Thoughts
If you look in the childcare section of any bookstore you can find books with subtitles like "Things new mothers need to know but are never told" or some variation of that. They pretty much all have the same information in them. And none of it is what new mothers need to know but are never told.
I don't claim to know everything, but there are few things I think mothers really do need to be told.
Breastfeeding is hard. Even if you stick with it past those troublesome six weeks. Everyone says "after the first six weeks it's a breeze". It's not always. There are still days she screams while being fed because the milk doesn't come fast enough or because it comes too fast. Sometimes it's just a chore. We are all told that breastfeeding mothers are supposed to be serine and calm, like statues of the Madonna with baby Jesus, but it's not always the case. Sometimes I'm in a hurry, or just feel like a human soother, and wish she'd hurry up.
Of course their are benifits too. And I think they outweigh the negatives. Breastfeeding can be a real bonding time. I talk to Russelle a lot while she's feeding and it's funny to see her smile with my nipple in her mouth or listen to the "MMMMMMMMMM" sound she makes while eating. I also like knowing that there are real health benifits for her too. Also, I find it more convienent. Breastfeeding can be an instant soother and with a lullaby and a dark room a nice way to drift off to sleep.
It sucks that mothers have to justify their feeding choices. It doesn't matter if you breastfeed, formula feed or do a bit of both, someone thinks you're making the wrong choice. I've been told that breastfeeding is "weird". I've been asked not to breastfeed in public because it's "gross". Mother's who formula feed get a constant barage of "breast is best". And if you do both you're not making a full commitment.
Russelle has had formula a number of times. Because of this I've been told I wasn't putting in enough of an effort to breastfeed. I've also been told it just proves that formula is a better choice.
Speaking of justifying things, there is no end to the "advice" people feel compelled to give new mother's.
"If you pick her up when she crys you'll spoil her."
"Not going to a crying baby breaks their trust in you."
"Cosleeping is dangerous and silly, the baby will never be out of your bed".
"Cosleeping is the only way to keep everyone happy, heathly and well rested."
"You're spoiling her."
"You can't spoil a baby."
"You carry her too much, she's always going to want to be carried."
"Babies who spend at least three hours a day in a sling are less clingy toddlers."
"Let the house go, worry about the baby."
"I had four kids, all under age 7, all homeschooled, and you could eat off my floors!"
"Our parents did ok, we all made it."
"Look at our generation, obviously our parent's did something wrong."
As you can see it is all very helpfull advice, and I plan on following all of it :P
All those books I mentioned earlier talk about how no one tells you how much work babies are. Yes, they do. You hear it all the time, about how you will never get another night of sleep and all that. What they don't tell you is how you'll react to all the extra work and time a baby takes. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't get anything done. Sometimes I get angry at Russelle for crying so much, and myself for being angry at her. Sometimes I feel like a horrible wife for not getting anything done around the house during the day. Sometimes I feel like a horrible person for not getting my school work done. Sometimes I feel like a horrible mother for doing other things and not spending time with Russelle. I feel like their aren't enough hours in the day.
Other times I feel unappriciated. Russelle is teething. We have fun during the day, but there are times when she just crys dispite all my efforts to sooth her gums and cheer her up. Daddy walking in the door is an instant cure. It frustrates me to no end. I am completely envious of the easy way smiles come for him, and for strangers. Of course she smiles for me too but I want all the smiles dammit!
There are a lot of good things no one ever tells you either. Maybe because it's so hard to explain how you feel about your child until you have one. There are feelings of love, protection, joy, amazement, and happieness just from seeing that first morning smile. You learn a lot about yourself. I am such a highstrung person. My temper has always been quick and I often say or do things in anger without thinking. But Russelle has taught me that I don't have to get angry. Now I often find myself in situations that would have frustrated me before, calmly singing to her. I've learned that it is important for me to fulfill my dreams because I want to be a role modle for her. To let her know there is nothing she cannot do. She's taught me to see the small things, sunbeams, bright colours, the way leaves move. Having a child is wonderful in ways I never imagined.
Most of the horror stories you hear are just that, stories. My choice is to respond to Russelle as quickly as possible when she crys, but I can't always. Sometimes, we're in the car, or she's in the stroller and it's pouring rain, or maybe I have to go to the bathroom (gods forbid!), and I can't respond right away. When that happens all of the advice I was given about a baby not trusting you if you let them cry, always goes through my mind. Even worse is when I don't know what's wrong. I've got her in my arms but can't sooth her. Those are the times I wish I'd never heard that bit of advice.
In fact what mother's most need to know is that someone understands, cares, and supports them in whatever their choices are. Mother's do what they feel is best for their babies. We all make mistakes but I believe that babies know when they are loved. Love overcomes our learning curve.
Even when I can't sooth Russelle, I hold her, maybe sing or talk to her, give her kisses and tell her I love her. I think she knows. And that's what is important.
I don't claim to know everything, but there are few things I think mothers really do need to be told.
Breastfeeding is hard. Even if you stick with it past those troublesome six weeks. Everyone says "after the first six weeks it's a breeze". It's not always. There are still days she screams while being fed because the milk doesn't come fast enough or because it comes too fast. Sometimes it's just a chore. We are all told that breastfeeding mothers are supposed to be serine and calm, like statues of the Madonna with baby Jesus, but it's not always the case. Sometimes I'm in a hurry, or just feel like a human soother, and wish she'd hurry up.
Of course their are benifits too. And I think they outweigh the negatives. Breastfeeding can be a real bonding time. I talk to Russelle a lot while she's feeding and it's funny to see her smile with my nipple in her mouth or listen to the "MMMMMMMMMM" sound she makes while eating. I also like knowing that there are real health benifits for her too. Also, I find it more convienent. Breastfeeding can be an instant soother and with a lullaby and a dark room a nice way to drift off to sleep.
It sucks that mothers have to justify their feeding choices. It doesn't matter if you breastfeed, formula feed or do a bit of both, someone thinks you're making the wrong choice. I've been told that breastfeeding is "weird". I've been asked not to breastfeed in public because it's "gross". Mother's who formula feed get a constant barage of "breast is best". And if you do both you're not making a full commitment.
Russelle has had formula a number of times. Because of this I've been told I wasn't putting in enough of an effort to breastfeed. I've also been told it just proves that formula is a better choice.
Speaking of justifying things, there is no end to the "advice" people feel compelled to give new mother's.
"If you pick her up when she crys you'll spoil her."
"Not going to a crying baby breaks their trust in you."
"Cosleeping is dangerous and silly, the baby will never be out of your bed".
"Cosleeping is the only way to keep everyone happy, heathly and well rested."
"You're spoiling her."
"You can't spoil a baby."
"You carry her too much, she's always going to want to be carried."
"Babies who spend at least three hours a day in a sling are less clingy toddlers."
"Let the house go, worry about the baby."
"I had four kids, all under age 7, all homeschooled, and you could eat off my floors!"
"Our parents did ok, we all made it."
"Look at our generation, obviously our parent's did something wrong."
As you can see it is all very helpfull advice, and I plan on following all of it :P
All those books I mentioned earlier talk about how no one tells you how much work babies are. Yes, they do. You hear it all the time, about how you will never get another night of sleep and all that. What they don't tell you is how you'll react to all the extra work and time a baby takes. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't get anything done. Sometimes I get angry at Russelle for crying so much, and myself for being angry at her. Sometimes I feel like a horrible wife for not getting anything done around the house during the day. Sometimes I feel like a horrible person for not getting my school work done. Sometimes I feel like a horrible mother for doing other things and not spending time with Russelle. I feel like their aren't enough hours in the day.
Other times I feel unappriciated. Russelle is teething. We have fun during the day, but there are times when she just crys dispite all my efforts to sooth her gums and cheer her up. Daddy walking in the door is an instant cure. It frustrates me to no end. I am completely envious of the easy way smiles come for him, and for strangers. Of course she smiles for me too but I want all the smiles dammit!
There are a lot of good things no one ever tells you either. Maybe because it's so hard to explain how you feel about your child until you have one. There are feelings of love, protection, joy, amazement, and happieness just from seeing that first morning smile. You learn a lot about yourself. I am such a highstrung person. My temper has always been quick and I often say or do things in anger without thinking. But Russelle has taught me that I don't have to get angry. Now I often find myself in situations that would have frustrated me before, calmly singing to her. I've learned that it is important for me to fulfill my dreams because I want to be a role modle for her. To let her know there is nothing she cannot do. She's taught me to see the small things, sunbeams, bright colours, the way leaves move. Having a child is wonderful in ways I never imagined.
Most of the horror stories you hear are just that, stories. My choice is to respond to Russelle as quickly as possible when she crys, but I can't always. Sometimes, we're in the car, or she's in the stroller and it's pouring rain, or maybe I have to go to the bathroom (gods forbid!), and I can't respond right away. When that happens all of the advice I was given about a baby not trusting you if you let them cry, always goes through my mind. Even worse is when I don't know what's wrong. I've got her in my arms but can't sooth her. Those are the times I wish I'd never heard that bit of advice.
In fact what mother's most need to know is that someone understands, cares, and supports them in whatever their choices are. Mother's do what they feel is best for their babies. We all make mistakes but I believe that babies know when they are loved. Love overcomes our learning curve.
Even when I can't sooth Russelle, I hold her, maybe sing or talk to her, give her kisses and tell her I love her. I think she knows. And that's what is important.