It's nice to be quiet.
I am selfish, sooo selfish.
I want to be the pinnacle of everything. I want to be the only thing anyone has ever experienced. Not only will this, by default, make me the best but it will assure me that no one is ever thinking about anyone else.
I wish people hadn't existed until I knew them.
Coming down from my psychosis I realize not only is this impossible(clearly) but it makes for a pretty mundane existence. For as much as I preach the good book of Who Gives A Fuck, I think I might be obsessed with what people think of me. I find myself looking, not so much in their eyes as through them, for the answer. Am I an arrogant ass? Can you tell I'm lying? Do you love me more and in a more profound way than anyone else in the history of ever? I obsess fairly easily and am prone to intense fits of jealousy over minute and abstract things. I'm not even sure jealous is the right word. I keep trying to say reverse nostalgia. The more I try and define it the better that sounds.
I hate that you previously enjoyed anything and I am tortured by not knowing everything about you.
My point is I am a loony bird. But I recognize it and brush it away accordingly.
You needn't worry.
I want to be the pinnacle of everything. I want to be the only thing anyone has ever experienced. Not only will this, by default, make me the best but it will assure me that no one is ever thinking about anyone else.
I wish people hadn't existed until I knew them.
Coming down from my psychosis I realize not only is this impossible(clearly) but it makes for a pretty mundane existence. For as much as I preach the good book of Who Gives A Fuck, I think I might be obsessed with what people think of me. I find myself looking, not so much in their eyes as through them, for the answer. Am I an arrogant ass? Can you tell I'm lying? Do you love me more and in a more profound way than anyone else in the history of ever? I obsess fairly easily and am prone to intense fits of jealousy over minute and abstract things. I'm not even sure jealous is the right word. I keep trying to say reverse nostalgia. The more I try and define it the better that sounds.
I hate that you previously enjoyed anything and I am tortured by not knowing everything about you.
My point is I am a loony bird. But I recognize it and brush it away accordingly.
You needn't worry.