Neph got me thinking...
Are we all like that? Not 100% there in our relationships or situations? Do each of us look at the other and think "now there's a person who is connected to the people around her!" Yet it is never true.
Or is it that we make friends with people who are like us? Is there something about this disconnect that draws people who have it together. Maybe as a way of ridding ourselves of guilt, if no one is there 100% then it's ok for you too.
The reason I mention this is because I recently had a similar discussion with another friend. I too, have the feeling of this disconnect, this not being totally "there" in my relationships. It's not that I don't love my family or friends, I do greatly. It's not that I don't care about people in general, because I do. It's just a seperateness.
Maybe for me it does come from my past. I never had a lot of friends. In a way I don't know how to be a friend. As anyone who reads this blog knows I don't make friends easily. I'm not really outgoing, but also I like to be alone. For someone who watches people so often I am pretty socially inept. Maybe that is why I enjoy my solitude.
But it is something more as well. Whenever I'm upset, or sometimes just randomly, as though it is my biggest wish, I wisper "I want to go home". I have done this since I can remember. I do it at my parent's place, I did it when I lived alone or with roomates, I do it now. I am never home.
Or is it that we make friends with people who are like us? Is there something about this disconnect that draws people who have it together. Maybe as a way of ridding ourselves of guilt, if no one is there 100% then it's ok for you too.
The reason I mention this is because I recently had a similar discussion with another friend. I too, have the feeling of this disconnect, this not being totally "there" in my relationships. It's not that I don't love my family or friends, I do greatly. It's not that I don't care about people in general, because I do. It's just a seperateness.
Maybe for me it does come from my past. I never had a lot of friends. In a way I don't know how to be a friend. As anyone who reads this blog knows I don't make friends easily. I'm not really outgoing, but also I like to be alone. For someone who watches people so often I am pretty socially inept. Maybe that is why I enjoy my solitude.
But it is something more as well. Whenever I'm upset, or sometimes just randomly, as though it is my biggest wish, I wisper "I want to go home". I have done this since I can remember. I do it at my parent's place, I did it when I lived alone or with roomates, I do it now. I am never home.