she runs her fingers through her hair again and then decisively makes her way towards the bathroom. She needs a shower.
Thirty minutes later, wrapped in a towel and nothing else as she leaves her bathroom, Sakura pokes her head into the kitchen and is unsurprised to see Ino sitting at the table with a coffee beside her. What does surprise her is the way that Ino looks more exhausted than she had before going to sleep. She's just about to comment on that when Ino notices her.
"Oh la la," Ino says brightly, looking up from reading what Sakura suspects is their journal. "What have I done to deserve such a view?"
Sakura tucks her towel tighter around her and rolls her eyes. "Like you haven't seen me in a towel before." She leans a little more comfortably in the doorway and has to smile a little. Saying that makes her remember the two years where they'd lived together upon becoming Chuunin. Those had been eventful years, loud years, that in retrospect had been a great deal of fun. There are days when she wants to go back to them, even if that means putting up with Ino's odd hours.
(Not that hers, these days, are any better.)
"I know all your secrets," Ino says with an easy shrug. Her eyes are bright despite the circles under them. "Want a coffee?"
"You better not have drank the entire first pot," Sakura comments. "You know better than that."
Ino just shrugs. Sakura is pretty sure that Ino has drank the first pot and just made a second one with that response. "There's still coffee. Go get dressed, Forehead. I'll fix your cup up out of the generosity of my heart."
With that, what else can Sakura do? She shakes her head, giving up for the moment, and stalks down the hall to her bedroom. Her bedroom is quiet and lonely and Sakura has to admit that, well, lately she's been sleeping more on the couch or floor. It's not that she means to, but with Ino over, she finds that they spend a lot of time talking or watching movies and playing games until they just... drift off. And by the time that happens, she's so tired that she actually sleeps instead of staring up at the ceiling feeling like the worst person in the world.
She's grateful for the evenings spent in conversation. It eases the aching loneliness and makes evenings that would otherwise be spent brooding more comfortable. Getting dressed doesn't take her long and, as it's not a work day, she wears a lacy knee-length skirt and a strappy tank top rather than her more utilitarian work clothes. She still tucks weapons into her clothing though--she's ninja enough to always do that. Brushing her hair takes longer as it's getting to the point where she's tempted to trim it just to keep it from being annoying and yet... and yet, part of her wouldn't mind having it longer. The in-between phase is trying though.
With a shrug, Sakura finishes brushing it and then ties it back with her hitae-ate, using it as a headband, then she wanders back to the kitchen. Maybe she'll ask Ino later and see what she thinks.
As promised, there's a cup of coffee waiting for her, still steaming and Sakura doesn't need to sip it to know that it will have the precise amount of sugar and milk that she likes in her coffee. She picks it up and sips it anyway. Perfect.
Ino is good with the details.
"So," Sakura says, sitting at the table as Ino finishes scribbling something in their journal. "What's the plan for today?"
That there is one just seems like the right assumption to her. Sakura doesn't have anything planned and that means, therefore, that Ino must. If pressed, Sakura would admit that all she wants to do is work, or perhaps go back to bed.
"There's a play going on this afternoon," Ino says, right on cue. "It's called Marionette. It's about a puppeteer who falls in love with her puppet and goes on a journey to bring the puppet to life. I was thinking we could go to that. And there's a sale in east market for fabric. You need more fabric for your latest quilt, right?"
Sakura sips her coffee and sighs with pleasure. "I do," she replies, considering those options. They're not bad ones. "The fabric sale--those stores open in the morning?" She's more familiar with north market because that's closer to her apartment.
Ino glances at the clock. "They open in thirty minutes."
Sakura nods. "Let's do that and then hit up the play this afternoon. What time is that at?"
"One."
Despite everything that's gone wrong with her life, Sakura finds that the day doesn't sound so bad. "Want to go out for breakfast?" she asks, as Ino's made no move to make anything and Sakura doesn't want to, not when she knows doing so will just make her remember mornings where Kakashi cooked for her here. "Do that and then go shopping. We can stop by here to drop things off before heading out to the play." She taps her fingers on the table. "What are you looking for?"
It was only fair, after all, to help out when Ino is helping her out.
"Aunt Shoko has said that if I pick out fabric I like, she'll make me new curtains," Ino says. "I'm hardly going to turn down that. She makes the prettiest things."
Sakura finds she can't disagree with that. "Lucky," she laughs, "are you getting that done because she still hopes you'll fall for her son?" Akimichi Shoko isn't, in terms of blood, Ino's aunt. Rather, she's Chouji's mother and Ino has known her for what seems like forever.
"No," Ino says loftily. "She likes me on my own merits. I can be perfectly likeable, just so you know."
"I know," Sakura replies, not wanting to start an argument, even a good-natured one, this early in the morning. Not when she's still down from... everything else. She finishes her coffee and stands up. "You need a shower still," she says, "this once, I'll do the dishes while you go get ready."
Ino wrinkles her nose at her, but cheerfully. "Slave driver," she says, but stands. "I'll be quicker than you."
"Probably," Sakura admits shamelessly, and then has to smile as Ino leaves the room laughing. It helps, she thinks, to have someone around who makes her smile right now. It lets her pretend she's not still a crybaby at heart. She doesn't think it's wrong to be one but it gets tiring. She'd rather be tired for more pleasant reasons than heartbreak.
Sakura glances at the notebook. Ino hasn't given it back to her, so she doesn't pick it up. That wouldn't be right--to read something that's not finished. Instead, she washes the cups and then cleans the coffee pot. She's just setting that down on the rack to dry when her phone rings. Wiping her hands on a blue dishtowel, Sakura manages to grab the phone on the second ring.
"Sakura-chan!" It's Naruto and she finds herself smiling.
"Hi," she says, "you back in one piece from your mission?" It's a ridiculous question and she knows it but he just laughs and skips over it. That's alright with her.
He talks about a mile a minute about the team he'd been given for the mission and how they hadn't gotten into any trouble, which was boring, and how he's now so tired and how he hasn't eaten anything yet and it's all kind of silly but, well, that's Naruto.
And it's refreshing to not have to give much input in the conversation. She leans against the wall and laughs in all the right places and waits for him to get to the point. Naruto always takes a year when he could take a minute when there's something on his mind. She's had enough phone calls from him to know that he's working his way up to something.
Eventually, though, he winds down through his recital of what happened on his mission (the 'stuff that he can tell her' edition, since she's broken him of the habit of telling her everything--including the confidential stuff) and he let's silence fall for a moment.
"Sakura-chan," he says, a hint of worry entering his voice for the first time. "There's some really weird rumours going on."
"Oh?" she asks, frowning a little and knowing that's in her voice too. "About what?"
"Most of them are..." She pictures him shrugging as he lets that sentence trail off. "But there's one about you and Kakashi-sensei--you're still together right? Because the mill is pretty sure that you're not."
Sakura doesn't answer that and, after an awkward moment that stretches into a minute and then two, Naruto soldiers on, "I just thought I'd ask because the other option is going and--"
"Beating his face in?" Sakura says dryly. Very dryly.
"Well, yeah." Naruto is unabashed about that. She doesn't even need to see him to know that he's entirely and incredibly sincere about what he's saying. He cares for Kakashi-sensei, she knows that, but she also knows that part of Naruto still loves her like that and even beyond that, they've been friends for a long time now.
She knows that she's his best friend, though he's not hers for all that he's very dear to her.
"It's true," she says, figuring it's better for him to hear it from her than from anyone else. At least he's called. "But before you get mad about him dumping me--I dumped him."
Which is the truth and possibly the only thing that will keep Naruto from going off to teach Kakashi a lesson. Despite the way part of Sakura would like that, she's warmed more by the thought that Naruto would do it and finds that, knowing he would, she doesn't really want him to go ahead with it.
Silence answers her and she can picture Naruto gaping. "You--," he splutters, "he--why?"
"Because it was the right thing to do," she says, and tells him about Rin and how she'd felt uncomfortable being there and not knowing if she was another girl's replacement when there were so many ways she could be.
"Ne, Sakura-chan," he says, "did you ever ask Kakashi-sensei about her?"
Sakura swallows. "No," she says, "because I don't know if I could trust his answer."
Which is the truth. It's not about him and thinking that he'd tell a lie to save their relationship. She honestly doesn't know if he would and it doesn't matter: this is about her and her inability to trust that he'd tell her the truth.
Even if he did, Sakura thinks that she'd be looking for a lie. Which is no way to keep a relationship going, even when cutting it off hurts worse than acid.
Trust, her mother had always said, had to be present in a relationship for it to work.
"Maybe you should?" Naruto asks artlessly. "But if you don't--okay. Do you need me to beat him up?"
That makes her giggle despite herself. It's horrible to laugh while she feels like crying. "No," she says, "I think I'll be okay. Ino's already had words with him and if I know her, she'll have more."
"Ow," he says, and she knows he means that.
"What's the other rumour?" she asks, rolling her eyes and mouthing 'Naruto' at Ino, who has just left the bathroom, wrapped in a towel of her own. Ino arches an eyebrow inquiringly. Sakura shrugs--she'll have to tell Ino after the conversation. "You mentioned more than one."
Naruto hesitates for a long moment, then says, "They're saying people are getting sick, really sick," he says, "and that they're not getting better no matter what the old lady does."
Sakura tilts her head thoughtfully. "Where did you hear that?" she asks. She's trying to remember if she's heard anything about cases like that and… can't.
"Everywhere," he says, "I heard it at the mission center and by the Hokage Monument and on three different streets walking home. I've been in the village maybe an hour, Sakura-chan."
Naruto is many things and not all of them good. She's called him out on his shortcomings more than once. But not even she can deny that when it comes to listening to the things other people say... he's a match for Ino, though his reasons are different. As a child, Naruto learnt to listen so he knew when to run. He continues that out of habit as a grown-up. Ino just likes to know secrets.
Sakura lets out her breath in a sigh. "I'll look into it," she says, "but I'll tell you that I haven't come across anything in the hospital that sounds like that."
This doesn't mean there isn't substance to those rumours but Naruto takes it the way she wants him to. He laughs and sounds sheepish. "Thanks Sakura-chan," he says. "If you say that's the truth, then that's good enough for me."
"Would I lie to you?" she asks, teasing him just a little. "I'm hurt, Naruto."
He's laughing as they say good-bye and Sakura is glad for that despite the way her heart twists in her chest. How many people know about her and Kakashi now? She's managed to keep it a secret but now that he's back… and what was that about people getting sick? The last thing they need is something like that.
"What did Naruto want?" Ino asks curiously.
Sakura turns to look at her. Ino's got on short-shorts and a tank top that leaves most of her stomach bare. Her hair is caught up in two tight braids that start at her temples and then work their way down the back of her head. The tips of the braids hit her knees. Sakura envies the skill it takes to braid all that hair so quickly and have it look so tidy.
"He heard about Kakashi and I," Sakura says, looking away. "He offered to beat Kakashi up."
"You should let him," Ino says, "I would have. But you probably didn't, did you?"
"No," Sakura says. "I dumped him, remember?"
Ino just shrugs, like that doesn't really matter to her, and Sakura finds that she has to repress the urge to smile slightly. That's just where Ino's priorities are.
Sakura presses her lips closed on any sentiment like that as she fetches her purse. Ino wriggles into a pair of sandals and does the same. "Ino," she says, "have you heard anything about an illness that Tsunade-shishou can't heal?"
Ino shakes her head almost immediately. "Not me," she says, "do you want me to keep an ear out?"
"Yeah," Sakura replies. "If you don't mind?"
"For you?" Ino says, tossing the words over her shoulder as she heads for the door. "I'll even do it free of charge. You going to be doing your own poking around?"
Sakura follows, absently setting the security with a few quick seals and a touch of chakra. "Yeah," she says again. "I don't like rumours like that. They don't come out of nowhere."
She steps out into the bright sunlight and blinks to clear her vision. Ino is leaning against the railing by the stairs and toying with the tip of one golden braid. "I wouldn't worry about it too much," Ino says. "I mean, you work at the hospital, you're Hokage-sama's protégé; how would that happen without you knowing about it?" Ino stretches, tilting her face up to the sun. "It's probably just another political attempt to discredit Hokage-sama and undermine her support."
"Ugh," Sakura says, "I can't stand politics." She means that. They're messy and complicated and, as far as Sakura is concerned, serve more to cause headaches than get anything useful done.
"Funny," Ino laughs. "I love them." Sakura suspects Ino loves them for the same reasons that Sakura dislikes them. "Besides," Ino continues on as Sakura locks up her place tighter than a clam, "you'd better get used to them--when Naruto becomes Hokage, who do you think is going to be one of his advisors?"
The fact that that's true does nothing to stop Sakura from wrinkling her nose. "He'd do better," she says, "if he picked you and Shikamaru. Between the two of you, you wouldn't let anything that wasn't life or death to the village get anywhere near him."
"Yeah," Ino says, with a bit of a sigh. "That'd be something, wouldn't it? But Shikamaru's busy with Temari-san these days and I don't know if we'd work all that well together anyway right now."
"Oh?" Sakura asks, as they head down the stairs to reach one of the rooftop paths that are everywhere in Konoha. The wind is brisk enough that for a moment she wishes she had a coat. Going back for one is an idea considered and then dismissed: Ino would tease her something awful. "Something going on?"
"Just the usual," Ino says, with a nonchalant wave of one hand. "I'm not nearly so charitable as you are, you know?"
"I don't know," Sakura replies. "I think you've been pretty good about him and Temari-san." Sakura means that too. It's not common knowledge that Ino's crushed on Shikamaru for years but as Ino's best friend, Sakura knows better than most. "You were very polite to her at that party last week. Seriously, if I hadn't known that you're not so pleased about her and him, I'd have never guessed. I don't think even Shikamaru figured it out and he'd be one to know, yeah?"
"And he was watching," Ino comments. "Which is something you're too nice to out-right say. I don't know if I ought to be offended he thinks I'd be that petty or if I ought to be smug I didn't live up to his expectations. No, I've been a good girl, but I've also been minimizing my contact with them. I'm not good enough to see them every day and not be catty. This way, I can keep my dignity. It's his choice, after all, and I've got to respect that even if it's not..."
"What you'd like," Sakura sighs. "Yeah."
"Oh well," Ino says lightly. "It's his loss. And this way, he doesn't think I'm some sort of harpy. I'd rather be his friend than have him think of me that way."
"I think," Sakura says, "that you'll always be his friend." She's jealous of that, in a way, because Ino still has both Shikamaru and Chouji. But they're equal too, because Sakura still has her former sensei and Ino does not. She knows better than to say that though. It's the last thing they need when facing a day of shopping.
"That's the plan," Ino admits, "even if it means putting up with her. She's not so bad. I could easily be her friend if it wasn't for--well, whatever. I mean, if he's happy, I guess that's the important thing, right?"
They head out onto the walkway proper and continue talking in low voices. "Well," Sakura says, "if that's how you look at it. Getting even might be more fun but then you've got to think about what you're getting even for."
"Which would be a total waste of time," Ino decides. "I'll find someone else and I'll get over my finickiness--"
"Finickiness? That's not a word."
"--it is now, so shush up, Forehead, anyway. I'll get over my finickiness with them being a couple. In the meantime, I'm just doing the smart thing and keeping a little space. Which they should appreciate! Besides," Ino adds, "someone has to watch over you."
Sakura smiles as the sun beams down on them. It's not that she feels like she's in a good mood, not exactly, the great gaping chasm of what she's done with her first serious successful-until-now relationship is still in the back of her mind, but at the same time... it's a lovely day and she's with her best friend. That helps.
And she knows that if she starts to sulk, Ino will have something to say about that.
"I'm glad," she says, stepping a little quicker to walk side-by-side with Ino. "I mean, that you're looking after me."
"Stop that," Ino laughs, looking pleased despite her objection. "You're just going to embarrass me and then where will you be?"
"Bereft," Sakura says. "Lonely, pathetic, and sad." She's not sure how much she means all of that, just that the idea of losing Ino too, when she's just given up Kakashi (and you can't lose, she reminds herself sternly, what you've given up of your own free will) makes her feel like all she's listing and more.
Ino stops so abruptly that Sakura nearly crashes into her, and then, before Sakura can object, Ino wraps her arms around Sakura in an abrupt hug and lifts her from the ground.
"Ino!" Sakura yelps, giggling as she flails. "Put me down!"
"You're going to be fine," Ino says, giving Sakura a spin as she laughs and, despite herself, Sakura laughs too. "I mean it." Ino sets Sakura down.
"Pig," Sakura mutters without heat, while she straightens her clothing. "Did you have to cause a scene?"
"It's what I do best," Ino replies loftily, giving her purse an extra swing to emphasize her words. "Besides, you needed to hear that."
"You're impossible," Sakura says, shoving at Ino. Then she has to hurry to keep up with her. It's not fair that Ino's got longer legs than she does but Sakura is used to that. Their differences are old and normal ones. "How do you know I'm going to be fine?"
"I know all," Ino insists, with another laugh. "I see all. And, besides, with me looking after you, how could you be anything but fine?"
The worst part, Sakura thinks, is that Ino's got a point. Even if things are utterly horrible, Ino's got a way of wriggling into her life like a ray of sunshine. She still remembers the first time that Ino came and found her and brought her into a better life. It's embarrassing to admit that, deep down, Sakura still thinks that Ino's got that power.
Not that Sakura is going to say that out loud. Talk about sounding like a child when she's trying very hard to be anything but.
"Man," Sakura says, lifting her hands in surrender. "I'm not sure I ought to say anything. Your head might get too big to fit through doorways." And while Ino looks to be formulating a response to that, Sakura smacks her lightly on the arm and takes off running. "You're it!" she calls and runs faster.
Ino's laugh chases after her as they dart through busy streets, the sun smiling down on them.
Previous Chapter || Index || Next Chapter
Chapter: 3 -- Obbligato
Author: Killaurey
Rating: T
Word Count: 4704
Summary: When Sakura, newly in a relationship with Kakashi, finds out about Rin, she makes a choice that's hard on them both. Even worse, there's a mysterious illness cropping up in Konoha that even Tsunade can't heal. And what does Ino have to do with it? Kakashi x Rin, KakaSaku.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. Part 3 of ? Unbeta’d.
Also at the KakaSaku comm and on FF.net
"--and I told you," the voice is exasperated, "if you can't do this, then how're you supposed to -- yeah, that's right -- orders, remember?"
Silence hits the air for a moment and then the voice laughs softly. It is everything but friendly. "Are you kidding me? You've got the worst of -- oh yeah, just remembered who you're talking to, huh? Well, I guess I can accept your apology. I guess. See how nice I am?"
Another silence. This one is longer, like the voice is listening intently.
"That's exactly right," the voice says, true laughter bubbling around the edges of the voice's brisk words. "It's going to be complicated but, well… yes, we laugh in the face of it, I know. Anyway, would you keep an eye on -- thanks, that's perfect, this is going to take some timing -- yes, and you know what to do -- listen to me, I know it's not the letter of our orders but -- yeah, she does, will you?"
Another laugh, but softer and more real than the first. "Great. See, you're getting better at this already! Must be my expert tutelage -- I've got to go. Remember what I told you."
The next morning comes creeping through her windows far too early for her taste and Sakura blinks blearily at the beam of unrepentant sunlight that crisscrosses her lap. Another beam cuts across her face and she winces away from it, rubbing at her eyes.
With a shake of her head, she wishes for more sleep and, knowing it won't happen, gets up off the floor (which, she observes, was a more comfortable place to sleep even five years ago as compared to now--she feels like an old lady must feel, creaking her way to her feet) and stretches.
Covering a yawn with one hand, Sakura glances at the room. The popcorn bowl lies, forgotten, on its side with only a few kernels left in it. The blanket that usually lies on top of the couch is a rumpled heap beside the coffee table and her rug is askew. She fingers her hair, winces at the tangles in it--another con to sleeping on the floor--and frowns a little. She had the oddest dream. Someone had been talking to someone else about orders and who had the worst of them and subverting the same. It's almost interesting enough to push away the crushing feeling of everything else for a moment or two.
Ino is fast asleep on the couch, curled into a ball, with her head resting on her knees. Sakura surveys her for a moment, quietly resentful that her friend is still sleeping, and then shakes it off. That's not Ino's fault. Why shouldn't Ino still be sleeping? She's not the one, Sakura reminds herself, that's had her life turned upside down.
Even worse, Sakura thinks, after all: Sakura is the one who has forced the change. Sorrow and grief stab her in equal measures as she blinks back more tears.
Sakura picks the journal up off the floor and sets it down beside Ino, but carries the pink pen with her to the kitchen, tucking it behind one ear. In the pale sunlight, the kitchen looks warm and cheery. She's decorated it in shades of yellow and blue because that's how her mother always decorated a kitchen and it's stuck.
She sets up the coffeemaker and glances out the window because it's better than glancing at the clock. She's got the day off so the time doesn't really matter anyway. Which, she sighs, is just another point in favour of sleeping more. It is easier, she's found, to deal with things when she's asleep.
Which, Sakura thinks with a snort, means she's not dealing with things at all. That's alright, she tells herself, if she doesn't deal with them, she's sure that Ino will make her if it goes too far. Which might be relying on Ino too much but then, Ino is the one who has been staying over just to be leaned on.
Sakura smiles faintly. She's got the best friend anyone could ask for.
The coffeemaker burbles happily behind her and Sakura pushes her hair away from her face. It's a sunny day outside--which makes sense, she chides herself, since it was the sun that woke her--and the sky is so blue that it's nearly painful to look at. Clouds, thin wispy things, scuttle across the sky. A stiff breeze aides them in that and keeps the leaves in the village shaking and twisting. It's hard to tell it's autumn, she thinks, hard to tell it's almost the middle of October.
Sakura leans over the counter and opens up her window. The breeze is a little cool but the sun will warm that. It worries her for a moment, letting the window be open, but then she shoves that worry away. If he's a creep enough to break in through her window, she'll give him her fist and do it gladly.
And that is something she would have done even before she dumped him.
Shaking her head at her thoughts--such a thing to be thinking first thing in the morning!--she runs her fingers through her hair again and then decisively makes her way towards the bathroom. She needs a shower.
Thirty minutes later, wrapped in a towel and nothing else as she leaves her bathroom, Sakura pokes her head into the kitchen and is unsurprised to see Ino sitting at the table with a coffee beside her. What does surprise her is the way that Ino looks more exhausted than she had before going to sleep. She's just about to comment on that when Ino notices her.
"Oh la la," Ino says brightly, looking up from reading what Sakura suspects is their journal. "What have I done to deserve such a view?"
Sakura tucks her towel tighter around her and rolls her eyes. "Like you haven't seen me in a towel before." She leans a little more comfortably in the doorway and has to smile a little. Saying that makes her remember the two years where they'd lived together upon becoming Chuunin. Those had been eventful years, loud years, that in retrospect had been a great deal of fun. There are days when she wants to go back to them, even if that means putting up with Ino's odd hours.
(Not that hers, these days, are any better.)
"I know all your secrets," Ino says with an easy shrug. Her eyes are bright despite the circles under them. "Want a coffee?"
"You better not have drank the entire first pot," Sakura comments. "You know better than that."
Ino just shrugs. Sakura is pretty sure that Ino has drank the first pot and just made a second one with that response. "There's still coffee. Go get dressed, Forehead. I'll fix your cup up out of the generosity of my heart."
With that, what else can Sakura do? She shakes her head, giving up for the moment, and stalks down the hall to her bedroom. Her bedroom is quiet and lonely and Sakura has to admit that, well, lately she's been sleeping more on the couch or floor. It's not that she means to, but with Ino over, she finds that they spend a lot of time talking or watching movies and playing games until they just... drift off. And by the time that happens, she's so tired that she actually sleeps instead of staring up at the ceiling feeling like the worst person in the world.
She's grateful for the evenings spent in conversation. It eases the aching loneliness and makes evenings that would otherwise be spent brooding more comfortable. Getting dressed doesn't take her long and, as it's not a work day, she wears a lacy knee-length skirt and a strappy tank top rather than her more utilitarian work clothes. She still tucks weapons into her clothing though--she's ninja enough to always do that. Brushing her hair takes longer as it's getting to the point where she's tempted to trim it just to keep it from being annoying and yet... and yet, part of her wouldn't mind having it longer. The in-between phase is trying though.
With a shrug, Sakura finishes brushing it and then ties it back with her hitae-ate, using it as a headband, then she wanders back to the kitchen. Maybe she'll ask Ino later and see what she thinks.
As promised, there's a cup of coffee waiting for her, still steaming and Sakura doesn't need to sip it to know that it will have the precise amount of sugar and milk that she likes in her coffee. She picks it up and sips it anyway. Perfect.
Ino is good with the details.
"So," Sakura says, sitting at the table as Ino finishes scribbling something in their journal. "What's the plan for today?"
That there is one just seems like the right assumption to her. Sakura doesn't have anything planned and that means, therefore, that Ino must. If pressed, Sakura would admit that all she wants to do is work, or perhaps go back to bed.
"There's a play going on this afternoon," Ino says, right on cue. "It's called Marionette. It's about a puppeteer who falls in love with her puppet and goes on a journey to bring the puppet to life. I was thinking we could go to that. And there's a sale in east market for fabric. You need more fabric for your latest quilt, right?"
Sakura sips her coffee and sighs with pleasure. "I do," she replies, considering those options. They're not bad ones. "The fabric sale--those stores open in the morning?" She's more familiar with north market because that's closer to her apartment.
Ino glances at the clock. "They open in thirty minutes."
Sakura nods. "Let's do that and then hit up the play this afternoon. What time is that at?"
"One."
Despite everything that's gone wrong with her life, Sakura finds that the day doesn't sound so bad. "Want to go out for breakfast?" she asks, as Ino's made no move to make anything and Sakura doesn't want to, not when she knows doing so will just make her remember mornings where Kakashi cooked for her here. "Do that and then go shopping. We can stop by here to drop things off before heading out to the play." She taps her fingers on the table. "What are you looking for?"
It was only fair, after all, to help out when Ino is helping her out.
"Aunt Shoko has said that if I pick out fabric I like, she'll make me new curtains," Ino says. "I'm hardly going to turn down that. She makes the prettiest things."
Sakura finds she can't disagree with that. "Lucky," she laughs, "are you getting that done because she still hopes you'll fall for her son?" Akimichi Shoko isn't, in terms of blood, Ino's aunt. Rather, she's Chouji's mother and Ino has known her for what seems like forever.
"No," Ino says loftily. "She likes me on my own merits. I can be perfectly likeable, just so you know."
"I know," Sakura replies, not wanting to start an argument, even a good-natured one, this early in the morning. Not when she's still down from... everything else. She finishes her coffee and stands up. "You need a shower still," she says, "this once, I'll do the dishes while you go get ready."
Ino wrinkles her nose at her, but cheerfully. "Slave driver," she says, but stands. "I'll be quicker than you."
"Probably," Sakura admits shamelessly, and then has to smile as Ino leaves the room laughing. It helps, she thinks, to have someone around who makes her smile right now. It lets her pretend she's not still a crybaby at heart. She doesn't think it's wrong to be one but it gets tiring. She'd rather be tired for more pleasant reasons than heartbreak.
Sakura glances at the notebook. Ino hasn't given it back to her, so she doesn't pick it up. That wouldn't be right--to read something that's not finished. Instead, she washes the cups and then cleans the coffee pot. She's just setting that down on the rack to dry when her phone rings. Wiping her hands on a blue dishtowel, Sakura manages to grab the phone on the second ring.
"Sakura-chan!" It's Naruto and she finds herself smiling.
"Hi," she says, "you back in one piece from your mission?" It's a ridiculous question and she knows it but he just laughs and skips over it. That's alright with her.
He talks about a mile a minute about the team he'd been given for the mission and how they hadn't gotten into any trouble, which was boring, and how he's now so tired and how he hasn't eaten anything yet and it's all kind of silly but, well, that's Naruto.
And it's refreshing to not have to give much input in the conversation. She leans against the wall and laughs in all the right places and waits for him to get to the point. Naruto always takes a year when he could take a minute when there's something on his mind. She's had enough phone calls from him to know that he's working his way up to something.
Eventually, though, he winds down through his recital of what happened on his mission (the 'stuff that he can tell her' edition, since she's broken him of the habit of telling her everything--including the confidential stuff) and he let's silence fall for a moment.
"Sakura-chan," he says, a hint of worry entering his voice for the first time. "There's some really weird rumours going on."
"Oh?" she asks, frowning a little and knowing that's in her voice too. "About what?"
"Most of them are..." She pictures him shrugging as he lets that sentence trail off. "But there's one about you and Kakashi-sensei--you're still together right? Because the mill is pretty sure that you're not."
Sakura doesn't answer that and, after an awkward moment that stretches into a minute and then two, Naruto soldiers on, "I just thought I'd ask because the other option is going and--"
"Beating his face in?" Sakura says dryly. Very dryly.
"Well, yeah." Naruto is unabashed about that. She doesn't even need to see him to know that he's entirely and incredibly sincere about what he's saying. He cares for Kakashi-sensei, she knows that, but she also knows that part of Naruto still loves her like that and even beyond that, they've been friends for a long time now.
She knows that she's his best friend, though he's not hers for all that he's very dear to her.
"It's true," she says, figuring it's better for him to hear it from her than from anyone else. At least he's called. "But before you get mad about him dumping me--I dumped him."
Which is the truth and possibly the only thing that will keep Naruto from going off to teach Kakashi a lesson. Despite the way part of Sakura would like that, she's warmed more by the thought that Naruto would do it and finds that, knowing he would, she doesn't really want him to go ahead with it.
Silence answers her and she can picture Naruto gaping. "You--," he splutters, "he--why?"
"Because it was the right thing to do," she says, and tells him about Rin and how she'd felt uncomfortable being there and not knowing if she was another girl's replacement when there were so many ways she could be.
"Ne, Sakura-chan," he says, "did you ever ask Kakashi-sensei about her?"
Sakura swallows. "No," she says, "because I don't know if I could trust his answer."
Which is the truth. It's not about him and thinking that he'd tell a lie to save their relationship. She honestly doesn't know if he would and it doesn't matter: this is about her and her inability to trust that he'd tell her the truth.
Even if he did, Sakura thinks that she'd be looking for a lie. Which is no way to keep a relationship going, even when cutting it off hurts worse than acid.
Trust, her mother had always said, had to be present in a relationship for it to work.
"Maybe you should?" Naruto asks artlessly. "But if you don't--okay. Do you need me to beat him up?"
That makes her giggle despite herself. It's horrible to laugh while she feels like crying. "No," she says, "I think I'll be okay. Ino's already had words with him and if I know her, she'll have more."
"Ow," he says, and she knows he means that.
"What's the other rumour?" she asks, rolling her eyes and mouthing 'Naruto' at Ino, who has just left the bathroom, wrapped in a towel of her own. Ino arches an eyebrow inquiringly. Sakura shrugs--she'll have to tell Ino after the conversation. "You mentioned more than one."
Naruto hesitates for a long moment, then says, "They're saying people are getting sick, really sick," he says, "and that they're not getting better no matter what the old lady does."
Sakura tilts her head thoughtfully. "Where did you hear that?" she asks. She's trying to remember if she's heard anything about cases like that and… can't.
"Everywhere," he says, "I heard it at the mission center and by the Hokage Monument and on three different streets walking home. I've been in the village maybe an hour, Sakura-chan."
Naruto is many things and not all of them good. She's called him out on his shortcomings more than once. But not even she can deny that when it comes to listening to the things other people say... he's a match for Ino, though his reasons are different. As a child, Naruto learnt to listen so he knew when to run. He continues that out of habit as a grown-up. Ino just likes to know secrets.
Sakura lets out her breath in a sigh. "I'll look into it," she says, "but I'll tell you that I haven't come across anything in the hospital that sounds like that."
This doesn't mean there isn't substance to those rumours but Naruto takes it the way she wants him to. He laughs and sounds sheepish. "Thanks Sakura-chan," he says. "If you say that's the truth, then that's good enough for me."
"Would I lie to you?" she asks, teasing him just a little. "I'm hurt, Naruto."
He's laughing as they say good-bye and Sakura is glad for that despite the way her heart twists in her chest. How many people know about her and Kakashi now? She's managed to keep it a secret but now that he's back… and what was that about people getting sick? The last thing they need is something like that.
"What did Naruto want?" Ino asks curiously.
Sakura turns to look at her. Ino's got on short-shorts and a tank top that leaves most of her stomach bare. Her hair is caught up in two tight braids that start at her temples and then work their way down the back of her head. The tips of the braids hit her knees. Sakura envies the skill it takes to braid all that hair so quickly and have it look so tidy.
"He heard about Kakashi and I," Sakura says, looking away. "He offered to beat Kakashi up."
"You should let him," Ino says, "I would have. But you probably didn't, did you?"
"No," Sakura says. "I dumped him, remember?"
Ino just shrugs, like that doesn't really matter to her, and Sakura finds that she has to repress the urge to smile slightly. That's just where Ino's priorities are.
Sakura presses her lips closed on any sentiment like that as she fetches her purse. Ino wriggles into a pair of sandals and does the same. "Ino," she says, "have you heard anything about an illness that Tsunade-shishou can't heal?"
Ino shakes her head almost immediately. "Not me," she says, "do you want me to keep an ear out?"
"Yeah," Sakura replies. "If you don't mind?"
"For you?" Ino says, tossing the words over her shoulder as she heads for the door. "I'll even do it free of charge. You going to be doing your own poking around?"
Sakura follows, absently setting the security with a few quick seals and a touch of chakra. "Yeah," she says again. "I don't like rumours like that. They don't come out of nowhere."
She steps out into the bright sunlight and blinks to clear her vision. Ino is leaning against the railing by the stairs and toying with the tip of one golden braid. "I wouldn't worry about it too much," Ino says. "I mean, you work at the hospital, you're Hokage-sama's protégé; how would that happen without you knowing about it?" Ino stretches, tilting her face up to the sun. "It's probably just another political attempt to discredit Hokage-sama and undermine her support."
"Ugh," Sakura says, "I can't stand politics." She means that. They're messy and complicated and, as far as Sakura is concerned, serve more to cause headaches than get anything useful done.
"Funny," Ino laughs. "I love them." Sakura suspects Ino loves them for the same reasons that Sakura dislikes them. "Besides," Ino continues on as Sakura locks up her place tighter than a clam, "you'd better get used to them--when Naruto becomes Hokage, who do you think is going to be one of his advisors?"
The fact that that's true does nothing to stop Sakura from wrinkling her nose. "He'd do better," she says, "if he picked you and Shikamaru. Between the two of you, you wouldn't let anything that wasn't life or death to the village get anywhere near him."
"Yeah," Ino says, with a bit of a sigh. "That'd be something, wouldn't it? But Shikamaru's busy with Temari-san these days and I don't know if we'd work all that well together anyway right now."
"Oh?" Sakura asks, as they head down the stairs to reach one of the rooftop paths that are everywhere in Konoha. The wind is brisk enough that for a moment she wishes she had a coat. Going back for one is an idea considered and then dismissed: Ino would tease her something awful. "Something going on?"
"Just the usual," Ino says, with a nonchalant wave of one hand. "I'm not nearly so charitable as you are, you know?"
"I don't know," Sakura replies. "I think you've been pretty good about him and Temari-san." Sakura means that too. It's not common knowledge that Ino's crushed on Shikamaru for years but as Ino's best friend, Sakura knows better than most. "You were very polite to her at that party last week. Seriously, if I hadn't known that you're not so pleased about her and him, I'd have never guessed. I don't think even Shikamaru figured it out and he'd be one to know, yeah?"
"And he was watching," Ino comments. "Which is something you're too nice to out-right say. I don't know if I ought to be offended he thinks I'd be that petty or if I ought to be smug I didn't live up to his expectations. No, I've been a good girl, but I've also been minimizing my contact with them. I'm not good enough to see them every day and not be catty. This way, I can keep my dignity. It's his choice, after all, and I've got to respect that even if it's not..."
"What you'd like," Sakura sighs. "Yeah."
"Oh well," Ino says lightly. "It's his loss. And this way, he doesn't think I'm some sort of harpy. I'd rather be his friend than have him think of me that way."
"I think," Sakura says, "that you'll always be his friend." She's jealous of that, in a way, because Ino still has both Shikamaru and Chouji. But they're equal too, because Sakura still has her former sensei and Ino does not. She knows better than to say that though. It's the last thing they need when facing a day of shopping.
"That's the plan," Ino admits, "even if it means putting up with her. She's not so bad. I could easily be her friend if it wasn't for--well, whatever. I mean, if he's happy, I guess that's the important thing, right?"
They head out onto the walkway proper and continue talking in low voices. "Well," Sakura says, "if that's how you look at it. Getting even might be more fun but then you've got to think about what you're getting even for."
"Which would be a total waste of time," Ino decides. "I'll find someone else and I'll get over my finickiness--"
"Finickiness? That's not a word."
"--it is now, so shush up, Forehead, anyway. I'll get over my finickiness with them being a couple. In the meantime, I'm just doing the smart thing and keeping a little space. Which they should appreciate! Besides," Ino adds, "someone has to watch over you."
Sakura smiles as the sun beams down on them. It's not that she feels like she's in a good mood, not exactly, the great gaping chasm of what she's done with her first serious successful-until-now relationship is still in the back of her mind, but at the same time... it's a lovely day and she's with her best friend. That helps.
And she knows that if she starts to sulk, Ino will have something to say about that.
"I'm glad," she says, stepping a little quicker to walk side-by-side with Ino. "I mean, that you're looking after me."
"Stop that," Ino laughs, looking pleased despite her objection. "You're just going to embarrass me and then where will you be?"
"Bereft," Sakura says. "Lonely, pathetic, and sad." She's not sure how much she means all of that, just that the idea of losing Ino too, when she's just given up Kakashi (and you can't lose, she reminds herself sternly, what you've given up of your own free will) makes her feel like all she's listing and more.
Ino stops so abruptly that Sakura nearly crashes into her, and then, before Sakura can object, Ino wraps her arms around Sakura in an abrupt hug and lifts her from the ground.
"Ino!" Sakura yelps, giggling as she flails. "Put me down!"
"You're going to be fine," Ino says, giving Sakura a spin as she laughs and, despite herself, Sakura laughs too. "I mean it." Ino sets Sakura down.
"Pig," Sakura mutters without heat, while she straightens her clothing. "Did you have to cause a scene?"
"It's what I do best," Ino replies loftily, giving her purse an extra swing to emphasize her words. "Besides, you needed to hear that."
"You're impossible," Sakura says, shoving at Ino. Then she has to hurry to keep up with her. It's not fair that Ino's got longer legs than she does but Sakura is used to that. Their differences are old and normal ones. "How do you know I'm going to be fine?"
"I know all," Ino insists, with another laugh. "I see all. And, besides, with me looking after you, how could you be anything but fine?"
The worst part, Sakura thinks, is that Ino's got a point. Even if things are utterly horrible, Ino's got a way of wriggling into her life like a ray of sunshine. She still remembers the first time that Ino came and found her and brought her into a better life. It's embarrassing to admit that, deep down, Sakura still thinks that Ino's got that power.
Not that Sakura is going to say that out loud. Talk about sounding like a child when she's trying very hard to be anything but.
"Man," Sakura says, lifting her hands in surrender. "I'm not sure I ought to say anything. Your head might get too big to fit through doorways." And while Ino looks to be formulating a response to that, Sakura smacks her lightly on the arm and takes off running. "You're it!" she calls and runs faster.
Ino's laugh chases after her as they dart through busy streets, the sun smiling down on them.
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