Sky on Fire: Walk Through Shadow -- Chapter 05

[skylar_inari]

Title: Walk Through Shadow
Chapter: Self-Determination
Author/Artist: Killaurey
Word Count: 5,386
Summary: Sidestory to Slow Burn. [Shikamaru centric] While Ino is off in Kumogakure for the Chuunin Exams, Shikamaru's nightmares worsen and his control over his shadow unravels. Getting it together again means facing his worst enemy-himself.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. AU immediately after the Sasuke Retrieval Arc. Part 5 of 7. Unbeta'd.



The day, as if in contrast to those long and thoughtful days where it had done nothing but pour, was bright and clear. Not warm, at least, not by Konoha standards-it was still the middle of winter after all-but not bad, Shikamaru thought, as he made his way along the streets towards the bridge. His mind was made up and that meant he and Aunt Sadako had some business to get down to.

As for why they were meeting at the bridge… Shikamaru was beginning to suspect that there was some sort of jutsu on the temple. Because, while he'd tried a few times, he hadn't been able to get back to the temple on his own. Idle forays, done in the rain, while he'd been working through his dilemmas, had proven that. Lazy he was. Stupid? He wasn't. And there was nothing wrong with his memory…

He could remember the general direction and was able to trace the route they'd taken up to a certain point... and then nothing. Like he'd never been there. His memories had given him no direction and wandering aimlessly had found him nothing.

It was entirely likely, for all he knew, that the temple was hiding itself. He remembered the way it had felt alive around him. Did it have a mind? And shadows were very very good at concealing their presence-no one even thought of them until they absolutely had to, or until they were scared.

Shikamaru wondered about that, as he walked, deftly avoiding the crush and press of what crowds there were--he didn't particularly care for the roof-way, it was too easy to get into a habit of using them and then become completely unaccustomed to dealing with normal crowds and a shinobi absolutely had to be able to blend in.

Giving that the mystery of the temple for the moment, Shikamaru contented himself with trying to figure out what was going on with his parents. They hadn't argued with him about the training but it would have taken a toddler, one perhaps that was particularly busy with a favourite toy, to notice that they were definitely not pleased with the idea of him going off and spending time with Aunt Sadako.

Speaking of her... she was already at the bridge, looking healthier than she had been for the last few days; the small glimpses that he'd caught of her while she'd deliberately given him space to think had left him wondering if she was ill. Nothing in the Nara grapevine had said she was and, now that he could see her clearly, Shikamaru dismissed his worries as ridiculous. No one ill would be perched on the railing of the bridge and idly braiding their hair with utter disregard for the fact that the wind was really quite strong today.

"So you decided to show, boy?" Aunt Sadako asked him, her voice lilting on the last word and turning the question from something that could have been insulting into a good-natured jab.

Shikamaru shifted the pack on his back and stared at her. "You wouldn't have shown if you didn't think I'd be coming," he answered dryly. "After all, no matter my decision you'd have needed to hear it."

She shrugged. "Maybe yes, maybe no. Are you so sure about the concept of me needing to hear it from you?"

"More shadow stuff?" he asked, wrinkling his eyebrows. "Now that I've made up my mind, will you stop trying to confuse me with your remarks? You're a class S in cryptic, Aunt."

Her grin was bright as she tied off the braid and hopped from the railing. She dusted her hands off on her uniform and gave him a once over. "So, boy, what's your decision?"

Shikamaru was sure that no matter his age, she'd keep on calling him that 'boy'. The worst part, he thought, was that in her eyes he really was just a boy. But that was a thought for another time and right now she had him pinned with an intent green-eyed gaze.

"I'll go through my shadow," he said evenly, "and go your route."

He wasn't sure if it was the 'right' path. It was like walking on a tightrope-blindfolded. There had to be a path through this, but which one it was… he couldn't say. He could only pick a way to go forward and trust it would work out.

Shikamaru hated that.

The facts, as he knew them, were dreadfully scanty. It was frustrating, but with all her evasions he more than half believed that even if she wanted to that she'd be able to tell him more, prior to his making up his mind.

Some things were like that. It didn't mean he had to like them, naturally, and he wasn't going to be fond of them for a good long while, if ever, but now he waited to see what her response would be to that.

"You're certain?" Aunt Sadako asked, gaze never wavering from his. "This isn't something you can say 'oops, I'm sorry, let's have a redo'."

"I know that," he answered, putting as much confidence as he felt into those two words. Which… wasn't much. But his answer was the same either way. "I've made up my mind. I have no wish to stay in one situation and never move forward. You told me to pick my direction for growth, I have."

It was only barely that he resisted the urge to say something about branches and trees and Shikamaru knew that that was Odd-Ino's influence more than anything.

"Good then," Aunt Sadako said, putting one arm around his shoulders as they began walking towards the temple. "Once that's settled then we can really talk."

His lips twisted. "I suspected something like that," Shikamaru replied. "You were too consistent about dancing around my questions."

She shrugged again. "We've all got our constraints, boy. It's what we manage to get around them or get done despite them that really matter. You managed to make up your mind so I did a good enough job in selling both sides to you."

The logic in that was so shaky that Shikamaru winced. It sounded like something Ino would believe.

"Is there going to be any straight logic in what I'm going to be learning?" he asked. "Because if not…"

Impressed: he would not be.

"There's logic," she assured him. "It's probably going to still give you a few headaches while you adjust to the situation, but I promise that there's some form of logic to it and that once you've got the basics down pat, it'll make sense."

"Stop," he said, almost laughing at that. "You're not helping your case at all, Aunt. If anything, you're just making it more confusing--troublesome, even."

"Ah well," Aunt Sadako answered as they walked down a nearly abandoned street. "Some things wind up being habit whether you wish them or not. You'd do well enough to remember that small fact."

That was… interesting. In the same way so many other things were these days.

Sparing a moment, he glanced around and realized that they were nearly where he kept 'getting lost' on his way to the temple. "Aunt Sadako," he asked as they turned the corner, careful to slip around one of the stalls so that they didn't disrupt the man's business--he appeared to be selling dango--and deftly avoided the lineup. "Now that I'm going to walk through my shadow will I be able to get to the temple on my own?"

She glanced down at him, lips twitching for a moment, before laughing. "You tried that out, huh? Can't say I'm surprised, Nara always were a bit like cats that way."

He waited with a semblance of patience as she rambled on about how they were like cats because of curiosity and how they only did what they wanted and not what anyone else wanted thank-you-very-much.

… Shikamaru was getting used to the fact that his Aunt took forever to get around to the point whenever he asked something. Always. Patience, he reminded himself. It would not hurt him. Really.

"Anyway," Aunt Sadako concluded, "you got it right in one. You'll be able to find it on your own, but not from this trip. The one after you've gone through the whole thing, now, that's the one where you'll be able to make it to the temple without a babysitter." Her grin was infectious. "Though don't tell me that you mind having me around. I think I might have to cry at that--my own nephew doesn't care for me, oh woe, oh pain."

He snorted.

"You're being ridiculous," Shikamaru informed her then, before he thought better of it, asked another question-- "Did you have a fight with my parents or something?"

Aunt Sadako blinked at him, tilting her head to the side. "Nooo," she answered slowly. "I haven't. What's up, boy?"

That got a frown out of him. "They've been just... acting a bit weird," he said, quickly detailing the way they'd not been happy at the idea of him going off to train with her for a few days. He also related the bits of conversations he'd overheard and how that it wasn't enough to make sense of but that they'd been genuinely upset about something concerning her.

Her smile faded as he went on. Shikamaru felt-almost-sorry for that. A bitter pill to swallow now might prevent this from worsening however. And Shikamaru had little patience for dancing around a problem.

That was Ino's wont.

"Ah," Aunt Sadako said, eyes shuttered and utterly impossible to read as she tucked a strand of hair back behind one ear pensively. "That's alright then. I know what it's about."

"Are you going to give me any information?" Shikamaru persisted. "They're worried about me too, not just you."

Her laugh at that was tinged with humour and some twisted emotion made his stomach flip-flop in confused sympathy.

"They're not worried about me," Aunt Sadako replied, lips twisted. "Only you. It's one of those things that will make sense after everything has settled, I promise. You'll get it then."

"Is there anything that you can tell me that doesn't have to wait until later?" Shikamaru sighed. Later later later, it was enough to drive him mad. "All my questions get answered with that not-answer and all I want to know is what's going on." Ugh. When had he started giving in to the urge to whine about serious things?

But there was no point in taking it back.

Not now and any attempt at backpedalling would only confuse the issue further.

"We're almost there," she said, with a good attempt at perky. And utterly ignoring his complaint. "Then you'll get to walk through your shadow. Are you prepared for that?"

Shikamaru grunted, tempted not to bother answering her for a second before relenting-he needed this training.

His parents were perfectly capable of dealing with being worried for a few days longer, if it came to that. They hadn't stopped him from leaving with her, after all.

"How much preparation could I make when I don't even know what it'll entail?" he asked instead. "I've got my pack," the full field pack, which included rations and water for two weeks, "but I don't know if I've prepared right for what I'll be facing."

Unspoken went his complaint of 'you didn't exactly give me much information to work off of, Aunt Sadako'.

Unspoken but not unheard, he guessed as she threw her head back and laughed, all signs of her darker moods erased as if they'd never existed.

He knew better, though, than to think that what he'd seen had been nothing much at all. Aunt Sadako was a Jounin--she would know easily how to hide her moods and he resolved to quietly just to watch her and see for himself if she was really alright.

Even if she wasn't answering his questions. She was family, after all.

"You don't need too much, I don't think," Aunt Sadako answered once she was done laughing at that. "Most of it is for after rather than before or during anyway. You won't be in much of a condition to get up and stagger home quickly, let me tell you."

"Good to know," he said dryly. Shikamaru was glad for that bit of knowledge, even if he wasn't thrilled to hear that he'd actually be put to work-but what else was there but work when he'd been told to prepare as if for a mission?-and sighed. "I've got rations and things."

'Things' was a poor descriptor for the heavy pack he was carrying around. He didn't bother clarifying it.

"Good boy," she answered as they rounded another corner, the grass in this part of the village high and green and the buildings so new looking that they almost seemed to shine in the sun. Except for…

In front of them, visible now to his eyes, was the temple.

It looked even worse, if that was possible, than it had the last time he'd been here.

Aunt Sadako sighed. "Don't mind it," she said, "it always gets moody when it has to do something more than just exist."

"...the temple has a mind of its own?" That was confirmation of his own thoughts.

She studied the steps carefully. Shikamaru wondered what they'd do if they weren't safe.

Go up them, probably. They were ninja.

"It's more than half shadow these days, and the shadows do have their own personality. They're getting ready to welcome you, one way or another-none of them know how you'll do or what you decided either. Once you've walked, though, the outside will perk up a little bit--it's partly a genjutsu, a trick, the shadows are heightening the appearance of disaster and destruction."

One way or another… that was ominous.

Shikamaru nodded slowly, almost relieved despite himself to hear that the continued deterioration was partly a trick of shadow--that much he could understand; more than one Nara had used their shadow to disguise their homes, themselves, a comrade.

This was just… the next step up. Better quality. More detailed. At least, he thought, as they went up the steps, he really hoped that was the case.

He could deal with an illusion. Shikamaru wasn't sure if he wanted to consider that a shadow could do more than that and make the illusion reality. Not when he was going to spend a few days inside a building that looked like a stiff breeze would blow it down. Without effort.

Aunt Sadako got the doors open and gestured for him to enter.

The place was still dusty and dirty, the walls peeling paint and puffy in spots but there was one thing that Shikamaru noticed immediately.

Other than his shadow disappearing. He noticed that as well. Would it happen every time he entered the temple? If so, that would be distracting. "Where did the tables go?"

"Who knows?" she answered him, as he took in the fact that the lanterns had already been lit. "They're not always around--I think it depends on what you come inside here for. The shadows do try to anticipate our needs. Last time we needed a place to sit, so they gave us tables. This time, we don't need to sit down, so they don't have them around.

"And if we wanted to sit down?"

She laughed, the sound almost shockingly loud in the temple. "There's always the floor, boy. But you won't be getting the chance to sit down. Drop your bags over in that corner and grab one of the brooms. We need to do some cleaning first."

Shikamaru did as he was told, setting his pack down and finding the broom that his aunt had mentioned. With a minimum of grumbling. The broom was new and sturdy, the handle a dark blue. "You went shopping," he noted as she took the other one.

"I am a girl," she teased him. "I like shopping, and this was something that needed to be bought. We've got to get the dust and grim up before you can properly walk."

"Funny," he said dryly, starting to sweep from one corner as she went to the one opposite him. "I thought I could already walk. I'd be a piss-poor ninja if I couldn't even do that much."

"Oh you," she said and Shikamaru knew that she was rolling her eyes. "You know what I mean."

He did, and so he left it at that while he began the process of ridding the floor of some of the dirt that had accumulated over time. "Do we have more than just the brooms to clean with?" Shikamaru asked once he'd finished about half of the floor and wrinkled his nose at the sheer amount of dirt that had been picked up by the brooms. "These need more than a quick sweep. These need a good scrubbing down if we want to be able to call them clean."

Aunt Sadako shook her head. "Just the brooms for now. We can scrub the whole place down afterwards. We just need to be able to see the floor more than the dust at this point. Otherwise we'd be here for weeks if you wanted to get the whole place resembling clean before going walking."

"If you say so," Shikamaru answered dubiously. He didn't see how it would take that long and thought that it was more likely that Aunt Sadako was just severely adverse to more than the minimum cleaning needed.

No wonder the temple was in just disrepair if that was the case--Shikamaru mentally counted up the years in his head and guessed that she would have had total control of it for nearly twenty years by this point.

And, he thought as they finished the sweep, it looked it. Suddenly he felt a bit sorry for the temple.

"Good enough," Aunt Sadako decreed, leaning her broom against the temple wall. "Come on, set that thing down and stand out in the middle of the floor."

Shikamaru studied the floor that they'd uncovered as he put the broom back where he'd found it, taking Aunt Sadako's as well, and noticed that there was a circle done up in--he wasn't sure if it was paint or if it had been tiled that way, and wasn't about to go about touching it just to check. He walked out to the center of the room and glanced over his shoulder at her, eyebrows raised in silent inquiry.

"Okay," she said, slipping around the temple so that she was at the back of it, and up on the few low stairs that separated the platform from the rest of the floor. "See the circle in the floor? I want you to have your shadow cover the circle."

"How?" he drawled. "I seem to have lost my shadow again."

She snickered, leaning against the wall, seemingly totally unperturbed by the fact that not half a foot from her was a curl of paint that looked utterly hideous. "Use it as always. Believe me, boy. Just because you don't see your shadow in here doesn't mean it's not. It'll come to your call--no worries there."

Shikamaru gave her an incredibly dubious look but did as she told him to, silently pulling on his shadow and directing it to spread out in a circle around his feet. For this he didn't need chakra--he wasn't intending to give it enough substance to hurt or grab anyone and controlling his insubstantial shadow was as easy as breathing to him. When it was behaving, anyway.

Any Nara past the Academy stage could do the same with as little effort. He was mildly surprised when his shadow obeyed this time-it came trickling out of the walls as he called for it.

The shadow puddle around his feet wasn't anywhere near the width of the circle in the floor and Shikamaru silently directed it to spread out to cover more ground. He watched as it slowly, almost tentatively began to stretch out, a few stray tendrils curling around his legs, almost as high as his waist. Shikamaru could feel Aunt Sadako's eyes on him as his shadow crawled across the floor.

What did she think?

He didn't get a chance to wonder in depth about that-to his surprise, he felt it when his shadow hit the circle. Like hitting a wall and Shikamaru's head snapped up as his shadow discovered that the wall completely enclosed him. He was, or at least his shadow was, trapped within the circle.

To his eyes, there was no wall, but there was no denying what he information he was getting from his shadow.

"What's going on?" he asked, after a quick glance at Aunt Sadako showed that she looked completely unconcerned. Somehow, that was almost comforting. If she didn't care then it meant nothing had gone horribly wrong.

"Good," she said, not answering his question. "Now, bring your shadow up along the wall."

"All around?" Shikamaru checked. That would put her completely out of sight and leave him hidden almost entirely by his shadow. With nothing but the ceiling left uncovered, this was sounding more and more like he was building his own prison.

… Shikamaru forcibly banished that thought from his mind. It was a bad one.

"All around," came the affirmative.

He changed his stance to something that was a little more combat ready, just in case, and because this was making him uncomfortable on several levels--his shadow wasn't supposed to keep him in, it was supposed to keep others out, or keep them from bothering him; this was a reversal and Shikamaru found that he wasn't particularly fond of that.

Nonetheless, sensing that there was no point in complaining now that he'd made his choice-he'd asked for this-and she'd given him enough information that he hadn't made that decision entirely blind… Shikamaru gave into the order, for make no mistake, it was an order, and began raising his shadow.

Inch by inch it climbed up the invisible wall, weaving a barrier of dark shadow in its place and blocking the light from the lanterns.

Eventually there was only a very pale glow as his shadow spread higher than the lanterns were hung and even that began dimming as he silently raised it higher and higher.

He was sweating.

It wasn't taking chakra to do this, though he shuddered to think of how much it would drain him if he tried this with the intent to make it solid. Even without chakra, the effort being expended to control his shadow was significant.

Then there was darkness as his shadow brushed the ceiling and cut off all light from the lanterns in the rest of the temple.

Shikamaru stood, unable to see, in a cylinder of his own shadow and waited for further instructions from Aunt Sadako. He breathed deeply, making sure that he didn't allow his concentration to falter--that would only bring the shadow wall flowing down around him and he was under no illusions about the fact that he'd have to redo the entire thing.

It was a matter of pride, too, to not have to redo. To have managed it and whatever came next on the first try. Pride was possibly a stupid thing to cling to at the moment, but he didn't see the harm in it--not when it let him focus on not dropping the wall.

"Now the ceiling," Aunt Sadako's voice sounded crystal clear through the shadow and he didn't bother to answer her verbally.

Instead, his shadow, moving by feel rather than anything else, slowly began taking over the ceiling, much as it had done to the floor at first. This was easier than the wall-his shadow could come at it from all directions, even though gravity was a strain to fight against. It took more energy than the floor, but not near as hard as the walls. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck as he fought to keep his shadow from sagging at all.

It didn't take that long, for him to accomplish his orders. Shikamaru felt almost lightheaded with strain as kept the whole thing right where it was by will alone.

Only his shadow and his mind, here.

"Good," and Shikamaru knew that it wasn't his imagination; Aunt Sadako actually was pleased with him. "Now I want you to take a deep breath and drop the whole thing. Don't let it go slowly," her voice continued, "make it disappear-like an elastic snapping."

That sounded painful to his mind. "Are you-"

"I'm sure," she interrupted him smoothly. "Don't forget, boy, I've done this before myself. I know exactly what I'm doing here."

Shikamaru conceded that was most likely to be true--she hadn't steered him wrong yet.

Taking a moment to center himself, and to brace for the pain that he knew was going to come from this--there was a reason that shadows flowed and didn't leap, and that was because a shadow wasn't meant to just disappear, it was meant to seep and ooze and...-

He shook his head. Closed his eyes for a second and then opened them. Shikamaru wanted to see this. Observe what he was going to do and what purpose it would serve.

One more second, half a breath, and Shikamaru let his shadow go, willing it to disappear as quickly as it could, in a heartbeat, in less than a second. Quick as a flash.

His shadow disappeared with an almost audible snap and he bit his lip to stop himself from crying out at the pain. It hurt, letting his shadow go like that, like someone had taken a kunai and stabbed him, only worse than because this effected his whole body and everything in his world was in pain for a few minutes.

When the red tide of hurt receded enough that he could think, Shikamaru was surprised to find he'd managed to keep to his feet--it had to have been training, his father telling him over and over that you don't go down because if you're down fully then you're completely helpless against an enemy if you don't have a plan--and slowly, carefully, forced himself to straighten out of the half curled in on himself position he'd retracted to.

Shikamaru blinked hard and flexed his hands, trying to ignore the phantom spasms of pain that assaulted him with every small movement. Let's not do that again, he thought ruefully. The pain isn't worth...

"Look behind you," Aunt Sadako said and he frowned when he realized that he couldn't see her. She had to be concealed in shadows that heavily cloaked the rest of the temple now. His shadow? He was too tired to tell.

He turned and stared at what, Shikamaru assumed, she'd wanted him to see in the first place.

It was a door.

Fully six feet tall, with no supports and made of nothing but flickering shadow. Shikamaru understood, now, what he'd have to do next. "That's my shadow," he said, and it wasn't a question.

"Absolutely," Aunt Sadako answered. "Will you walk through it?"

This was the absolutely last chance to back out. Shikamaru knew that without having to be told.

If he quit now, he'd never go this far again, and Aunt Sadako would have to find him ways different from what she'd used to help him control and use his shadow. Part of it would never again be active... Shikamaru's eyes narrowed as he did a mental inventory of his condition and realized that, somehow, his chakra was sealed off.

He couldn't access it, and he'd been able to do that for years.

That meant, for this, the temptation to cheat and use it just a little was completely removed. And he hadn't even known yet how he'd have managed to cheat this…

"I will," he said determinedly. "I've come this far, I'll go all the way."

Nara didn't back out of things, not once they got around to doing them. It wasn't their way for all that they took longer to make up their minds than most.

"So be it," she answered, and he guessed that she was watching him with cool eyes. The eyes of someone who'd done this before. "You know what to do, then. Approach the door and walk through it to the other side."

Something in the way she sounded told him it wouldn't be a simple, two second thing, and Shikamaru's eyes darkened as he realized that he'd committed to walking through who knew what, for how long, until he made it out again.

No wonder, he thought, that she'd told him to pack for several days.

Nothing to be done now, though. The only way out is through, Shikamaru thought distastefully and, before he could change his mind, took a step forward. Then another one. He kept his pace very deliberately even. Without haste, without hurrying, he contemplated the doorway his shadow had made, considered every pain that raced up and down his body, none of them serious but enough to be annoying, wondered just what would be on the other side.

"Shikamaru," Aunt Sadako said, her voice sounding like it came from a far way off as he paused right by his shadow door. He didn't turn to try and find her in the dim temple. Shikamaru kept his eyes steady on the doorway, on the black sinking darkness that somehow conveyed the impression of depth without ever changing colour or shade and waited for her to go on.

She sighed. "What ever happens," she continued, voice solemn, "remember this: keep walking. If you stop, it's over and you'll be lost in your own shadow."

His eyes narrowed slightly at that and he nodded to show that he understood. Lost, Shikamaru guessed, meant that there was no way to retrieve him. Once he went past the doorway, whatever help she could give him was next to non-existent and surviving was up to him.

With his chakra sealed and being inside his shadow, Shikamaru doubted that he'd be able to do much if it came to anything that required more than his mind and body could provide. He had been stripped of his most potent weapons.

All but one, and that one was the one that had gotten him promoted at thirteen.

Nevertheless, if he didn't make it, if he-stopped, whatever that meant, he'd never get out. The answer and solution had been given to him. It was up to him, now, to see that he managed to keep them in mind.

Shikamaru doubted that it would be easy.

If he was lost… he'd, in essence, die. This wasn't safe.

Well.

He was a shinobi of Konoha. He was a Chuunin of Konoha. His very profession wasn't safe and every mission he undertook had a degree of risk. Wasn't that, he thought, exactly why he'd been so hard on Ino lately? That was something to think of when he managed to get through his shadow.

Yet another problem to work through. He would do it; he wasn't a genius for nothing. For the first time he was glad that his team wasn't in the village-if they had been, Shikamaru wasn't sure that he'd have been able to come up with an excuse good enough for them to tolerate his disappearing for a few days.

Enough stalling, he scolded. He was just wasting time.

Without any more thought, refusing to allow anything else to distract him, Shikamaru walked through the doorway, back straight and head up without looking back.

If he'd looked back he would have seen something that would have distracted him, Shikamaru didn't question that bit of intuition, choosing instead to go forward.

What else was there to life but going forward in the face of opposition?

So it was, with that thought on his mind, he disappeared into the flickering doorway to the inside of his shadow. Walking through his shadow and then…

And then there was nothing in the temple but shadow.

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