catharsis
i want to scream and wail and tear at my eyes. two fucking years you push and prod and i quivered in reluctance. now my mind made up you take those fears and lash them back at me. tell me i’m taking risks, that you are scared for me. i didn’t ask that of you, i don’t want that ever. i made a choice and i keep telling myself it was right and true and necessary. but then there are days where you make me feel ugly, hateful, ashamed! and i want to go back to me two years ago and smack her and scream at her to say no; to stay and be unhappy but settled and independent instead of lingering, uncertain, unwanted, and still fucking unhappy.
and right now i’m hurt and angry and fighting the fucking need to dig my nails into my flesh till i bleed. because pain is honest, you bruise you cut you know you’ll bleed. there are no surprises no unexpected reprimands. no doubts and accusations from people who say they love and support you no matter what but really mean they love and support you as long as you are what they think you should be.
and right now i’m hurt and angry and fighting the fucking need to dig my nails into my flesh till i bleed. because pain is honest, you bruise you cut you know you’ll bleed. there are no surprises no unexpected reprimands. no doubts and accusations from people who say they love and support you no matter what but really mean they love and support you as long as you are what they think you should be.