Why do I feel abused?
This is so stupid I can't believe that I am even posting it. But here goes:
So, at the beginning of the school year, Roz Testo facebooked me. (For anyone who doesn't know what Facebook is... it's this website where tons of different colleges are connected and you have a profile and people can "facebook" you which means they ask you to be their friend and you have to accept or reject the friendship and if you accept it, they get put on a list of your friends and you get put on theirs.) So, at the time, I thought nothing of it really and I just accepted it. Weeks later, when I was going through my facebook list, there were people on it who I hadn't talked to in years and I don't really consider them my friends, they are more like just people I know. So I took some people off my list (which in effect takes me off of theirs). So, I didn't even think anyone would notice, because really, who cares?
Times goes on and it's about two weeks ago Roz facebooks me again! I was torn whether or not I should accept or reject the offer, because I did take her off my list before. But at the same time, if she really wants to be on my list and me on hers, what does it matter to me? So at this point I still hadn't even decided what I would do when I get this message from her (you can send people messages in facebook):
From: Roslyn Testo (Iona)
To: Jiná Ashline
Subject: ?
Message: Hey Jina', how come when ever I try to add u as my friend, u accept it, and then like a week later take it off? Not sure if I've done something that I'm unaware of, but I would like to know. Thanks. Talk to you soon. Roz
I was thinking, first "who does this?", but then I thought, well, okay I should respond to her. I certainly didn't mean for her to be offended by what I did (although I would like to point out that I only took her off my list once, she makes it sound like it happened repeatedly). So, I decided, I will respond. Should I lie and say that I did it by accident? No, I think, it is best just to tell the truth, and besides, the reasoning proves that it isn't a big deal. So, I decide I will send her a message that explains the truth and try to make amends, because I don't want her to feel I was offending her! So, here is what I said:
Message: Roz, When going through my friends list, I noticed several people who I had listed as friends who I haven’t talked to since middle school. Who am I to call these people friends when I haven’t upheld my end of the friendship with them? I did remove you from my friend list, but only because I didn’t feel it right for me to call you my friend since the Roz Testo I know is from 5th grade. I didn’t mean to offend anyone by taking them off my list, yourself included, and I only thought it made sense since I haven’t talked to you in so long. I honestly didn’t think anyone would even notice. If you really feel strongly about this, I have no problem once again including you on my list and myself on yours. Either way, know that I didn’t intend to offend you. I apologize for the misunderstanding! -Jiná
So, I thought to myself, who could misconstrue my intentions in that message? Clearly I felt badly about the fact that she thought I was being offensive (or whatever she thought) and I made it clear that I would certainly not mind having her on my list or me on hers. Apparently, what I thought was so clear was not because here is what she responded with:
Message: It's alright jina', I just thought that even though we aren't like we used to be that, in a way we would always be friends. I mean I never looked at facebook as being this center of strong friendships, and I don't really take the thing that serious, at the same time I'm not ever going to forget my friendships that I had in the past no matter how long ago. I just thought it was cool/fun to have you as one of my friends because we go so far back. But since you don't feel the same, do not worry about it. I understand completely. Maybe I will see you around this summer. Bye.
BLEH!!! What is that supposed to mean! I feel like she is accusing me of being a ridiculously selfish, rude, bitchy person! I thought it was clear that I didn't mean to offend her and it wasn’t anything personal!!! Why am I justifying my actions if I am so okay with what I did? Why is her response making me second guess myself and feel badly about myself? Why do I even care?
So, the big thing with this is now I feel badly. And I am angry with myself that this even bothers me! If she wants to think that, fine, go ahead! What do I care?
I suppose I care because I never want to be mean or burn bridges with anyone, and it seems that I have caused that very thing to happen!
But who cares? I haven't even spoken with her in 8 years! Does it really matter to me if she is angry with me? In high school I never particularly cared for how she treated me anyway!
So, I am mostly annoyed that I care about this and I keep thinking about this and it has the power to make me feel badly about myself. I should say, too bad, that’s her loss and right to feel the way she does, but I am still upset and rambling about this. I just feel so lame and pathetic. Am I really just desperate to please and make everyone like me?
Ultimately, the question is, should I respond again or no? Should I just give up and let her feel however she wants about this? Or should I respond and try to explain? Should I say what I really think ("I think you are taking this way too personally and totally in the wrong way, not as I intended at all!") or try to make things better ("look, I'll add you to my friend list if that makes you happy!")?
Someone, please give me advice on this. The more the better.
So, at the beginning of the school year, Roz Testo facebooked me. (For anyone who doesn't know what Facebook is... it's this website where tons of different colleges are connected and you have a profile and people can "facebook" you which means they ask you to be their friend and you have to accept or reject the friendship and if you accept it, they get put on a list of your friends and you get put on theirs.) So, at the time, I thought nothing of it really and I just accepted it. Weeks later, when I was going through my facebook list, there were people on it who I hadn't talked to in years and I don't really consider them my friends, they are more like just people I know. So I took some people off my list (which in effect takes me off of theirs). So, I didn't even think anyone would notice, because really, who cares?
Times goes on and it's about two weeks ago Roz facebooks me again! I was torn whether or not I should accept or reject the offer, because I did take her off my list before. But at the same time, if she really wants to be on my list and me on hers, what does it matter to me? So at this point I still hadn't even decided what I would do when I get this message from her (you can send people messages in facebook):
From: Roslyn Testo (Iona)
To: Jiná Ashline
Subject: ?
Message: Hey Jina', how come when ever I try to add u as my friend, u accept it, and then like a week later take it off? Not sure if I've done something that I'm unaware of, but I would like to know. Thanks. Talk to you soon. Roz
I was thinking, first "who does this?", but then I thought, well, okay I should respond to her. I certainly didn't mean for her to be offended by what I did (although I would like to point out that I only took her off my list once, she makes it sound like it happened repeatedly). So, I decided, I will respond. Should I lie and say that I did it by accident? No, I think, it is best just to tell the truth, and besides, the reasoning proves that it isn't a big deal. So, I decide I will send her a message that explains the truth and try to make amends, because I don't want her to feel I was offending her! So, here is what I said:
Message: Roz, When going through my friends list, I noticed several people who I had listed as friends who I haven’t talked to since middle school. Who am I to call these people friends when I haven’t upheld my end of the friendship with them? I did remove you from my friend list, but only because I didn’t feel it right for me to call you my friend since the Roz Testo I know is from 5th grade. I didn’t mean to offend anyone by taking them off my list, yourself included, and I only thought it made sense since I haven’t talked to you in so long. I honestly didn’t think anyone would even notice. If you really feel strongly about this, I have no problem once again including you on my list and myself on yours. Either way, know that I didn’t intend to offend you. I apologize for the misunderstanding! -Jiná
So, I thought to myself, who could misconstrue my intentions in that message? Clearly I felt badly about the fact that she thought I was being offensive (or whatever she thought) and I made it clear that I would certainly not mind having her on my list or me on hers. Apparently, what I thought was so clear was not because here is what she responded with:
Message: It's alright jina', I just thought that even though we aren't like we used to be that, in a way we would always be friends. I mean I never looked at facebook as being this center of strong friendships, and I don't really take the thing that serious, at the same time I'm not ever going to forget my friendships that I had in the past no matter how long ago. I just thought it was cool/fun to have you as one of my friends because we go so far back. But since you don't feel the same, do not worry about it. I understand completely. Maybe I will see you around this summer. Bye.
BLEH!!! What is that supposed to mean! I feel like she is accusing me of being a ridiculously selfish, rude, bitchy person! I thought it was clear that I didn't mean to offend her and it wasn’t anything personal!!! Why am I justifying my actions if I am so okay with what I did? Why is her response making me second guess myself and feel badly about myself? Why do I even care?
So, the big thing with this is now I feel badly. And I am angry with myself that this even bothers me! If she wants to think that, fine, go ahead! What do I care?
I suppose I care because I never want to be mean or burn bridges with anyone, and it seems that I have caused that very thing to happen!
But who cares? I haven't even spoken with her in 8 years! Does it really matter to me if she is angry with me? In high school I never particularly cared for how she treated me anyway!
So, I am mostly annoyed that I care about this and I keep thinking about this and it has the power to make me feel badly about myself. I should say, too bad, that’s her loss and right to feel the way she does, but I am still upset and rambling about this. I just feel so lame and pathetic. Am I really just desperate to please and make everyone like me?
Ultimately, the question is, should I respond again or no? Should I just give up and let her feel however she wants about this? Or should I respond and try to explain? Should I say what I really think ("I think you are taking this way too personally and totally in the wrong way, not as I intended at all!") or try to make things better ("look, I'll add you to my friend list if that makes you happy!")?
Someone, please give me advice on this. The more the better.