on repeating, repetitiveness, and predictable behaviour [reprised]
I have a few friends who engage in repeating themselves. The body loves a habit. I'm reminded of a sitcom episode -- sorry, I don't know which one. Probably "How I Met Your Mother" -- anyway, one character was told about her annoying habit of chewing extremely loudly, and once it was noticed by everyone, it was very difficult to un-notice. One by one, the other characters were told about their annoying behaviors (which I thankfully don't remember -- something about always correcting what everyone said, singing about what they were doing, that sort of thing), all of which were extremely difficult to not notice after the reveal.
I recently got after one of them about this. His habit of being extremely positive about everything I did, eventually got on my nerves enough for me to sit him down and earnestly let him know how patronizing it felt to have him seemingly give his approval on every single thing I did. He was nonplussed (minussed, if you will) but in all good humor agreed to change. In exchange (since he sometimes wasn't aware that he was doing it), I agreed to point it out, as well as assuring him that since I knew a change was in the works, I wasn't going to get all worked up about having to do so. We were just going to point it out for a while, and then see what happened.
Last night in mid-conversation, he asked "what do I say that isn't going to sound patronizing [to what you just said]?" I threw a few alternatives at him; he threw a few back.
I guess the thing is, when we get into a habit of always (reflexively or not?) responding in the same way, are we actually saying anything? Are we participating in the conversation at all, or just marking time? Don't you think I got the message by now, whatever it is you're saying? And are you able to say anything else, or are you just a one-trick pony? In other words - you can keep your one trick. But now can you add others?
I recently got after one of them about this. His habit of being extremely positive about everything I did, eventually got on my nerves enough for me to sit him down and earnestly let him know how patronizing it felt to have him seemingly give his approval on every single thing I did. He was nonplussed (minussed, if you will) but in all good humor agreed to change. In exchange (since he sometimes wasn't aware that he was doing it), I agreed to point it out, as well as assuring him that since I knew a change was in the works, I wasn't going to get all worked up about having to do so. We were just going to point it out for a while, and then see what happened.
Last night in mid-conversation, he asked "what do I say that isn't going to sound patronizing [to what you just said]?" I threw a few alternatives at him; he threw a few back.
I guess the thing is, when we get into a habit of always (reflexively or not?) responding in the same way, are we actually saying anything? Are we participating in the conversation at all, or just marking time? Don't you think I got the message by now, whatever it is you're saying? And are you able to say anything else, or are you just a one-trick pony? In other words - you can keep your one trick. But now can you add others?